To be furious at my husband for catching Covid?

[Bookishnerd]

To give context first - my DH has tested positive today, but he’s fine. We’re all boosted. He’s just got a bit of a cough and is tired.

He’s a good guy, but I am LIVID.

I think he caught it from going out on Friday night. Like most people, we’ve had a really rough year. My husband doesn’t have many friends and doesn’t go out very much. We’ve had it rough this year - we have a 20-month-old, no family nearby and my DH works shifts. My DS doesn’t sleep well and we’re all knackered.

I went out to a small gathering in someone’s house a few weeks ago, though I wasn’t drinking, there were four of us and we were distanced and well-ventilated. We all lateral flowed before we went. It was also pre Omicron.

My DH was due to go to his office party, but it was cancelled. A few people wanted to go out anyway, and he decided to go. I asked him not to. I was very measured, saying that I absolutely thought he should go out with his friends, but that I thought they should do it outdoors in a beer garden etc. I explained that I was worried about Omicron, especially so close to Christmas. We don’t have any childcare so I didn’t want to get wiped out over the festive period. Reader, he went anyway. And today he tested positive.

Of course he could’ve got it anywhere. He works outside the home, and omicron is everywhere right now. I could’ve brought it in too.

But. But. I bloody TOLD HIM SO.

And now I’m facing a Christmas with him in isolation and me doing all the childcare. Cooking Christmas dinner on my own, dealing with my DS’s shit sleep, and I’m working right up until Christmas Eve. I’m also scared of getting it myself. I’m overweight and am under investigation for some health things. I’m not clinically vulnerable, but I still don’t want to get it.

I don’t want to make my DH feel any worse, so of course I am just seething instead of saying anything. But he hasn’t even acknowledged that it might’ve been a poor decision.

Am I being unreasonable?

Do you remember the Brass Eye skit with Good AIDS and Bad AIDS? Because this is how a lot of people seem to be conceiving of the pandemic. There's Good COVID, where you get it despite Being Very Careful, presumably off some irresponsible covidiot, and there's Bad COVID, where you brought it on yourself and have possibly wiped out a nursing home full of grannies. In reality it's a highly infectious disease that doesn't give a stuff how virtuous you are, and attaching moral value to it is deeply stupid and also will backfire on you if and when you catch it.

Aw I'm sorry you're struggling op. I get why you're angry, I would too tbh however unreasonable. Well done for not reacting though. Ignore anyone else that's still giving you a hard time and enjoy Christmas as best you can. Best of luck for 2022.

I think YABU, but at the same time it's totally understandable to be having these emotions after everything we've all been through throughout the pandemic. It's ok to have and acknowledge those feelings, just don't act on them I guess.

But do make him do stuff if he's not actually ill.

Are they? I think people are (rightly) saying that it absolutely is highly infectious and so you should minimise your contact with others and therefore your chances of catching it/passing it on, and do all the other common sense things like get vaccinated if you don't have any physical conditions that prevent you from doing so/wear a clean mask/distance/wash your hands. What exactly is wrong with that?

Sorry, that to @pucelleauxblanchesmains

If he feels fine why are you doing all the childcare/sleep wakings/cooking?

Because it seems from the OP that he's isolating in the house.

@SirChenjins because you can get it in a supermarket! You can get it when you take precautions! It's nobody's fault they get it and you often can't be sure which incident you got it from anyway. I have a hospital appointment this week that I am fully aware I could get COVID from if I'm unlucky, despite having three jabs and a mask on. I don't think it's my fault in any meaningful sense if I do.

Yes, you can get it in supermarkets and hospitals, both of which are essential (unless you're online and lucky enough to get a delivery slot). My point was that the message is to minimise unnecessary contact, and a few pints in a busy pub isn't actually necessary.

@SirChenjins

Yes, you can get it in supermarkets and hospitals, both of which are essential (unless you're online and lucky enough to get a delivery slot). My point was that the message is to minimise unnecessary contact, and a few pints in a busy pub isn't actually necessary.

It's not necessary but it's not illegal and it's not for anybody to bloody police it. This moral superiority on MN is honestly pathetic.

Doesn't sound like he's particularly unwell though so he can still do anything that's not outside the home

He’s isolating so his selfishness doesn’t affect others even more.

Bit late to worry about isolating now tbh.

You’re driving and realise you haven’t out your seatbelt on. You still have half your journey to do, do you put your belt on or say “bit late now”?

It's not necessary but it's not illegal and it's not for anybody to bloody police it. This moral superiority on MN is honestly pathetic.

Except for the OP. Who his selfishness affects directly, you mean. Plenty of stuff isn’t illegal but is still ill advised when it affects your family.

I could have written this. I was furious too ... for a good few days. I've just about calmed down now and we are 9 days down. I wish it was me who got covid so I could be a lazy arse having lie ins, fully catered and watching tv uninterrupted. Sounds like a luxury to mums of toddlers.

We ABU but it's a reminder that we seriously need some sort of break.

Who's 'bloody policing' it?

@SirChenjins

Who's 'bloody policing' it?

Your snarky comments about "getting a few pints in". Judgemental.

@BoredZelda

It's not necessary but it's not illegal and it's not for anybody to bloody police it. This moral superiority on MN is honestly pathetic.

Except for the OP. Who his selfishness affects directly, you mean. Plenty of stuff isn’t illegal but is still ill advised when it affects your family.

It's not for anybody to tell someone what they can and can't do, regardless if it's family.

I've got Covid and I'm pretty sure I caught it mad Friday as all the pubs I went to were very busy

If you chose to take 'a few pints in' as judgemental and snarky then that's your problem.

He's likely to be well enough to keep going without any issues. Yes, he can't leave the house but he can still clean, do bath time, wrap presents etc.

I'm finishing my isolation tomorrow and I've felt absolutely fine except for the initial 12 hours.

YABU for being annoyed with him. It's a shame that he's caught it now, but eventually we are all going to catch it. It's just a question of when.

@SirChenjins

If you chose to take 'a few pints in' as judgemental and snarky then that's your problem.

Bit disingenuous…

Not at all

Oh OP, it's been a shit year & yabu about him but not U to be angry. I'm also easier to rage lately than ever.

Perhaps I'm peri-menopausal. My mother is dying, my siblings frustrate me immensely & I was looking through local counsellors yesterday to try and find someone suitable to talk to. All going well until I find one who lists off all the types of allies he is - gay, bi, trans....vegan. Wtf? Who needs a vegan ally? I can't tell you how disproportionately raging it made me. Im still cross about it. This is just one of many things of late that frustrate me. You are not alone in your frustration & anger. I don't know if that helps but go easy on yourself & your dh.