Emotional spending-just told dh and I'm going to crack it.

[BigBirthdayGloom]

We're okay financially-I don't work but dh's income is fine. We have left ourselves fairly right after investing heavily in our house but still enough for food, basic clothes, children's activities like music lessons and sports.
There's not much left for little spends that we used to have like mags, meals out, clothes, books and I hadn't realised how much I spent for emotional reasons (bored, stressed, happy, you name it). Not vast sums but fairly frequent.

I've really struggled with cutting back and found ever more cunning ways to hide small spends from dh. But we've had a financial heart to heart today and I know it has to stop-we took out a loan to cover the last of the things we bought for the house and he hasn't paid off a card we agreed to and, as I suspected its because I overspend and he's worried to pay off the credit card til things are more sensible.

Anyway, I've given him my card (debit) and going to really, truly go cold turkey on this. We could go under for the sake of crap that I don't even want.

Anyone else? I feel really stupid but hope that now I've told dh I'll be more likely to succeed. And going to avoid shops like the plague. Just hoping I can put something in its place. It's like an addiction.

[cirrusblue]

Well my no-spend September didn't last long! Unfortunately my printer died and I've had to replace it. It was 8 years old but still v annoying. Still it's made me all the more determined not to buy anything frivolous as I'm still aiming to pay off credit card this month. That's good you are craving mags less BBG. Well done on the painting and good luck on the party planning and sticking to the budget!

[BigBirthdayGloom]

Hi Cirrus! Doing, erm, mixed here. On the one hand, I'm craving mags less and seeing them for what they are, especially when clearing out more of my stack. On the other, I'm in a dangerous time where I'm planning dd's birthday party and trying hard to stick to a budget but seeing lovely things I know would work well-it's a craft party.

Had an okay day where I did tidying and moved house forward. Going to try and do 15 mins painting a day and an hour on one day per week. Silly little bits needing doing so it ought to work. Dd2 at preschool tomorrow so going to try and avoid shops and come home straight away.

Sounds as if you're doing well, Cirrus. I know what you mean about the heady mix of chemicals. Nothing gives me a fix like spending. Hoping the feeling will get less if I spend less often.

[cirrusblue]

How is everyone doing this week? I've kept to my music limit. This is the month I need to not spend and pay my credit card off but have been finding it hard not to browse online as have been stuck in again. Most of the time I can think that I don't want/need whatever but there is the occasional thing I get that surge of dopamine/adrenaline rush of really wanting. Have decided to write down all my spends, however small, and also have a wishlist for Christmas. Nice to have a newly painted room BBG and free as well

[BigBirthdayGloom]

Well done for resisting ebay, cirrus. I took just the cash I needed today and I'm certain I'd have given in and bought a mag otherwise. I guess it doesn't matter how I stop myself as long as I do.

Painted today-not the creative type but very satisfying nonetheless. And free because used left over paints. One room nicely freshened up and it's a nice, soothing thing to do.

[cirrusblue]

Well done on the mags revelation and making your cupcakes BBG. Have you any ideas on what craft project you will start with? Alice, 65p isn't much a week if it makes life a bit easier and seems a treat as BBG says. If it doesn't seem much of a treat, go for the multipacks instead. I am ok spendingwise. Just spent some time Ebay browsing for a Xmas present then decided am sticking firm to No Spend September and will see how things go in October. Have finished a craft work that will earn me a bit of money

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

The pizza on Friday night and £2 on chocolate on Saturday morning. But other than that, okay.

[BigBirthdayGloom]

How's the weekend been? Good here, our village show which is always fun.
Hope you don't mind, but after the mag revelation, I'm going to list the day to day small spends that I'm trying to avoid. Got to admit, have been finding the first week back hard and have kidded myself a bit and given into non essential spends. Things I have to avoid:

Mags
Snacks because I've forgotten to take lunch
Pretending its a free coffee if I drive five miles to waitrose
Thinking that fruit is okay to buy even if we have enough
Chocolate to eat with dh in the evening
Parking in the paid car park instead of walking for ten mins
Buying party gift if we already have something that would do at home

Embarrassing but helps me to see it in black and white.

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

Well done for turning the corner on the mags. Some days I wish they all had those smelly samples in them - then I could EASILY avoid them. eewwww

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

I've found I enjoy browsing Pinterest or online instead of the magazines. It's free that way, and doesn't take up any room on my shelves.

[BigBirthdayGloom]

I think, Alice, re the diet coke situation, it depends whether that is your moment of indulgence and it gives pleasure, or a habit that you don't notice. We buy diet cokes, but these days always in multipacks, and I do enjoy the treat.

[BigBirthdayGloom]

Hooray for the weekend! Dh and I are having pretend takeaway tonight-the tesco box type.

Okay-think I had the final penny dropping moment today. I was talking myself out of buying a button mould in Lakeland today, which I managed, but I realised it was the same price as a craft magazine. I am never buying magazines again. I am creative, pretty skilled and get a real buzz out of making stuff. So why read about other people doing it? Because I can't bear the mess? Ridiculous. This afternoon I made some gorgeous cupcakes and the dc got into it too. No...more...magazines!!!!

Good luck with the weekend and enjoy.

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

Spent some money on a takeaway today, but as it will last for 2 more meals over the weekend, at least I know I'm getting my money's worth out of it. Other than that, stuck to budget.

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

I bought a 65p diet coke this week. Not much, I suppose. But stopping to think about it, it IS a habit. During the school year, once a week, before my counselling appointment, I stop at a little cafe and purchase a can of diet coke. Perhaps I should look at buying a six pack or so when it's on sale and popping it in the fridge the night before and just bringing it along. Cheaper. Still have my diet coke.

I thought... well, it's just a coke... but then I could say that about all the little things, couldn't I? Might as well start as I mean to go on.

[MrsPennyapple]

I've been lurking and following this thread for a while now, but haven't posted because, although I identify with a lot of what has been posted, my bigger problem at the moment is sorting out our food budget. I think I am doing ok with not spending on bits & pieces, simply because cash is really tight just now. That's not to say I don't feel the urge though.

I really identify with what you've posted about craft things, BBG. And I am in a similar position in terms of not having much time for crafts at the moment. With a 3yo and a 1yo, it can only happen after their bedtime, and by the time I'm in a position to get started, I just haven't got the energy to be creative. I've pretty much trained myself out of buying craft magazines, because they really are so samey, and rarely contain anything I don't already have in a book somewhere. (I actually bought The Knitter this week, purely because DH said I should, because I do it so rarely. I'm gutted as there is not a single thing in it I want to make. £6 wasted. If you don't already have it I will happily send it to you.)

I think you have hit the nail on the head that the magazine gives you your craft fix. I sometimes browse pinterest to get that fix, but I often find that rather than scratching the itch, it leaves me full of ideas for more things I want to make, and therefore more frustrated than ever. So I tend to only do that when I'm looking for something specific. I don't read craft blogs, either. I figure that during those valuable couple of hours after DCs bedtime, I could either be doing something I love, or reading about someone else doing what I love.

Obviously I don't know what your day is like or how you use your time, but I had a conversation with my (retired) mum who was complaining about not having enough time for crafts - when she happily wastes a couple of hours playing solitaire on the computer, or watching TV. I said to her that the time is there, and she can choose how she uses it. I have to remind myself of this too, when I'm messing about on the computer after putting the kids to bed, wasting that precious time.

I'm sorry this has been mostly a craft post, rather than a not-spending-money post. Right now I am desperate to just go and buy a massive pile of lovely expensive luxurious yarn - that I don't need and can't afford. I have a cupboard full of gorgeous stuff that will take me a lifetime to use. Buying yarn right now would simply be about the thrill of buying yarn - not about the yarn itself, or what I want to make with it. I will have to be content with gazing into my cupboard and patting the lovely yarn from time to time :)

[BigBirthdayGloom]

You know, I might be on the brink of sorting why I buy craft mags. For the past few years I've not had enough time or energy to actually do crafts and mags are a crafting fix. But dd2 is going to preschool and there's a temporary lull in work so I might get a few hours a week where I'm neither too tired nor got totally pressing jobs. So I could perhaps start substituting actual craft back in. And the subscription idea is a good interim measure.

[TheBigBumTheory]

Even on mumsnet there are adverts blinking away at me..

Must remember to do that thing to stop the cookies chasing me..

[TheBigBumTheory]

I've been skimming the thread and just wanted to say that not buying magazines, unsubcribing from advert type emails and and avoiding the internet/tv (or at least muting or fast forwarding the ads) is helpful as they are just pumped full of adverts designed to make you feel that your life is crap without buying x, y and z. I also subscribe to minimalist blogs eg

zenhabits, bemorewithless, unclutterer mortgage free in three

which bombard my inbox or twitter with anticonsumerist messages. It's like the antidote to the advertising soup we all are living in.

You really need to get to the bottom of why you spend (ultimately that you are trying to be happier) and realise that it doesn't work. The only people who are happier are the people selling bad marketing the stuff.

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

What if you simply worked on breaking the "buy the mag when out and about" habit? So get a subscription to, say, 3 mags, so you get them in the post. Then don't renew one of them, and then don't renew one more. Slowly cuts it back, stops you from the habit of buying them when out, and yet you gets a couple mags to look at but it's under controlled spending circumstances.

[BigBirthdayGloom]

Question-do you think the urge to buy mags would gradually lesson if I went cold turkey long enough, or would I just want them more?

[BigBirthdayGloom]

So-first day back. I have to be honest, I bought a mag. But I also bought a charity shop book for £1 so hopefully that'll last me. I know, in my head that the mag was a waste of money and I'll never make the kit on the front. I think I equate them with sit down time. Didn't drive anywhere, and it's the first day. Maybe I should mentally, or actually, put £5 in a jar every time I'm tempted. Thing is, that would be every time I see one! However, the £5 would add up and could always be put towards something we'd buy anyway. And I'm going to pick three mags I really like and consider birthday present subscriptions. Weirdly, that seems like a waste of money!
Car in for MOT and haven't heard so hopefully it won't be expensive. The other car cost £600 this time - aargh!

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

cirrus if I don't put it into savings, I will see it as "excess" and spend it. It's more because I DON'T have the discipline for it just to sit in the current account.

[cirrusblue]

Wow that's a lot of 'not spending' BBG. Well done on a thrifty summer! I reckon a magazine here and there is allowable. Is it craft magazines? I always find them a bit disappointing as I either think the cards shown are horrible and I could do better or am really impressed and feel discouraged by my shortcomings! I get two music magazines a month on subscription (cheaper that way) as it alerts me to new artists and records. That's disciplined Alice putting your excess into savings. This month by not spending I will clear my credit card and have some in reserve to pay upcoming bills. I've been on a 0% card on purchases for 16 months which I think has got me into bad habits as I always paid off the card each month before I had it. The 16 month period runs out soon so I need to change my ways.

I do have chocolate kept in a special box but only allow myself a certain amount of squares each day otherwise it escalates rapidly!

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

Bill paid. Will pop over to put electric on meter after school run. And spend the day cleaning. Not going anywhere or spending anything. No need to, really. Very skint anyway after paying that bill. I've got about 2-3 weeks of skint this month... then a bit of breathing room towards the end of the month, but that's going straight into savings.

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

I'm knitting. Can't knit and ebay very effectively. So once ds1 goes to bed, out comes the knitting.

[BigBirthdayGloom]

Okay - things I have stopped spending on in the last six weeks:

Excessive food shopping
Non food items at the supermarket (apart from magazines-my "blip" item)
Cafe trips for me and dc
Coffees out
Gift shop purchases for dc on days out
Cafe food on days out-simple picnics instead
Chocolate bars at every opportunity
Craft items for future, non specific projects
Treats for dc because I'm stressed
Bags and tins

I am well aware that I've effectively been in rehab from spending as dh has been around and I've not been on my own much. So I need to be super careful as the older dc go back to school. This sounds ridiculous, but the first "doing" treat I'm going to have once dd2 starts preschool is a nap!