Thinking of Charging my Daughter Rent

[DancePrance]

Good Evening,

My daughter is approaching 26 and still lives at home, I'm a single mum, it's the two of us. She has a very well paid job with the option to triple her salary, but says she doesn't want to move out. She has expensive taste and all her money goes on her (holidays, clothes, Ubers), she doesn't save. She's lovely, though for years we've locked heads as I enjoy a clean and organised home whereas she's untidy, leaves her mess everywhere, doesn't contribute to housework unless asked and even then it's a chore to get her to do anything. She wouldn't even think to load the washing machine, pick up the hoover, wash her dishes, buy weekly groceries for the house, take out the bins or anything. I'm shattered and she stresses me out!

I've always felt that one day she should contribute to the home she lives in as this is part of her maturing and becoming financially responsible. She leaves lights on, plug sockets switched on with no device attached, wastes food, takes long showers, so last month I said it's only fair she contributes 50% for energy bills. But now I feel she should pay a little rent too. I want her to know the value of money and feel pride for her achievements.

She begrudges having to contribute physically towards our home let alone financially. Really, I'd like her to move out, but she says she doesn't want to leave and feels I'm mean for asking her to move out or request money for the home she lives in. I love her, but feel I'm starting to resent her being home and her levels of selfishness are impacting me.

How much should I charge her for rent (whilst she's still at home)/ Is £15 per day too much? Please help 🙏

It is our responsibility to teach our children how to be prepared for the outside world. Charge her 50% of all your standard bills - rent/mortgage, council tax, Internet, paid for tv, gas, electric, water and groceries etc. The reason she doesn't want to leave home is because she has an easy ride with full maid service. Stop doing her laundry and cleaning too, you're her mam, not her skivvy.
She may sulk, argue, kick off and threaten to leave home but she won't find anywhere else for the same money and for what you provide. Stand firm, she'll come round.

i agree with you while kids are living at home they should be saving all of their money they will never be able to balance the books if they are not shown how to live in the real world nee to get to do things around the house it costs money there are 2 of us working and we do not get much left over after bills she could pay towards the gas-electric food.

Your daughter should be embarrassed free loading off you like that! She's a grown adult with a good wage, she should not be willing to see you struggle financially or with the house work. 450 a month for rent and bills is a bargain! She won't get that else where. Time to sit down and have a "grown up" chat with her. If she refuses then you have a choice, let her keep free loading or set her free into the real world. She will soon realize how easy she had it

Absolutely you should be charging her rent ... what's the going rate for rent in your local area? If you want her to move out price up, if you want her to stay then price down a bit. But at the end if the day she's earning, she should be contributing. I told our kids as soon as child benefit stopped that they would need to contribute that as a bare minimum and as they move into paid roles then they know rent will be expected to be paid. When I started work my parents asked how much I was earning, foolishly I told them, Dad set my rent at 50% ... it was harsh, but got me used to the real world. I now have my own home and pay a mortgage and the bills come to more than half salary ... its a tough lesson but one that she needs to learn. And she will thank you in the long run.

This is a very personal issue but this is how my parents made me and my siblings pay rent. They charged us because they needed the money so there was no getting it back when we moved out for a deposit ect which I know some people do.
When you get your first job (Saturday job or part time job) any money over £150 pcm up to £50
Once you’re 18 if you’re not in education and work full time £200 pcm, if you’re in full time education or only work part time £100
Once you’re 21 £250 pcm
It wasn’t set in stone and it was flexible but from the age of about 14/15 they explained how much bills were and sent us to do food shops so we would know how to run a house and budget and I think that helped. I do think you’re in for a struggle trying to get her to change at 26 though, it’s not impossible and you can’t change the past now, but you’re better starting now than tomorrow.

Jesus wept. She can pay 50% of the household costs in her current home, or she can move out and pay 100% of the running costs of her own home.

My 20 year old daughter pays £400 per month to me. She works full time but earns less than me (her dad has no income at the moment). I did a full breakdown of all costs of the household including petrol costs, as I give her a lot of lifts, then split off any that weren't relevant to her (tv subscriptions she doesn't use etc), then thirded what was left whch came to almost £500. Then we discussed the amount and settled on the £400 as a fair figure since she is also saving £500 per month towards a deposit for when she moves out. I wish I could afford to just save the £400 each month to give to her when she leaves but my finances would not allow for that... plus she still has much more disposable income than I do for nights out and clothes so I try not to feel bad!

She normally does her own washing and cleans the house better than her dad although I've noticed she never washes up! I would not stand for my child contributing nothing!

The dead bird under the nest never learned to fly.

For context I am 28, I earn 28k I own my own home (with help from my dad though) and have since 24, married and pay 50% of the household costs. I have a child and until recently was paying 50% of her nursery costs (she’s at school now). I paid £180 a month from when I started my first job (earning about 14k) until I moved out at 19. I think it’s more than reasonable to have her pay at least a third of your household costs especially if she’s not saving.

i'd ask for half of all household bills, if she earns the money, eats the food, uses the utilities and expects a maid thrown in too!!! you've been too soft and she's been living the life of reilly for too long. stop everything you do that benefits her, even for a week and she'll soon realise what you do for her and if she doesn't like it she can move out - win win

Crikey, you’re a saint (martyr?)

As others have said, 50/50.

Shes 26. Was expecting 18.

I agree. 2 adults living together should really be equal payers surely? She's not a child, however, I get she's your daughter so it's hard to know where to draw the line sometimes! I think look at her paying between 30% and 50% of all house costs to be honest! This is effectively a house share where one person isn't paying their way.

You've got a 26 year old sponge!

If in full time work, she should Def pay rent, will teach the value of money and she needs to pull her weight with chores too. I personally would look at how much it is to rent a room in your area and charge about 75% of that price bills included as long as she doesn't take the Mick.

My plan when my kids are old enough is to charge rent once earning full time but if finances allow will give it back to them for their own home as a deposit etc, but who knows what will happen by then as my eldest is only 3 lol.

She should be ashamed of herself for leeching off you financially and physically.

Omg I never understand these threads. I was 17 when I got a YTS £35/week, I had to pay £20 board leaving me with £15 a week. I got a second job, my board went up. I’d have had my arse tanned if I didn’t contribute to housework. But I’d been pulling my weight from childhood as I was taught we all live in the house we all do jobs to keep it. Even my 6yo contributes to household chores, if she dosnt, no pocket money.

Why are you only thinking of charging her rent? Of course she should pay bloody rent, you've raised a leech who would rather live at home at 26 because she can sponge off you. She's a grown up, not a child. Charge her half of all bills and get her to set up a standing order. If she doesn't like it she can leave and go into a house share. And the parents of her friends who give their working children an allowance and pay their rent are mugs.

This is insane. She needs to move out for her own good as much as yours. I'm 35, saved hard on a student stipend and part-time jobs while paying rent, then bought a fixer-upper with DH when we were both 28. I appreciate it's more expensive when you're not part of a couple, but she is being incredibly manipulative and spoiled not paying you anything or saving anything.

You must stop enabling her. It doesn't matter what her even-more-spoiled friends' parents do.

"Really, I'd like her to move out..."

There is your answer: the sky is the limit for how much rent you want to charge her! If she can triple her salary, I would suggest maybe charging her current salary?!

You could say that you were looking at your pension forecast and it is so much worse than you thought, you have less years of contributions... or there was an investment you had she does not know about, but now it has collapsed... so you are going to have to get a lodger and daughter has to move out. That way, she may come to you with an offer herself.

Yes I would charge her rent, and if you don't need the money I would save it for her so one day she does have a deposit if not saving. (Wouldn't tell her this of course). I would also charge her a share of the bills. She is an adult and needa the responsibility.

she definitely need to contribute. I’d say rent OR bills.

Especially seeing as her mum is doing all the cleaning, washing, cooking and the daughter does absolutely naff all and wastes all the money that she does earn.

£450 is nothing at all, and the mum could choose to 'save' all or some of it for her.

You're holding back your daughter from a huge rite of passage - the fun of living in a (crap) flat with your friends, the pride in supporting yourself, the self-confidence that comes from moving away and reshaping your relationship with your parent as an adult, not a child.

If you want the best for her you need to gently nudge her on.

Tell her to move out!

When I was 11 I had a paper round, I did morning and evening and was paid £15 per week.
My Dad took £15 per month from me as a a nominal payment.
When I was old enough to work in our pub, I paid a reasonable but still quite generous (from them) rent.
My brother was the same.
Support your children by all means, but your daughter is a 26yr old adult that has no money management skills...she should be paying at least £300 per month as a contribution, because it would cost a deal more than that to move out, even if she moved into a house/flat share...