Emotional spending-just told dh and I'm going to crack it.

[BigBirthdayGloom]

We're okay financially-I don't work but dh's income is fine. We have left ourselves fairly right after investing heavily in our house but still enough for food, basic clothes, children's activities like music lessons and sports.
There's not much left for little spends that we used to have like mags, meals out, clothes, books and I hadn't realised how much I spent for emotional reasons (bored, stressed, happy, you name it). Not vast sums but fairly frequent.

I've really struggled with cutting back and found ever more cunning ways to hide small spends from dh. But we've had a financial heart to heart today and I know it has to stop-we took out a loan to cover the last of the things we bought for the house and he hasn't paid off a card we agreed to and, as I suspected its because I overspend and he's worried to pay off the credit card til things are more sensible.

Anyway, I've given him my card (debit) and going to really, truly go cold turkey on this. We could go under for the sake of crap that I don't even want.

Anyone else? I feel really stupid but hope that now I've told dh I'll be more likely to succeed. And going to avoid shops like the plague. Just hoping I can put something in its place. It's like an addiction.

I bought lots today :(

But, we are on a 12 hour road trip to stay with family on Lake Michigan and we truly needed some things... soap, sleep pants for DH etc. But it all added up to quite a lot and I did get some unnecessary things like a Pride and Prejudice board book for DD. I love Jane Austen and wanted it so much but...unnecessary. Regretting it no matter how cute it is. I will make sure that it's one of the "display" books in her room so I feel that I'm getting more use out of it.

Small gains: refused to get any magazines at the register, brought our cooler and packed it at Aldi instead of stopping on the way for fast food.

I spent a little bit yesterday - but not as much as I would have, if I hadn't transferred some to savings. So a mixed day all in all.

I'm almost done with my "Autumn/Winter/Christmas" binder. I'm just organising it into sections now. I'm really pleased with it.

I've also dug out my knitting and crocheting books and the wool I have stashed aside. I am going to knit a couple hats for the dcs for this winter. Keeping my hands busy means I cannot browse ebay or shop online!

I've set a new rule-no stashing. So I'm going to craft from my stash and only buy any materials if they are necessary for the project in hand. That would have sorted out the material purchase which I still feel guilty about. Loom band book is going in the stock of presents I keep. And the fine line pens? Well, we'll just have to use and enjoy them. The fact that I'm actually thinking and feeling about this is huge progress. Rome wasn't built in a day.

I will be starting a knitting project too, Alice. Doing a blanket for a pregnant friend. Keep us posted on yours. Good to talk about things outside spending.

I mean no new stashing by the way! Blanket will come out of accumulation!

Have felt hugely stressed today. Not quite sure why although the children have been pretty tired, moany and grumpy with each other and the house is a mess. I'm feeling guilty about not being the perfect mother and wanting to lie down in a darkened room instead of baking and junk modelling with them. So-I have wanted to spend but I haven't. I realise that often, going to the shops has been about more than actually spending money-it's about getting away from the things I need to do. Quite why I haven't chosen an art gallery or beautiful park I'm not sure.

Does anyone fancy making this a bit of a challenge? DH and I had a talk about money while we were away last week and decided to try and keep a better track of what we're spending and not keep wasting it on things we don't need (me mainly!) We did really well stretching out our holiday spending money so I don't see why we shouldn't do it back home.

I'm feeling a bit back to school-ish so this seems a great time to set some 'rules' - think mine would include:

• Giving myself a small amount of cash to last the week and leaving cards at home

• Setting a monthly amount for spending on things like clothes, books, make-up and sticking to it

• Committing to only buying things I love or really need

• Finding other things to do that don't cost money

Anyone else up for it?

Yes fell apart yesterday on it so could use support and challenge

Sorry, my stbx seems to enjoy messing with my head, and every time I get thrown into a tailspin, my spending habits fall apart. I need a better coping mechanism, obviously.

Yes, I am up for the challenge. I've got my knitting today, and a friend coming over, so the goal is no spending today. At. All. In fact - I have no absolute reason to spend ANYTHING until Friday. Any bills between now and then are dd. So that's it. 4 days of no spending.

I'm up for it too. I'm going to be a bit realistic and allow myself money each week which I accept will be spent on silly stuff. I am worried that complete cold turkey on magazines is unsustainable long term but I will hopefully think about it when it comes out of the money I've given myself. By the guidelines you've set, cambridge, the occasional mag is okay. It's the constant flow of buying stuff with slim justification that is the problem.

Me too - that makes sense. If I try to completely stop all spending it will just end up blowing up in the long run, I imagine.

I'm going to sit down with my budget and set a small amount that I can afford that can be spent on whatever I want.

I definitely think you need to 'allow' yourself the odd treat if you can afford it otherwise it becomes like a diet you have no hope of sticking to.

I'd like to join please. My spending has got out of control these last few months and I need to rein it in. I think coming here every day and checking in rather than go straight to Style and Beauty will be a great help! I will allow myself £5 a week 'treat' money to spend on music which is something I've deprived myself of recently and really enjoy because I've been blowing so much money on other things.

I have just had another aha moment about what makes me spend. I crave the new and novel and get bored by routine. I can't quite work out how to make that for with less spending apart fr

Sorry-not sure what was going to come after 'apart from'!

Welcome cirrus! It definitely helps me checking in here.

MN in general is great but I agree that S&B is lethal - that combined with the fashion blogs I read (because they are cheaper than magazines! although usually much better as well) tend to convince me I 'need' things I had never even thought about. I am currently resisting all kinds of new A/W purchases that I really won't wear that much (I work from home and have not much social life!) just because they sound so appealing and as though they will help me be the person I want to be.

One thing I do find brilliant is Pinterest - I have loads of boards but in reference to fashion I have one called My Style where I pin images of how I want to look (or already do in my head!) This helps me buy less because I've created the look already (iyswim - makes sense to me!) or if I do cave in, I generally buy only things that fit the look I am aiming for - of course Pinterest can be lethal in itself for making you want things you never knew about before but at least it's free to use!

Well, I tried to post earlier and lost the post. I'm glad I did because it was a tale of woe about how I felt unmotivated by our house, the children were grumpy with each other again and tidying felt like painting the forth bridge. And all that of course made me feel like running out and buying pretty things.

A few hours later, and dd1 has been playing at a friend's, dh took the others out and, instead of hiding under the duvet with a magazine, I've tidied, decluttered, dusted (I am no fanatical duster but it really needed it!) and hoovered the living room. The dressing up box shuts and there is a nice space for this evening. I feel much more positive and less like running away!

Thanks for the welcome :) Cambridge Blue you are right about S & B being lethal! I think Pinterest, although I would enjoy putting together attractive boards, might tempt me to actually buy all the stuff. I make cards and mosaic shell art, like other crafty folk on the thread, so I think I should put my enthusiasm for colour and design into doing more of that.
Well done on your big tidy up and declutter BigBirthday!

Agree that tidying and decluttering gives you a great feeling - we did DD's room before we went on holiday which led to doing ours as well, and it was so nice to come home to clean organised rooms with space to put everything.

Spurred on by that I sorted out my studio yesterday and even though I am working (and MNing!) today I don't mind because it feels so nice and tidy. I was tempted to go to Ikea and buy loads of new storage and accessories but the thought of it on a wet Bank Holiday put me off which was probably a good thing. Plus I found a few bits and pieces in the garage which I'd bought and never used so they felt like freebies!

BBG well done!! I love decluttering - totally takes away the spend bug for me.

CambridgeBlue Oddly enough, I went through an entire IKEA catalogue yesterday (got one in the post that I may have requested online?) but didn't have the urge to buy one single thing. I think that might be less self-control and more because I just don't really like the more "modern" look stuff. But hey, a whole catalogue, no urges to spend. I can tick that off as a good thing.

cirrus welcome. I enjoy Pinterest as well - it does while away hours that I might other spend money in, so that's a good thing. I find that I think "oh I'd like that ... oh wait, I like that better..." so I never actually CHOOSE anything, as I know there are a billion other options just waiting to be looked at on Pinterest. It's a procrastinator's dream, isn't it?

I started the day with "need boxes, must go to ikea" urges but I am just wise enough now to recognise that as a thinly disguised "too much clutter, must tidy"! I will be heading to ikea next week, but it's strictly research, will be leaving cards behind and hoping to leave in profit on account of the free coffee and session in the play area for dd2!

I do love the idea of Pinterest but I think it might be dangerous for me as I fear seeing lots of lovely things would make me feel inadequate and overwhelmed. I browse cath kidston excessively and weirdly, once I've seen it fifty times I no longer want it! Perhaps Pinterest would do that for me too.

Well done CambridgeBlue for the tidy studio! And to Alice for the self restraint catalogue reading!

I'm nearly at the point where the house isn't too overwhelming to craft in and looking forward to hearing about projects here. Shell art intrigues me, Cirrus - we had an amazing haul of shells from our holiday and keen to make use of them. I guess I should look at Pinterest!

I've found that lots of the stuff on Pinterest are DIY and home made things - so it sometimes inspires me to MAKE something instead of buying it, thus saving money, as often I already have what is needed to make it. My kind of site.

BBG I get my shells from New Zealand. They are iridescent paua but my sister brings them over with her when she visits, which is at least free. I have decided to go cold turkey on S & B for a few days. In the word puzzles I did last night were the words 'economise' and 'austerity' which I took to be a hint! Did anyone see the BBCI show last week with Jasmine Harman on compulsive shoppers? It was v interesting and well worth catching up on iplayer if you missed it. I don't think any of us are in their league but there were things I definitely recognized in myself, particularly with the guy addicted to ebay.

it's why i'm avoiding the christmas bargain thread - i don't need an excuse to shop

Wow, paua shells are in a different league to mine, cirrus! I might make some frames and spray them white. No-paint them white with the paint I already have!