Thinking of Charging my Daughter Rent

[DancePrance]

Good Evening,

My daughter is approaching 26 and still lives at home, I'm a single mum, it's the two of us. She has a very well paid job with the option to triple her salary, but says she doesn't want to move out. She has expensive taste and all her money goes on her (holidays, clothes, Ubers), she doesn't save. She's lovely, though for years we've locked heads as I enjoy a clean and organised home whereas she's untidy, leaves her mess everywhere, doesn't contribute to housework unless asked and even then it's a chore to get her to do anything. She wouldn't even think to load the washing machine, pick up the hoover, wash her dishes, buy weekly groceries for the house, take out the bins or anything. I'm shattered and she stresses me out!

I've always felt that one day she should contribute to the home she lives in as this is part of her maturing and becoming financially responsible. She leaves lights on, plug sockets switched on with no device attached, wastes food, takes long showers, so last month I said it's only fair she contributes 50% for energy bills. But now I feel she should pay a little rent too. I want her to know the value of money and feel pride for her achievements.

She begrudges having to contribute physically towards our home let alone financially. Really, I'd like her to move out, but she says she doesn't want to leave and feels I'm mean for asking her to move out or request money for the home she lives in. I love her, but feel I'm starting to resent her being home and her levels of selfishness are impacting me.

How much should I charge her for rent (whilst she's still at home)/ Is £15 per day too much? Please help 🙏

Based on what you've said, I would tell her she has to move out. She will clearly take the piss for as long as she lives with you and will never grow up.

She's badly overdue the sharp shock of paying her own way and living with people who aren't Mummy and won't run around after you, period. Sometimes it's the only way.

Aw feel that your giving nature has been taken advantage of and you are creating a monster if you don't.

Have a good talk tonight after dinner.

Tell her you are really struggling about her selfish attitude and it's making you really anxious and sad (so she knows the impact it's having on you). Tell her she needs to pay you £500 per month and half of the electricity bill from 1st May and get her to transfer £500.

Then she will need to set up a direct debit to you now ready for next month, as you'll need 2 weeks notice for the bank.

Have an attitude of calm determination.

Don't take any cheek or talk back. This needs action ASAP as it's affecting your quality of life and she has had enough.

It's one thing keeping up with friends, it's another stepping on your mums happiness to keep up a lifestyle facade. Dont enable it xxx
Good luck, you're a great mum and now she needs some tough love 💝

2k for what?
Tell her you renting her room on spareroom as you need the money
She can pay 1k or move out

You will never get rid of her
She knows your a soft touch and she's on to a good thing freeloading of u.
She will still be there when she's 40
She's got no reason to move out and your not going to force the issue

You will never get rid of her
I'm assuming that the DD is expecting to find a rich man to keep her in the same manner, although to be frank with no domestic skills she's not looking like a great bet for a rich guy to support any more than for the OP!

Tell her you want her to move out! Tell her you are getting a paying lodger in. Give a date. 60 days time.
Start looking at rooms-to-rent prices. Get pro-active.
WHSmiths sell Lodger/Tenancy Contracts. Get one of those. Clear out a cupboard 'for the lodger'
Come on @DancePrance hoik up your big girl pants and do not back down.
You have supported her 100% and she has walked over you 100%.

If she disagrees and tries to negotiate, if she says she will start paying her way, get 50% bills up front for the month ahead ON HER PAYDAY by standing order. No ifs or buts or whinging excuses.
Absolute disgrace a grown woman WON'T clean up after her self.
Oooh I am seething for you op.

She's 26!!!! She's a fully grown adult who should be living independently and managing her own life. Why on earth is she still living with her mother (and worse, giving you attitude like someone half her age).

Seriously, you're not doing her any favours. She's not even progressing professionally, because she has no need to. She doesn't need the money because mum's funding her life.

She's failing to launch, and as a parent you've failed her by letting this happen. You need to tell her that it's time to be independent. She should be mortified that she's so immature and dependent on you, frankly.

I’m amazed at the number of parents in threads like this one who have mollycoddled their children, bringing them up to be selfish, greedy and inconsiderate. It does them no favours. You should have started how you meant to go on. At the outset you should have set the contribution required, and made a list of all the household chores she was expected to do. You say she is lovely- I can’t see anything lovely about this woman, who has taken advantage of you, but then again, as some else said you have enabled this awful behaviour!

Half bills plus food or £600 at least - a month in advance on pay day
Why are you subsidising her lifestyle and impoverishing yourself?

50% of all bills excluding mortgage then £100 a week rent, then all half of chores or 50% of cost of weekly cleaner

My DS moved out last July. I charged him £300 pcm to cover everything. He did however cook for us all and do his share around the house.

Bargain!

He was saving for his deposit and he did his fair share around the home and he looked after our dogs and cats when we were on holiday. If I had needed the money I'd have charged him a bit more but he is my youngest.

No lies. I've known her best friends since they were kids and know the parents. Her friends have full time jobs, but the parents pay their rent, all bills and still give them a monthly allowance. I refuse to do this with my daughter.

Quite rightly @DancePrance paying an allowance to a grown adult is infantilising them and really unhelpful in the long run.

If your preference is for her to move out, tell her that and give her a month or two to find somewhere else to stay. She’s earning a decent salary, not using your kindness to save for her future and not respecting your living space - time for her to stand on her own two feet now.

She is 26, on a very good salary and you aren’t charging her rent?!
Depends on what she is on, but £500 a month wouldn’t be unreasonable

If you love your daughter and I have no doubt that you do, then the kindest thing to do is to make a change immediately, rather than let your understandable resentment build and affect your relationship.

She can either pay her way fairly as an adult in your home and contribute to the household tasks 50%, or find elswehere to do it. If she can't work out that the smart thing to do would be to pull her finger out and take a reasonable deal when you offer it, then she will have to learn the hard way and find someone else to house share with.

You can't do it for her OP and you're doing her a disservice by trying.

This HAS to be a wind up? Surely?

She doesn't sound 'lovely' she sounds hideous. And that's on you. You've raised her to be like this and enabled her until the big old age of 26 before you've started to realise she might actually start needing to act like an adult? 😂

450 a month (15 per day) plus bills is a reasonable starting point. Its quite a significant amount if she is currently paying nothing and she will need to budget...but it's not going to leave her with nothing.
But she should also be helping round the house.

If she wants to stay (and you're willing) I'd make her set up two standing orders on her banking app/online banking - one to you for £500 p/m, the other to a savings account (preferably an ISA where the money is locked in for a period of time) for £500.

The cleaner is a start, but it's not everything.

Have you ever asked her what her long-term plans are? Does she think she'll ever move out of your house? No judgement if you're both happy with each other's company, but it has to be as two adults house sharing, not an adult/child dynamic.

Can I come and live with you?

I feel compelled to share my two pence worth.

Firstly, her rent should in my opinion be a percentage of her earnings. Not a flat rate. Quite rightly OP you have not disclosed her salary but you have suggested she might soon earn 3 x what she was on before. Even if her current role is NMW then that could mean she is earning pre tax £5k a month.

Secondly, whilst my parents didn't offer hand outs as such, I am now in substantial debt as in the early days when my mortgage / rent was very low I spent my disposable income much like your daughter did. I got extreme 'keeping up with the Jones' syndrome' and it has crippled me financially. I have realised my mistake in my 30's and just before I had to sell my house and refinance etc. By delaying the life lesson of living within your means and the true cost of living she does run the risk of having to bailed out for life.

Have you discussed her longer term plan with her. Is she hoping to buy one day, or rent on her own, or do you suspect she is waiting for a relationship to ensure she is looked after by someone else and still maintain her life style. By understanding her longer term plan I think you could pose all this to her as helping her plan.

My suggestion would be that she is charged 25% of her take home pay every month minimum, but I would suggest you offer to take 35% and you save an amount of it every month to help her realise her longer term plans. You have the heart of gold, that is evident but in being so kind the risk is she will run into problems further down the road by not learning the power of her money.

I am not sure who she banks with but I have found Monzo amazing at teaching me the power of money. My pay comes in, I set aside all my bill money and then split out the remaining between food, petrol, travel, clothes, holidays etc. I therefore decide at the beginning of the month where every single penny of my money is going to go and it really helps learn some lesson.

My mum always charged us 1/3 of our earnings, even when it was just a Saturday job, whatever we earned.

I think when my brother stayed at home long term she did start saving some of his "rent" in an account for him as it was significant. He even bought a house then didn't live in it for about 5 years because he had it so easy. Eventually she hired a van and took his bed to his house. He got home, went to his room, came down and said "where's my bed?" And mum said "At your house. Where you live now". He was 28, and on good money as an engineer with Rolls Royce.

A room in a shared house would never cost less than £100/wk, more with bills included, so £15 a day sounds reasonable to me.

Your daughter is coasting and needs a kick up the backside.

Why have you allowed this situation to continue?!

It's quite simple, pay up, shape up or ship out!

From the day she started earning money, she should have been contributing something. And it was your responsibility as a parent to make that happened so that she didn't go into adulthood thinking life was a free ride.

Both my sons did apprenticeships. Their training wage was £550 a month. They each paid £50 a month rent, became responsible for the cost of their phone contracts, travel passes and activities.

As they moved into better paying jobs, their household contributions increased.

Half of everything including housework or find somewhere else to live! You've been taken for a ride long enough. Good Luck