Thinking of Charging my Daughter Rent

[DancePrance]

Good Evening,

My daughter is approaching 26 and still lives at home, I'm a single mum, it's the two of us. She has a very well paid job with the option to triple her salary, but says she doesn't want to move out. She has expensive taste and all her money goes on her (holidays, clothes, Ubers), she doesn't save. She's lovely, though for years we've locked heads as I enjoy a clean and organised home whereas she's untidy, leaves her mess everywhere, doesn't contribute to housework unless asked and even then it's a chore to get her to do anything. She wouldn't even think to load the washing machine, pick up the hoover, wash her dishes, buy weekly groceries for the house, take out the bins or anything. I'm shattered and she stresses me out!

I've always felt that one day she should contribute to the home she lives in as this is part of her maturing and becoming financially responsible. She leaves lights on, plug sockets switched on with no device attached, wastes food, takes long showers, so last month I said it's only fair she contributes 50% for energy bills. But now I feel she should pay a little rent too. I want her to know the value of money and feel pride for her achievements.

She begrudges having to contribute physically towards our home let alone financially. Really, I'd like her to move out, but she says she doesn't want to leave and feels I'm mean for asking her to move out or request money for the home she lives in. I love her, but feel I'm starting to resent her being home and her levels of selfishness are impacting me.

How much should I charge her for rent (whilst she's still at home)/ Is £15 per day too much? Please help 🙏

For all the posters saying “ save it for her “, why the FUCK for ? she’s a 26 year old high earning parasite …. NOT a 16 year old on minimum wage . Surely OP deserves a life …

LyssaMoon
Could not agree with you more. Responsible parents raising responsible adults
Well done you!

I’m just offering another alternative…

BTW I don’t disagree with those saying just charge normal rent & bills.
My parents let me know from a young age that I needed to pay my own way in life & live within my means, despite living a pretty financially comfortable life. I’ve consistently worked from 15 years old with no gaps between jobs & have always saved (despite also attending uni for 4 years). I moved out at 18 & didn’t really come home after that. I’m fully ‘in the camp’ of understanding financial responsibility & ownership.

If you re-read my post I’ve mentioned why I said the other alternative.
To add to this, as parents we want the best for our children & I hope, an even better life than we had.

You can still achieve the same at 18 rather than 16. Op’s example of a 26 year old acting like that is extreme. Sorry you haven’t convinced me and I think taking money off a 16 year old is a dick move. At that age i’d be encouraging her to save it, not pocket it myself.

My rule has always been that they pay keep when they leave full time school/college/further education. If my 16 year old had left school to get a full time job/apprentiship then yes, they would have paid. But I wouldn't take off someone only working part time whilst at college.

25% of her net salary and if you don’t need it save it for a deposit for her when she finally moves out.

A 16 year old is not a little kid. We aren’t talking about taking money off a 13 year old doing a paper round. I had a proper weekend job at 16. Giving a few quid to my mum really wasn’t a big deal. I think we will agree to disagree.

Not the point to this thread anyway.

Why save for a 26 year old grown woman? She’s had the opportunity to do this herself living totally rent and responsibility free since she hit adulthood. That’s a solid 9 years where she’s sponged off her poor mum. Of course she “needs” it.

OP I'd tell her to leave since that's the outcome you want. I don't suppose she'll be happy about it but that's not your problem and you don't have to give her notice, she's not a tenant. She's disrespectful and a sponger so has brought it on herself. She doesn't have to save for her own purchase deposit. She's had the chance to do that and has chosen not to, fair enough, she's an adult. The choice isn't "live with parents or buy a house". She can go rent, which is what most people do. Either house share or alone, depending on costs in your area and how much percent of her income she's preferring to spend on rent.

If you lived alone (and she did not live with you), I believe you would be entitled to a council tax reduction? Plus the water and energy bills would likely be cheaper.

IMO you should be charging her half of the total for council tax, water, energy and Broadband (assuming you have no rent to pay).

I believe you. Some people are just very well off and can afford to do this without compromising their own lifestyles. I believe this is where her sense of entitlement may have partly come from. She believes she should have what her friends have.

The problem is you haven't set boundaries. You've stated your wishes, but you haven't followed through with any consequences when DD failed to comply. Having boundaries means, well, having them. Not expecting someone else to give them to you. Your DD doesn't have to agree with the boundaries, she just has to comply with them. You're now at the point of needing to crack on with the Or Else part of the equation.

all household costs divided by 2 - simple

plus charge her extra for being an entitled brat!

She’s 26 and on a good wage surely splitting the bills 50/50 would be the fair thing to do? Even if you then put so much of it away without her knowing so if she does eventually move out you can gift her some back to help buy things or contribute to her deposit?

I would ask her for 50% of all bills- but then put half of would she gives you, into a savings account for her future. Encourage her to save or she’ll regret it later on xx

You do realise you are basically supplementing your daughter's income by not charging her anything, so no wonder she doesn't want to go for promotion or move out!
You say she is stubborn: well no wonder if that means she gets her way!
Sorry OP you have a limpet-like moocher in your house.
Have you considered selling up (if you own) and buying something smaller and inconvenient for her, forcing her to get her own place? Otherwise it's hard to see how else to get her to change!
(Yes I know drastic and absurd!)

Not the water bills as long as no-one has put a meter in - having one devalues a family property btw. One good reason not to buy a new-build as well.

Not the water bills as long as no-one has put a meter in - having one devalues a family property btw. One good reason not to buy a new-build as well.

really - when I had the house valued no one asked about a water meter

I know this is unrelated, but why would you switch off a plug pocket that has nothing in it? From my understanding the UK has switches on their plug sockets so that you can switch an appliance off without actually unplugging it? Am just genuinely curious, I grew up in a part of the world that saw no need for switches on plug sockets, and therefore their existence has always baffled me.

Absolutely she could contribute, I can't believe this is even a question with the info you've given. Xx

My 16 year old contributes towards our household. I cannot believe a 26 year old would be so lazy!!!!

£500 a month minimum or tell her she needs to get her own place. She's 26 not 16!

No life lessons being learned here. I’m sorry your daughter is treating you like this .

Yet you continue to do so... My son was out of college and ended up not going to uni (his choice for various reasons - fine). From the start of the new term , he was expected to contribute, as an adult, as an adult in the real world.
I think you know what the problem is but you are too scared to see it though. Bite the bullet! In the long run, you will be helping him. Currently you are contributing to his future difficulties.

*her

But if you are on a low wage you would claim UC to help pay your rent