Thinking of Charging my Daughter Rent

[DancePrance]

Good Evening,

My daughter is approaching 26 and still lives at home, I'm a single mum, it's the two of us. She has a very well paid job with the option to triple her salary, but says she doesn't want to move out. She has expensive taste and all her money goes on her (holidays, clothes, Ubers), she doesn't save. She's lovely, though for years we've locked heads as I enjoy a clean and organised home whereas she's untidy, leaves her mess everywhere, doesn't contribute to housework unless asked and even then it's a chore to get her to do anything. She wouldn't even think to load the washing machine, pick up the hoover, wash her dishes, buy weekly groceries for the house, take out the bins or anything. I'm shattered and she stresses me out!

I've always felt that one day she should contribute to the home she lives in as this is part of her maturing and becoming financially responsible. She leaves lights on, plug sockets switched on with no device attached, wastes food, takes long showers, so last month I said it's only fair she contributes 50% for energy bills. But now I feel she should pay a little rent too. I want her to know the value of money and feel pride for her achievements.

She begrudges having to contribute physically towards our home let alone financially. Really, I'd like her to move out, but she says she doesn't want to leave and feels I'm mean for asking her to move out or request money for the home she lives in. I love her, but feel I'm starting to resent her being home and her levels of selfishness are impacting me.

How much should I charge her for rent (whilst she's still at home)/ Is £15 per day too much? Please help 🙏

I earned about £4 a week and paid mum £20 a month. Within 2cyears I was earning £1,500 and saving to get married. By 23 we'd got a house and paying a mortgage. I was taken to a hospital a few months tgs ago and when I was given my phone back the first thing I did was to get access to it by contacting the bank who sent me a letter to sign to get access to online banking as I couldn't remember access. I checked my bills were paid and I put my credit cards on dd's.

Of course you should charge her rent. At the moment while you may think you’re being a loving supportive mum, you’re just creating a selfish entitled person who sounds unlikeable. You’ve got to be cruel to be kind. Get her to pay half of everything from now on. In the short term she might be unhappy about it, but in the long term you’re setting her up for more independence, a better understanding of responsibility, an ability to think about others and a lot more maturity. If you don’t need the money then you can put it in savings for her to go towards deposits etc, although I certainly wouldn’t be doing that if she maintains the entitled attitude as it will only make her worse.

It's unkind to her to let her believe she can approach life like this. She needs to learn to stand on her own two feet. Give her a month's notice to either leave or start paying rent and 50% of bills. I'd charge her half of local market rate rent for renting a room, not a whole apartment and tell her she needs to start saving the other 50% towards moving out which you will expect her to do within q2 months.

Is there a reason why you're only considering whole apartments rather than a house share for her which would be much more affordable and the norm for most young people?

@bellabasset how would you pay £20 a month if you earned £4pw, that adds up to less than £20?

Tell her she's an adult now and needs to move out.

No ifs or buts.

She's taking advantage of you and YOU ARE LETTING HER....

Look ahead into 10 years time. Where do YOU want to be.

She can take care of herself.

You have been more than reasonable, tell her at least £50 a week if not more and if she doesn't like it she can move out! Why on earth should you struggle because she is not contributing in any way shape or form? You need to teach her independence.

It is not you, don't listen, it is her. My sister has 2 daughters, one lives with her, one moved out. My sister never asked them to contribute, to cook, to clean, anything at all. Never asked for the price of a loaf of bread. Did everything for them. They try to outdo each other in terms of what they can do for their mum - they compete in fact. They are not in well paid jobs, but they shove money at her. The daughter who moved out, visits and brings cash. At first she refused, but now she is taking the money and saving it for the two of them, without saying anything to them. Seriously, they try to outdo each other in terms of who helps mum more, and she never ever asked for anything. So, don't listen, it is her, it is not you. Some people are givers and some are takers. It is horrid you or any parent has to ask. Horrid.

My son started work at 18 and we used the 50, 30, 20 principle in the picture to help him organise his money. His 50% bills was split 25% of his take home pay to us for bed and board and 25% to an ISA so that he could save for a house deposit.

He has subsequently moved into a flat share with his friends and has found it fairly easy to budget because he was used to 50% of his wages going to "bills".

Your daughter is being ridiculous, my now 19 year old son is adulting more than she is. Time for you to have a hard discussion with her and if she doesn't like what you are asking, time to move out. I would not be cooking for her or doing her washing either, she is not a child and needs to grow up. Fast.

At 26 she most definitely should be paying! At when I got my first proper job after uni I paid my parents rent.

Very simple thought experiment for you OP. At what age do you think your daughter will be old enough to contribute fully to the household? If not 26...when? If you don't know then you have a problem, you are infantalising her and have no plans to stop. (If you say eg 30 then why?! Why that arbitrary number?)

Why on earth have you let her away without paying a penny or doing her share of the chores for a decade ?

You are not doing her any favours, what a selfish, entitled little madam, but that said you have allowed it. This needs to change immediately.
She needs to be contributing half and half of all the household duties too.

She’s a massive piss taker, selfish and inconsiderate. She pays for a cleaner once a week? Whoopy do! Do nothing for her, charge her rent or better yet, throw her out like you want to do fr9m what you say.

She's not lovely if she isn't pulling her weight chore-wise and financially at her age.

In the nicest way possible, boundaries only work if you follow through. It can't be I'm going to threaten with paying rent or you'll have consequences and then not carry through with them because she knows the next time you'll do the same.
It's time to stop with the talking and explaining and to come up with what you are willing to accept and what you are willing to do if she doesn't do as you ask. You also need to accept it may effect your relationship for a while however it's going to effect it either way.
Is it possible you're trying to make up for things that happened in her childhood or want to get on because you don't want to rock the boat?

I would sit her down one last time and say here are my rules, if you want to live here you will contribute 50% of the household bills which come to £x and I will give you a month advance notice to prepare. If this is not acceptable I will give you x amount of time to save up and move out. If neither of these happen you will leave on this date. And then you absolutely have to hold her accountable for what happens next. It won't be easy but it's necessary for her to become and adult.

My 21 year old saves hard so I just take £200 plus some for heating, council tax and her phone, teeth insurance and Beneden and Amazon. Around £450-£500. I think this is a good deal for her as I do the house stuff. Much depends on your daughter's wage.

My 22/23 year old lived at home working on 22k whilst he saved for travelling and his Masters living costs. He’s now left to travel. l. He paid £200 a month as he was saving. He doesn’t know that I actually saved £1k out of that to give him towards his first rental deposit once he finishes his masters. I won’t tell him till nearer the time.u

I felt the principal of paying rent and budgeting was important. My mum used to get me to pay a third of what I earned for my keep…..

When I read the post title I thought it was going to be an 18 year old daughter who just got her first job, not a 26 year old!! At 26 I owned my first home and was paying a high mortgage on a low income. She's been completely spoiled by living rent free and chore free for all these years. You need to put your foot down and tell her she needs to help with the cleaning and pay a monthly rent to you, otherwise she can move out.

I know someone like this whose daddy paid for everything, she lived the high life, met and married a man who's career looked as if they'd be millionaires within a few years. Her daddy was still giving her money.

It all fell apart when daddy died, covid arrived, husbands stratospheric career disappeared in a puff of smoke. She's now stuck in a 2 bedroom terraced house, with two small children. An unemployed husband. Their only income his parents.

She's as angryy as a wasp stuck in a jam jar. High flying friends have moved on , she's very bitter.

So @DancePrance you charge her £500 pcm, minimum you can put it away or enjoy it. You know it's what's good for her.

Once I was the last at home,I paid half for everything,rent,council tax,gas,electric,water,food shop,furniture,appliances,decor,flooring etc,absolutely everything.

My mother had half my salary every month from day one until I married.

Do not direct ppl to send their kids to this site. What is wrong with you..It's her child not a random stranger she's trying to deal with.
@DancePrance I would suggest you advise your daughter to save her money as she will need her own home one day, If you want to charge her rent because you need some financial support then I think you are more then entitled to ask. I would suggest sticking to the lowest amount you need from her and then adding some on top and saving this additional amount for her to add to her new home fund. With regards to the chores absolutely does she need to clean up. I'm sure as her mum you have tried to give her a good relaxed life and she's enjoyed her time, we are of course happy for her to live a relaxed life with her mum but at 26 she needs to now start showing you the same respect back and I'm sure she will once she knows you mean business. Your daughter is not a disgrace, she's just in her mums home feeling too comfortable, you can get her to change!!

She pays half of all the bills. She transfers money as soon as she gets paid or she moves out

Charge her 30-40%( not her house so not quite equal rights-she is not free to make big changes /decisions re house. If you don’t need it, save it. She needs to experience how much things cost so that she is prepped for the next step. Then when time is right you can gift her a deposit for her own place. Might also pop round to see her and and leave all the lights and sockets turned on 😉