Thinking of Charging my Daughter Rent

[DancePrance]

Good Evening,

My daughter is approaching 26 and still lives at home, I'm a single mum, it's the two of us. She has a very well paid job with the option to triple her salary, but says she doesn't want to move out. She has expensive taste and all her money goes on her (holidays, clothes, Ubers), she doesn't save. She's lovely, though for years we've locked heads as I enjoy a clean and organised home whereas she's untidy, leaves her mess everywhere, doesn't contribute to housework unless asked and even then it's a chore to get her to do anything. She wouldn't even think to load the washing machine, pick up the hoover, wash her dishes, buy weekly groceries for the house, take out the bins or anything. I'm shattered and she stresses me out!

I've always felt that one day she should contribute to the home she lives in as this is part of her maturing and becoming financially responsible. She leaves lights on, plug sockets switched on with no device attached, wastes food, takes long showers, so last month I said it's only fair she contributes 50% for energy bills. But now I feel she should pay a little rent too. I want her to know the value of money and feel pride for her achievements.

She begrudges having to contribute physically towards our home let alone financially. Really, I'd like her to move out, but she says she doesn't want to leave and feels I'm mean for asking her to move out or request money for the home she lives in. I love her, but feel I'm starting to resent her being home and her levels of selfishness are impacting me.

How much should I charge her for rent (whilst she's still at home)/ Is £15 per day too much? Please help 🙏

What on earth? You are doing her no favours allowing her a free ride like this, its not as if she is saving or using her money wisely. And she isn't even grateful! Of course she should be paying into the house, and doing her share of household chores. And I would suggest 15 quid a day isn't enough.

You have given your daughter a completely skewed view of adulthood. She should have been using this time to save aggressively for her own home. This is such a key time and it has just been wasted.

if she won’t save independently, then she needs to pay you a rent that not only covers her expenses, but allows you to set aside money for her.

I'd be inclined to charge her half of what she'd pay for a one bed flat in the area you live, she's 26 not 16. She sounds like a spoilt brat. My kids will always have a home but if they are earning good money and still at home, they'd either need to save or travel, I'd support them. I wouldn't just be used for board and cleaning

She needs to be paying 50% of ALL bills, food, rent, utilities. She also needs to be doing 50% of the housework. You're not doing her any favours treating her like this. She sounds like an entitled 16 year old rather the a 26 year old adult. My parents put up with this for far to long and now my sibling is an entitled 16 year old in the body of a 40 year old. She and my parents all resent each other and the situation massively, but they're all too codependent to do anything about it. Its no way to live your life.

50% of the bills and pulls her weight around the house.

You say she’s lovely but she sounds a disgrace tbh. But sounds like you’ve enabled it.

The bare minimum she should be doing is paying 50% of all bills including council tax, as she’ll be stopping you from getting single person’s allowance.

Also stop doing any chore or housework for her. Don’t do any washing for her etc.

Sit her down today and explain how things are going to be from now on. You’ve had enough. If she doesn’t like it, please direct her here https://m.spareroom.co.uk/

My 13 year old contributes more to my household than your 26 year old!!

He doesn't pay rent but he does chores?

She's taking the piss out of you.

OP - yes she should contribute to the household finances and chores.

A few options re bills - why not have her cover 100% of electricity and you cover the others. You would be surprised how energy efficient she will become!

Your daughter should be completely responsible for her own washing/cleaning of her bedroom including sheets/towels linen. Perhaps you could suggest she could pay for a cleaner every second week if she doesn’t want to share the rest of the household load.

Start with asking her what she thinks is fair? Ie explain the bills you have each month (including groceries) and the chores you do and ask her what she is willing to pick up/pay and go from there. Remind her that you always want her to feel welcome in her home but you need some financial and physical help.

Do you cook for her op? If so, i’d also stop doing that.

She’s majorly been taking the piss. Why have you let this happen for so long?

I would charge her 3/4 of the going rate of what she’d be paying per month all inclusive of bills to live with one person. Where I live that would be £600, in London that would be double. Check out the SpareRoom website linked above and tell her to take her chances in the real world if she doesn’t like your ultimatum.

Of course she should be paying her way. Is it just you and her? If so, 50% of everything. If she won't contribute to chores, charge her extra for cleaning time. Time for her to be an adult.

I do understand there are sometimes mitigating circumstances where we might help adult kids more but it doesn't sound like this applies to your daughter.

50% of all the bills, including food, and if she doesn't contribute towards the housework she pays for a cleaner.

My dp charged me 50% of my take home pay to continue to live at home. It was a sure fire way to make sure I left home I think .

Wow i was brought up to be self sufficient .By 16 i did my own washing, i always did jobs around the house plus my bedroom tidy, own bedding etc: I also had my own money from an apprenticeship and yes paid rent even on a training wage i moved out at twenty a functioning adult.

Its fine for families than can afford it to help their children out but she’s a fully fledged adult taking the piss. Even if you didn’t need the rent i’d take it and use it to help her save. i have family members at their homes in their twenties but they pay rent and are expected to help keep the house.

If she suddenly decides to move out she is going to have a shock at the cost of everything and how to look after it! She may then turn to the bank and help of mum!

You shouldn’t have to but to get her in the habit draw up a rota maybe. IF you would like her to move out then you have to stop making it so nice and letting her act like this.

I feel like you should definitely ask for a contribution but £15 per day sounds like a lot from not paying anything and if you do want her to move out to have to pay that monthly is going to make it harder for her to save. But do think she still needs to pull her weight and pay something.

I don’t think a 26 year old having to pay £450 a month for rent, bills, and food is too much at all.

It blows my mind when parents on here complain about their grown children still living at home and not contributing/paying digs. I had to move back home for 2 years about 15 years ago, I was mid twenties, earning nothing (about 16k pa) and had to pay £300 a month digs. In my parents eyes, I was earning so I contribute. I understand money can be a hard topic to bring up and it is your daughter at the end of the day but she is living the easy life of a teenager but with great finances basically! She's 26 - time to actually be an adult

WTF? This makes her sound 16. She's a 26 year old woman. Most adults her age are having to pay 4 figures towards rent and bills.

if you do want her to move out to have to pay that monthly is going to make it harder for her to save

True - except she's not saving now. She's just spending it all because someone else is bankrolling all of her living costs and doing all of her life chores as well.

I like the idea of her taking over the electricity bill, that would certainly help cut down on the wastefulness. But fundamentally it's (way past) time for her to learn the value of money and the time it takes to run a household.

Of course you should. The unreasonable thing was not starting as soon as she left full time education and started having her own income.

Look on the spareroom website to see what the going rate is for a room in a shared house in yout area and charge her about 75% of that as rent, plus about a third of your regular household bills and fiod costs (so you are still subsiding her a bit but not too much)

It's irresponsible parenting to allow yoing adult offspring to live with no expenses and thus be able to spend 100% of their take-home pay as disposable income. That makes it so much more difficult for them to ever learn to live within their means.

Sounds like one of these Bot posts. Where has the OP gone?

My 18yo and 16yo contribute more than your 26year old daughter at home. They keep any money they earn at the moment as are in education but they know as soon as they finish they will be expected to pay rent and a share of bills. If at that time I don’t need their contributions I’ll save it for them.

Your daughter is spoilt and entitled. Ask her to pay 50% of everything, except electricity, which sounds like 75% would be fair, if she won’t use it responsibly, and she should pay 100% for a cleaner if she won’t help round the house. You can discreetly save some of that money to give her a deposit on her own place when she finds one.

I expect from your post that she might refuse, in which case consider moving out from under her to a new home that doesn’t have room for her. You’ll both be happier in the long run.

Sit her down and tell her if she has absolutely no intentions of moving out she has to contribute. Have a list of chores for her, remind her her washing and her room are her own personal tasked, decide which dinners she responsible for making each week etc and finally what rent she will pay in addition to bills. If she doesn't like it then she can get her own place. She is taking the piss and you will be subsidising her for years to come. But if you want her to move out just tell her it's time and give her a couple of months to get herself sorted, she has money and potential to make more she just doesn't want to use it for real life stuff

I'd be charging 50% and expecting her to pull her weight like an adult. If she didn't like it she could try behaving like that elsewhere. Although I would probably put half the money aside to help her save for a deposit and facilitate her leaving.

When I was 17 I started a national traineeship, I think I was paid about £160 a month and I had to put £60 towards the house.

By the time I left home at 25 that was up to around £300 a month, which was roughly half of what I paid splitting the rent and bills for my first flat with my girlfriend.