I do 99.9% of a job and my wife will complain about the 0.1%.

[victorino]

I want to vent off a little, I guess. But I am also genuinely interested to find out if this is normal behaviour. Are all wives like mine, or am I especially “lucky”.

So here we go. Here’s what happened this morning. I got up, and then prepared breakfast for the kids, changed the baby, made his bottle and fed him. Then got the kids up to the bathroom, got them washed and changed into their school uniforms. Made a coffee for the wife, brought it to her in bed. Made packed lunch. Took kids to school.

Here’s what I did not do: brush my son’s hair (I forgot).

"Did you brush John’s hair", she asked. I said no, but I brushed his teeth. Big scolding / argument ensued because it is apparently essential that I brush his hair every morning before school. Nevermind all the other things I did correctly and on time…

Is this normal, to be so demanding/ungrateful/rude for something so trivial?

larrygrylls

Thanks for the hair brushing articles. The only thing I do to my hair is wash, condition and brush twice a week. No products or tools like hairdryers used. My hair is between chin and shoulder length and always looks just fine. I even get complemented on it.
Looks like a load of rubbish and waste of time this hair brushing business. I might abandon the twice weekly brush and just run my fingers through it. I have two teenage girls with long hair though, I did used to make them brush it because it would get tangled. If it was shorter like mine it probably would have been fine without brushing. My son never brushes his hair, doesn't need to, neither does my husband. We both do professional jobs so need to look smart as well.

*When hair is wet, it will stretch to three times its original length

Three times the length? I don't think so!*

Not met my child then. When wet it goes from just under her ears to her waist, and that's with out actually trying to stretch it - hair is quite elastic when to stretch it. I'd also chop someone's hand off if you went near it with a brush. Lots of hair doesn't need brushed.

Also does everyone remember everything single thing each morning? Am I alone and a total failure as a mum when we leave and realise we've forgotten the £ for fair trade tuck shop, or Ive forgotten to clean DD's face and there's a smudge of jam on it, reading book is still on the table not in book bag or I've not picked up my phone. Or are these things ok because I'm female? I don't brush my own hair more than about once a week either fwiw and it's long!

Honestly sounds like your wife’s taking the biscuit

I'm a woman with waist length hair.

omg I couldn't be doing with that. How much time must you spend every day on your hair. I don't wear makeup either though. I think I'm just not very glamorous

I'm a woman with waist length hair. I lose a hell of a lot of hair each day, if I don't brush it I know for a fact it becomes matted to the point it has to be cut out, when it gets that matted it's uncomfortable and pulls on the scalp, it gets greasy quicker and feels like straw.

Maybe not everyone's hair is like yours though. Just a thought.

there is nothing wrong with showing gratitude to someone even if they are just doing their job. We do it with our work colleagues, we do it in restaurants with servers, with till staff in Tesco. Surely its just good manners? Why can't that extend to our partners and husbands. A simple thank you takes no time to say.
I used to get really snipey with my DP for forgetting stuff and then someone told me to "focus on what he has done, not what he hasn't"
I would get so caught up on one tiny thing he hadn't done that it totally over shadowed all the things he had. Imaging that, you tried really hard to do something for your other half and they pick up on the tiny thing you forgot......it's hardly conducive with you wanting to do it again. I have found since I have stopped nit picking my DP does so much more because he feels appreciated.....he also picks up on the things I do and shows his gratitude. It's a much nicer relationship to be in.

Perhaps you just need to sit down with your wife and explain that you tried your best this morning and it hurt you that she focused all her attention on the 1 thing you missed rather than everything you got right. FWIW I never brush my DS's hair. It wouldn't look any different.

I'm with you OP. A reminder is fine but not a rant lecture. We can all miss stuff.
My partner is a perfectionist and I'm not so often get the ranty lectures myself. It can be a bit shit

@victorino I'm really sorry but I think you need to have a chat to your wife. You are doing way more than her - she's not pulling her weight at all. And to top it off she's sniping!

@ExtremelyBoldSquirrels

I'm a woman with waist length hair. I lose a hell of a lot of hair each day, if I don't brush it I know for a fact it becomes matted to the point it has to be cut out, when it gets that matted it's uncomfortable and pulls on the scalp, it gets greasy quicker and feels like straw.

Maybe not everyone's hair is like yours though. Just a thought.

True,

But my partner has hair of a few inches thick... He malts like a bloody dog. So does my daughter.

On average you lose about 100 hairs a day... You need to brush it out,

Particularly people with long hair.

If the hair is short, well there's no point.

I was just saying my experience of it. Not anyone else's.

Yes I do the morning routine and school drop-off almost every day.

And you still forget to do some of it?

Think about that in your workplace, you forget to do 1 out of 10 tasks. How long do you think it would be before you were on a disciplinary?

Sometimes I feel like my contribution is not recognised, and/or I’m doing more than my fair share. What do you think?

Well how often in housework recognised? How often do you thank your wife for shopping? For growing a baby that she presumably has to care for every day. Does she do the school pick up? Do you take the baby with you when you drop the others at school or is she looking after the baby then?

How often do you go to get clothes out and find your wife hasn't washed/ironed your shirt or put your socks away? What about the shopping? If she forgot something essential every week?

No you are not doing more than your fair share.

Yes I do the morning routine and school drop-off almost every day And you still forget to do some of it?

Fuck me, people can't wait to pile on, can they? I'm a mum. I dropped my kids at Breakfast Club every day for 3 years. On the odd occasion I forgot something.

Because I'm human.

I have a question, some people are complaining that the OP has forgotten on this occasion to brush hair. So I take it those people are claiming to have never forgotten anything, in that case their brains have super human qualities!

Your wife sounds like a bit of an arse, frankly.

*Yes I do the morning routine and school drop-off almost every day.

And you still forget to do some of it? *

🙄

@sashh Has clearly never forgotten anything in his/her life, or they think they have different rules to everyone else.

@sashh

Yes I do the morning routine and school drop-off almost every day.

And you still forget to do some of it?

Think about that in your workplace, you forget to do 1 out of 10 tasks. How long do you think it would be before you were on a disciplinary?

Sometimes I feel like my contribution is not recognised, and/or I’m doing more than my fair share. What do you think?

Well how often in housework recognised? How often do you thank your wife for shopping? For growing a baby that she presumably has to care for every day. Does she do the school pick up? Do you take the baby with you when you drop the others at school or is she looking after the baby then?

How often do you go to get clothes out and find your wife hasn't washed/ironed your shirt or put your socks away? What about the shopping? If she forgot something essential every week?

No you are not doing more than your fair share.

Not doing his share??

He works full time, this morning he did the whole morning routine including the drop off.

And his wife bitches about how forgot to comb the boys hair after he fed them, got thier lunches packed, did the bottle and fed the baby and then took them to school?

Are you for real?!??

If this were a role reversal, Sheesh. The husband would be flamed to hell for bitching that the wife did it all but forgot to comb the child's hair!!!

I think you're doing great OP, we all forget things occasionally. I wish I could have a coffee in bed!

Everyone saying the wife shouldn't be 'grateful' for OP looking after their own child, I would normally agree with, however in this case it sounds like OP is doing more than 50%, ergo doing the wife's share and allowing her a lie in, so I think she should be grateful for that.

I also agree with an earlier poster RE one parent deciding they're right on something and therefore imposing it one the other is unfair when it's a subjective rather than objective right.

Hair not being brushed might not be ideal but it's very different to teeth not being brushed and even then a one off forget of this is ok (as long as it really is one off).

Your wife sounds like she’s massively taking the piss out of you OP. You need to say something to her as it IS affecting your work commitments. How would she feel if it got to much for you and you left? She would have to do everything then! Might give her the kick up the ass she needs to appreciate how much you do for them. There’s nothing wrong with appreciating your partner and what they do.

Think about that in your workplace, you forget to do 1 out of 10 tasks. How long do you think it would be before you were on a disciplinary?

An equivalent of not brushing a small child's hair, in my work, would be something like forgetting to put a pot of pencils back in the rack before lunch. Or not noticing straight away that a dc hadn't changed their pe trainers for their school ones after gym. No, I'd not be disciplined or even have it commented on.

Think about that in your workplace, you forget to do 1 out of 10 tasks. How long do you think it would be before you were on a disciplinary?

If we're comparing it to work places how about you think about it this way. When a colleague drops something off on your deal, or brings the plates into the kitchen for you, or find some information for you - you say thank you, even though it's their job to do all these things you just quickly say 'thanks' because it's polite and good manners and whether or not it's their job to help they still have helped. Therefore OP's wife should've said 'thanks' this morning because even though it's OP's job to take care of the kids as their parents he still helped to wife out by meaning she didn't have to do all those things for the kids. In fact it sounds like she should be very grateful because he did everything and she did nothing for the kids this morning. On top of that he brought her a coffee in bed - definitely not his job, he was just being nice - that definitely deserves a thanks.

So basically you're saying you do 100% of caring for the children, but your wife is a sahm, and she stays in bed every morning while you do everything and take her coffee. I'm struggling to believe this, but on the off chance it is true, it's no different to what the majority of working mum's do everyday. Not that that makes it right.

If a woman was writing this identical post, no one would be questioning if it were true.....

LTB

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

So basically you're saying you do 100% of caring for the children, but your wife is a sahm, and she stays in bed every morning while you do everything and take her coffee. I'm struggling to believe this, but on the off chance it is true, it's no different to what the majority of working mum's do everyday. Not that that makes it right.

Why are you suggesting the OP is a liar if you believe this is what the majority of working mums do?