Are others really living a comfortable lifestyle or is it all smoke and mirrors?

[peanuts18]

Most people I know with children live in nice houses, have foreign holidays or new extensions, kitchens or new cars, eat out, days out to London or weekends away etc. How do they all afford it even a car on HP is several hundred a month?

I work part time (ds is only 7), oh works full time but is self employed so work can be a little up and down and no sick or holiday pay, have a fairly small mortgage (£600pm) but we really struggle. No savings, always in overdraft, no eating out, 1 cheap week to Spain in the last 15 years which set us back for months and months. I don’t smoke or drink and buy supermarket/primark clothes. No loans or car payments only a CC with about £1,000 on.

Am I missing something here as how do others do it or is it all smoke and mirrors and they are living on loans and credit cards, I really don’t get it??

It sounds like you working part time and your DP being self-employed is not enough to support the lifestyle you want. Either you go full time, he gets employment, (or both) or you accept what you can afford.

I think it is also this. One friend commented on our 'life of luxury' and seemed confused about how we afford private schooling and lots of holidays and she can't.
I know that her and her husband socialise out loads, regularly spending £200 on nights out, multiple times a week. We tend to socialise cheaply. I buy pretty much all my clothes from charity shops whereas she is constantly ordering from asos.
They do earn more than us but only see the things that they don't have.

Are you married? If not, is your boyfriend paying in to a pension for you while you’re choosing to do part time hours?

We are a childfree household, doing well, both work part time. Raising a kid till it’s 18 costs over £270,000.

We’re comfortably off. We both work full time and are well paid. No huge secrets I’m afraid.

You’ve made some wild assumptions there. I grew up in and spent most of my adult life living in one of the most deprived areas in the UK, a childcare/public transport/job desert, so not only am I fully aware, I have plenty of lived experience.

Part time to full time on NMW would still be a lot more money.

OP doesn’t state how much her self employed DH brings in, it could be 10K a year for all we know.

Nowhere did I state well paid jobs. They also have a mortgage, so their incomes can’t be that bad, and they either saved to buy or were gifted money a deposit if their income has always been this low.

OP also states she only works part time as her child is “only 7” - whatever that means.

How much is your household income?

The obvious answer is we earn more than you. I work part time for £40k, DH works full time for £52k, so we have a household income of £92k. If I earnt less I would work full time as I value being able to afford luxuries and experiences for my DC.

It’s a shame when people get snippy, it’s a valid question.

Going back full time sounds obvious but it isn’t if you end up forking out more in commuting costs, childcare and so on.

One of the things I’ve found is that perversely the lower you earn the less likely you are to be able to demand flexibility. High earners are also more likely to be able to WFH / be flexible with hours, thus cutting down on commuting costs and childcare.

Then you have care workers paying for their own DBS.

You're correct, but it's not an answer to the OP's question.

It's not 'smoke and mirrors', OP, no. They just earn more.

Well, you don't fund private schooling and holidays with a tighter clothing budget and reneging on night's out - that's pretty disingenuous.

What is your average monthly household income OP? I too suspect the people you see are all earning more than you.

Friends we know have their mortgage as interest only with no policy to pay it off. We were on holiday with them and they seemed to be juggling their credit cards so sometimes one would be declined and they would need to pay with a different one.

Another friend of DHs has a number of maxed credit cards and moves them around based on which ones are offering 0% on balance transfers. He has nothing saved for his pension.

We appear comfortably off and we both have decent jobs, but holiday costs etc. are paid for by the fact that my DPs pay for school fees and give us a bit of money. We would survive without it, but it would mean UK caravan holidays rather than going abroad.

Well you work part time and your OH has good months and bad months.

If you both worked full time jobs with a mortgage of £600 you'd be much better off.

I was talking talking about my household income in comparison to a friend's household income.
Of course if you are on a low income you can't.
However, my friend and her husband have a higher household income than me yet say they can't afford foreign holidays or private schooling for their one child. They do spend more on socialising in a month than I spend on school fees.

I didn't mean my response to be snippy. I think you see a lot of talk on these boards about debt as the great unleveller - as if you just took the bank cards way then all would be fair. But there's no fair about it and that inequality can be achieved in a number of ways, some more obvious than others.

We've probably saved a small fortune, just because dh is one of those practical people who can turn his hand to just about any job, anything from laying flooring, installing bathrooms, building our extension and maintaining and fixing our cars over the years. That's an almost invisible advantage on paper but it makes a big difference to our savings.

Sorry - didn’t mean you specifically. Just the plethora of scofffing posts - they EARN more (with the subtext of ‘you fucking idiot.’)

There are just so many variables. I go on a lot of holidays, but I spend £40 (or less) a week on groceries and drive a 17 yr old car.

By smoke and mirrors do you mean posting the perfect life on social media etc.?

As others have mentioned, people who are relatively high earners won't feel it so much. They'll notice certain costs going up but will still be able to save, afford luxuries so their lives won't change much. The high earners who are good with money may offset the higher costs of electric etc. by shopping at a discount supermarkets and buying second hand.

He’s probably not even paying into a pension for himself since he’s self-employed. The average self-employed person has much less in their pension than the average employee at the same age.

My parent died and I inherited money. Same with my husband. That’s how we afford it.

Why do some people always assume it must be on credit cards? A lot of people just earn or have far more money than you think, either from working in high paying roles, inheritance or through investments and other lifestyle choices. Some people do things others won’t contemplate - for example I know someone who earns £60k+ as a lorry driver but I couldn’t cope with their shift patterns or the solitary nature of the job. I also know people who lived extremely frugally for years whilst saving and investing most of their income so that they can be mortgage free and financially independent sooner. These people will be able to live comfortably even in poor economic conditions. Just because you might not know these types of people doesn’t mean they don’t exist. The world and even this country is a big place with lots of different types of people after all.

I’m the only one of my friends that doesn’t own my house. I rent.

All of them own nice homes in nice areas - 4-6 bedrooms, extensions, beautiful furniture, all mod cons.

They all have a car each, go on multiple holidays a year.

I’m lucky if I can afford a caravan once every couple of years.

Reasons why

• They met their DHs at Uni and have been together ever since
• They were gifted large deposits for their first homes in the early 2000s
• Whenever they’ve sold and moved to bigger, they’ve made a fair stack of cash from that and been gifted more money
• They have parents that save them around 50% on childcare costs if not the full 100%

Me

• Didn’t go to Uni straight from school due to chaotic home life
• Was booted out at 16 because my Dads third wife (who he moved in after 1 month and married 2 months later…) didn’t like me
• Haven’t had so much as 50p from my Dad, let alone tens of thousands
• Married an abusive arsehole
• Got divorced
• Paid eye watering amounts of childcare whilst on NMW

Whilst they would all experience a significant downgrade in their lifestyles if they were to divorce, they would still have access to family money, free childcare, lots of support - I don’t.

How did we meet? Private school. I’m a full Scholarship child from a deprived area.

What an odd question… they make more money, that’s why!

Some people just earn more than others and we run our home like a business. we paid off our mortgage 10 years after we bought our home we don't have any debts . and we have joint bank accounts .it's just good management .

I'm always confused by these faux how do they do it threads. Sure some families will live on credit, many wont- they just earn reasonable wages. We both work full time and whilst we aren't rich by any means and aren't extravagant we can comfortably afford holidays, a mortgage, both have new-ish cars and 1 child. Its probably for some reason your social circle isn't overly diverse?

Emm they earn more than you do?