Are others really living a comfortable lifestyle or is it all smoke and mirrors?

[peanuts18]

Most people I know with children live in nice houses, have foreign holidays or new extensions, kitchens or new cars, eat out, days out to London or weekends away etc. How do they all afford it even a car on HP is several hundred a month?

I work part time (ds is only 7), oh works full time but is self employed so work can be a little up and down and no sick or holiday pay, have a fairly small mortgage (£600pm) but we really struggle. No savings, always in overdraft, no eating out, 1 cheap week to Spain in the last 15 years which set us back for months and months. I don’t smoke or drink and buy supermarket/primark clothes. No loans or car payments only a CC with about £1,000 on.

Am I missing something here as how do others do it or is it all smoke and mirrors and they are living on loans and credit cards, I really don’t get it??

I am not one those chumps but thank you for your opinion. I love those.

OP are the families who have it all also have 2 FT working parents in good jobs? They earn more and can spend more.
You get to see your child more, it's a trade off. Go FT if you want the fancy stuff.

I don’t think @BiddyPop is coming back

Me and partner both work full-time and our son is 7. I work a well paid job and his has potential for higher earnings in the future. Things are tight for us at the moment because we are saving a deposit to buy a house. If we had previously been in a better financial situation we would be living more comfortably. Some people are may be lucky and have had financial support from family to get where they are or might be in a lot of debt (I managed to pay off £10k of credit card debt a year and a half ago that was accumulated when I had my son and could only work part-time). If you want more money, go full time - before and after school club fees are not excessive and then you may feel that you are struggling less. But also you can't compare to others. You are lucky in your own way by owning your own home with an affordable mortgage.

Sorry, had I missed a question from you @Blondeshavemorefun ? I hadn't realised you were looking for something from me.

I think being gifted money or inheritances or free childcare make a massive difference. Two people on the same income and earn the same throughout their lives but one was gifted a deposit in their 20’s, the other was only able to buy in their 30’s etc. one pays childcare the other doesn’t, one gets an inheritance the other doesn’t. It all adds up over time, your ability to put money into a pension for example.

And then there are people who are up to their eyeballs in debt and people who just earn a lot of money.

I’ve known a few millionaires who really looked skint. I don’t mean bohemian scruffy I mean 20yr old m&s trousers and carrying important documents in plastic bags. Known the other type too, but you can’t always tell what someone has by looking at them.

We are pretty comfortable with a good income but didn’t get those kinds of gifts so I’m keenly aware of what a difference it makes when people we know with lower incomes have been able to accumulate wealth faster than us (not bitter, I really like those people, they still work hard as well, but it has made a difference in my thinking on how and when I want to help DD).

The year before I had DD1, I earnt so much I was in the top tax band. She's 18 now and I'm borderline most years for paying any tax.
Looking at my full time siblings, we've driven the cheapest cars, done the most DIY, had the most basic holidays, turned down social stuff that would spiral with petrol, drinks, future entertaining obligations.
But honestly I don't t regret those years, my kids have benefited from having me at home. The educational outcome of your children is based on the main care giver, forget the fancy schools, if your kid is passed from after school club to childminder to summer tennis camp that is the outcome you can expect from your child.
But you can't have we it all, and some things don't have a money value.

Sorry not sure how I tagged you. Was tagging the op

@Thewedding that’s fine it worked for you but not sure you can make such a sweeping statement about educational outcomes based on the main caregiver staying at home. Both my husband and I worked full time. A large percentage of that time we work from home although admittedly early days we had a nanny.
School holidays my kids often did holiday camps which they always enjoyed and would have wanted to do even if I’d been staying at home! Not sure if WFH makes a difference as we are around more but we still work long hours. We just always tried to fit it around them.

I would describe my kids as intelligent, achieving highest levels of education for the age they are currently at, both very sociable both having different groups of friends. Both very independent and confident. Have other friends like me for whom the same is true.
I expect they will both go on to achieve well in life and me working full time hasn’t affected them in the slightest. I would say it’s probably been hardest on me personally having to juggle it all. Sometimes I’ve felt it’s been very tough doing what is effectively two full time jobs. Perhaps you just chose to not have the work stress on top.. So I’d agree that there is a price to pay but not in educational terms.

@Thewedding what are you basing that on? One of the studies I read said daughters earned more as adults when they had working mothers? You're expressing an opinion, not a fact. I grew up in a 2 parent working family going to after school clubs and I excelled in school, have an excellent job and out earn my husband by quite some margin. What would be the point in all of that for me to then stay home? We have a high household income and children doing well at school, of course you can have it both ways. I'm not saying there isn't a benefit to a stay home parent for kids, but educational achievement is not one of then, plenty of ways to develop that without a parent at home.

They afford it because everyone is different and all jobs aren't paid the same.

You also don't know what help people have had (I know people who've had inheritances that have enabled them to buy bigger houses than they could afford with their jobs for example)

All these “just get a better job” and “just work ft” (isn’t “just” an easy word to type but hides a multitude of dibs!) and “I worked hard to get where I am” smug types need one of these badges.

*sins

It's a mixture of luck and hard work. I have lots of affluent friends...most of them were helped with their first car, their first home, holidays here and there. They were supported through university so had little debt. Then went on into good careers where they earn well. Meeting partners young also helps...two incomes help you get on the housing ladder earlier and then pay off the mortgage earlier. A lot of my friends didn't have kids either, so good jobs, no interruptions to career and none of the unending expense that comes with having kids.
I compare a lot...I'm early 40s and my husband and I earn 110k between us. In my head I should be rich! However, no family help at all and we had to rent from young and we didn't meet til we were 28. Saving up for a house deposit was hard, we took out a mortgage with 5 per cent at the age of 31 for me, 34 for him. We have three children who we give every opportunity we possibly can to, but no savings. We moved to a bigger house two years ago, but it's just a semi in a very modest area. We holidayed this year at eurocamp in Holland and a cottage in Devon. So in short...kids make you poor and family help is everything. But people are very slow to talk about it cos they like to give the impression everything they have is down to them.

@peanuts18 are you going to come back and say what you earn between you

assuming it is under £20k and why struggling

reading the replies it sounds we are having a go at yiu but we aren’t.

psrt time and unregulated work of self employment is why you are struggling

one of you if not both need to change jobs /do more hours

Affluenza was the term used a few years ago.

Why do you care....as long as youre doing your best thats all you can do isnt it....question is are you? It amazes me how much money some people waste on shit they dont need....maybe youre one of those people....ask yourself a few questions and it'll become clearer....how old is your mobile phone....is it on a sim only deal....when was the last time you actually repaired something when it stopped working....the answers will tell you a lot....maybe those other people still have a Samsung Galaxy S6 on a sim only deal for £9 / month because they'd rather have a nice holiday....maybe those people repaired their washing machine when it broke....if youre struggling you either need to increase your income or decrease your outgoings....particularly spending on stuff you dont need....just my opinion

@SarahR2022 brutally brilliant. I'm screenshotting that. I need a whole money attitude adjustment and actually plain talking like your post makes a lot of sense.

Glad you thought so @whereeverilaymycat
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Thank you I will take a look @SarahR2022

@SarahR2022
I agree people waste a lot of money on pointless things (takeaways, pret lunch etc etc), but to be fair the ppl the OP is talking about aren't funding foreign holidays and extensions but saving £40 per month on a sim only deal, the little things do add up, but mainly you need one of two things for a certain kind of life style and that's either a high wage (or 2 high wages) or a load of savings (through inheritance or otherwise)

If you worked full time or in a term time school job you would probably, as well as you DH having a steady income, you would probably find your family income would go up. Of course, you haven't stated your outgoings so it's not possible to say with certainty.

they work full time? Your DS is 7 so working PT isn’t really necessary any more. Even if you’re working a minimum wage switching to full time would be a boost to your finances that could allow for some little luxuries. No rocket science needed

I have always worked full time plus so de hustles, that’s how I do it.

*side