I do 99.9% of a job and my wife will complain about the 0.1%.

[victorino]

I want to vent off a little, I guess. But I am also genuinely interested to find out if this is normal behaviour. Are all wives like mine, or am I especially “lucky”.

So here we go. Here’s what happened this morning. I got up, and then prepared breakfast for the kids, changed the baby, made his bottle and fed him. Then got the kids up to the bathroom, got them washed and changed into their school uniforms. Made a coffee for the wife, brought it to her in bed. Made packed lunch. Took kids to school.

Here’s what I did not do: brush my son’s hair (I forgot).

"Did you brush John’s hair", she asked. I said no, but I brushed his teeth. Big scolding / argument ensued because it is apparently essential that I brush his hair every morning before school. Nevermind all the other things I did correctly and on time…

Is this normal, to be so demanding/ungrateful/rude for something so trivial?

Because the majority of men don't.
Why would a sahm by lying in bed while dad gets all the kids ready for school, does all feeding and lunches, gets himself ready for work, takes his wife coffee in bed, drops kids at school, goes to work, comes home to do all bedtime routine etc, which means he sometimes misses important things at work?

If a woman was writing this identical post, no one would be questioning if it were true

If a woman wrote this post she'd he asked why on earth she had kids or at the very least another baby with someone like this.

So either she's always been this way and agreeing to have kids was a foolish decision by the op

Or she became this way after the birth if the first baby in which case why have another?

Or, something changed after the birth of the second baby which is why they need to talk and its possible that perhaps she has or had some undiagnosed pnd or something else is wrong.

Actually I take that back, I flip this round to exactly the same but reverse the sexes, I don't think this would happen often. Maybe when both parents are working, the grunt work falls to the woman, but no, I don't actually believe this situation.

So perhaps posters could direct those questions at OP to find out which it is and give advice dependant, instead of just assuming he can't possibly be doing it, or that he's done it only as a once off just because he has a penis!

What, you think there are no lazy, critical men who like to let their female partner do all the work?

Ok op why are you still with this lazy woman? Why did you chose to have children with her? Why don't you insist she does some more of the caring for the children, if, you know she is a stay at home MUM? Why are you doing it all and then she just sits on her lazy arse and complains it's done wrong?

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Because the majority of men don't. Why would a sahm by lying in bed while dad gets all the kids ready for school, does all feeding and lunches, gets himself ready for work, takes his wife coffee in bed, drops kids at school, goes to work, comes home to do all bedtime routine etc, which means he sometimes misses important things at work?

It doesn’t matter what the majority of men or women do. You’re calling someone a liar with zero evidence of them being a liar, thats unpleasant.

What, you think there are no lazy, critical men who like to let their female partner do all the work?

I don't think there are many men who claim to be a sahd and then do absolutely nothing for their children.

I did - when I asked if he was sure she was OK.

I usually try and refrain from asking why they had kids when one or both were proving to not be coping as the kids are here anyway.

But I did perhaps assume it was not always the case given op appeared to be struggling somewhat to juggle both when usually for working parents they have no choice to get things together in a way so that no one was late and no one was firgetting stuff.

@TooTrueToBeGood 100% agree with you.

Why are you breaking everything down I go separate jobs?

Your opening post could be much shorter if you wrote I got my child ready for school, but forgot to brush his hair’.

But it could be rewritten more correctly as I don’t think my wife pulls her weight?

People put up with things as sometimes it gradually gets worse over time and takes a certain event to realise quite how bad it's for. People put up with things because of their upbringing and they might not realise it can be different. People put up with things because they are in an abusive relationship, not only women can be victims of emotional or even physical abuse. A female would not be getting such a harsh response!

Stop making her coffee in the morning for start offs.

I get why a dad might be reluctant to end a marriage like this - the wife is a SAHM so likely to keep the children with her. That must be a very hard decision for a loving dad to make.

How old are the children? Can he learn to brush his own hair?

And sometimes midnight they stay because they are financially dependent . op is in the better position in that sense as he's the sole earner If she's a sahm. He could ask her to leave. If she's really not contributing anything.

There's enough cocklodger posts on here to know that's not always the case

I don't mind doing it, as long as it does not interfere with my work commitments.

But you already said it does.

She can take them to school from now on, that way she can be sure it's done correctly.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

It doesn’t matter what the majority of men or women do. You’re calling someone a liar with zero evidence of them being a liar, thats unpleasant.

Well we have zero evidence that what the OP says is true either. I've seen a lot worse on here. I'm ok with it being a bit unpleasant.

Unless you assume every post on MN is untrue you’re being fairly hypocritical as no posts provide any evidence.

Well when the OP comes back and explains a bit more, perhaps my mind will be changed. 3 posts in 8 pages, each one making the mum sound even more useless and like she doesn't actually look after her children at all, makes me a bit suspicious 🤷

Unless you assume every post on MN is untrue you’re being fairly hypocritical as no posts provide any evidence.there are ALWAYS 3 sides to every story, the OPs side, the other person's side and the truth.

She shouldn't be grateful because they are joint children.

She does sound a bit of a nag though. Nothing is ever perfect unless done by her type...then when person stops doing something because only she can do it completely right will moan.... you know one of them,,,,, I'd find living with a person like that very draining and a bore really (Constant complaining and imposing perfectionism)... as someone else said....

Oh dear @victorino

Men really are battered on here when asking the same questions as women do.

The morning routine should be shared. For instance, you get the kids up and do breakfast, DW can dress and drop them off or vice versa. Same for bedtime routine.
I don't feel you should be doing it all on your own, while DW stays in bed especially in light of the baby sleeping through.
As for not hair brushing, I've sent my DD to school, on the odd occasional, without her hair brushed, or teeth, or having breakfast on the run. Not a big deal, IMO.