Thinking of Charging my Daughter Rent

[DancePrance]

Good Evening,

My daughter is approaching 26 and still lives at home, I'm a single mum, it's the two of us. She has a very well paid job with the option to triple her salary, but says she doesn't want to move out. She has expensive taste and all her money goes on her (holidays, clothes, Ubers), she doesn't save. She's lovely, though for years we've locked heads as I enjoy a clean and organised home whereas she's untidy, leaves her mess everywhere, doesn't contribute to housework unless asked and even then it's a chore to get her to do anything. She wouldn't even think to load the washing machine, pick up the hoover, wash her dishes, buy weekly groceries for the house, take out the bins or anything. I'm shattered and she stresses me out!

I've always felt that one day she should contribute to the home she lives in as this is part of her maturing and becoming financially responsible. She leaves lights on, plug sockets switched on with no device attached, wastes food, takes long showers, so last month I said it's only fair she contributes 50% for energy bills. But now I feel she should pay a little rent too. I want her to know the value of money and feel pride for her achievements.

She begrudges having to contribute physically towards our home let alone financially. Really, I'd like her to move out, but she says she doesn't want to leave and feels I'm mean for asking her to move out or request money for the home she lives in. I love her, but feel I'm starting to resent her being home and her levels of selfishness are impacting me.

How much should I charge her for rent (whilst she's still at home)/ Is £15 per day too much? Please help 🙏

I'd get out all the bills, everything. Utilities, tv licence, phone, council tax, broadband, water, mortgage, AND food. If she eats out/orders in a lot then sort out a kind of menu for the week or normal 2 adults weekly shop from Tescos and include that.

Tally it up, split it down the middle. Add 25% for wear and tear. That's what she needs to pay plus she can continue to pay the cleaner. And you can double the cleaner's hours if she doesn't tidy up.

If you are not paying a mortgage then add another 25%.

You're giving her a free ride! No wonder she doesn't want to leave home, she's in for one helluva shock when she does!
Of course you should change her, at 15 quid a day she'd still be on Easy Street!

I’d say she should pay around 6-700 a month

I live at home with a daughter a little younger but not much, than yours. Dd2 has paid rent since she was 18, a peppercorn rent to pay towards the home she lives in. Dd2 also pays for the tv subscription and shares it with me. Since she was 15 she has done her own laundry and since she was 21 has cooked and shopped for herself as I wanted to eat a very different diet and at different times. I have increased the rent slightly over the years - but it doesn't cover the council tax or the utility bill, so its not a large sum of money but a contribution none the less.

DD2 has saved and is soon to move out, due to saving and her b/f doing the same they had a large deposit for a house - so they are buying a doer upper and will move out shortly. The opportunity arose and because they had both been sensible and saved they were able to move onwards with buying - we live in an area that certainly isn't cheap.

Give them responsibility, expect from them and they will do better.

Does my dd like paying rent - no
but she knows she is on to a good thing and although there has been the occasional moan - she has loved living at home. Have I saved the money aside - no. I will though be giving her a small sum to add towards some of the building work

Tell to find a place of her own, she sponging on you, where on earth have you been until now letting her get away with everything? Tough love is needed here.

How is she ever going to grow up if you let her stay a spoilt child? Her selfishness is appalling. Why are you arguing? It's your house, your rules. Yes, she should share the housework equally and tidy up behind herself. Yes, she should pay her way, and £15 rent a day doesn't work when you buy the food, the cleaning stuff and pay the bills. Time to toughen up for both you sakes. I would charge her £800 a month full board, and put £200 into a savings account for her to use when she qualifies as a fully functioning adult. If she chooses to leave, she'll find life a lot tougher on the outside.

This beggars belief!

Once they’d graduated and were earning reasonable money, I charged dds roughly half of what they’d have had to pay for a flatshare locally (rent only, no bills).
Your dd should have been chipping in long ago - no wonder she doesn’t want to move out!

Adults that work full time pay towards their keep. I have two, one has moved out(23) and pays high rent in London, the other 20 lives at home and works full time and pays £150 pm plus her phone and her car. This amount will increase each year. We don’t need the money hence the lowish amount but felt it important that she contributed.

This should have been discussed before she started working.
An agreement should have been made about contributing towards the household once she started earning.
If you have let her get away with this for a few years then it is not going to go down well trying to implement it now.
If you are both working, then you should both be sharing household chores & doing the grocery shopping.
Because it is her family home, would be better to just set a monthly amount that you feel covers her share of groceries & utilities.
Definitely have a harsh discussion about her contributing financially & with chores.

A friend of mine had a similar situation and after Covid 2 DDs were working from home far more and using the heating and eating more of the food so she charged them £300 pm each. They moaned but paid up for a few months before finding their own place. Do you want her there at 30????

My first job as an office junior, I was 16 and earned £50 a week - I gave my mum £10 a week! This was in 1987 😆 I think you are doing your daughter no favours by letting her spend all her money on herself, she needs to understand the realities of being an adult. Sit her down and show her all the household outgoings - then tell her she will have to make a reasonable contribution or move out. She probably won't like the idea of having less disposable income but you can't support her financially forever!

Its Obvious you deserve your home back op . It’s time she leaves , she doesn’t want too but she must .
Personally I would change her £500 a month plus £100 for cleaning

I can’t believe what I am reading. No wonder we have a bunch of adults that are unable to function in the real world. She’s 26 not 16. I was contributing to the household finances since I had my first ‘proper’ part time job as a teen.

There is nothing wrong with her living with you, but she needs to paying for half of EVERYTHING and doing half of the household chores. Anything less and she can pack her bags, find a hideously overpriced rental, and enter the real world.

Is this for real. Why on earth would they do that ???????

Tell her she needs to pay £500pm or move out by 31 May.

2 of mine have had to return home for a while quite some time ago. Both in difficult circumstances, and it was short term, so of course I didn't ask for rent- but they did their share around the place and helped with cooking too. One was for about 5 months, the other around 3. Totally normal to support adult 'children' when things go wrong. But only if ... They were helpful, fun and we got them back on their feet.

She is truly taking the *iss!

Dd is younger. She contributes by paying a couple of the household bills and some of and does a weekly food shop about once per month. She doesn’t even live at home f/t

Ds is younger and he takes care of one of the bills, he also does a food shop and he batch cooks for us about twice per month

I think your dd and her friends see themselves as younger than they really are.

It is one thing accepting your parents help in your early 20s when you are just starting out or when you have children and the cost of childcare even on a couple of good salaries is crippling

Quite another as a single person in a good job heading towards 30, living at home with no outgoings who can’t save or begrudges paying for their own expenses

If she can’t save then take a third or half of her salary and take the amount you need as rent and put the rest away to save for her to buy her own place.

My first job was in a bank

I earned £80 per month,

My mother started by charging me £25/week

so I moved into a shared house that was £60per month

My parents charged rent of 50% of my salary from the day I got my first full time job and expected full contribution around the house. If I didn't like any aspect of it, I was welcome to find somewhere else to live. The same applied to my siblings.

They wanted us to learn that our entire salary was not disposable income to do as we please but we would have expenses when we moved out. We had to make sure we were able to budget and live off a realistic amount (which still gave us a decent quality of life, multiple holiday when no responsibilities or dependents).

We were lucky they were financially secure so they saved the lot and gave it back to us as a house deposit when we were ready to buy (which I was able to add to the amount I was saving myself).

Friends who had everything paid for even after they graduated and cars bought for them still struggle with money and budgeting. Their parents still fund their lifestyles. I am so glad mine taught me independence

Obviously her friends are from Uber rich families

Plus at £2k a flat share you're talking VERY central London

She really doesn't get how good she has it - is any part of this her thinking YOU don't need the money and that's why she won't pay you ?

She doesn't have any money left because she is spending it. On fun stuff. So she has to have less fun stuff...

Time for your daughter to grow up she's had it too easy for too long. I had to pay rent from 16 out of my £29.50 per week YTS money. Only £10 each week but was a lot to a 16 year old back in 94. She let me off the first week and I managed to buy some clothes. I was 1 of 4 siblings to a single parent. Most my clothes were hand me downs I didn't really have anything trendy to wear.

@DancePrance you describe my sister to a tee! She didn't move out until she was almost 40yrs old. Let that sink in...

Set and enforce your boundaries now. Sadly, some people are cheeky and entitled, despite how they've been raised. This isn't a reflection on you as such, my parents were too soft on my sister, but it's not how we were brought up to be. I moved out young and had always paid my way, so my sister's behaviour was an audacity, in my view.

It does annoy me when I hear posters saying 'Well, my sister is 40 and still lives at home, don't be like her.'
I am a similar age to that and live with my stepdad. Is it perfect ? Of course not. But we share the cooking, chores and I buy my own food and help financially. I couldn't afford my own place as am single, on a low wage and don't have a rich family who can help me out.
The situation with OP's DD is different. She sounds very disrespectful and OP needs to set some boundaries. But please don't tar all adults living at home in the same way.

It depends what part of the country as to what a reasonable rent would be. But she definitely needs to contribute financially and to chores. 10 years ago I paid the council tax at my dps and bought food toiletries etc, contributed towards cleaning and did my own washing. I wasn't perfect by any means but helps where I could as a young and daft 23 year old