Thinking of Charging my Daughter Rent

[DancePrance]

Good Evening,

My daughter is approaching 26 and still lives at home, I'm a single mum, it's the two of us. She has a very well paid job with the option to triple her salary, but says she doesn't want to move out. She has expensive taste and all her money goes on her (holidays, clothes, Ubers), she doesn't save. She's lovely, though for years we've locked heads as I enjoy a clean and organised home whereas she's untidy, leaves her mess everywhere, doesn't contribute to housework unless asked and even then it's a chore to get her to do anything. She wouldn't even think to load the washing machine, pick up the hoover, wash her dishes, buy weekly groceries for the house, take out the bins or anything. I'm shattered and she stresses me out!

I've always felt that one day she should contribute to the home she lives in as this is part of her maturing and becoming financially responsible. She leaves lights on, plug sockets switched on with no device attached, wastes food, takes long showers, so last month I said it's only fair she contributes 50% for energy bills. But now I feel she should pay a little rent too. I want her to know the value of money and feel pride for her achievements.

She begrudges having to contribute physically towards our home let alone financially. Really, I'd like her to move out, but she says she doesn't want to leave and feels I'm mean for asking her to move out or request money for the home she lives in. I love her, but feel I'm starting to resent her being home and her levels of selfishness are impacting me.

How much should I charge her for rent (whilst she's still at home)/ Is £15 per day too much? Please help 🙏

She needs to cover half the bills including overheads, and council tax, because if she wasn’t there you would get the 25% discount.

I would separate out your frustration over her sloppy and selfish household habits from the share of household costs.

Say you are both grown adults and need to be more equal in the way you run the household.

Sit down and calmly go through the list of household costs, bills. Insurance, broadband, everything.

I would suggest she pays a third of fixed overheads and half the energy bills plus £50 rent / wear and tear. Which is still loads cheaper than a flat share in private rented.

And just stop doing her washing etc.

If she's on a decent wage, which it sounds like she is, she needs to be saving properly so she can buy. Even if she's on NMW she'll be bringing home £1700 pm, if she's a few years into a graduate career it could be double that.

She could probably afford to save £500 pm minimum, possibly more and pay a similar amount to the OP towards living costs and still have money to spend.

Otherwise they're going to be in the same position in ten years time by when she'll have pissed up the cost of an entire house, not just a deposit.

Of course she should be contributing to the household, both with money and with helping around the house! I started paying to live at home once I started full time work at 16, and didn't resent it, in fact it was a good lesson in paying my way in life.

I'm sorry but she doesn't sound "lovely" at all.

Another option would be to tell her you're downsizing to a one bed flat and she needs to move out to her own place.

Just out of interest OP, does she earn more than you, even though you're still paying for everything?

My son is 26 still living at home in a reasonably well paid job. We provide all food etc and charge him rent of £400 a month.

Ordinarily I would never support charging a child rent but the woman is 26!

That's just embarrassing living at home with her mother!

She needs to be able to manage a home of her own and take responsibility for chores and bills.

Give her a time limit in finding her own place asap.

You should absolutely be charging her rent! At 26 years old and earning a good salary, she should be paying her own way. Stop colluding with her by allowing this situation to continue. She's taking advantage of you.

Jeezo op! This is a grown woman of 26 with a decent job! You are doing her no favours, she is clearly spoilt and entitled - the real world will be a harsh place when she finally gets out in it. Charge her 50% of bills, a decent rent based on what she would pay in your locality, and get her to tidy up after herself. And do it now!

When I was 26 my take home pay from basic salary (I did also get commissions but those fluctuated and weren't guaranteed) was £1800. I spent £1k of that on rent and bills.

DS is about to graduate and will probably be returning to live at home. He'll be taking home £1700 a month and I plan to charge him £500 towards household costs and food. I plan to save most of that in a separate account and give it back to him for rent deposit/house deposit as and when he wants to move out, but if I needed the money to afford basic costs I'd use it for that.

Adults have to pay their own way in life. By not making DD pay any rent, you're allowing her to remain a child.

Quite shocked you’ve let it go on this long OP. As others have said you’ve completely warped her idea of what being an adult is. She sounds incredibly entitled and no wonder given you’ve given her a free ride until 26! She’s almost 30, OP. This isn’t a debate about charging an 18 year old rent before they go off to uni. Twenty bloody six. Charge her what she would pay for a room or house share in your area as a minimum, bills on top would also be acceptable. In fact that will be a good life lesson for her on how much utilities cost.

It doesn’t really feel like you’re setting your daughter up for success here. She has been working for several years, with all of her salary as disposable ‘pocket money’. If I could use my income as 100% disposable income, I would be leading a very glamorous lifestyle. She’s been enabled to live a lifestyle far above what she could afford had she been paying rent, utilities, food, etc. Plus, it sounds like she is also accustomed to having a live-in cleaner and chef. I think you need to woman up here and help your daughter learn how life will be once she enters the big bad world, where she’ll have bills to pay and no live-in servants.

You need to sit down and have a proper talk with her about the fact that if she doesn't want to move out she is now an adult in a house share rather than a child living with their mother.

Half of bills and rent which will cover the upkeep of the house. If she doesn't want to do chores then she hires a cleaner to cover her responsibilities once a week.
It will still work out cheaper than living else where in independently.

Honestly, I always set boundaries in place, but she is extremely stubborn and always takes one step forward then five paces back. And yes, sadly she is ungrateful. We have had arguments for years regarding finances. I'm a saver whereas she always seems to be out of money.

Definitely charge her half of bills now if just two of you then I would also add a weekly rent of say £50 or whatever
you are her a favour teaching her life is not free and she needs to learn to budget

She is on a decent wage, but trying to get her to save has always been an absolute nightmare and she says she never has any money at the end of the month.

If she has no financial obligations and is on a decent salary, where is her money going? Holidays, fancy car, clothes, expensive beauty treatments, meals out, nights out, all of the above?

If this were a post about a boyfriend, we’d all be telling you that he’s a cocklodger and either needs to start paying his own way or leave.

We've had many conversations over the years, I've spoken to her calmly as well as argued. I've explained that she's an adult (has been for seven years) and if living with others they would not put up with this. She has lived at my mum's and behaves the same way whereas her dad has always flatly refused to ever have her live with him.

She's well aware of rental costs as her best friends both have their own apartments, though their parents pay for everything including all their bills. This is not my reality and even if I could afford to get her her own place I wouldn't as I want her to know the value of money.

Well, it's up to her whether she saves or not.
It's up to you to decide whether you want your DD to live with you indefinitely (fair enough, if you are quite happy with this) or expect her to have moved out within x timescale.

But yes, she should be paying rent. My 20 year old is paying £400 a month - which is considerably cheaper than he would be paying in a house share anywhere else locally - and doing a share of chores. If you can afford to, you can broach the discussion that this money is put aside as "savings" to be given back to her later.

I can't believe you've let her get away with this so long. Sorry but she must have such an unrealistic perception of the realities of adult life. You should have charged her rent from the moment she got a full time job. Even if you saved it on her behalf.

I do not charge rent to mine but I am expecting them to save the vast majority of earnings. Their savings accounts are open to me and I monitor them.

They still go on holidays, eat out and buy their own stuff out of it.

The way I see it is they’ll have more for when they leave. They do not do anything in the house and my dd is a whirlwind of mess. My sons are tidier but they have way less stuff. My dd has taken over most of the wardrobes and I pickup after her. But they are in professional jobs at the entry level and will be big earners hopefully and off my hands in a couple of years.

The only parents that I have seen that charge rent are poorer families. The ones that have good earnings from the parents or are wealthy, do not charge. That’s my observation.

There's loads of these on mn now

I had my own home and a child at 26. I don't think she will change as she sees you as a doormat. Give her notice to move out. You will be doing her a favour.

Rent in our area is expensive, though I have said she can move to another area she can afford.

Without being asked, I started giving my mum money towards rent from the age of 17 and was always very happy to do so, plus paid money towards house bills.

If she does not save that is the worst part. If you charge her, put most of it in an account for a deposit when she leaves. If she goes away and rents with no saving for a deposit then she might be renting for years or forever.

She shouldn’t have to be told to save tbh, it’s common sense.