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Original poster

To be furious at my husband for catching Covid?

272 replies

Bookishnerd · 22/12/2021 21:20

To give context first - my DH has tested positive today, but he’s fine. We’re all boosted. He’s just got a bit of a cough and is tired.

He’s a good guy, but I am LIVID.

I think he caught it from going out on Friday night. Like most people, we’ve had a really rough year. My husband doesn’t have many friends and doesn’t go out very much. We’ve had it rough this year - we have a 20-month-old, no family nearby and my DH works shifts. My DS doesn’t sleep well and we’re all knackered.

I went out to a small gathering in someone’s house a few weeks ago, though I wasn’t drinking, there were four of us and we were distanced and well-ventilated. We all lateral flowed before we went. It was also pre Omicron.

My DH was due to go to his office party, but it was cancelled. A few people wanted to go out anyway, and he decided to go. I asked him not to. I was very measured, saying that I absolutely thought he should go out with his friends, but that I thought they should do it outdoors in a beer garden etc. I explained that I was worried about Omicron, especially so close to Christmas. We don’t have any childcare so I didn’t want to get wiped out over the festive period. Reader, he went anyway. And today he tested positive.

Of course he could’ve got it anywhere. He works outside the home, and omicron is everywhere right now. I could’ve brought it in too.

But. But. I bloody TOLD HIM SO.

And now I’m facing a Christmas with him in isolation and me doing all the childcare. Cooking Christmas dinner on my own, dealing with my DS’s shit sleep, and I’m working right up until Christmas Eve. I’m also scared of getting it myself. I’m overweight and am under investigation for some health things. I’m not clinically vulnerable, but I still don’t want to get it.

I don’t want to make my DH feel any worse, so of course I am just seething instead of saying anything. But he hasn’t even acknowledged that it might’ve been a poor decision.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
5128gap · 22/12/2021 21:32

Thats awful and I feel for you. But don't be angry with him for lawfully living his life and accidentally catching a virus. It really is bad luck, as I and many others have been to clubs gigs and parties and not caught it. Rage at fate, not at your H.

DancerPrancerDonnerBlitzen · 22/12/2021 21:32

@Bookishnerd

Ok so it seems like maybe I’m being unreasonable. I’m just so pissed off with everything right now. Maybe I’m projecting my anger onto him
Understandable that you're annoyed! Nobody wants covid in their house just before Christmas.

But I do think your op is U. As others have said, he could have caught it anywhere.

LittleBearPad · 22/12/2021 21:32

@LittleBearPad

YABU I’m afraid. He could have got it anywhere. If you’ve had your boosters then you’re unlikely to get very ill if you even get it.

I’d not stress about self isolating and have a nice Christmas as much as possible. I have been there.

Obvs my last paragraph is within your house. He shouldn’t be going anywhere!!
breatheinskipthegym · 22/12/2021 21:33

It sounds as though you’re angry because you’re overburdened/overwhelmed, and this is another blow that increases the load on you. You need to talk, and find solutions that relieve that.

rainbowraindrop · 22/12/2021 21:33

My husband tested positive today too following a big group night out on Friday!! And I'm totally with you.. I am so angry.. not directed at him, no rows and I'm trying to be sympathetic but deep down i just want to shout I told you not to go out! We have 2 kids 3&4 and I'm so sad we can't see anyone. He has of course told us to continue on as normal but all my grandparents and some aunts are vulnerable so it doesn't sit right to go see everyone anyway, even though it's perfectly within the rules! We could do LFTs but he tested negative on one this morning, then positive 2 hours later!

DailyMailHater · 22/12/2021 21:33

You could have had it and been asymptomatic and passed it to him.
I think you can be frustrated but not angry / annoyed

CactusLemonSpice · 22/12/2021 21:34

I can completely understand being frustrated at the situation as it stands. But, as you said yourself he doesn't have a lot of friends and you've both had a hard year, he probably needed a bit of social interaction. We have been in this pandemic for years now, we don't know how much longer we'll be in it, we can't just not see friends indefinitely.

Could you make it easier on yourself by getting a takeaway for Christmas or something? Rather than trying to cook a roast with a toddler and sick partner?

I'm sorry he is unwell and I hope he recovers quickly and you manage not to get ill. Let's hope 2022 will be an easier year.

LJAKS · 22/12/2021 21:34

I'm clearly in the minority but I would be (and am) irrationally angry in this situation.
In our case my ExH went to a large scale football game on a supporters bus and they all got it. He has our child eow and took our them without testing first despite being symptomatic then tested two hours later which was of course positive. I went and removed the child that instant and 3 days later they tested positive. He will be out of isolation for Xmas day. I won't be. Also means my partner can't see his child at Xmas because we have to isolate. I know, rationally, that it could have come from anywhere. But it doesn't make it any less shit when you're in it and you're allowed to be sad that the plans you made are fucked, again.

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 22/12/2021 21:35

I got covid, didnt isolate from my family (as I was a week in when the positive came through) None of my family got it, we just isolated from the rest of the world. If he is well then just carry on as normal.

Stade197 · 22/12/2021 21:35

Yabu, its been a tough year and wanted to do something nice with friends, he could have caught it at work, you could have given it to him

I dont want to sound mean but just be grateful he isnt in hospital or dying from it, he probably already feels awful for getting it too

MorganKitten · 22/12/2021 21:35

It was also pre Omicron

It’s been here since November, so you can’t guarantee that. You also can’t guarantee where he got it. It seems like it’s more resenting he went out even though you did too.

DancerPrancerDonnerBlitzen · 22/12/2021 21:35

PS: I work in a restaurant and am just waiting to catch it if I'm honest!

But, I've got this far without catching it and have also been out in Central London a few times in the last few weeks (stopped going when Omicron was just beginning to kick off). I was on packed trains, including the vomit comet from Waterloo last thing at night and in busy bars etc. I didn't catch it. Been doing regular LFTs for work obviously. So, although I was lucky and your dh wasn't, I can see why he went.

Blindingpeaky · 22/12/2021 21:36

I had a positive covid test today. I haven't been anywhere apart from shopping. Christmas is ruined (seeing his family we haven't seen for years). My husband is cross with me, he says he isnt, but I can feel it from him. Its making me feel devastated. Just another perspective

SpanielsAreMyLife · 22/12/2021 21:36

I think I caught it from a mass vaccination clinic (was made to sit in a hot, overcrowded waiting room for 15 minutes post booster), it's the only thing I can think of. And I gave it to DH and both of my DD's, and a work colleague who has since passed it onto 2 of her DC.

I feel absolutely awful about it.

No one catches Covid for fun, trust me.

Inastatus · 22/12/2021 21:37

YABU but I understand your frustration. However, no need for him to isolate from you and your DS unless you are really frightened about getting it? If you do need him to isolate then there’s no need to do a full on Xmas dinner surely?

blueshiningsea · 22/12/2021 21:37

I think some things can just send you over the edge, I’ve been feeling very emotional recently after having covid. We’ve all had covid and isolating in the house didn’t work for us. Let you husband come out of the bedroom abs enjoy being together as a little family over Christmas x

godmum56 · 22/12/2021 21:37

@Bookishnerd

Ok, so it’s a universal opinion that I’m wrong. I’ll take that. But what’s wrong with me then? Why am I so angry? I’ve just had enough of this fucking year
because its been a shit year and I expect there are few people you can take your anger out on....we do it where we can feel safe. Its normal but not a good idea....not good for the relationship
SlashBeef · 22/12/2021 21:37

Wow Shock

PineConeWar · 22/12/2021 21:38

Everything seems worse when you're running on no sleep.
Ditch the Christmas dinner. Cook something simple and easy. What is your DS's favourite meal? Make that.
Sleep as much as you can. Sit and rest. Play with DS. Scale it right back.

StruggleStreet · 22/12/2021 21:38

It’s probably a bit unreasonable yes but I get it OP and I’m feeling the same with my husband. We have a two year old and a 10 week old who wakes every hour in the night. I’m utterly exhausted, I’ve been hanging by a thread and just waiting for DH to be off work over Christmas to share the load so I can get a break and catch up on some sleep. He tested positive on his first day off and has been really poorly so I’ve spent the last week looking after him as well as two kids on about 2 hours sleep a night.
Inside I’m furious but trying my best not to show it as I know it’s not his fault, and he keeps saying how guilty he feels that he’s become a burden rather than being able to help me
If it makes you feel any better, we’ve not been keeping separate in the house and I haven’t caught it yet (his symptoms started 8 days ago) so you may also get away with it and not get sick, particularly if you’ve had your booster

LagunaBubbles · 22/12/2021 21:38

Because you are so angry at him I would suspect something else is going on.

Tickledtrout · 22/12/2021 21:39

Yanbu to be frustrated but this variant is very contagious and he could have caught it anywhere.
I'd put off Christmas dinner until he was better - your son with care- and keep your distance. You certainly don't want him helping in the kitchen. There may be fewer hospitalisations with Omicron but it's highly contagious and I felt really rough with it ( triple vaxx)
Be kind to yourself and him OP. Get outside with your DS while you can and hope DH tests negative on days six and seven

Allmadeoflego · 22/12/2021 21:39

I’d be annoyed too. Yes he could have caught it anywhere but had this exact same situation this week and Dh chose not to go out (slightly different as if we catch it - Christmas is totally off - going to Family and literally have nowt in the house).

However - I honestly think if it’s Omicron you’re probably going to get it (or eben already have it) so it’s pointless him isolating from you. Just crack on as you were.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/12/2021 21:39

Op are you doing everything because he's isolating away from you so not mixing with DS or joining you for meals etc?

SmallElephant · 22/12/2021 21:40

OP, I understand that this may not be your choice given what you said about having health conditions. But in these circumstances I would not isolate from DH within the house. It's generally mild, you'll probably catch it anyway and I'd be prepared to take the risk rather than do all of Christmas on my own.

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