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Original poster

To be furious at my husband for catching Covid?

272 replies

Bookishnerd · 22/12/2021 21:20

To give context first - my DH has tested positive today, but he’s fine. We’re all boosted. He’s just got a bit of a cough and is tired.

He’s a good guy, but I am LIVID.

I think he caught it from going out on Friday night. Like most people, we’ve had a really rough year. My husband doesn’t have many friends and doesn’t go out very much. We’ve had it rough this year - we have a 20-month-old, no family nearby and my DH works shifts. My DS doesn’t sleep well and we’re all knackered.

I went out to a small gathering in someone’s house a few weeks ago, though I wasn’t drinking, there were four of us and we were distanced and well-ventilated. We all lateral flowed before we went. It was also pre Omicron.

My DH was due to go to his office party, but it was cancelled. A few people wanted to go out anyway, and he decided to go. I asked him not to. I was very measured, saying that I absolutely thought he should go out with his friends, but that I thought they should do it outdoors in a beer garden etc. I explained that I was worried about Omicron, especially so close to Christmas. We don’t have any childcare so I didn’t want to get wiped out over the festive period. Reader, he went anyway. And today he tested positive.

Of course he could’ve got it anywhere. He works outside the home, and omicron is everywhere right now. I could’ve brought it in too.

But. But. I bloody TOLD HIM SO.

And now I’m facing a Christmas with him in isolation and me doing all the childcare. Cooking Christmas dinner on my own, dealing with my DS’s shit sleep, and I’m working right up until Christmas Eve. I’m also scared of getting it myself. I’m overweight and am under investigation for some health things. I’m not clinically vulnerable, but I still don’t want to get it.

I don’t want to make my DH feel any worse, so of course I am just seething instead of saying anything. But he hasn’t even acknowledged that it might’ve been a poor decision.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Makingnumber2 · 23/12/2021 06:56

I would be feeling exactly same as you OP because ultimately your DH took a risk which has now severely impacted on you, your wellbeing and your Christmas. That’s what would piss me off about the situation- he’s taken a risk for his own enjoyment and that has led to my misery. Having said that, we can’t live our lives to only please others but I would have expected my husband to have had more consideration on this occasion because of how high case numbers are, because of the isolation rules and because it’s Christmas. Don’t feel bad for feeling angry- I think it’s understandable and to a certain extent justified. I hope Christmas isn’t as exhausting for you as you’re worried it might be Flowers

UnsuitableHat · 23/12/2021 06:57

That’s shit for you, but don’t go down the blame route.

Beadebaser · 23/12/2021 07:14

@Bookishnerd

I think the pre discussion bit here is the vital bit - that decisions need to be made as a family - especially as you have a young child. Think everyone should have been in agreement at that point - whether that’s through a compromise etc. There will be lots of future decisions like this to come as a family, so I’d maybe have a discussion now about being on board, together, as a family for future decision making.

Hope he recovers soon and your Xmas is bearable. Keep it very low key, don’t put pressure on yourself, get things delivered so you don’t have to cook, take yourself off to bed when little one sleeps, even if it’s middle of the day!

Beadebaser · 23/12/2021 07:16

And judging by my FB page, you are definitely not alone. Lots of families seem to be isolating this Xmas - and seeing it as an opportunity to do nothing, watch TV and hibernate.

Beadebaser · 23/12/2021 07:21

My 2 and a half year old is absolutely clueless about Xmas, doesn’t give a toss about presents or Santa - and will be happiest on Xmas day with a tub of quality Street wrappers. The effort of a stocking will be completely lost on him.

AD80 · 23/12/2021 07:34

Yes you are being unreasonable. I get the stress but honestly you can catch it anywhere. My own dp does not go out at all apart from
Work - and he caught it at work. We all caught it. It's been a stressful couple weeks but we've all got through it.

Like I said, you can catch it anywhere.

If he's not feeling too bad I'm sure he can help entertaining your child, with Christmas etc!

Christmas dinner isn't compulsory. I've been tempted not to bother and just eat pizza!

mrsbitaly · 23/12/2021 07:37

I do get why you are frustrated I would feel frustrated. Yes as others have said he could of got it anywhere it's no ones fault it's a shit situation though due the festive period.

User135644 · 23/12/2021 07:47

@Bookishnerd

Also, I didn’t try to stop him from going. I asked him to move from an indoor venue to a beer garden.
Loads of people stayed in the last week/cancelled plans to avoiding having Covid over Christmas.

YANBU to ask him not to have a night out and to be angry he's now got Covid at Christmas.. he hasn't really done anything wrong but don't beat yourself up.

liveforsummer · 23/12/2021 07:55

He works out of the home and so do you so there was a high chance one of you was coming home with it before Xmas anyway. He's not unwell so why do you think you will need to do everything. He's now home and you're working so surely he'll be doing more not less?

ElectraBlue · 23/12/2021 07:58

You have no way of knowing where he caught Covid...Chill.

Mother40 · 23/12/2021 07:59

I've not read all the comments, but I think I'm in the minority thinking you're not being unreasonable at all. As a family we decided to be as careful as we could before christmas. I would not go to a busy pub right now, and as you asked him not to, I think he should have considered your opinion.

Newestname002 · 23/12/2021 08:15

Sorry you are going through such a tough time @Bookishnerd. Totally inadequate I know, but I'm sending you a huge hug. 🌹

SilverGlitterBaubles · 23/12/2021 08:18

@Nicknacky

We need to stop blaming people for catching a virus.

Everyone has had a tough time, don’t assign blame.

This. Especially right now I realise there is extra pressure for everything to be ok on the day but how awful to be blamed for ruining Christmas. Things are bad enough people don't need that sh**
NoWigNoWit · 23/12/2021 08:24

DH tested positive LFT yesterday, he’s currently at the PCR site but we’re fully prepared for it to come back positive.

Did the usual piss take out of him Xmas Grin but would never be angry with him. We both work out of the home so it was inevitable.

We were due to spend Xmas day with family which we were looking forward to, but now we get to eat buffet food and drink gin by the fire.

I’ve always worried about him getting it, for no other reason other than not wanting him to be seriously ill, but he has cold symptoms and that’s it so for that I’m also thankful!

SirChenjins · 23/12/2021 08:30

I'd be furious too. Yes, you can catch it anywhere, but the whole point is to minimise your chances of catching it by minimising contact with others, and piling into a pub right before Christmas doesn't exactly do that. I hope those few hours out were worth it, given he's now landed this on the family for the next 7-10 days.

girlmom21 · 23/12/2021 08:35

@Beadebaser

My 2 and a half year old is absolutely clueless about Xmas, doesn’t give a toss about presents or Santa - and will be happiest on Xmas day with a tub of quality Street wrappers. The effort of a stocking will be completely lost on him.
My 2.5 year old is absolutely buzzing for Christmas and would be devastated if it was cancelled or rearranged last minute. All young children are different. And besides, OP was excited too. It's not just about the kids.
Perfect28 · 23/12/2021 08:35

I wouldn't let him isolate. My dh and baby recently caught it and I didn't. If there are children (especially young babies) involved it's completely out of order to expect one parent to do every single second of childcare for the isolation period. Nope.

Perfect28 · 23/12/2021 08:36

I mean isolate at home. Ie. Lock himself in another room and expect meals etc.

BoredZelda · 23/12/2021 10:29

Well I'm sure he didn't catch it on purpose

I’m sure he did put himself into a high risk situation on purpose, just because he fancied a drink with his mates.

Fuck sake, people are talking as of he had no idea of the risk or no alternative to avoid it, three days before Christmas, when there is a lot to do.

liveforsummer · 23/12/2021 10:41

Fuck sake, people are talking as of he had no idea of the risk or no alternative to avoid it, three days before Christmas, when there is a lot to do.

Doesn't sound like he's particularly unwell though so he can still do anything that's not outside the home

LittleBearPad · 23/12/2021 11:04

I am bewildered as to why everything now falls on OP. He’s not seriously ill. He can pitch in.

SirChenjins · 23/12/2021 12:25

I took the OP to mean her DH is isolating from her and their DS because she doesn't want to get it as she's overweight and under investigation for some health things - which means her DH can't do much/anything that brings him in to contact with her, their DS or others. Still, he got his pints in, so all's well.

LittleBearPad · 23/12/2021 12:34

I’m sceptical that people can effectively isolate in a house.

There’s no evidence he picked it up in the pub. It could have been anywhere so there’s no sense in being angry as the OP has acknowledged

liveforsummer · 23/12/2021 12:39

If so picked it up on Friday then he's probably been infectious since at about Monday. Bit late to worry about isolating now tbh. As a pp said it's pretty inevitable everyone who is going to get it will get it shortly so might as well get it out the way anyway. Having said that I didn't Cath it the Horne week when both dc had it. Absolutely no attempt to stay away from them. Dd2 was sleeping in my bed breathing in my face and stilling drinks from my glass. Vaccine obviously worked in my case

zoeFromCity · 23/12/2021 12:48

@LittleBearPad

I’m sceptical that people can effectively isolate in a house.

There’s no evidence he picked it up in the pub. It could have been anywhere so there’s no sense in being angry as the OP has acknowledged

I'm sure that had he picked it up while doing (only) normal everyday operations or work, the OP would mark it to bad luck. However, he caught it specifically in the moment when he did something with known high risk.

If you don't believe in effective isolation in the house, I'd expect you to see it as even worse, as he was effectively risking whole family's health, Christmas, much needed rest and enjoyment of annual leave, just for several hours and a few pints.

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