Support for those starting the divorce process

[hermione2016]

Just wondered how many of us are embarking on divorce and would value some support.

After a disastrous holiday over the summer we are divorcing.Stbxh is divorcing me as he said he would defend a divorce petition from me.He has yet to get a solicitor and my solicitors advised that I set a deadline for him to start the process.

We have 1 dc and were together 15 years.I feel I've had years of EA, at best ex has very low emotional intelligence but is arrogant so would never see it.At worst he's an angry bully.I need to stop trying to figure "why he does what he does" but I'm quite an over thinker. We are in the same house and trying to get it sold.Just organising it going on the market which in itself is stressful.

I know ex will be hostile, he's already refusing to share financial stuff and stating I will have none of his pension.I am happy just to get it all out in the open and let the solicitors sort a reasonable split.I will have less than I have today but hopefully greater peace of mind.

Anyone else wanting to get some support on the journey, to hopefully a happier life?

Just a quick bit of good news from me - yesterday I was interviewed for a promotion at work and got it (waiting to hear about salary) and this morning for a bonus at work so that should pay for a little break for me and kids in summer.

Helpmeltb - well done! Congrats!

Jaym2017 - when I have the energy, after all this is done (however long it will take) I will be going reverting back to my maiden name. DS (19) won't care and DD (16) probably won't either. If she gets married in the far flung future it won't matter anyway. After the divorce I won't be Mrs It's Overnow1 so why keep it? His mum has the exact same initial as me so we're both Mrs It's Overnow1, can't be doing with that!

Congratulations helpmeltb

Great news Help [bubbly]

I have been dithering about changing my name but will definitely revert to my maiden name one the absolute is through. Made my mind up after our conversation on Friday. I prefer my maiden name anyway and was beginning to use Ms as soon as I knew I was leaving.

Helpme, so well done !!
I changed my name to my own choice at 18 after my DF left home. Have never changed it, kids are double barrelled. Usually Ms too. Never thought it would matter so much!
We are at a bit of a stalemate I can't decide where to live or whether to agree to a quick sale of the home we have made . I'm just very upset at the moment. Stbxh thinks we have reached agreement but he just steamrollers things through. Has anyone been the respondent? Did you really respond within 21 days? I don't think he will let me petition him in the end.

I was the Petitioner but ended up helping Wasband fill in the Respondent form and posted it for him...

Congratualtions helpme

Always good to hear positive news

I was meant to be meeting up with wasband to talk about various things. However this morning I came across somethimg on social media which initially upset me and has now made me really angry (further proof of his lies and behaviour). If I meet him it will turn into a swearing rant by me and possibly murder. So possibly not a good idea.

I'll be sending off my finance proposal to him in the next day or so as I just want rid of him now. Struggling to find a profanity strong enough to describe him.

I just want rid of him now. Struggling to find a profanity strong enough to describe him.

I hear ya sister. I'm rolling with blanket-rustling cunt badger for mine atm.

It's my noniversary today. The big man upstairs has kindly provided me with a day so manic I've barely been able yo remember my own name, let alone my wedding.

It does smart a little bit that it's such a lovely day though...we had beautiful weather 14 years ago too.

In other news...I quite fancy someone at work. Can't see there being any realistic chance of anything happening, but I need someone to hone my rusty flirting skills on so it may as well be him !

Janine I read your post earlier whilst STBXH were in the middle of yet another argument and I had many many profanities I could have shared with you.

Pandora, I have gone from thinking I would like to see other guys to now wanting to become a mad cat lady. Himself has put me off men for life...well, for the time being!

I'm not interested in finding husband No 2 yet (if ever), but I do quite like men.

One of the things I really miss is cooking for someone else the other is sex tbh

While I can't imagine the actual act of having sex at the moment, I am certainly fancying the pants off any man over 50 who is not fat, hairy, or has his palms facing backwards (like stbxh). Although TBH he's not as fat now. Lost weight to divorce me hasn't he?
So advice ladies...should I base my future house purchase on what is best for ME IE with room to let or to partly suit my daughter (who is at Uni but dislikes strangers). I'm terrified she won't stay with me. What do you think??? X

Proper, I'm in exactly the same situation re houses. DD1 is 18 and stays with her boyfriend 6 out of 7 days (due to the crap situation at home) but her base is still at home. DD2 is 16 and planning to go to uni next year. Everyone I talk to about it says go for the longer term view, ie. a house for me that will fit the girls in as well.

The girls and I have looked at places but they are young and just see a nice looking flat or house, whereas I see the potential in a property. They prefer the slightly more spaceous 2 bed flats but I prefer the 2 bed ex LA houses as they have gardens. I'm also looking at council tax bands as I'm a low earner so need to keep my bills down.

So I'll be looking for somewhere with 2 good sized bedrooms that will fit the three of us and when the girls move on then I'll do up the second bedroom with a double bed for them and other friends to stay in.

The girls have been used to having their own rooms and plenty of space so it does concern me that DD1 will feel she is being forced to stay with the boyfriend permanently which is bad as their relationship isn't what I would call great.

It is tricky knowing what to do about housing. Mine are a bit younger and still at home so I bought it with them in mind, particularly with regards to location. It's actually worked out well for all of us though. I think kids can live at home for so long now (as it is so expensive for youngsters) that it's hard to know when they'll be moving out.

Regarding other men... I have been on a dating site but haven't met up with anyone, I find it a bit weird really. Would rather meet someone in day to day life.
I like my independence and can't imagine living with someone else, I also can't imagine ever trusting another man. However, we do have needs (!) and I wouldn't mind a bit of flirting etc. could be quite exciting. My wasband was my first boyfriend so I think I've got some catching up to do

I think I must be giving off different signals now I am single as I have noticed more men talking to me - not chatting me up, but just idle chit chat in a queue for example. Is it a lack of wedding ring, do I just seem more approachable? Anyone else noticed that?

Jaffa, sensible to think of running costs.My friend bought a lovely flat but annual costs are high.
However I think it's important your oldest daughter knows there is always space for her.My mum downsized when I was a teen and I think it forced me to stay in an unhealthy relationship.

I read something on the chumplady site about stbxh unreasonable behaviour over finances as a way of punishing me and I feel it's very likely to be the case.I can't really move forward as don't know what position I will be so just have to wait for court.

Yes to the lack of wedding ring! Keep getting smiled at! Does one good.
Such good advice on houses, thanks all. DD home for Easter will be straight with her and discuss. DS is home, first time in a long time. My wild firstborn. Gonna have a proper talk with him tomorrow.
Petition is being drafted by solicitor. Don't think stbxh is going to like it well see how keen he really is to be free. You know what it really boils down to? He wants to shag someone new. That perversely makes me feel better. I just want enough money, now.

Kansas..a baby grand!!! Whereabouts in the country are you anywhere West???

Re houses, I bought a place with a bedroom for each child as I felt it important symbolically that they knew they had a place to call home. ( Mine are DD25 & DS 23) At the mo son lives here & DS only an occasional visitor. I also have an annex I rent & the tax free income comes in handy. I managed this by moving to a low property price location, so more space for the £
Re name: I went back to my maiden name PDQ. Ex is dead to me, his family dropped me like a stone. Kids have his surname, but that reflects genetics, to me is meaningless.
Re men , they are out there, so go for it! My discernment improved massively after being married to a dickwad for 24 yrs. My current partner is a sweetheart.
I call my ex "the Scrote"
I am very good at moving on, I find.

I Decided to speak to my DSs the other day about why me and wasband split up. All we'd said at the time was that we weren't getting on. Everyone I spoke to said they should know the truth (his repeated lying and cheating).

I told them very briefly with no great detail or emotion. My 15 yr old acted like he couldn't have been less interested. And he's been off with me since. Yesterday he just pretty much ignored me. Today he's going out with wasband.

We've always been very close and I feel like I've messed up and may have ruined our relationship.

And it's Friday. Should be a good thing but they make me feel so alone. Physically and emotionally.

And I've still not put forward a proposal to wasband for finances.

Thanks Kansas

Keep getting feelings of 'what's the point'. Have to think of a good reason to get up and carry on every day.