Help escape abuse MIL

[Babybrain101]

I need help so sorry for the long ish post ( i wont go fully into all the details)

So i live with my partner at his mums house ( she hasnt live there for a year as she “moved in” with her boyfriend so since she moved out i moved in). She is due to return home in a couple of weeks due to things ending with her boyfriend. I may state his mum does have mental health issues. But for the last few weeks she has been telling lies to other family members. She has told them she wants a lock on her bedroom door because her son steals from her ( he never has and never will ) , she keeps giving us constant orders and really being bossy about it. My partner had to explain he works so he doesn’t have the time to do absolutely everything for her but every time she doesnt get her way she starts an argument or threatens to kick him out.
She has been in and out of mental health hospitals. Over the years i have known him she has consistently threatened to kick him out, kill his animals , attack him and me ect. She told the police he abuses her ( he would never do a thing like that ) we tried to speak to her CPN but they always believe her. My partner tried to get citizens advice to move out but was told no unless he has the money to they wont be able to help. I’ve tried to explain to my partner i understand she has mental health but this is now abuse at this point. In the past he said she has attacked him ect.
we are in a desperate place to need to move out with no help. I am also currently in early stage pregnancy and i also dont work due to health issues so i dont exactly have alot of money. We are scraping by each week because his mum will leave us to pay for everything ( she also doesnt work but spends all her money on drugs and alcohol). Saving up for a house seems impossible now but we need to get out for our own safety and sanity ( i may add she has countless outstanding loans unpaid so its also affected my partners credit score)
any advice would be great? Uk based so if anyone know anything about how to buy a house? ( we honestly cant work out how you go about even buying one) it would be absolutely wonderful

So gas, electric, internet are all in his mum's name? They must be or she wouldn't have been able to change them. So that's simple then, these aren't your boyfriend's bills any more, he should stop paying them.

Check if council tax and water is in his name or not. If it isn't, he stops paying it now.

His mum is moving back in and the rental contract is in her name so he should stop paying that the moment he moves out or she moves in, whichever happens first. That's only a moral obligation though, as his name isn't on the tenancy he has no legal obligation to pay the rent and never did.

You both probably don't earn enough to rent in London. You'll need to live somewhere cheaper, like right out into Kent and he commutes in to work daily 2hr on the train. I moved to another UK country because I couldn't afford to remain living in London/SE England (my home area where I'd lived all my life) as a single person when I broke up with my boyfriend. You have to live where you can afford to live. London is very expensive, not only rentals but other living costs too. Other areas are often cheaper. You have got almost zero chances of a council flat in London, even with a baby and homeless it would still take years and years. Realistically you are looking at needing private rental somewhere that isn't any of the zones in London.

Where do your parents live or his sister? Hopefully it's an area outside London where things are cheaper. You and boyfriend could move in with one of these relatives for a few months, pay towards their bills/rent etc whilst living very frugally and saving every penny you can, then in a few months you'll have saved up enough for a deposit and moving costs on a private rental for a one bedroom flat (which is the size property you need at the moment). You could be in a private rental before baby is born. You can get cheap furniture second hand off Facebook Marketplace. All your bills will be cheaper in a one bedroom flat than in a house.

Personally I'd move away from London after finding a new job / transferring at your DH work and just take a huge step away from her

It sounds like legally you and your boyfriend have no right to be living in the house. So if MIL told you to leave you'd have to leave immediately.

Your best bet is to find a cheap bedsit or 1 bed and start saving up for a rental deposit.

You'll probably have to move away from London to a cheaper area, council and social housing lists are many years long, you'd likely be waiting a minimum of 5 years.

Realistically many people cannot afford to live in or around London.

Of course disabled people can have children.
However if OP is not working (or able to)
How is she going to pay for the baby ???

Lots of good comments so far. Just to add, you recognise the chaos your living in, as will SS. If you stay with MIL who is violent and uses drugs you risk baby being placed under child protection or not being able to go home with you as you do not have a suitable place to live. Sorry to be blunt but this happens.

So moving out ASAP is key to solving this problem. If you don't move out together then you need to move out so that you can keep your baby safe. It's better that you do this sooner rather than waiting and SS getting involved.

Sounds bad but it's not his responsibility, tell him not to pay rent, council tax etc for this month and rent somewhere else with the money. I really hope things pick up soon for you
2nd option is to leave (leave him there) for now and go to council saying your homeless. They'll get you somewhere safe and help with accommodation and he can follow on once you have somewhere

You need to move out by any means possible
Sounds like BF is not on the tenancy
His Mum is claiming housing support whilst living elsewhere.
Do you have local family who would help you?
Enquire if your council does a deposit bond scheme which would help you rent privately

So your mil is sub letting to your boyfriend, just stop paying or report to her landlord.

I don't think she said she was disabled, but that she has a chronic illness which is so debilitating that she cannot work, and she does not appear to have a support network.

If she cannot work, it is unlikely that she will find caring for a small baby straightforward, particularly if she is unhoused with no savings. In fact, if she chooses to stay put in her boyfriend's drug addicted, alcoholic mother's house, she will probably attract the interest of social workers too.

I’m also struggling to grasp why you think you can save enough deposit in maximum 9 months to move out- and also why you think you would be accepted for a mortgage with no steady income, you will struggle to rent because of these factors.
housing association/council is your best option. What a sorry state of affairs.

This whole situation is toxic and ridiculous.

Are you very young op? Do you have family?

I expect I’ll get flamed but yet again I suppose the taxpayer will end up helping support people who just don’t think ahead and take responsibility for their lives. It leaves fewer resources for those who genuinely cannot look after themselves for various reasons.

I used to teach and when I looked at job adverts there seemed to be vast numbers of vacancies for parental support workers etc. if people just did the right and adult thing, there’d be more resources for those who really can’t, not won’t.

I agree with you.

Me too

This is fucking RIDICULOUS.

Why the fuck did you 2 move into his mentally unstable and abusive Mum's council place?

Why the fuck have you proceeded with a pregnancy?

Why the fuck won't you pack up and rent a cheap place in a cheaper area ASAP?

When are you 2 going to get your shit together before you bring a child into this mess?

So your Mil is a council tenant, claiming housing benefit for a house she doesn't live in . Report her