To be furious at my husband for catching Covid?

[Bookishnerd]

To give context first - my DH has tested positive today, but he’s fine. We’re all boosted. He’s just got a bit of a cough and is tired.

He’s a good guy, but I am LIVID.

I think he caught it from going out on Friday night. Like most people, we’ve had a really rough year. My husband doesn’t have many friends and doesn’t go out very much. We’ve had it rough this year - we have a 20-month-old, no family nearby and my DH works shifts. My DS doesn’t sleep well and we’re all knackered.

I went out to a small gathering in someone’s house a few weeks ago, though I wasn’t drinking, there were four of us and we were distanced and well-ventilated. We all lateral flowed before we went. It was also pre Omicron.

My DH was due to go to his office party, but it was cancelled. A few people wanted to go out anyway, and he decided to go. I asked him not to. I was very measured, saying that I absolutely thought he should go out with his friends, but that I thought they should do it outdoors in a beer garden etc. I explained that I was worried about Omicron, especially so close to Christmas. We don’t have any childcare so I didn’t want to get wiped out over the festive period. Reader, he went anyway. And today he tested positive.

Of course he could’ve got it anywhere. He works outside the home, and omicron is everywhere right now. I could’ve brought it in too.

But. But. I bloody TOLD HIM SO.

And now I’m facing a Christmas with him in isolation and me doing all the childcare. Cooking Christmas dinner on my own, dealing with my DS’s shit sleep, and I’m working right up until Christmas Eve. I’m also scared of getting it myself. I’m overweight and am under investigation for some health things. I’m not clinically vulnerable, but I still don’t want to get it.

I don’t want to make my DH feel any worse, so of course I am just seething instead of saying anything. But he hasn’t even acknowledged that it might’ve been a poor decision.

Am I being unreasonable?

@Mamanyt

While I agree that you are being unreasonable, I also realize that you are being very, very human. You are tired, you are a bit frightened, and you are facing yet another horrible, nowhere-near-normal Christmas. I think that a lot of your anger is not anger at all, but that fear coming out. Will you get sick? Will the baby get sick? If you get sick, who will manage the household? So often, we express fear as anger, because it is easier for us to "keep on keeping on" through anger than through fear. Hang in there, forgive him (even if he isn't at fault, YOU need this), forgive yourself (not like you took a bat to his head), take a deep breath, and try to take each day as it comes. Most of what you are fearing may never come to pass.

This exactly Take care OP

Ah OP.

I felt the same when DH got covid in the summer and it ruined a bunch of plans..

Obviously, I WBU to blame him. But as you say, it’s really a whole load of anger and tiredness about covid, government fuckwittery etc coming out.

Don’t make him isolate, you need the childcare help and you might as well catch it off him asap and isolate together rather than getting it another time.

I mean don’t make him isolate in the home from you and DS

YABU I’m afraid. Cut him some slack, you said yourself you’ve had a tough year - him going out for one night is a chink of normality in a horrible year (and plus not everyone wants to be outside / windows open risk assessing every interaction)

Fwiw single parent to 2 under 4 and all 3 of us have had covid and isolated over last couple of weeks so fully understand where your coming from worrying about burden of all the care / getting it yourself but it happens and people get through it

Oh yeah - and don’t make him isolate and make it all the more miserable for you all

Hey OP

I’ve only skimmed the thread but can see you’ve since reflected on your initial post. Fair play as many don’t and like lots of us your DP just wanted a night out and sense of normal fun.

Give yourself a break 🙂. Understandable you are disappointed this close to Xmas, you’ve had a shit year, probably running round like a chicken to get a turkey and trimmings and are knackered.

My advice: start on the Xmas treats and chill with a film. Just hunker down and he’ll hopefully be out of isolation for New Year. Ease into the slothing 🙂

I don’t know if this will make you feel any better but just wanted to say when my son had Covid a few months ago he was very unwell for about the first 5 days, I have respiratory health issues and was so worried I’d catch it (I was at home with him for the whole time he was off school, at some points he was in my bed, I was checking his temperature constantly etc) but I remained negative throughout his isolation.
It might ease your worry if you take regular lft?

Ignore everyone who is saying he could have caught it at the supermarket.
That's really unlikely
It's much more likely that he caught it on his work night out, which was inside for probably a few hours (much longer than a quick jaunt round Tesco) with people who probably weren't wearing masks or being socially distanced.
There was an event at my company about a week ago - lots of people in a huge room for several hours, fairly well spaced out.
It's looking like it's ONLY the people who went on to the pub afterwards who have caught Covid.....

OP go easy on yourself, you have had a difficult time, and this is just the final dose of rubbishness and its done you. It's ok to feel how you do, but just work out the plan for the next few days and take it easy.

I get the sleep thing, hang in there.

YANBU

Of course you aren’t being unreasonable. Every time we take a risk, we affect others with Covid. With Omicron hitting so hard, he had the choice to meet them outside or more safely, but he didn’t. His choice to take a risk but that meant you were taking a risk that wasn’t OK.

And anyone saying he could have caught it at the shop or you were now asymptomatic, that’s BS.

Shops are incredibly low risk.

Schools. Indoor gatherings. High risk.

DH caught it. We all isolated as a family, then I went back to work (teacher).

Then, I caught it after we had been 'free' for a week.

Neither DH nor I went anywhere other than supermarkets. And we still caught it.

You are just pissed because DH went against your ideals. He could have caught it anywhere. As could you.

Give him a break.

You are a teacher and you think you caught it from a supermarket?!

I’m seriously worried about England with the pandemic.

No one seems to have a clue what is much higher risk. And no one seems to bear any responsibility anymore.

@TheUnicornDuck

YABU but when my DP caught covid I felt exactly the same. He isolated in the front room not ill just watching tv and playing computer games. And I was left with all the the childcare and working. We also lost his wages too as hes self emplyed- I was also angry he took the stupid test we would never have known if he hadn't!!!

You're angry because he tested

Idiot. You'd rather he was spreading it around???

I totally understand how you feel.
And feel for all of you.
I feel sorry for you and for your husband. I’ve been where you have been.
It’s a bitch of a time.
I hope you can find compassion for each other and get through

YANBU! You were aware of how much it would impact you, when you’re already at the end of your sleep-deprived tether. You asked him not to go. He ignored it all.

I would 💯 feel the same frustration

My son has Covid and so does his partner. He got it a few days after her. They have both still been doing chores and cooking. It’s not a free pass to dump all the work on you, not unless he’s really ill.

I totally understand your disappointment 💐 I'm so looking forward to.spending a family Christmas too. But we have all decided that if anyone tests positive we will nominate another day and call that Christmas...as we only have a 7 day isolation it might still fall within our holiday or to pick the first weekend after...just an idea?

[quote Bookishnerd]@bg21 I’m sorry you felt the need to call me a dick. You are perfectly entitled to, but I think it’s unfair. I’ve admitted I was unreasonable.

I’ve had the worst year of my life. So I’m feeling hugely emotionally vulnerable.

Your post was rude and unnecessary but I hope it made you feel better[/quote]
You are not a dick. You are tired and stressed, which is understandable.

You can still have a good Christmas, it will just be a bit more chilled which is what you need by the sounds of it.

Realistically what do you need to cancel/change? Were you seeing people? Dh can help with everything,you said yourself that he’s not too poorly.
Is it just you three at home?

I’m sorry that you are struggling.

@Bookishnerd

Ok, so it’s a universal opinion that I’m wrong. I’ll take that. But what’s wrong with me then? Why am I so angry? I’ve just had enough of this fucking year

YANBU for being mightily pissed off because you are frustrated

YABU for apportioning blame. He didn't invent covid to spite you, he could have had it a while and not known or....YOU could have given it to him!

Have a bottle glass of Baileys!

Sorry OP, I regret my comment which is nasty, and have asked for it to be removed. I hope you have a lovely Christmas together.

Ew @Joystir59 at least you're getting it removed. You don't just sound nasty there, but
also embarrassingly ignorant. Bad morning already?