How to know when maintenance ends ?

[stillsane]

My son is approaching 19 soon, I'm under the belief in the UK maintenance should end when child benefit is not being claimed which is linked to whether the child is in approved education or training up to the age of 20 - not 100% sure if that's correct ?

I have a payment agreement in place with the mother outside of CMS, how can I determine when I should stop paying maintenance or in other words how can I possibly find out when child benefit is not longer being claimed or being received ? Ideally I don't want to cause ill feelings with solicitor letters.

My ex and I have an informal arrangement rather than cms, but based around cms. When our kids get to that age what I hope that he will do is speak to me.

Ideally we would have an agreed date/age when we change across to the children paying me board and lodging instead of him paying me maintenance. And at the same time, he would stop maintenance.

I would not be happy if I had always agreed an informal arrangement and never taken him to court for support, and then he started sending me lawyers letters!

Why are you obsessing about chid benefit? It's feck all monthly. Hope that helps.

Once finished college he will be out of full time education and CB will stop. Apprenticeships are (low) paid employment with a training element but don’t count as full time education. Give your DS some money directly when he leaves college if you can but your obligation to his mother stops at that point. He can then pay her whatever she arranges with him for board.

Do you think his mother will stop having financial responsibility for him when he finishes his college course?
My friend has an ex wife and two daughters he carried on paying for them until they graduated, had moved out of their mother's home and were working/renting, because as a resident parent that's what he would've been doing anyway.

OP I get what you’re saying about Dad’s having visibility into child benefit. Great in theory but unfortunately this would be abused by too many feckless parents and used to control, have power, and used as a way to get away with the bare minimum.
‘Ownership’ of child benefit should always lie with the resident parent.

You don’t get child benefit if they’re in an apprenticeship

An apprenticeship is not training for the purposes of CB and therefore CM, unless it’s unpaid. This is very clear from the links I’ve posted upthread.

Because eligibility for CM is directly linked to eligibility for CB.

OP has made it clear he intends to financially support his son, just not his exW.

Also if he is at a college then why wouldn't be a proper course? What else would it be?

You're getting offended without reading the definitions you need to know without ever requiring access to child benefit details.

You don't have a right to know her personal financial information, which is what that would mean. You've got the information right there in front of you. If he doesn't meet the requirements to be regarded as being in education or training, those are the end dates.

And that includes the roof over his head, the food in his stomach and the utilities he is using. By all means give it to the son but he should then be using it to pay keep.

’Hi Denise. Hope you’re well. I understand Damien’s course finishes this summer and he’s hoping to then start an apprenticeship. As that will mean my CMS payments to you will finish in September, perhaps we can chat about the sort of support he might need going forward as I understand apprenticeships can be very low paid. Obviously if his plans change we can revisit things. Let me know what you think.’

There. Wasn’t too difficult was it.

Yes, obviously. Which is what OP said he would do?

Once you know for sure that your son is no longer in any approved education I would just send a message saying 'heads up that after a certain date I will be paying CMS directly to 'son' as is in lines with Government guidelines. Hoping this will help him with expenses and saving a bit to get a foot on the property ladder' - or something similar. I wouldn't worry about upsetting her. Tough if she doesn't like it.

He did indeed say that.

But he also said that his maintenance payment (which is based on the CMS calculator) funds his ex’s lifestyle.

So, I’m not sure he even understands what his son needs financial support for.

My ex paid 2K a month in maintenance, for 2 sons. When the eldest went to university, he continued to pay half to me, to run the house, a quarter to eldest son at university and a quarter to me for younger son. When younger son went to university, he paid a quarter to each of them and half to me. He stopped paying us all when they left university and started working. Seemed a reasonable way to manage things.

Chat with him about his apprenticeship and how much it pays? Mine was very small amount. I would pay your son monthly if low, not the ex. He can come to an agreement with his DM about keep etc

Exactly, my son is off the charts clever but if mum tells him it's a xyz training scheme he won't be studying the small print, that's what I'll get to hear, I'm on a xyz training scheme dad. Hence leaving me non the wiser and either stopping CM and entering into a potential battle to just keep on paying when I don't need to.

Don't really understand your point, the way I see it is my financial contribution is soley for my son, it's not to support the ex.

When the amount of money paid is way above what's realistically needed obviously it's going to be used for other purposes. Are you suggesting excess money is paid into his savings account or used to fund her life style ?

The bottom line is my ex's situation financial or otherwise is non of my business, why should it be, all I need to understand when to stop CM.

So you're saying the non resisdent parent should be paying for everything your child needs with zero contribution from the other parent ? really ? no wonder marriage rates are down, fathers = walking atm / wallet.

No but you should be making an equal contribution. Which is what my friend did until his were fully fledged independent adults. When their mother no longer needs to support them in any way financially neither do you.

It's really sad that you are seemingly desperate to end your financial responsibility as soon as legally possible. Your ex could live in a 1 bed flat if she wasn't accommodating your child. I get you seem to strongly dislike her, but why would you want your son to suffer?

As a parent I will be supporting my son until he can support himself as will my husband, his father. It's what parents do.

I don't see how you can equate the desire to be financially independent from my ex with dislike ? I care deeply about her, I certainly don't dislike her, I wish her all the happiness - nothing at all to do with the financial side of things.

Yes I'll support my son but like many parents that split - that doesn't come for free, it creates a massive financial burden that falls on the person earning the money, I've got my own peronsal circumstances to also consider.

If you are really paying an amount that sustained her living in a 4 bed house with no financial culpability based on CMS figures, you earn well. Your son is part of your personal circumstances. Children don't miraculously disappear at 18 or when they leave college.