Not on the same page with my friends over “broke” and feel so ashamed

[Stupidlifechoices]

I am a single mum to 2 dc’s-one is 20 and one is 6. I have £1350 in total coming in a month and cannot pick up any more hours due to childcare (her father doesn’t really see her and school don’t run an after school club, and is too rural for childminders). I am claiming everything I am entitled to. I get £7.50 a month in child support.

Outgoings are:

Rent - £700
Phones - £120 (me and my daughter-they were both £35 each when I took the contracts out as we both needed handsets but they keep putting the tariffs up and we have 7 months remaining on 36 month contracts).
Broadband and phone line - £45
TV license - £28.25
Car insurance and AA - £120
Fuel £150
Gas and Electric £180
Council Tax £75

So just in bills I am already in arrears each month. There is nothing left for clothes or food, let alone days out and extras.

My eldest has started paying her own phone bill as of last month, as she has got a part time job around uni, but that only buys us another £60.

My other broke friends manage to dress well, look nice and go away for holidays and days out. Two of them have been on three holidays this summer-one to Tunisia, Jersey and then on a Disney cruise. Another did Disneyland and two weeks in the Cotswolds, followed by a week in Cornwall. One of them openly admits her parents pay for her children’s nursery fees, and the in laws bought their house for them so they wouldn’t have the stress of a mortgage. I feel like I am living in some shameful underbelly of poverty.

I feel like such an incredible failure, both to my children and to me. We are in the cheapest house I could find, I have nothing to sell on Vinted or eBay as we have been this broke for years. My daughter was very ill when she was born until she was 4 and so I stopped working, but was too young to qualify for DLA as the things I needed to do for her were appropriate for her age. She is now at school so I am doing a degree and am currently on a first, but it is part time so I won’t graduate for another 2 years.

I know we could move house to somewhere less rural, meaning that I could put her in after school club, but the rent would increase, as would childcare costs, and I don’t physically have the money to move house.

I make my own bread, yoghurt, pasta, pasta sauces, shampoo, deodorant, soap, washing powder, washing up liquid, surface cleaners and body wash to save money, and we eat very simply-pasta, fruit, porridge, toast and soup are the main go-to’s, but I feel like it barely touches the sides. I just hate myself for doing this to my family.

Sorry didn’t realise you were working an hour a day. I mean obviously the first thing to do is up that. I’ve been there and the school hour jobs I did were cleaning/ housekeeper in a hotel/ housekeeper in a care home. They often pay min wage but will let you work 9:30 - 2:30 type hours. Cleaning holiday lets too. Making an extra couple of hundred a week would make a big difference. Obviously you’d lose some due to taper but you’d be a decent amount better off.

I also think the comparison to your friends is a tad silly. You've chosen to study. That was a choice that wasn't forced on you so you would have known you'd have less money coming in.

This sounds really really tough OP.

Could you take in a lodger to help increase your income particularly if the older child has left home and possibly freed up a bedroom? How about some work which could be done from home - eg an ironing service?

Could you cancel the phone line and broadband completely and survive on mobile phone data and use library broadband to study?

if you are able to finish the degree this will open up more and better paid job opportunities for you at a time when your child will be starting to need less childcare so I would keep going with this if you can. Have you definitely explored all student hardship schemes and taken out maximum student loans?

I don't feel like this is correct - neither adult in the house is doing all they can to bring in money, and that's not the government's fault.

Yes thank you, that's exactly what I meant

I really don't think its cheaper to make all those things. A loaf of bread you can get for under a pound. Same for body wash, shampoo etc.

I disagree. I worked in a minimum wage job a few years ago. had to fix the car and couldn't afford to, so had to resign from work.

Went to Uni and as a single parent. Got the student loan, no council tax as a student, bursary as a single parent, tax credits and lots of student discounts and benefits . Was pretty well off for a few years. Plus the degree has come in handy.

You need to work OP, an hour cleaning a day isn’t going to resolve this, nor is studying. Your eldest has moved out now so shouldn’t be costing you anything.

Your phone costs are far too high. Don’t upgrade when the contract ends, go sim only.

Does all the making from scratch stuff actually save you money?

I agree your outgoings seem high and income too low considering your rent and young child. Could you have the UC rate for broadband / get out of phone contract early?
Can you do any work from home or locally that helps boost your income? You should be able to get free hours childcare / 85% paid.
Your daughter can apply for her university hardship fund as it’s there to help those struggling or on a low income. She may need to provide your bank details but they will give out lump sums and mine got extra at the end of the year when it hadn’t all been allocated.

@fuffymeloncauli A lot of those things are not terribly time consuming. If you are already making these things from scratch around studying and childcare, it is not really any more time consuming to grow/gather food. And the sort of childcare a 6 year old needs can often be combined with such activities.

OP does not have a full time job. She studies part time around a school-aged child. She is at a a point in life when she is time rich and cash poor. So it makes sense to use that time to reduce the need for cash.

@wizzywig @Katrinawaves OP rents, she definitely wouldn’t be allowed to sublet a room to a lodger.

Can your ex pay a bit more? Have you been through CMS? X

If you are working 1 hour a day you need to check your wages and benefits again because you are being underpaid one of them.

20 hours a month at NMW would be 20 x £11.44 = £228.80.

Your UC award would look like this
Standard element £393.45
First child element £287.92 (for those not born before 6/4/17)
Housing element £475
Total = £1,156.37
With no earnings deduction because your earnings are with the work allowance. If you are eligible for any student finance that would reduce the award but overall you wouldn’t be worse off.

Child benefit of £25.60 per week. £25.60 x 4 = £102.40.

So that is £228.80 + £102.40 + £1,156.37 = £1,487.57

I agree. I bought a big tub of natural yogurt from Sainsbury's this week. It was 35p. I can't imagine it's cheaper to make your own. Value bread, value pasta etc I often cost up recipes and really can't see that it's cheaper to make these things from scratch.

OP I appreciate it is hard with childcare and with studying, but I think you need to work more hours somehow.

How do you work the one hour per day? Can you increase that in any way? Or do self employed cleaning as that’s usually flexible hours? If you’re in a rural area are there holiday cottages that have turnovers?

I don’t know how increasing your income will affect your benefits, so you need to look into that.

I know your older DD has moved out, but is she close enough to do some babysitting occasionally so that you can work? I appreciate it isn’t her responsibility, but she sounds kind and family help each other!

Check your outgoings and try to cut those down. I pay £15 for tv licence, don’t understand why yours is £30? Last month my electric was 50 something quid and that’s a 3 person household, can you shop around for a cheaper provider? I’m with click.

I would be skint too if I only worked one hour a day. You can’t afford to study right now. You need to work.

I’m not suggesting she stop studying.
I’m suggesting she could earn in a way that helps the family as well. She may be able to organise her part time job so as to look after her sister as well.

The family will be richer if the sister earns for looking after her sister.

Have you checked if your university has a hardship fund?

I agree about the shared room - any chance you could advertise at uni and see if there are any other single parents who'd be interested in a childcare pool or renting a room off you?

It sounds like you've had a series of really bad thugs happen and hopefully the degree will lead to better times - make sure you've talked to the uni about any help they have.

Yeah I wondered about making stuff from scratch too. It’s nice and probably better for you but a value 500g of penne pasta is under 50p in most supermarkets, bread less than £1. I always think you should consider your time as valuable you could be working or at least looking for work rather than being busy making yoghurt/ bread.

This.

Stupid to be looking at cutting £20 here & there when your biggest problem is that you are not working. Even a part time job that fits in with school hours will give you £500+ per month.

Ignore the posters telling you to stop studying. Your degree is the key to opening up huge opportunities for you to get an infinitely better job than cleaning, a job with future prospects and career progression. Have you made sure you're getting everything you can from the university, there may be bursaries or other money available for those who are struggling financially.

That’s not what Citizen’s Advice thinks!

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/lodging-and-subletting/lodging-subletting/landlords-of-lodgers/taking-in-a-lodger-what-you-need-to-think-about-first/#:~:text=If%20you%20rent%20your%20home,-Check%20if%20your&text=In%20most%20cases%2C%20your%20tenancy,you%20can%20get%20a%20lodger.

I second cancelling the TV license, then call your broadband phone line provider and ask if they have a social tariff. We are on one and it's £20 per month. Might be worth complaining about your mobile phone tariffs to see if they will offer you anything.

Without even doing a calculation I can tell you would get a significant amount of Universal credit each month unless you have savings or other capital over 16k.