Not on the same page with my friends over “broke” and feel so ashamed

[Stupidlifechoices]

I am a single mum to 2 dc’s-one is 20 and one is 6. I have £1350 in total coming in a month and cannot pick up any more hours due to childcare (her father doesn’t really see her and school don’t run an after school club, and is too rural for childminders). I am claiming everything I am entitled to. I get £7.50 a month in child support.

Outgoings are:

Rent - £700
Phones - £120 (me and my daughter-they were both £35 each when I took the contracts out as we both needed handsets but they keep putting the tariffs up and we have 7 months remaining on 36 month contracts).
Broadband and phone line - £45
TV license - £28.25
Car insurance and AA - £120
Fuel £150
Gas and Electric £180
Council Tax £75

So just in bills I am already in arrears each month. There is nothing left for clothes or food, let alone days out and extras.

My eldest has started paying her own phone bill as of last month, as she has got a part time job around uni, but that only buys us another £60.

My other broke friends manage to dress well, look nice and go away for holidays and days out. Two of them have been on three holidays this summer-one to Tunisia, Jersey and then on a Disney cruise. Another did Disneyland and two weeks in the Cotswolds, followed by a week in Cornwall. One of them openly admits her parents pay for her children’s nursery fees, and the in laws bought their house for them so they wouldn’t have the stress of a mortgage. I feel like I am living in some shameful underbelly of poverty.

I feel like such an incredible failure, both to my children and to me. We are in the cheapest house I could find, I have nothing to sell on Vinted or eBay as we have been this broke for years. My daughter was very ill when she was born until she was 4 and so I stopped working, but was too young to qualify for DLA as the things I needed to do for her were appropriate for her age. She is now at school so I am doing a degree and am currently on a first, but it is part time so I won’t graduate for another 2 years.

I know we could move house to somewhere less rural, meaning that I could put her in after school club, but the rent would increase, as would childcare costs, and I don’t physically have the money to move house.

I make my own bread, yoghurt, pasta, pasta sauces, shampoo, deodorant, soap, washing powder, washing up liquid, surface cleaners and body wash to save money, and we eat very simply-pasta, fruit, porridge, toast and soup are the main go-to’s, but I feel like it barely touches the sides. I just hate myself for doing this to my family.

I feel like that can't be right? If you are working, even school hours, and your rent is £700, then you should be entitled to more benefits?

It’s right. It has been checked a number of times and gets recalculated every month.

Cancel your TV licence. Does anyone actually lay the bbc for that anymore? I know it's only 30 quid but it's a lot when you don't have a lot x

Your TV license looks too high, mine is £15pm. Obviously the phone costs are bonkers high but can be addressed once the contract is up.

I would have expected you to be entitled to some benefits too. Have you applied?

Are you sure you are getting all benefits you are entitled to? Have you checked entitledto.com ?

Can your oldest contribute any more now that she has a part time job? £60 a month to cover the phone bill isn't much, if she's earning at least £8.60 an hour minimum wage then 10 hrs work a week would be over £300 a month.

I don’t work full time-I have only managed to pick up an hour a day cleaning at the moment but am looking for work. It is finding something to fit in with school hours that isn’t unpaid volunteering. We do get £475 towards the rent but that is included in the total income.

I just want to add, you're not failing your family, the government is failing families. Things are far too expensive and doesn't match the wages we get. You're doing all you can

What is the 20yo contributing? 7.50 per month is a fucking joke.

Or study PT and work PT. Work during school hours and study when DC is home / in bed?

Your friends aren't broke, you can't compare yourself to someone going on thousand pound cruises.

How much in benefits do you get OP as that wasn’t mentioned?. As you’re studying can you apply for hardship loans/grants. Also agree- ask your oldest to support with some childcare so you can take an extra job, even a shift a week. Agree with others and cancel tv licence, when phone ends get sim only and I’m sure you could get cheaper broadband x

That sounds really tough OP.

There are much cheaper break down services than the AA. Not saying they are as good as the Aa but they are cheaper.

Your adult child needs to start paying for her own phone and keep. Part time job etc.

You haven't let your family down! You are doing everything you can for them including Studying for a degree!

Can you break down your income? Are you also getting student loan, as well as housing benefit?

If I was you OP I’d pause studying for now and find paid work. You can always to back to complete studies later but for right now you need more money coming in.

Advertise cleaning and pick up more hours - cleaners are like gold dust!
what do you charge? I pay my cleaner £45 for 3 hours in rural Somerset.

I feel like you should be entitled to UC to help with the rent. I earn more than you and get a couple of hundred a month. It makes a massive difference between being properly skint and being able to afford decent food and extra curricular activities (like scouts not fancy/ expensive) get the car through it’s mot so I can go to work. No glam holidays or looking well groomed here sadly.

Phones are a ridiculous amount. I pay £9 a month sim only. Your TV licence shouldn’t be that much. Your adult DD needs to contribute more. Can’t she work full time?

Do you get Universal Credit?

Is your 20yo living at home or away whilst studying at Uni?

You can't afford to study right now. It's a pain I know but you can't you need to be working full time or as many hours as you can. This is why you're struggling. You're cramming childcare and studying and working into one day.