How to know when maintenance ends ?

[stillsane]

My son is approaching 19 soon, I'm under the belief in the UK maintenance should end when child benefit is not being claimed which is linked to whether the child is in approved education or training up to the age of 20 - not 100% sure if that's correct ?

I have a payment agreement in place with the mother outside of CMS, how can I determine when I should stop paying maintenance or in other words how can I possibly find out when child benefit is not longer being claimed or being received ? Ideally I don't want to cause ill feelings with solicitor letters.

My father kept making payments to my mother despite me living away from home during university and being totally broke. My mother never passed any of it on to me. It really upset me tbh. If I was still living at home that would be more understandable.

If you were still with the mum and all lived together, would you stop paying for him altogether once he hit 16/18/20? Would you ask him to pay rent, groceries and bills or expect him to move out? Would you abandon him and all his financial needs if he chose to go to uni? Is so, why the fuck did you procreate? A child is a lifelong commitment, just because you are out of his life doesn’t mean your obligations stop. There are so many options but you chose “I don’t want to pay for my child anymore”.

Do you have anything in writing or is it an informal arrangement?

When I divorced there was a Consent Order which stated XH would pay £Z until child completed full time education.

This usually means level 3 education, so A levels, L3 Diplomas or L3 BTECS.

How much do you actually pay? I can't believe you pay enough to cover a 4 bed house and all bills and enough for her to not work? Really? And also, why would you? If it is not court- directed, at some point in the past, you decided to start paying that?

I've already said I'll support my son after CM, CM isn't for the the ex wife, it's for my son, simple as that.

Have I said “I don’t want to pay for my child anymore”, if I did then point it out otherwise that's a flat out lie. I've said I don't want to continually fund my ex's life style, why should I ?

it's in the four figures, it's a renal property, easily worth 500+K obviously benefits are being claimed which make up any short fall. I wish I could afford to not work, living the dream life...

@stillsane to try to address your specific question, the cut off for CMS requirement for a child in education is up to A level or equivalent (you can Google BTech equivalents etc). Up to age 20. If your son's course is at that level, the requirement for CM ends when the course does or age 20, whichever comes first. An apprenticeship would not count. Hope that helps.

If you think benefits cover a 4 bed house for a single parent and 1 child then you're deluded. She would only qualify for the 2 bed rate.

Unless there are significant disabilities if course. Or a load of other children.

If your child is in full time further education (things like A-levels, nvqs etc, not university) it is 20.
My husband stopped when his son went to university.

If your child isn’t working and contributing yet it doesn’t matter what the legal age is. Help your child.

When ex and I divorced it was written into the financial order that he would stop paying when the youngest was 20. We split when kids were older teens and he paid the mortgage for 5 years in lieu of any other 'maintenance' payment. He did pay half any 'extra' costs for youngest 2 to go to uni ie accommodation

my ex and d are on very good terms. I always worked part time so that I could be around for the children while ex worked long hours to support his career. As a result my career/earnings/pension contributions were very limited.
Ex now pays cm in line with cms but we agreed this privately and amicably. He has also agreed to continue paying this until the youngest finishes uni. I work full time but would not be able to pay mortgage/bills/everything else without his financial support, but we agreed that I would not seek any of his other money in return for this, so he keeps the house, his pensions etc. One child did an apprenticeship and the child benefit stopped when the apprenticeship started. I have another 2 years of support by which time the children should be able to support themselves. I’m so glad we didn’t argue over money

What I think is that the OP is bitter that his ex has moved on. And he wants to take it out on his child.

So he’s come on to a website to find ammunition and throw veiled accusations around. Like some professional victim

It’s much more common that you might think 😵‍💫

When the amount of money paid is way above what's realistically needed obviously it's going to be used for other purposes. Are you suggesting excess money is paid into his savings account or used to fund her life style ?

You said you pay maintenance in line with the CMS calculator. So we’re not talking huge sums of money here.

I know it probably feels like a lot of money to you, but in reality, it is nowhere near the amount needed to raise a child, yet here you are, so certain that it is “way above what’s realistically needed”.

I would be astounded if the maintenance you pay actually even covers your share of your son’s costs, never mind funding your ex’s life style.

Absolutely delusional.

I don’t understand why you aren’t able to sort this out directly with your son. He is a young adult. Eg when the child of a non-resident decent and caring parent goes off to university, the non resident parent says ok, I’ll send you £x a month to help with living expenses. Or, ok I’ll pay your hall fees.
Once the college course finishes just say you’re going to pay your son directly from now on and if appropriate he can pay ‘housekeeping’ to his mother.
Then look at how much he is earning and make it up to NLW or whatever.
if she tries to charge him an exorbitant amount, he can leave and live with you.

It is the February, May, August, or November (whichever falls first after the official end of the course), after they leave a full time approved course up to age 20. A 20 week extension can be applied if the child registers either with the armed forces or with the local careers service after leaving their course.

So if your child leaves education, it will finish by those dates (not on the date they leave or their birthday). That applies to child benefit and maintenance and therefore also universal credit.

I'll use my daughter as an example. 20th birthday in April, course ends in June with official end date of July. Maintenance and CB would be payable up to 31/8 in the same year.

I would think a solution for you may be to reduce payments in line with CMS calculations and give the rest directly to your son if you intend to continue paying that.

Sod that! I would stop paying once son is doing apprenticeship and support him directly

I can’t speak for the op but the cm I pay is a grand a month and has been for the last 17 years. That’s with shared care too.

it can be a large sum, and can in some cases support the parents lifestyle. I know my ex pays her mortgage with it and the rest pays for almost all their household food

And cms can sometimes cover more than half the costs of the child, and the state picks up the rest so the RP does not financially contribute.

my ex has not worked for 17 years

Never met a mother yet who has got rich on child maintenance
just saying!

The child benefit will stop on 31st August this year.

An apprenticeship counts as paid work/training, not approved full-time education for child benefit purposes.

You can stop paying from 31st August.

Easily sorted, then.

If your 'off the charts clever' kid isn't capable of entering into an employment contract without his Mum reading through it and telling him what it is, it's going to be a training course instead. So it's still education and training, rather than employment.

If he is capable of being employed, he'll know what contract he signed and what he's being paid. So it's employment and maintenance will no longer be due from the next end date.

Alternatively, just stop the payments and wait for the letter from CMS telling you that you have to pay. Then pay the backdated amount as well as the ongoing sums due.

Still don't need access to her personal financial information.

speak to a solicitor, you will get no joy here. You will be the worst father and ex in the world according to some.

Roughly speak CB will finish at the end of August when he finishes college.

But, he won't suddenly stop costing money in terms of being housed and fed.

So i suggest a mature discussion with your DS and ex.
Will your DS need to pay board to your ex? Would he be able to afford it from his apprenticeship (first year pay can be low depending on various factors)? Would you all prefer to go via your DS or carry on directly?

Suggest start discussions now rather than unilaterally stopping with no notice.

I've come on here to seek clarification when CM should end, not sure where all this 'emotion' is coming from, I'm not bitter in the slightest, been paying CM for over 4 years. If I was ever 'bitter' and I wasn't I would have thought 4 years is enough time to get over it. Also I've moved on with my life and I'm very content, nice try, wrong diddly wrong.

Anyhow thanks for all the positive replies, most have been very helpful. many thanks.