Emotional spending-just told dh and I'm going to crack it.

[BigBirthdayGloom]

We're okay financially-I don't work but dh's income is fine. We have left ourselves fairly right after investing heavily in our house but still enough for food, basic clothes, children's activities like music lessons and sports.
There's not much left for little spends that we used to have like mags, meals out, clothes, books and I hadn't realised how much I spent for emotional reasons (bored, stressed, happy, you name it). Not vast sums but fairly frequent.

I've really struggled with cutting back and found ever more cunning ways to hide small spends from dh. But we've had a financial heart to heart today and I know it has to stop-we took out a loan to cover the last of the things we bought for the house and he hasn't paid off a card we agreed to and, as I suspected its because I overspend and he's worried to pay off the credit card til things are more sensible.

Anyway, I've given him my card (debit) and going to really, truly go cold turkey on this. We could go under for the sake of crap that I don't even want.

Anyone else? I feel really stupid but hope that now I've told dh I'll be more likely to succeed. And going to avoid shops like the plague. Just hoping I can put something in its place. It's like an addiction.

That's why I'm planning on putting all I can into savings. Then technically it's not "mine" it's "savings". Although I'm a single parent, so don't have the "yours, mine, and ours" issue there.

Can you open a separate savings account of your own, so it's still "yours" but not as readily available?

We don't have Waitrose here! :(

I'm really bad at impulse spending. I do really well and am frugal and then at the shop think "why not, it's food, we need food" and end up buying all kinds of things that aren't necessary.

Also we have a good library and I don't need to buy magazines or books but I do often.

That's exactly it Lady, or expensive snack foods for the kids when I could just as easily bake cookies and muffins or give crackers with cheese or peanut butter.

All right then, food budget first thing!

That's one of the things I struggle with - overbuying food. I'm right now forcing myself to wait until Friday to put in a grocery shop order. The only thing I NEED to get between now and Saturday is more milk, and I have a few pounds cash for that. More bread is in freezer, we have fruit, frozen veg and meat in freezer. A few bits of for snacks, and plenty of ingredients to bake a few things. No good reason to do another shop, so I'm forcing myself to use what we have.

I will put some money aside once we get to October and spend about £100 stocking up on things, filling freezer again and cupboards, plus some uht milk, so if there's bad weather or either myself or the dcs are ill, I'm not stuck at home with no back up supplies for a few days. I try to keep a few "toss in the oven from frozen" things on hand, which keeps me from giving in to a takeaway on busy days or days that I'm just tired.

Oh, and I'll just pop to the corner shop to get the milk on Thursday, because it's a bit overpriced there, so I will have the resolve to go in, get milk, and get out, without impulse buying as it costs more. Even though that means I'll pay a bit more for the milk, I'll pay less overall as I won't buy anything ELSE!!

First of all, how insensitive of me, cheerful to assume all folks live on the same side of the pond as Waitrose. Here is a virtual (and free) for you.

Secondly, I've never been on a thread before with so many "me too, me too" moments. The food spending is one I've had to call myself on and admit I love the buzz of buying a trolley full of fresh fruit and veg whilst not really knowing how much we'll use. Menu planning, including portions of veg and fruit is helping a bit, but it's so dull eating from the cupboards and so easy to justify spending on.

And I so get the being able to cut back when there's none there, Alice. At the beginng of this journey I had to say to dh that money needed to pay a credit card when it came off 0% interest actually had to go into a different account otherwise there was a psychological cushion to our finances that was enabling my frittering.

And I was (am-its only one holiday and I was really hoping dh would say "let's buy the kids a little treat from the shop" e wry time we visited anywhere.) bad in museum shops for broadly similar reasons to you, lady. Although I usually got to buy a pencil or rubber type something, I so clearly remember seeing children buying cuddly toys and books and that aha moment when I realised they weren't just for show. Thing is, my parents never discussed it and the one time I asked I remembe my dad just pretending he hadn't heard.

This summer, I've been explaining it a bit to dd1, 8, in terms of how much it all adds up to. I don't want her to feel bad about spending money on small stuff, but I think explaining why were not just being mean is important too. She was amazing again today (we've been very lucky with trips this holiday and my parents took us out today). She knew she just had her pound pocket money and decided it was better to save it. And then, unexpectedly, my mum bought them a t shirt. She's been known to push her luck in the past and try to "trade up" in gift shopsbut I think this summer has made her much more appreciative of treats that come her way and it was lovely. Interestingly, my parents are very different as grandparents!

BBG God, yes, to that "psychological cushion".. if it's there sitting in the current account, I think "oh no worries, I'm fine" and spend some. Then I end up regretting it later.

Today was a no spend day (NSD) for me. Of course, I've been ill all day, haven't gone anywhere and am quite literally skint. But even though the odds were against me spending anyway, I am ridiculously pleased that it's a NSD. Ah well. Tomorrow will be a NSD as well. And Thursday is a NSD EFM (no spend day except for milk! ). I get paid on Friday and then I'm going to put any money that doesn't have bills pinned to it into the savings account and leave it there. I always try to make sure I top up gas, electric (meters), petrol, and food, (and childminder), the moment I get paid, as that way no matter what I know that's been taken care of.

Yes to buying the fruit and veg!

I have this idea in my head of some perfect refrigerator like in a magazine, all full of fresh stuff in clear containers or something. Like I will be a good mom if my children have that.

And then I end up throwing out a container of raspberries that went moldy because I bought more than we could eat...

Also, does anyone ever struggle with the (mostly subconscious) notion that this thing you're going to buy will change your life in some way?

To use an example of my own, I bought a really expensive pair of sandals. (Crunchy hippie type, not pretty ones.) And it was like...kind of like I thought, "oh I will buy these and then immediately become an outdoorsy, fresh faced hiking type!" Which is ridiculous. The only thing that's going to make you a hiking type is, y'know...hiking. I can barely even wear them; they cut into my feet.

Yes Yank I've done that. And also buying things for storage - bookcase, shelving, big plastic boxes. When what I REALLY need to do is get RID of stuff!!

Today am being proactive and avoiding the "Christmas magazine" season purchases by digging out all my old Christmas mags. I have a big stack of them. I'm going to go through them today and what I like is going into a binder and the rest are going in the recycling bin. Declutters, but give me something to look through without buying more mags. And I've decided if I like something online, I can always print a few sheets out if I want and add it to the binder. Still cheaper than a mag.

Step 1 in buying less mags/books. And September starts regular weekly stops at the library while the dcs are in school. That will put paid to the kindle purchases, as well as reading more in the evening means seeing less ads for things I don't need on the television and keeping me away from the laptop and possible purchases online. I am determined to kick this habit.

Lies I have told myself numbers 456 and 457:

Buying boxes will magically make me am organised person who knows where to find things. Alice- so true. And then I get frustrated if all the boxes don't match. A few months ago, I bought beautiful boxes for my magazine collection (on offer but still). Erm...stop buying mags and declutter those I have?

Buying craft magazines will lead to me magically having the time and energy to make glorious items for my home and children!

No more-I've just twigged that a trip to the shops is at least an hour (ha-more like three!). So in the time it takes me to buy storage I could get rid of enough stuff to make the storage redundant. We were great at the start of hols and need to get back to a bag to the charity shop or a run to the tip every day.

Show shopping (or hopefully finding out that old ones fit) for children today. Weirdly, spending a large sum if money reminds me not to spend the small ones.

I've just realised that, for the most part, the Christmas mags (which are a HUGE weakness for me!!) are just the same old stuff, recycled every few years - it's rarely anything NEW. So I'll browse ideas online and jot them down. Use Pinterest, which is free. And save stuff I like from old magazines instead.

Alice I'm realising this is true for magazines of any genre. I am such a sucker for magazines and I have, in the past accumulated home, bridal and baby mags. No more!

Shoe shopping went unfeasibly well today-all three needed shoes and I had that perverse satisfaction of a purchase I couldn't avoid. Had sandwiches in car. DC were gorgeous when buying shoes even when not their turn and didn't ask for anything else. Went to John Lewis cafe (sorry cheerful but here's and for you) and had free coffee and cake. Two vouchers so two cakes and gave the lady behind us in the queue a nice surprise by giving her the other free coffee. She offered to pay bless her!

Had a bit of a blip in the haberdashery section and bought a half price metre of pumpkin print fabric ready for Halloween . Still, I was having mad "I need magazines to make my life complete" feelings and was all set to buy several one. Weirdly, once I was in front of them I couldn't do it. I think the fact that the dc wanted pretty stationery and new lunch boxes and I was saying no helped. Left without further incident and spent rest of afternoon mucking about in a steam.

Weirdly, I've realised cash is dangerous for me. Cash is anonymous and spends do not appear on bank statements with their location!

A stream!

I have gone through my entire stack of magazines today, pulling/cutting out pages that I wanted to keep, and the rest are in the recycling bin. Tomorrow I start organising it all in my binder. I'll have sections of autumn decorating, autumn food, winter/Christmas decorating, winter/Christmas food. I'm soooo pleased. No money spent at all today.

I am popping to corner shop tomorrow to pick up some milk. But that's it. No spending anything else until Friday and then only the necessities on my budget. I've redone my budget on weekly sheets, so I can record ALL expenditures to see exactly (and brutally) what I'm spending money on. If it's right there in black and white on paper, I suspect I will be MUCH more careful.

Feeling positive.

BBG well done, even with the fabric blip. I'm staying well away from any craft/sewing places - they are a definite downfall of mine!!

I have a thank you note and a birthday card to send out, so I am flexing my crafty muscles and using the craft supplies I already have and making the cards. I have a book of stamps, so I can do the cards tomorrow evening and post them Friday. Again, no cost. Hurrah!

Well done, Alice. The binder's a great idea. I'm getting rid of magazines a few at a time. I haven't found much I need to keep yet (shows how vital the mags were!) but I will be onto my favourites too and might well get a lever arch file for those articles I might conceivably make one day. No I won't - I'll use a box I already own!

I picked damsons for jam today and I'm going to give it as Christmas gifts . It won't save vast sums of money but it'll keep me out of the shops. And also-I really like making jam and I'm good at it!

I sense I went to John Lewis today as a bit of a test in one of my danger zones...and I passed, fabric blip or not, I only spent £8 in one of my favourite shops selling my favourite things. I so wanted to buy the children things but just came away with their shoes.

What style of cards? Bet the folks who get them will be dead chuffed.

I used a binder that I had sitting in my office stuff, not being used. Even had a bunch of those plastic sleeves to use.

Oh, a friend of mine is brilliant at making jam BBG and she often gives me a jar - its gone soooo quickly!!

Personally, I think £8 spent on fabric, if you have a specific use for it, rather than just "oh that's pretty, I want to buy it", is actually not an issue.

I used to make ALL my cards and do scrapbooking. When I lived in the states, I was one of those people that sold the stamping/scrapbooking stuff, so I literally have BOXES of stamps, stencils, ink, and actually still have tons of paper left (which should tell you how much I had when I moved over here if I still have tons of paper left!!). When I first moved here, I still made all my cards, sometimes made wedding gifts of small scrapbooks using photos I'd taken at the wedding (obviously had to give these gifts a couple weeks after the wedding, but people were fine with that). It always went over very well. And then once I had two more children, it kind of fell by the wayside. Ds1 is disabled and takes a LOT of supervision, so it makes it difficult. By evening I was too tired to work on cards. But I'm going to start making an effort to do them.

Minigoal this year - I'm going to make my own Christmas cards. I will not buy ANY, not even the ones for school for the dcs. I will help them make their own, including for the teacher. The silly thing is, I made lovely laminated bookmarks signed by ds1 for the teachers, TAs, and the people that worked closely with him and a year later they were still commenting that they used them all the time and really liked them. So maybe it's time I do that again this year for Christmas gifts for the teachers as it's been a few years. Again, I have all the supplies to make them, I won't need to spend ANY money on it, and it's personalised.

Today isn't technically a NSD, as we walked to the corner shop already. But we bought milk and milk only. Nothing else, even though the dcs asked for a treat. I told them I would bake them a treat later this morning, so they've asked for pumpkin bread. So that's next on the agenda (when I finish my coffee ).

Felt the urge to spend this morning. Put a fiver in savings. Not much, but reminded me where I want the money to go instead of spending it. Feel a bit better. If I think I want to spend again, I'll transfer another fiver over.

Ooh-well done, Alice. That is a really positive step along with the card making mini goal.

Spent money in wh smith yesterday. Not sure whether I feel rubbish about it or not. Have pinned down another trigger. Absurd to admit it but in the school holidays I spend when dh isn't there. I spent thirty one pounds but I am not going to be too sad about it because my total unnecessary (or luxury depending on how you look at it) spending has been less than £50 for the last month and I have changed some really entrenched habits and redefined "necessary". I think we can afford £50 a month if other things are sensible.

And I am being honest about my spending on here.

Today we went to a park with friends for a picnic. And tomorrow will be a day at home. I am looking forward a tiny bit to the end of the holidays. I wish schools ran so that children had the possibility of one day off a week. I know it would never work and is totally impractical, but is just like time with each of my dc on their own. I find it so hard to focus on anything when there are two more also wanting me. Not sure quite what this has to do with this thread, except that I know some of my spending is on the children to compensate for this.

I think I will find it less of a struggle when the dcs are back in school. I am more stressed, more tired, more emotional during the summer holiday as I literally get no time to myself, that I find it's when I'm at my lowest during the day that I am tempted.

I am so wanting personal space. Today, I just want everyone to leave me alone and I'm so grumpy I think they'd really quite like to! But recognising that at least makes me feel a bit less guilty. As blessed as I am to have three children and dh around for six weeks, and no work juggling, I am not built for 24 hour a day being with people. But I love them all and in nine days I will have space. Just need to respond to it by breathing deeply rather than escaping for coffee.

I am slowly decluttering my dining room (which tends to be the catch-all room downstairs). And then I will be getting rid of the sideboard and a wooden cabinet. With them emptied and gone, there's less temptation to buy (I hope) as there'll just be nowhere to PUT anything else. I'm hoping it will at least make me think "where would I put it" if I was thinking about buying...