Would you read a novel that started off like this?

[DameIfYouDo]

The pain was excruciating but the humiliation was worse. My brother had told on me. I guess it took the heat off him if he could focus it on me.

I sat sobbing quietly at the table when Dad arrived home from work. I hadn't been allowed to move from the table since the beating. I knew better than to tell him why I was crying as she was hovering; listening - all powerful, totally in control. I guess he knew why I was crying.

I knew I wouldn't be allowed to sit on his knee that day, so I choked down my dinner. I don't recall what dinner was. It might have been nice.

The following day I woke up and was driven to school by my mother. Every stride up to the school gates was painful and a reminder that I was different.

I had been doing handstands the previous day with a short pleated skirt. In front of the boys. That was the mortal sin. I had done it in front of the boys. Showing off my knickers apparently. I was 8. I still remember what the items of clothing were but not what that dinner had been. I hid those clothes in my wardrobe and they were never worn again. In my innocence I thought they were at fault. They were now the reason for the beating; my clothes.

No, but then I don't read any miserylit/child abuse books. Wether fiction or nonfiction.

In terms of where the novel is going, it's briefly describing an abusive childhood and then a life that goes off the rails. Only one introductory chapter detailing childhood abuse. The rest of the novel describes the adult life of the author with occasional references back to childhood. It's a triumph over disaster theme I guess. And my first attempt at a novel.

No. But as above I'm not in to misery porn. I find it an odd genre.

Thanks for the honest answer. I wasn't sure whether it was too miserable as an introduction to the character. Might be better for the opening chapter to be present day maybe?

Nope. Sorry.

I agree with Tinkerhell, I also prefer longer sentences but that wouldn't be enough to make me read something so unrelentingly miserable.

As for the writing style have you any comments?

Ok, longer sentences. I'll bare that in mind when editing. If it started with the character successful in the present day, but that was a chapter further in, would you still read it? I guess you would need to see how the character was in present day?

So, present day character is quite successful but extremely fucked up. She has a good job, but no partner.

Might the introductory chapter describe the good parts of how her life is now rather than being a chronological sort of account of her life?

I think the style is spot on for a 'misery memoir' - if that isn't how the novel continues, it might put off those of your intended audience who don't like that style of book.

Could you open with something from the narrator's present, and then move to the past to describe the abusive childhood - perhaps have period flashbacks amid the 'off the rails' narrative?

Periodic flashbacks, not period flashbacks!

I suppose I should have asked 2 questions really. 1, the one I asked. 2, whether the writing is up to scratch I guess, or a style of writing you could easily read. I'm not sure whether there is going to be a twist in the story, or something pretty dramatic happen that main character. Or whether I just write about her struggle in life. Pretty boring and tough read if nothing ever happens her, so I need to thicken the plot I think!
Genuinely appreciate the advice though. It's probably a tough intro and not exemplary of the rest of the theme of the book.

I don't like "told on me" as a turn of phrase.

I also don't like this kind of thing. I stopped reading Hunger Games because the opening few chapters of that we're so grim. I would have just left the book and not gone back to it had it not been recommended to me so frequently so I tried again.

So unless the rest of your story is exceptional, I would be unlikely to read past the first couple of chapters if it starts like that.

Yes, I think it's ok as a flashback rather than an introduction to the character. Back to the drawing board!

It’s too choppy. I get that it’s for impact but I don’t think it’s working.

I don’t read misery lit either so I wouldn’t read it.

I think 'told on me' is fine if you're trying to evoke the perspective of a young child.

The 'told on me' is to reflect the language she would have used as a child. I'm probably confusing myself, but I suppose the language from the narrator (central character) changes as she goes through life.

Snap Valenta!

I think the use of 'told on me' is quite clever, because it tells the reader immediately that this is a fairly young child, without the narrator having to say 'I was eight years old' or whatever.

We keep x-posting!

I wouldn’t, I’m afraid. Not really my genre, but for a segment like that to have true emotional impact, I would need to be invested in the character already. I would want to be reading a about her adult life and be wondering why things felt a little off.

I also think that first person narrative should be used extremely sparingly; I’m not sure it is right in this case.

Have you reread and analysed the introductions and story-structures in your favourite examples of misery memoir? And looked at books which have been successful?

I recently read Educated by Tara Westover and think it’s a masterful example - not something I would normally read, but admirable, certainly.

I'm guessing this is what you're describing as choppy "In front of the boys. That was the mortal sin. I had done it in front of the boys. Showing off my knickers apparently. I was 8."

I could make that into a sentence. But in the child's head, that's how the thoughts are. Single, different thoughts? Nothing that runs coherently. Not sure how to express it apart from through the short sentences.

Can I ask, is this based on your life, or totally made up?

tone reminds me of Flowers In the Attic. ...that ripped through our second form all those years ago!

No, I haven't read much misery stuff as it's bizarrely my genre of choice!