Questino for you DHs: what do you do when you come home from work? BE HONEST PLEASE...

[PippiCalzelunghe]

...as I am really confused and cannot see anymore whether I am asking too much and being unreasonable of DH or if he has recently being engulfed in a time warp (sp?) and thinks he's is dad.
I know that most women will back me up but that is not constructive as I want to see it from the other side.
The marriage is quite new and we are both struggling in trying to define our roles I think.

Please could you specify whether your DW/DP is a SAHM and how many kids you have etc?

thanks in advance.

allocated lunch break or not there are more possible breaks to be taken at work than with a toddler, I reiterate.

It seems to pan out like this:

MAN DOMAIN (9-5)

pension
career
nice car and shoes
fat salary / attractive secretary

----
WIFE DOMAIN * (24/7)

childcare
hoovering
arranging dental appointments
anything physical or boring

noooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Why do you find running your life crap and boring, MorningPaper?

We've done various combinations in the past - both WOH, him SAH and me WOH and the reverse, as it is now. I think that's been invaluable in seeing the other person's POV, which is I think what it's all about.

I don't, I work part-time

My work sphere is exciting and wonderful and fabulously interesting and involves GROWN-UPS and FRESH COFFEE

who could ask for more?

How about:

Wife domain:

• choosing house/where to live
• making all decisions on furniture, decorations etc
• making all decisions on family investments
• making all decisions on holidays
• making all decisions on schools and children's activities
• making all decisions on children's books
• lots of time to read the newspapers and books
• making decision on which cleaner to employ

for example UQD are you with your DC at the moment or on your own? Is this work time? I doubt you's be able to spend all this time here if you were. If you are then you are a SUPERDAD or your child is marvellous.
you can tell when I am with DD by how many posts in a day (today is exceptional in either case but it's my thread )!

I'm glad you like it Anna

It really doesn't sell it for me

Your model also involves being rich, which sadly is, as a previous poster said, not quite on my radar

my dh is a full time student (MBA)and he does not even have time to go to the toilet! He usually leaves when we leave at 8:15 and he does not get home till 9pm. if he gets home before ds goes to bed he will give him a bath and read a story. then he is studying till midnight. I am a SAHM and I do all the chores. no complaints here.

I get loads more breaks at home than I did when I was working. I'd be supervising detention and marking if I were at school. Now I'm having a cup of tea and MNetting...

and the decisions on your list that we do have, we make together

or he makes, actually, I really don't care which caravan site we go to on holiday or what books he reads the children

which I much prefer

oh TUM you are talking about TEACHING, I would rather be tortured than do that for a living

Talk about hard work

When I was a mum with a partner (admittedly only father to one of our 3 children) I worked outside of the home sometimes for 24 hour stretches but generally erratic, long and late hours.

In this time my then dp would look afer ds2 who was too young to be in nursery, collect ds1 and dd from school, feed them and clear up after their meals and clear away some of their toys. If I was away working then he'd bath them and put them to bed.

He didn't play with them. He did no other cleaning or laundry or vacuuming or anything. He took care of no admin like bill paying, etc.

I don't consider this fair.

Current dp, who doesn't live with me officially but is here most of the time outside of work hours does no cooking, but will clear after 90 percent of meals and clean kitchen surfaces, etc. help with bath and bedtime, does no laundry but does 50 percent of vacuuming. He is at work between 6am and 5pm.

Long holidays though

MP I am not taking men's side but if a DH has got nice car and shoes I don;t see why the wife shouldn;t have the same whether she's am a SAHM or a working one - the money should be household money ideally. same for pension etc. also if wife is not burdened (sp?) with physical house chores doing your things is a lot more fun than the average job tbh. also agree with anna that organising your family's life can be great (I do like that bit).

I also work part-time, MorningPaper.

It's not more or less fun and interesting than my home life - it creates variety and, more importantly, money.

But you are right - the more you have to spend on your home life, the more fun and freedom you will have.

mine nightmare job would be... have a guess... a childminder!!!!! I'd be sectioned before end of week one.

I'm not a SAHM now, but from recent experience, How About:

Wife Domain:
Having little choice of where you can live
Not being able to buy new furniture or undertake decorating of house, or even basic upkeep so watching house gently decay in front of eyes
Making all decisions on family investments, eg shall we keep the overdraft with this bank, or that one...oh the agony of choice
Making all decisions on holidays...oop we can't afford one at all, that was easy
Making decisions on schools and activities, easy desisions to make when you can't afford private and there is only one school locally, and activities ok there is some choice there as long as they are free
Making decisions on children's books - yes, agree here, that is a joy and thanks to libraries we can all enjoy this
Lots of time to read newspapers etc; well, yes if you get a nice biddable girl not quite LOTS of time for some
Making decision on which cleaner to employ - mmm, the one who costs nothing I guess!

SAHMdom much more fun if your partner is bringing in ENOUGH, clearly

i work full time (with my dh!) and we both work hard, do a lot of flying, and alos have job perks as maybe mentioned above. i can asure you that salary and pension are not a fun goal in life and rather stressful, especially for dh since he is the one with the responsibility in the bottom line (in our case), flying to different countries, even in business class and to nice hotels, is a huge drag and very strenuous, working and travelling is very hard physically and emotionally if you have a lot of things you need to do, there are cute secrataries but i am cute too, and you can always meet a cute man out of the office if thats what your looking for.
it works best if you are happy doing what you do (work or home) and so is your husband, and you understand one another -- which is the key !

PS I am awaiting an expected post by xenia anytime now...

I see I'm coming in rather late on this, but here's what happens in our house:

I have two DCs (nearly three and 18 months old). I am a SAHM.

DH gets home at about 6pm, which is when we aim to all eat together. I'm usually finishing off cooking by the time he gets in, so he will usually

• go for a pee (which I have to admit irritates me

• take the DCs upstairs while he gets changed

• help me finish off dinner (get kids at the table, help dish it out etc)

After supper he takes the DCs upstairs for a bath while I start tidying the kitchen and fold washing (and ahem make the bads )

He will then read DD a bedtime story and put her to bed, while I give DS a final feed (he's still BF).

We usually both finish the bedtime stuff by 8pm, and clean the kitchen together (actually, DH does more than me, although I do the food shopping online over the course of a couple of evenings).

HTH :-)

Spawn you are lucky!!!
my dh comes home at 630-7pm, says hi to the girls (now that i've convinced him of the importance of doing that every time), goes to the bath with a beer, after that stays in our room talking on the phone, makes dinner unless it already made, eats with us if the girls are awake.
some days he will take one of the dds to the bath with him and dress her after.
he occasionally puts dd2 to sleep or watches a movie with dd1.

he wakes up at night though and lets me sleep!

My God, How unimaginative. It is fantastic staying at home- no time restrictions, lots of fun things to do, going out and exploring nature, explaining how the seasons change,having lunch with friends,reading books when they nap, watching your children grow and develop in these fascinating pre school years
What's not to love?
I'd rather do this any day than a boring office job with people I don't have that much in common with.
FGS it's all about partnership, sharing life together. I am sure my DH would rather do this than go to work- most people do not have high-flying jobs after all.
As for holidays/ cars- well, we camp or visit friends and will do more travelling when we are a two income family.

And most SAHM'S these days have chosen to do so haven't they?
I don't know how anyone can equate looking after your own offspring to going to work for someone else