To be furious at my husband for catching Covid?

[Bookishnerd]

To give context first - my DH has tested positive today, but he’s fine. We’re all boosted. He’s just got a bit of a cough and is tired.

He’s a good guy, but I am LIVID.

I think he caught it from going out on Friday night. Like most people, we’ve had a really rough year. My husband doesn’t have many friends and doesn’t go out very much. We’ve had it rough this year - we have a 20-month-old, no family nearby and my DH works shifts. My DS doesn’t sleep well and we’re all knackered.

I went out to a small gathering in someone’s house a few weeks ago, though I wasn’t drinking, there were four of us and we were distanced and well-ventilated. We all lateral flowed before we went. It was also pre Omicron.

My DH was due to go to his office party, but it was cancelled. A few people wanted to go out anyway, and he decided to go. I asked him not to. I was very measured, saying that I absolutely thought he should go out with his friends, but that I thought they should do it outdoors in a beer garden etc. I explained that I was worried about Omicron, especially so close to Christmas. We don’t have any childcare so I didn’t want to get wiped out over the festive period. Reader, he went anyway. And today he tested positive.

Of course he could’ve got it anywhere. He works outside the home, and omicron is everywhere right now. I could’ve brought it in too.

But. But. I bloody TOLD HIM SO.

And now I’m facing a Christmas with him in isolation and me doing all the childcare. Cooking Christmas dinner on my own, dealing with my DS’s shit sleep, and I’m working right up until Christmas Eve. I’m also scared of getting it myself. I’m overweight and am under investigation for some health things. I’m not clinically vulnerable, but I still don’t want to get it.

I don’t want to make my DH feel any worse, so of course I am just seething instead of saying anything. But he hasn’t even acknowledged that it might’ve been a poor decision.

Am I being unreasonable?

@Nicknacky

We need to stop blaming people for catching a virus.

Everyone has had a tough time, don’t assign blame.

Absolutely 100% this!

Personally I think he was incredibly selfish and I would be pissed off too. I think it's bonkers to be going out for a night out in the pub in the current situation so close to Christmas when we have such a contagious variant sweeping the country and someone getting it derails Christmas for everyone else.

Perhaps he didn't get it there, who knows, but it was still a shitty decision.

I understand a bit, but I think largely your annoyance is that you'll be left to do everything and be on your own for Christmas while he presumably isolates upstairs - for starters I wouldn't bother with that. Unless there's a good reason you really can't risk catching Covid I'd crack on as normal on the assumption you're probably going to get it from elsewhere anyway at some point, so you might as well get it now. That's what I'd do anyway.

FWIW I'd be livid too, but I have quite a low tolerance for basically anything and spend half my life seething.

You’re livid because you’ve had a bad year, you’re sleep deprived, you’re isolated/unsupported by family.

We are in the middle of a very transmissible virus. He could have got it anywhere. Anywhere.

Don’t blame him. He isn’t to blame. And where does the blame get you?

DH's meeting gathering was in some public pub? If so, YANBU.
Yes, any of you could catch it everywhere, but there is a big difference between meeting with three friends who do the LFT and doing one totally unnecessary pub visit. He is adult, so he should be responsible to his family.

How does he imagine his isolation? Has he come with any ideas how to make your life easier now?

Aw poor you. Sounds like you’re dealing with a lot. Neither of you are unreasonable.

Could you just forget the trimmings this year and just take this as a sign from the universe to just relax as the three of you. Since you’re not allowed guests now and only have a baby who doesn’t care about the traditions etc, you’ve been absolved from all pressure. Easy food, great films, ordering loads of treats for yourselves.

YABU as you’ve said. You need to give him a break.
You need to support each other else life will be twice as difficult.

I honestly think the majority of people are feeling tired, emotional and fed up.
There has been a few similar threads over the past few days and I usually love this time of year but I hate it this year for some reason.

Could you just forget the trimmings this year and just take this as a sign from the universe to just relax as the three of you. Since you’re not allowed guests now and only have a baby who doesn’t care about the traditions etc, you’ve been absolved from all pressure. Easy food, great films, ordering loads of treats for yourselves.

What a wonderful post and great idea!

Use this time to relax and just have proper family time with your little unit without the stress that usually comes with Christmas.

YABVU!

Poor bloke. He's sick and you're literally kicking him when he's down.

I would be pretty pissed off with him too.
You asked him not to go & gave good reason.

@JingleBellez

YABVU!

Poor bloke. He's sick and you're literally kicking him when he's down.

I doubt she’s literally kicking him.

Read the op’s posts again. She has said she was unreasonable.

I don’t think you’re being completely unreasonable actually. He took a risk he really didn’t need to, a week before Christmas, and now things are harder than they needed to be when you’re already at the end of your tether.

Make him do as much of the prep whilst self isolating as you can. In fact take yourself and the toddler out for some long walks and make him do all the at home prep.

I get it OP.

DH went on his works do last week and I said he will get it and he did.

He was hospitalised this time last year with it and now he's got it again.

Didn't see my parents last year and this year we have had to cancel, but it is shit times for everyone all we can do is make the best of it.

I can't be angry with him now he's ill he feels bad enough as it is.

YABU. End.

Dh is more risk averse than me and won’t go out. I’m going to the gym, meeting friends for lunch, etc. If dh was mad with me if I catch it I’d be disappointed with him. I’m not putting my life on hold. What will be will be.

YABU I don't understand why you were trying to stop him from going, it's time to stop with this lock yourself away thing. You've been vaccinated so just get on with things. Both my husband and I have been out on Christmas do's the past week, someone I went out with at the weekend tested positive on Monday. She's fine like many people, simply just has a cold. If your husband isn't really ill why are you doing everything?

I understand why you feel the way you do op. It sounds like you risk assessed your evening out and took steps to make it as safe as possible and he didn't do the same.

I wouldn't be isolating him away if he's feeling fine while you do everything, he can do what needs to be done at home and help relieve the burden on you. My dc tested positive a few weeks ago and we didn't isolate them away and none of the rest of us tested positive.

YANBU pubs are probably most likely place to get it

Congratulations. You are on the moral high ground. make him pay for all eternity - and then some.

@TheUnicornDuck

YABU but when my DP caught covid I felt exactly the same. He isolated in the front room not ill just watching tv and playing computer games. And I was left with all the the childcare and working. We also lost his wages too as hes self emplyed- I was also angry he took the stupid test we would never have known if he hadn't!!!

So if he hadn't taken the test he could have gone out and infected someone vulnerable and you think that's what he should have done?

For those who didn’t RTFT

• I never said that I would act on these feelings. I wasn’t going to speak to him about it while he was poorly

• I have admitted I was unreasonable.

• I’m exhausted. I’m low. I’m lonely. Christmas was the one bloody highlight in this godawful year. I was looking forward to it. It’s going to be different and I am not coping well with it.

I have said I was unreasonable. Isn’t that what this thread is for? Checking your innermost fears to see whether your moral antenna is on point or out of kilter?

You don’t know what I’ve been through this year. I’ve said I feel like a knob. Lay off

YABU

If you're not vulnerable or seeing anyone vulnerable, I'd treat it as though he had a cold, which is exactly what he's showing symptoms of. Would you make him isolate from you for ten days for that? Presumably not... If he's just got a bit of a cough and is tired, he can help out, even if he's not doing as much as he might do normally.

@Bookishnerd

Ok, so it’s a universal opinion that I’m wrong. I’ll take that. But what’s wrong with me then? Why am I so angry? I’ve just had enough of this fucking year

Nothing. It's been a hard couple of years, especially if you have a toddler, and now you've drawn the short straw with him getting it over Christmas. It's reasonable to be unreasonable in that situation. The circumstances are very fucking annoying.

Don’t know where you live but numbers so high in some London boroughs I honestly believe it’s blowing about in the wind. In your shoes I’d take the opportunity to catch this very mild version of the virus while you can!