Thinking of Charging my Daughter Rent

[DancePrance]

Good Evening,

My daughter is approaching 26 and still lives at home, I'm a single mum, it's the two of us. She has a very well paid job with the option to triple her salary, but says she doesn't want to move out. She has expensive taste and all her money goes on her (holidays, clothes, Ubers), she doesn't save. She's lovely, though for years we've locked heads as I enjoy a clean and organised home whereas she's untidy, leaves her mess everywhere, doesn't contribute to housework unless asked and even then it's a chore to get her to do anything. She wouldn't even think to load the washing machine, pick up the hoover, wash her dishes, buy weekly groceries for the house, take out the bins or anything. I'm shattered and she stresses me out!

I've always felt that one day she should contribute to the home she lives in as this is part of her maturing and becoming financially responsible. She leaves lights on, plug sockets switched on with no device attached, wastes food, takes long showers, so last month I said it's only fair she contributes 50% for energy bills. But now I feel she should pay a little rent too. I want her to know the value of money and feel pride for her achievements.

She begrudges having to contribute physically towards our home let alone financially. Really, I'd like her to move out, but she says she doesn't want to leave and feels I'm mean for asking her to move out or request money for the home she lives in. I love her, but feel I'm starting to resent her being home and her levels of selfishness are impacting me.

How much should I charge her for rent (whilst she's still at home)/ Is £15 per day too much? Please help 🙏

Bloody hell!! When I was 26 I was living in the second house on the property ladder I had, and had a baby & partner. I think she’s taking the mickey!! Definitely!! Definitely needs to pay half the bills and rent or move out! It’s not really reality she’s living in!

Tell her to leave . Set a date a few months in the future and stick to it. She’s selfish and taking the piss not to mention that she’s costing you money .

Are you taking the p!ss ? Is this just rage bate or are you severely mentally impaired ?
SHES 26!!! A full grown ass adult tell her to pay up , clean her mess or f^ck off .
I absolutely refuse to believe this is even real and it isn't a bot post because surely no body is this stupid

Your DD is a bad egg, I'm afraid, if she thinks it's acceptable to take advantage of you like this.

Give her notice to leave. 26 is too old to be freeloading like this.

Insist on 50/50 on all house related expenses.
Speaking from experience they'll accept terms or leave the nest.

Maybe she could move in with them and sponge off them instead. You've basically raised a brat
.

Nothing is wrong with me thanks. This site was my saving grace when I was living in a horrible house with an evil private landlord. I moved into a someone’s flat who had a spare room, lived there for 3 years happily and made good friends with her.

May I ask, what is wrong with you? Op has said she wants her daughter to move out. Saving for property would still take years.

My daughter has been paying rent since she was 16!! She also does her fair share of chores and helps with afterschool childcare once a week while I work. She's turning 18 this month.

I fear you've left it too long. In this house we all share chores as we all live here. Even my 5 yr old does what she can... you can't just let them get away with being looked after princesses and then suddenly, aged 26, expect them to act differently.

16? Wtf

Wow! I was paying board whilst I was at y I because I was working. I think you should definitely be charging her rent.

You really need to address this you are doing her no favours. I have 14 and 12 year old boys who change own beds, load and unload dishwasher, can put a wash on and put own clothes away. They are also able to hoover mop and dust and can clean the bathroom but don’t do these jobs so much. I am secure in the knowledge that if anything happened to me they would be able to take care of themselves. Your daughter is 26 and I assume as it is just the two of you that she will inherit the home you own so it sounds like she is happy to sit it out at home until it becomes hers and honestly why wouldn’t she as she has a great life. Rent and bills are a must and if she doesn’t want to help with housework she pays for a cleaner on top. Also stop doing her laundry.

I would charge mine £400-500 per month. Look at how much your bills are including energy, council tax and food. If she doesn't like it then ask her to leave. Help her find a bedsit locally. She will soon realise that she's best paying you rent.

show her this thread if she tries to argue when you raise it. But she should be paying half of everything and also contributing towards tidying washing. Or stop doing her washing etc. if she even tries to argue the toss with you over it. This is ridiculous she is thinking this is in any way okay!

My mum stopped doing my washing when I was 14 as I didnt even put it away when she had done it so she stopped. So my washing was always my own to do. I would have a conversation with her about saving to move out or saving in general, and say you will charge her rent at a high rate but save a portion for her she can use to move out one day. I moved out at 18 and bought my own house by working two jobs and at studying at university at the same time becuase I wanted to, not becuase I was asked to, but its harder nowdays and if she doesnt start putting money aside then she will never be independant based on how things are today trying to get onto a property ladder and rental prices. You should back her into a corner to start saving or she will be 35 before she knows it and wasted 1000s of pounds on crap making other people rich buying their branded clothes and overpriced holidays.

@DancePrance given that she is so bad at saving, the best scenario would have been to get her to pay rent as soon as she got a full time job, but then you put that into a savings account for her (especially since that money has not been going towards your joint bills for years anyway).

Then at this point she would have learnt the value of money/cost of living & also had some savings behind her.

Do you think it has anything to do with feeling rejected by her Dad so not being able to ‘grow up’ and cut ties with you? How involved is/was he? She clearly has a particularly close bond with you and can’t bear to leave you. You’ve obviously been very nurturing and love her despite your differences. Could you suggest you move somewhere where she has an annexe? She could pay the mortgage or the difference of rent. Would this help to gradually ease the situation towards mutual independence?

I’m just asking as my DD, aged 8 loves helping with chores and actually gets really cross if I don’t let her help. I’m actually quite untidy (suspect ADHD and mind flits about anll the time!) and her Dad a neat freak (she spends 15% time with), she doesn’t like the way he does everything for her at his! Whilst I think contributing to the household is to be encouraged, and sorting laundry into piles or tidying up a bit/making porridge in microwave isn’t going to kill her, i slightly worry she’ll get to 18 and she’ll be on the next flight to Australia and never come home with the independence she’s learning!

I don’t know how the £ situation will pan out but she is very cross I haven’t sorted a bank account for her yet! I think she wants to help with the finances too… 🤷‍♀️ I don’t want to be a single parent who gets told that my poor daughter had to grow up and be my partner too young! I don’t mind a bit of mess as long as it’s cleaned occasionally-I don’t let it get totally out of hand often! I am also okay financially (my parents have had to support us because the law is effectively that my ex can choose how much he does!) but not compared to some of her friends’ families and she already knows that.

I can’t completely hide the fact we’re in a cost of living crisis, there’s a European war on and I don’t seem to be able to get a job suiting either of my professional qualifications because I do 85% care despite 6 years’ HE. She feels that it’s totally unfair her Dad has a good job and he did half the time at uni.

I charge my DS rent and we don’t need to they need to learn life isn’t free. If she won’t contribute then say you need her to move out so you can charge x amount for a lodger, no idea what the going rate if where you live.

She is behaving like this because she knows you won’t chuck her out, you need to change that. I have two friends who are single parents and they are far nicer people than me. But the guilt of being single Mothers means they over compensated due to shitty absent Fathers so their children have turned out a bit like your daughter though not quite as bad.

My mum took money off me as soon as I was earning. Not a loads but a bit for ‘keeping’, which in reality probably covered about a day of food for a teenager. Why not? My parents didn’t have a pot to piss in, so fairs fair. Funnily enough as an adult, I’m great with money. I’ll be doing the same with my kids. I wouldn’t want to end up with a 26 year old in a 16 year olds body because they’ve not learnt how to be an adult. That’s doing the child a massive disservice. Case point with this 26 year old.

Sorry you haven’t convinced me at all.

I think 16 is too young and a bit unfair, especially if they are still in education. The minimum wage is also lower.

Your logic is also extreme. Most people are still good with money after starting to pay their way at 18/19, not 16.

You have let this go on far to long and not done her any favours. You are likely in for a tough time with her but you need to be strong. I got charged rent as soon as I was earning, and I wasn't earning very much! As it turned out my Mum actually saved what I paid for me and gave it me as a present when I moved out which was very nice. I will do the same for my kids (as long as I don't genuinely need the money to cover basics obviously). Yes you need to charge her rent, yes she needs to pull her weight. Expect a huge backlash BUT DO NOT BUDGE.

Charge her rent and half the bills, and if she doesn't want to do housework she can hire a cleaner

Re the lady above who is worried her daughter wants to contribute financially age 8 (slightly off topic) There's always someone richer than you no matter who you are. Good lesson to learn and be ok with who and where you are. Ambition is fine as long as it doesn't come at the cost of contentment.

Yes 16... why "WTF"? She works 2 days a week, earns above minimum wage as shes lucky to be in a large company that pays everyone the same regardless of age. I don't take a massive amount from her... just enough that she can get used to the fact that adults pay rent.

You may think its young but I don't believe in raising useless adults. As a result I have an 18 yr old, way more mature than her peers, with an advance understanding of budgeting and who has built up savings going into the thousands. ... who has travelled and experienced living alone in Europe with no problems despite the language barrier, which is a lot better than a 26 yr old, who has no money cos she wastes it and sponges of mummy dearest.

🤷‍♀️

Why should the OP save for her 26 yo daughter ? It looks like the OP is out of pocket and in part subsidising her daughters existence . Not sure why parents who possibly earn less should keep on paying for their adult children. Daughter should pay rent or move out . If the OP wants her out then ask her to leave.

My mum took money off me from when I had my first job at 16. It wasn't a lot, more when I earned more and she probably loaned me most of it back over the month but it meant I got use to contributing and I'd do the same with my children- even if I was saving it for them.
I think you definitely need to take something even if it's just a token amount. She needs to be looking after herself a bit, cooking, washing her clothes etc. She's an adult.