To be furious at my husband for catching Covid?

[Bookishnerd]

To give context first - my DH has tested positive today, but he’s fine. We’re all boosted. He’s just got a bit of a cough and is tired.

He’s a good guy, but I am LIVID.

I think he caught it from going out on Friday night. Like most people, we’ve had a really rough year. My husband doesn’t have many friends and doesn’t go out very much. We’ve had it rough this year - we have a 20-month-old, no family nearby and my DH works shifts. My DS doesn’t sleep well and we’re all knackered.

I went out to a small gathering in someone’s house a few weeks ago, though I wasn’t drinking, there were four of us and we were distanced and well-ventilated. We all lateral flowed before we went. It was also pre Omicron.

My DH was due to go to his office party, but it was cancelled. A few people wanted to go out anyway, and he decided to go. I asked him not to. I was very measured, saying that I absolutely thought he should go out with his friends, but that I thought they should do it outdoors in a beer garden etc. I explained that I was worried about Omicron, especially so close to Christmas. We don’t have any childcare so I didn’t want to get wiped out over the festive period. Reader, he went anyway. And today he tested positive.

Of course he could’ve got it anywhere. He works outside the home, and omicron is everywhere right now. I could’ve brought it in too.

But. But. I bloody TOLD HIM SO.

And now I’m facing a Christmas with him in isolation and me doing all the childcare. Cooking Christmas dinner on my own, dealing with my DS’s shit sleep, and I’m working right up until Christmas Eve. I’m also scared of getting it myself. I’m overweight and am under investigation for some health things. I’m not clinically vulnerable, but I still don’t want to get it.

I don’t want to make my DH feel any worse, so of course I am just seething instead of saying anything. But he hasn’t even acknowledged that it might’ve been a poor decision.

Am I being unreasonable?

You are definitely being vvvv unreasonable. However, given the level of your anger over this, it would be worth talking to someone/getting some help for your own mental health as it seems you have reacted disproportionately.

You're angry because it's one more crappy thing that may, just may, have been preventable.

It may not have, he may not have caught it that night, so hang on to that.

You're not a knob, just tired and pissed off and need a focus for those feelings.

As others say, keep Xmas as low key as you can. You and ds should have a PCR test as close contacts, but if negative, you can still go out for walks etc.

Hopefully, dh will have very mild symptoms and be well enough to take on 50% or more of Xmas.

Take care and vent away.

You're pissed off because you bloody told him so and you've got to fanny around on and through Christmas unable to just do what you want.

He can't just pop to the shop at 7pm on Christmas Eve when you're doing bath time and realise you've forgotten cranberry sauce.

It's just the annoying little bits of bollocks that'll have to change when you just wanted to relax with your family after a shit year.

I get it.

Just postpone Christmas, have easy food and rest as much as you can.

@Bookishnerd

Ok, so it’s a universal opinion that I’m wrong. I’ll take that. But what’s wrong with me then? Why am I so angry? I’ve just had enough of this fucking year

Nothing is wrong with you. You are understandably very disappointed at the latest disappointment in a very disappointing year. I'd be furious too and very upset. I just think you're aiming all that natural feeling at the wrong target.

@Bookishnerd do you know how to hide threads? Do that

YABU about the Covid. I don't think he did anything wrong if he's out and about anyway, he didn't specifically jeopardise your Christmas by going to that event in particular.

However, if the balance is that he does what he wants and doesn't pull his weight in a more general sense, leaving you dealing with too many things in an unfair way, then YANBU about all that.

YABVU

My DH went out on Monday for the first time in over 6 months and it didn't occur to me to tell him not to go. , Covid can easily be caught anywhere and it is just one of those things

I sympathise but tbh you'd be just as angry if you caught it I think. Angry at the loss of the straightforward Xmas etc
Anyway be nice in case you catch it and you want sympathy from him

[quote Nicknacky]@StruggleStreet Why on earth are you “furious”? It’s hardly his fault![/quote]
I don’t know, probably something to do with the horrendous sleep deprivation. My feelings are my feelings, our emotions aren’t always rational. Like I’ve said, I’m not outwardly expressing it to him.

@TiredyMcTired

You are definitely being vvvv unreasonable. However, given the level of your anger over this, it would be worth talking to someone/getting some help for your own mental health as it seems you have reacted disproportionately.

Don't be daft. The woman has just watched her plans for Christmas fly out of the window at the 11th hour. She's hardly going to be doing the happy dance. She's frustrated and upset. As would be the majority of people.

When my son tested positive we just decided to hunker down as a family let it run its course then get better together.
If I was in your situation I'd do the same now you can't have Xmas alone.

Och don't sweat it OP. You needed a vent, you've had one, the power of AIBU has talked you round. It's not all vipers and penis beakers round these parts, sometimes we're actually quite useful!

FWIW I'm really sorry that he's got it and that it's going to have an impact on your Christmas. With a 20 month old baby I'd drop any efforts at doing a 'big' Christmas. Get a takeaway, or stick a pizza in the oven, let the housework go. Just hunker down and get through it. Celebrate in January. All will be well xxx

Don't be too hard on yourself and just make the best of this situation x x x x

Dh comes out of isolating tomorrow. It’s not his fault, Dd brought it home from school. That hasn’t meant that I haven’t been annoyed. He’s mostly stayed in our bedroom watching TV (as we wanted to reduce chances of needing to isolate on Christmas Day itself). I’ve had my moments - not blaming dh but angry at the situation. Me doing all childcare, dog care, prep for Christmas (which has been totally changed due to covid - should have flown abroad last weekend to see family overseas). However, I have given dh all the presents to wrap plus any life admin he could do online etc. It’s not his fault at all but i can’t help being frustrated as we’ve been so careful. If he’d put the family and our Christmas at risk for a party with friends I’d be seriously grumpy. Probably not a helpful response though.

I can absolutely see why you are upset OP I'm gutted that ds2 currently has COVID and our Christmas plans are in ruins. And he caught it at school and I sent him there!

On the other hand your dh is only mildly ill with an illness that once killed many people. So that's good - and he can definitely help with Christmas at home.

Why don't you give him a hug and look forward to a better year!

I think people are being really harsh. Yes it’s not his fault but it’s understandable to be annoyed however unreasonable it may be. The situation is totally rubbish and we want to feel like we have some semblance of control over it. Maybe postpone your celebrations a few days and do something easy to eat this weekend, watch some movies & try and take some naps with the toddler. It’s really rubbish and you are entitled to a vent

it’s too alt understandable that’s your pissed off, it’s just another shit thing to happen this year. I think everyone’s at the end of their tethers to be honest.

You’ll be ok.

Excuse typos!

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all OP. I think if he'd got it having NOT gone out unnecessarily and NOT deliberately risked your Christmas when you'd asked him not to, you'd be feeling a lot more sympathetic. As it is, I'd be feeling really pissed off in your situation.

Practicalities wise - are you planning on him staying apart from you and your dc in the house? If not he can still help with everything if not feeling ill with it. If he is staying isolated then do what others have suggested, forget a huge stressful Christmas dinner unless you'd Iike to do it and just make life as easy as possible for yourself.

Totally understand the frustrations but the whole blame thing needs to stop we're all in this shit thing together - it's a virus no one wants it but it's a little out of all our control - hugs 🤗

Are you mad?

You absolutely are being unreasonable. I was the one who “ruined” Christmas last year by testing positive on the 23rd. I caught it from one short, fully masked-up trip to the small Asda. It’s not fair, but life isn’t fair. Please don’t give your partner a hard time as he’ll be feeling guilty enough.

Bloody hell are people actually blaming each other for catching covid