Thinking of Charging my Daughter Rent

[DancePrance]

Good Evening,

My daughter is approaching 26 and still lives at home, I'm a single mum, it's the two of us. She has a very well paid job with the option to triple her salary, but says she doesn't want to move out. She has expensive taste and all her money goes on her (holidays, clothes, Ubers), she doesn't save. She's lovely, though for years we've locked heads as I enjoy a clean and organised home whereas she's untidy, leaves her mess everywhere, doesn't contribute to housework unless asked and even then it's a chore to get her to do anything. She wouldn't even think to load the washing machine, pick up the hoover, wash her dishes, buy weekly groceries for the house, take out the bins or anything. I'm shattered and she stresses me out!

I've always felt that one day she should contribute to the home she lives in as this is part of her maturing and becoming financially responsible. She leaves lights on, plug sockets switched on with no device attached, wastes food, takes long showers, so last month I said it's only fair she contributes 50% for energy bills. But now I feel she should pay a little rent too. I want her to know the value of money and feel pride for her achievements.

She begrudges having to contribute physically towards our home let alone financially. Really, I'd like her to move out, but she says she doesn't want to leave and feels I'm mean for asking her to move out or request money for the home she lives in. I love her, but feel I'm starting to resent her being home and her levels of selfishness are impacting me.

How much should I charge her for rent (whilst she's still at home)/ Is £15 per day too much? Please help 🙏

We always said we would charge rent at 50% of what they should expect to pay and put it in savings so that if we had dire straits we could access or more hopefully, give it to the kids as help once they decided to move out on their own. 50% reduction allows them to save and allows them to understand what adulting is without penalizing them. It was loads of tears to explain and start payments but it worked and the "gift" was appreciated after they saved to move out - hopefully so for the next two too! Best of luck.

She has now paid for a cleaner to come once a week, though things still need to be done as and when throughout the week.

As for the proper talks, I've lost count how many times we've had those. Personally, I feel she should move out as she never sticks to her word about contributing then gaslights me by calling me controlling and a neat freak when I tell her about her to tidy.

She has two options pay rent and a cleaner at your home, or she moves out. What she can afford is none of your business op. You're trying to fix it for her, she's an adult, let her decide what she wants to do - end of the day she'll be worse off with either scenario. If she refuses tell her you'll be removing her from your home. She won't be homeless, she'll just have to curb her spending

If you want her to move out, you have to make it unpleasant to be there. So yes, £15 per day is fine, if a little low actually. I wouldn’t do per day, I would do £450 per month as that it what she would paying for her rent. Every April that amount is subject to an increase of at least 7% but could be higher. 50% of all bills including energy and food. 50% of all household chores, if she doesn’t then she needs to paying for a cleaner for her half of the household chores.

I wouldn’t make the rent too high to begin with so that she can (in theory) save for a deposit on a rental (or maybe even for a house, depending on where you are). If she doesn’t contribute, ask her to move out. She isn’t treating with you respect and you shouldn’t have to live with someone who doesn’t respect you.

For a while now, I only cook if I'm hungry and she'll sometimes have whatever I've cooked and sometimes she cooks too.

I had a feeling there was a controlling element to your relationship as in her controlling you. This is your financial and emotional wellbeing that are suffering. Could a family member or friend intervene somehow?

As a last resort, I would be tempted to consider chucking her out, after changing the locks. You can’t go on like this.

Just for comparison my niece has moved out of her mum's house and is living abroad earning more than her mum so she sends her money every month because she thinks she should.
She is a star.
This is a rod you've created for your own back though - but I can empathize, I'm way too soft on my kids.

Rent in our area is about £2k per month minimum. She's aware of rental costs as her besties have their own apartments, so she has gone with them for viewings and researched online for them, but their parents pay for everything.

The amount should be based on where she lives/works as its hugely variable.
We know based on their friends what rent costs in the area as well as doing some research of our own. We said we would charge 50% of a studio apartment or 50% of there contribution with a roommate whichever was lower (they have some friends who share a flat with two others so the contribution is less than 50% of a studio flat. We gave 3 months notice that it was to start and had it sent by transfer on payday.

She can do what must functioning and working people in their twenties do - share a house or flat, so no need to spend £2K per month on rent.

All of the above except she doesn't have a car.

This is so surprising to me that parents are paying their grown kids’ rent!!! I do understand paying their rent if they’re studying, but to pay the rent of a gainfully employed adult…? I didn’t even realise that this is something that so many do! And it’s ALL of her friends? Has she asked you to fund her flat once she moves out? Are you certain DD’s not making the story up, to discourage you from charging rent?

2K a month rent 😮 Presumably most people live in different areas or cheaper accommodation?

There are actually loads of stories about this now and the worrying trend as parents put themselves in financial jeopardy to do it; but so many kids expect it. Also things have gotten crazy expensive and it seems the only way for kids to make it these days is with parental support up to their 30's, unlike the "old days" where you could get a decent job and have a decent life. Now a decent job seems to pay for bare minimums. I understand the problem, I admit I don't know of the solution and I worry hugely for my kids and their generation as it seems so much harder these days!

Present her with an invoice for 50% of all bills and a rental fee. Along with this, give her a list of those chores that you expect her to do. Tell her she will get one every month.

If she cuts up rough then tell her it is this or she has to leave. No discussions.

Goodness. Now this is something I haven’t been saving toward!!! Surely this must also help to inflate the price of rentals, as young workers are having their rents subsidised by family.

Most people share houses or flats at a much lower amount of money. I think the daughter’s lying about her friends parents happily paying £2K a month in rent for their kids.

"Personally, I feel she should move out"

If this is what you want, make it happen:

Unfortunately we have loads of politicians who don't understand economics and so these grand sounding ideas lead to rampant inflation until the pain becomes unbearable. Look at California's new fast food worker minimum wage - everything has gone up in price immediately and the effects will keep pressure to keep raising prices. When the average family had two paychecks, home/rental prices went up to absorb the "extra" then leveled off. As I said, I have no idea of the solution but if we keep racing inflation, inflation always wins.

I am a single parent and I will subsidise DD as much as I can for as long as she is in education whether that is college or uni. However, she will also have to get a job as I can't pay for everything.

But once she is out working and earning a full time wage, then she will need to pay half of all bills and food etc. I will continue to pay the mortgage, although am intending to put half the house in her name at a suitable time.

Your DD is 26 and is yet to make the transition from child to adult in your household. That often happens after they move out, but if she wants to continue to live there and you are happy for her to, then things really do need to change.

She needs to give you money as soon as she is paid and learn to live within her means. There are too many entitled people around now, who don't appreciate having to work or save for what they want, they just expect it.

If she doesn't like it, she can move out and see how far her money gets her then

Mumsnet drives me mad sometimes. Do you know how many threads there are up in arms about charging a working 19-21 year old rent? Hundreds at least! But do you know what you get after the 19 year old gets used to a full time wage and not paying bills? This situation, a 26 year old with no value of money, treating her mother like crap and the house like a hotel.

Please do charge her rent OP, and half of the other bills, and split the chores list of the house in half. You are BOTH adults, and BOTH need to contribute accordingly.

To be fair, MN is a variety of opinions and there are generally as many "charge your adult child at least token rent" responses as "I could never charge my child to live at home" threads.

But then the stereotypical MN has a child who goes to Oxbridge, or at worst a Russell Group university at age 18, where they are fully financially supported by their parents before getting a super well paid job. They then move in with their parents during which time they save virtually all their salary and with the considerable help of Mum and Dad, after about 2 years, they are in a position to buy their own place and move out.

Back in the real world, some families need their child to contribute, and some children will have no interest in saving when they can enjoy life spending.

I think it is ridiculous that 2 adults sharing a house need a cleaner! I would not allow that in my house.. regardless of who is paying.. if she doesnt want to pay 50/50 with everything bar your mortgage then she needs to move out. She thinks she is an adult so why are you enabling her to act like a child?

Amd she does half the cleaning etc.. ALL her own laundry , ironing etc..

I cannot for the life of me understand how you have kept this running so wrong for so many years. Where is your self-respect? Your daughter needs to learn to pay her way in life and to not be a freeloader. She won't respect you. She needs to learn to be more considerate of you and others by being clean and tidy.in addition she should have learned money management years ago.

Sit her down and say ‘as of June 1st I’m charging you rent Sarah. £500 a month all in. That’s still a bargain as I’m not charging you for bills. If you’re still here June 1st 2025 it’s going to be £600 a month and half of all bills. It’s nonnegotiable.’