Are others really living a comfortable lifestyle or is it all smoke and mirrors?

[peanuts18]

Most people I know with children live in nice houses, have foreign holidays or new extensions, kitchens or new cars, eat out, days out to London or weekends away etc. How do they all afford it even a car on HP is several hundred a month?

I work part time (ds is only 7), oh works full time but is self employed so work can be a little up and down and no sick or holiday pay, have a fairly small mortgage (£600pm) but we really struggle. No savings, always in overdraft, no eating out, 1 cheap week to Spain in the last 15 years which set us back for months and months. I don’t smoke or drink and buy supermarket/primark clothes. No loans or car payments only a CC with about £1,000 on.

Am I missing something here as how do others do it or is it all smoke and mirrors and they are living on loans and credit cards, I really don’t get it??

They earn more money than you…?

We love comfortably but until a few years ago I worked full time. DH is self employed buy makes a good consistent living.

Can you do full time? Part time is a bit of a luxury if you're struggling.

Your ds is seven and at school so why the need for part time hours. It’s a luxury you can’t afford

They obviously earn more money than you do 🤷‍♀️

Surely they either are putting it on credit cards or earn more money? I do t think there’s any big secret to it!

Without knowing the details of your income vs your total outgoings, it’s impossible to say. But the likely answer is that most of them earn more money than you and your DP, either through commanding a higher salary or working more, or both.

Can you work more hours is the first question especially with a partner who is self employed?Maybe you could childmind children from your child’s school always a demand for after school care

I don't get the question . They obviously earn more than you or are you secretly thinking they are in debt with credit cards etc .

We both work full time. Even at minimum wage 2 full time jobs brings in £3k a month after tax.

We both work full time and sometimes take on additional freelance work.

It's also worth really really looking at whether self employment is truly paying for your DH?

Minimum wage 40 hours a week would give you a take home of about £1450 a month now, so the business needs to be bringing that home at least (or have both the potential to and a plan to expand/increase income).

You work PT and your OH is self employed so you have said income can be up and down.

I work full time and DH works full time. No matter what he have 2 full time wages coming in every week.

Agree with other posters. They earn more than you. They might have it all on credit, who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️ On two good wages, it's all possible.

I'm sorry youre going finding things difficult st the moment and i think you'll get a lot of replies from people who are in the exact same situation, if notworse. However, I feel it's a big mistake to compare yourself to others, whether they are better or worse off than you. I think it'll be more beneficial to concentrate your energies on what you can do, if anything, to improve your own situation.

What other people earn and what they decide to spend it on, whether they live on credit cards or are in huge amounts of debt, whether they have family money/support or have savings is really of no consequence. Knowing this will not help to improve your own life, will it?

Can you improve your skills in your chosen field or retrain? Maybe apply for promotions or other jobs where the prospects for advancement are better , for example? If you are in financial dire straits, have you checked to see if you are eligible for any government support?

A high proportion of people are pretty well off, either due to earning a lot more than the average (either singly or two earners), inheritances, being savvy with money saving, etc.

I think inheritances are a big thing nowadays as the "baby boomers" are now dying - i.e. those who benefitted from low house prices (then house price inflation after they bought), numerous "windfalls" from bank, utility and friendly society demutualisations/privatisations, inflation eroded their mortgages, gold plated defined benefit pension schemes, etc.

I also think people are genuinely unaware at wages levels for some jobs - all we hear are the low wages of care workers, shop workers, junior doctors, newly qualified nurses, etc., but we seldom hear about train/tube drivers on £50k, nurses on higher grades earning £40k, teachers on £40k, doctors/dentists when fully qualified/experienced on £100k, etc. Even manual workers like construction workers/lorry drivers are often on £50k plus if there's unsocial hours involved.

We are a 2 parent family working FT in difficult professional jobs - We might make it look easy, but behind the scenes it is a chaotic mess of childcare and eldercare clashes with work. Our family calendar and budget is very carefully planned and so many scenarios are mapped out you could mistake it for a military campaign. We even schedule in and budget time for spontaneity.

We are comfortable because we frankly worked our arses off to put ourselves in this position. I worked 60, 70 hours a week when I was younger as did my DH.

I'm definitely not saying you haven't worked your arse off too.

Just saying in our case it paid off.

Surely working part time (low wage) and being self employed (low wage) are a luxury that you’ve chosen to do? You could both work in full time employment, get subsidised childcare and bring in more money

Well they either earn more, have an alternate income, have lower overheads or are in debt. There's no great mystery to it.

Self employment is an indulgence if it doesn't bring in enough money.

We are comfortable as are the majority of my friends but we all work full time in professional careers.

Don't look at other people as their circumstances are different. Make the best of what you have.

Your DHs job should be paying him well above ft NMW, which is around £18k pa to account for no pension or holiday pay, is it?

Could you work more?

Look at transferring your overdraft to a 0% credit card, along with your existing credit card balance so you pay it off without it costing interest.

Go through all your bills and spending to check that you're getting the best price on phones, broadband etc and think about how much you spend on food and other variable spending. You can save loads by shopping around, which really makes a difference to the amount of disposable income you have.

Have a look at:

www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/money-help/

@Mombie2016 I agree. Part time and Self employed are choices. I work full time and wfh. DH works full time too. Things will change when you go full time.

Does he have the opportunity to grow his business? Can it be done in a reasonable timeframe? Are you sure he isn't squirreling his money away?

Sometimes you see the kitchen of one friend and the holidays of another and bustle then all together - what you might miss is how people are prioritising - not many people live a life with posh cars holidays AND kitchens and meals out and and and

Or you mix in unusual high income circles

According to Google the average wage for a full time worker is 38k and for a part time worker is 13k.
If you both earnt this much your take home woukd be roughly 3.5k a month. Which with a mortgage of £600 should leave plenty for some luxuries.
So maybe you both earn below average? Or you aren't good at managing your money?

@Mombie2016 that sounds suspiciously like a very unpopular comment a certain Tory MP made recently... "struggling financially? Just get a better job."

Few people can flex into well-paid FT work so quickly; there are thousands of personal reasons why not. Living rurally without access to good jobs. Family caring responsibilities. Poor health. The woeful shortage of good childcare isn't (in case you didn't notice, the Tories have brought our private childcare providers to their knees) and good jobs arent actually that easy to find. Not all schools have a breakfast club; there is a shortage of childminders all over; and most primary schools won't let kids through the gates until 8.40am. That's gives you very little time to get to your place of work and so rules out loads of jobs for many people.