Questino for you DHs: what do you do when you come home from work? BE HONEST PLEASE...

[PippiCalzelunghe]

...as I am really confused and cannot see anymore whether I am asking too much and being unreasonable of DH or if he has recently being engulfed in a time warp (sp?) and thinks he's is dad.
I know that most women will back me up but that is not constructive as I want to see it from the other side.
The marriage is quite new and we are both struggling in trying to define our roles I think.

Please could you specify whether your DW/DP is a SAHM and how many kids you have etc?

thanks in advance.

VS - completely adhere to theory that full-time SAHM from the start tends to make for less demanding children just because they inevitably never get the one-on-one childcare of a nanny, or the totally childcentred world of a CM or nursery.

And parents who WOHM inevitably want to give their children more full-on attention when they only see them for few hours a day.

Also - my daughter veers between being a no 1/only child and the youngest of three, and when there are all three children around I barely see her as she hangs around her brothers.

VQ it makes sense! never saw it that way. thought it'd be the opposite!
the only time i get is when she needs a mini rest and watches cbeebies - like now - cuddled with me. it's also true i WANT to be with her the days she's with me and viceversa. i bet if we were to be together everyday it might not be so demanding.

VS, I meant

Pippi - now you know the secret, you can try it out on DD2 - make sure she knows from the outset that her mamma reads, talks to friends on the telephone, goes out to lunch with friends and expects her to nap in her buggy all the while... etc etc

Wherever possible I think it is very important to encourage a child to learn how to play independently, and from an early age. If nothing else - and ithere are lots of beenfits to the chil;d too - it givers mum some sanity back!

true true true... you are absolutely right! fact is I LOVE being her playmate ... just not ALL the time.
Will def endorse it as it can only make life easier.

Also, as you're having another, it would be best for Dd to realise now that every bit of time you're together cannot be devoted to her, or she could resent the baby when it comes along and takes up an awful lot of time.
At least if you try now then she'll be sued to it by the time baby comes.

I've tried already !
we came home from going to see the horses and we were both knackered. I told her we were both going to have a rest, her on the sofa watching lady and the tramp or playing with her puzzles and me reading a magazine. she did try to make me play with her a few times and to involve me with the dvd but I explained the deal to her once more and... here we are both entertaining ourselves! I told you she's an easy DD (she's more like a police GSD tbh! )
will def keep this up as it makes loads of sense and, as she's quite excited about DD2, it might help her out like you said VS. Thanks

This thing about me time - I don't think it matters whether you work or not. It depends on what kind of person you are. For instance I work almost full-time (30 hours a week)but I have two week days off (I have ds on these days, he goes to nursery 3 days) Ds is 3 and it is only now that I am able to say give me five minutes of peace and quiet a)because he understands the request b)because I no longer feel guilty for not giving him my attention 100% of the time. DH works conventional hours and is imo very hands on. However,he has always made it clear to ds when he needs some time to himself. Many parents now have flexible work arrangements to meet childcare needs eg part-time work, flexi-hours, work from home etc. I don't think it's as simple as comparing children of SAHM with those of WOHMs.

Not in every situation ladylush, no, but I think in Pippis case it was a large part of it, she wasn't asking for the 'me time' from DD because she felt ?mean? in doing it.
DP is also perfectly fine with telling the DC's he is busy etc but that's because he is too tired and has a low tolerance at those times so genuinely 'can't be bothered' they know this though and will leave him be because when he isn't having his 'me time' they knwo they'll get plenty of good attention and interaction from him.

I think with Pippi, being at home made her feeel she should be doing all these things with her DD, whereas if she had just come in from work she may have been too tired or stressed etc.

Yes I take your point, I think it was more anna's post that I was referring to in which she said children of sahms are less demanding than those of wohms. I think it is interesting though that our kids tolerate tired dads and not tired mums

'DP is also perfectly fine with telling the DC's he is busy etc but that's because he is too tired and has a low tolerance at those times so genuinely 'can't be bothered' they know this though and will leave him be because when he isn't having his 'me time' they knwo they'll get plenty of good attention and interaction from him'

VS you are right again! that's what happen with DH.

in my case it's always 100%. when I worked I was never too tired to give dd attention as I missed her and it was a joy to be with her compared to the grudgery of work ifswim. the two days I was with her I genuinely wanted to be her playmate and would feel guilty in not playing with her.

not I know better though