Thinking of Charging my Daughter Rent

[DancePrance]

Good Evening,

My daughter is approaching 26 and still lives at home, I'm a single mum, it's the two of us. She has a very well paid job with the option to triple her salary, but says she doesn't want to move out. She has expensive taste and all her money goes on her (holidays, clothes, Ubers), she doesn't save. She's lovely, though for years we've locked heads as I enjoy a clean and organised home whereas she's untidy, leaves her mess everywhere, doesn't contribute to housework unless asked and even then it's a chore to get her to do anything. She wouldn't even think to load the washing machine, pick up the hoover, wash her dishes, buy weekly groceries for the house, take out the bins or anything. I'm shattered and she stresses me out!

I've always felt that one day she should contribute to the home she lives in as this is part of her maturing and becoming financially responsible. She leaves lights on, plug sockets switched on with no device attached, wastes food, takes long showers, so last month I said it's only fair she contributes 50% for energy bills. But now I feel she should pay a little rent too. I want her to know the value of money and feel pride for her achievements.

She begrudges having to contribute physically towards our home let alone financially. Really, I'd like her to move out, but she says she doesn't want to leave and feels I'm mean for asking her to move out or request money for the home she lives in. I love her, but feel I'm starting to resent her being home and her levels of selfishness are impacting me.

How much should I charge her for rent (whilst she's still at home)/ Is £15 per day too much? Please help 🙏

My kids are still at home, my two boys (33 28) have long term girlfriends and split the time between us and their girlfriends houses, and my girl (27) has recently just broke up with her longtime boyfriend, they all pay £200 a month each , they appreciate the fact that we wouldn’t need to be still in a 5 bed 3 bath house if they were not here! I know they are getting a good deal, and the boys are not great at saving, the daughter is fantastic at it, and could almost buy a small house outright! She is also very generous and paid for me and her dad to go on vacation last year, so I know she appreciates us! The boys are a bit messy but the girl is super tidy! However the boys mess is contained to their own rooms, and they do clean it up before it is too bad! I have always charged them board since they were working, after full time education finished, although it’s only a nominal amount, letting them get a free ride doesn’t help them long term! I have friends who think we are mad letting them still be at home, but I think it’s their home also and has been all their lives, I don’t subscribe to the idea of a cut off date just because they pass a certain age, my kids have always got a home for as long as they need it and we can afford it! Even if you only charge her a small amount like I do, I would do, and make her clean up after her self otherwise she will go through life with absolutely no life skills. x

And to add my middle child ( boy 28) was house sharing for a year and asked if he could come home earlier this year( of course he could!) He has actually changed his bedding ever since and picked up after himself, small wins, but progress! 🤣

My son returned to our rented home in London after uni. I paid his rent and bills during his undergraduate years. When it became clear he'd be spending extortionate amounts for a private rental, he stayed here and now pays half the bills and rent as an equal adult. He has saved a few thousand quid doing this and eventually will get his own place, but probably not in London as it's simply not affordable. I like his company but feel sorry he can't fully fly. This intergenerational sharing is reality for many families now.
Re the OP, 26 is adult, most people pay their own way at that age surely? I can't give advice re chores as I haven't cracked that either...

Why can’t she move into a house share?

she doesn’t need a house all to herself

I’m sure the maximum you can get as a single person over 25 is about £300 on UC so that wouldn’t be enough in some areas to help cover rent.

As I say, people shouldn’t be judged for living at home as adults anymore, not in this current climate , but definitely should be judged if they are treating the home and family disrespectfully.

Definitely start charging her. Maybe charge a higher amount and keep some for what you need to cover bills and put some in a savings account for when she does move out. She really needs to grow up and needs a kick up the backside to do so.

Sounds as though she has friends with very rich parents who provide all they need and more and that’s what she expects. Obviously this is very much NOT the norm and she needs to start being an adult or her expectations in life are going to continue to be so far from reality.

Also, a serious chat about how if she doesn’t start doing her share of chores naturally (without needing to be reminded) she’ll have to move out. Hiring a cleaner is a start but that doesn’t stop the need for cleaning dishes daily, doing laundry etc. She also needs to realise that she might not be able to bail herself out of chore responsibilities and afford a cleaner when she is living a life of reality and not getting a free ride.

I was paying half my wages to mum when I started working at 16. With our own children we asked them to contribute when they were both working. I remember the conversation. They were outraged but in later life they've laughed at themselves for their reaction. Your daughter has got away with it far too long. A serious conversation is needed, about chores and paying her way.

She is an adult on a good wage. split everything in half tell her this is what she costs you a month while she lives with you! Then suggest she pays her share , but tell her you are happy to negotiate if she is prepared to pull her weigh with the cleaning etc. of course she doesn’t want to move out why would she? She has the life of Riley! You are not doing her any favours tbh .

OP you're not the only one. I have a mid 30s family member who lives with her fiance & 8 year old son with her parents. They don't pay one single penny, rent, bills, food to their retired parents.
Between them they earn over £100k. They are apparently saving for a place of their own.

Make her pay rent, 1/3rd of her wages if she doesn't like it she can move out

More likely waiting for the house to become vacant.

Rent a room to her under the ‘rent a room’ scheme and if she fails to pay, serve her with notice. She can then find herself somewhere else or rock up at the Council and declare herself homeless. Or she can move in with one of her friends that doesn’t have to pay for their own accommodation.

Write a list of all costs, except repairs and renewals. She needs to pay half or get her own place.
Good idea from somebody else, she pays for a cleaner every other week if she doesnt want to clean.