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So disappointed that my mum may have risked Christmas.

516 replies

DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 11:14

My mum and dad love hosting Christmas Day - it’s been that way for about 15 years and all the family get together and it’s been a long running family tradition. There’s usually about 10-12 people in total.

Last year both parents (but especially my mum) were really upset that the family Christmas Day couldn’t go ahead because they see the event as such an important part of our family tradition. Some family members live in a different area of the country so it’s always been a lovey opportunity to get together.

Anyhow - over the last few months my parents have been getting into the festive mood and have been really excited about being able to host Christmas Day again and we’ve all really been looking forward to it. We all bring food contributions so the work load isn’t all on my parent’s shoulders and so we’ve all been planning it together etc.

However, I spoke to my mum last night and apparently on Wednesday night she went to a concert with some of her work friends to see a local band. She said it was in a small concert hall (so no ventilation) where everyone was singing and nobody had to wear masks. She said there were about 300 people there.

I was just gobsmacked.

I asked her why she would take that risk 10 days before Christmas when she is hosting everyone and especially when three of the family members are over 70 years old (although they are generally very well for their age).

She said “I won’t catch it”
I asked how she knew and she said after a very long pause, “I just won’t”

She said that as she is triple vaccinated she will be fine and that she had “been good” as she had her App turned on Confused I felt so exasperated and told her the App doesn’t stop people picking Covid up from someone else though!

I gently told her that I thought she was mad to have taken the risk.

I’m so disappointed - not so much for all of the family because if my mum/dad did get unwell and had to isolate then the rest of us would have Christmas Dinner somewhere else (me and husband would be happy to host) but I know my mum will be devastated again if she has to miss out on our traditional family celebration.

I just don’t understand why she’d take the risk.

I spoke to my sister about it this morning and she thinks I was out of order to express how I felt or try to make our mum feel guilty, and yes, maybe I was and my intention certainly wasn’t to guilt-trip her, but I was just so shocked when she told me.

I really hope she doesn’t catch it because she’s going to be so upset if she has to miss out on Christmas Day.

I know it was my mum’s risk to take but if she gets unwell I’m still going to feel so upset for her. It will put such a dampener on Christmas Day if she can’t be a part of it with the rest of us.

I just had to vent!!

OP posts:
LittleBabyCheeses · 17/12/2021 12:17

I’m hosting Christmas. I’ve done plenty of fun things in the lead up, as have my guests. If any of us test positive we’ll have to change our plans for the day. At least we’ll have had loads of fun in the meantime!

Orchid876 · 17/12/2021 12:18

Yes @2bazookas, this is a good point, although it's something to be aware of for anyone attending Christmas celebrations with others. I don't agree that OP's DM is silly. I have just tested positive, but I am completely symptom free. I did a LFT yesterday that had a very very faint line, and a LFT today is negative, but my PCR that I did yesterday is still positive. It's therefore possible to have no symptoms and negative LFTs, and still be positive. I guess that's why Chris Whitty is urging everyone to be careful, but that's not really the message that's come from many other quarters, such as our government, so I can see why OPs DM has the attitude that she does. If anyone has even mild cold symptoms, especially if they have kids at schools, they need a PCR test. My school is absolutely teeming with it this week, and we have so many off with a cold who haven't tested because they don't have a temp/cough etc, it's probably much more prevalent than even the confined cases suggest. I do think that if you're out and about in some parts of the country (particularly London) atm, your chances of catching it are very very high, and you may never know without a PCR test. Given that's not the message coming from government however, and they haven't even updated the symptom list with the actual symptoms, the blame lies with them for the resultant spread, not people like the OP's DM.

SueSaid · 17/12/2021 12:18

'If any of us test positive we’ll have to change our plans for the day. At least we’ll have had loads of fun in the meantime!'

Yes that's the spirit. However the op suggests the mother will be devastated if plans have to change.

HyacynthBucket · 17/12/2021 12:19

Hester Shawl and Purple Daisies
I was quoting an earlier poster who talked about fun.
Have a nice day!

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 17/12/2021 12:20

@BlackCatz

OPs mum has not. OP is entirely logical to be perplexed

Perplexed? 🤣

So perplexing that someone may want to enjoy their lives!

Oh gods! Really?

Perplexed that a woman who was disappointed about last Christmas, who sets so much stock by the family gathering, etc etc.

Come on! It's not hard to see what I meant, ffs!

Mrsjayy · 17/12/2021 12:20

Oh god if any of my adult children tried to lay it on as thick as you did they would be told to have Christmas in their own bloody house, your mum probably wasn't even as deveststed as you hope she was last Christmas and had a lovely day without your dramatics.

LargeYorkshirePuddingAndGravy · 17/12/2021 12:21

Bloody hell, just let her live! Sounds like she had a great time.

Jaxhog · 17/12/2021 12:22

What's done is done. Just make sure everyone has an LFT the day before and doesn't attend if positive.

Orchid876 · 17/12/2021 12:23

Not the day before @Jaxhog, the day of, ideally no more than a few hours before. LFTs aren't that sensitive.

toomuchlaundry · 17/12/2021 12:23

@BlackCatz I would be perplexed if a family member puts great stock on one event and then puts it at risk by doing something, which unfortunately at this time, is quite risky. Fine, if she didn't care about a big family Christmas, and it's not like the OP isn't willing to host, so she isn't annoyed that she isn't going to have someone else host Christmas. And I don't think it is controlling to comment after the event.

I know my DH would say something to me, if I had been saying I was desperate to have Christmas with my elderly DM, and then I threw caution to the wind and go to a concert a few days before. He would be perplexed why I would do that.

Rosesandblossoms · 17/12/2021 12:23

YANBU. We are having a miserable run up to Christmas in an effort to preserve the day itself as my Mum is desperate for us all to be together. We pulled the kids out of school early and other than one trip to a small local shop have not been out.

My mum’s not doing the same despite every opportunity. If she gets it, honestly, I’ll be pretty pissed off. Yes I can’t dictate what she does but she’s the one who’s placed demands on Christmas!

sashagabadon · 17/12/2021 12:24

Your poor mother!

Tabbydancer · 17/12/2021 12:24

I agree with you. It seems a crazy risk to take if she wants a family Christmas
We want to spend Xmas with our families and have cancelled panto and other big events. I‘be had a booster but kids haven’t and we have four over seventy year olds in our family.

ElftonWednesday · 17/12/2021 12:26

Your parents are allowed to do what they bloody like and are living their lives, enjoying themselves as many people are. I suggest you do the same and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing.

PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2021 12:26

@Rosesandblossoms

YANBU. We are having a miserable run up to Christmas in an effort to preserve the day itself as my Mum is desperate for us all to be together. We pulled the kids out of school early and other than one trip to a small local shop have not been out.

My mum’s not doing the same despite every opportunity. If she gets it, honestly, I’ll be pretty pissed off. Yes I can’t dictate what she does but she’s the one who’s placed demands on Christmas!

So why are you carrying on being miserable if your mum isn’t also being cautious? Surely you should just be a bit cautious but not be a total martyr in that situation?
MiddleParking · 17/12/2021 12:28

There’s quite a big step between being a bit surprised/disappointed about something and feeling free to open your mouth and express that surprise/disappointment. The latter is completely rude and inappropriate in this case. I’d have thought most adults would understand that.

MalagaNights · 17/12/2021 12:30

She's a triple vacced adult who wanted to go to a concert.

She assessed the risk as low and worth taking.

You suggest she should take no risk whatsoever.

It's not up to you what she does.

This just shows the utter madness we're in.

GET VAXED TO PROTECT YOURSELF at the same time as BEING VAXED IS NOT PROTECTION.

Flaxmeadow · 17/12/2021 12:32

You seem more bothered about Xmas dinner than about your mums health

godmum56 · 17/12/2021 12:32

@ the OP I am triple vaxxed and being careful but your Mum is a grown up and gets to make her own choices.....so not sure why you are going to be upset for her? same for @Rosesandblossoms. I'd just be being up front with your Mum and saying that she can't expect you to do what she won't.

VikingOnTheFridge · 17/12/2021 12:33

@DontWantTheRivalry

Well of course you did - how could it not be judgmental?

Ok then, I will ring her and apologise for being judgemental.

I think that's the wisest course of action here.
HoardingSamphireSaurus · 17/12/2021 12:33

GET VAXED TO PROTECT YOURSELF at the same time as BEING VAXED IS NOT PROTECTION.

But it's "get vaxxed to protect yourself and others and remember, no vaccine is 100% effective"

squiddybear · 17/12/2021 12:33

I agree with you OP it's silly to take a risk like that at this point especially if Christmas is important.

godmum56 · 17/12/2021 12:33

@MalagaNights

She's a triple vacced adult who wanted to go to a concert.

She assessed the risk as low and worth taking.

You suggest she should take no risk whatsoever.

It's not up to you what she does.

This just shows the utter madness we're in.

GET VAXED TO PROTECT YOURSELF at the same time as BEING VAXED IS NOT PROTECTION.

no, not the utter madness WE are in but the utter madness some people are in.
HattieMid2 · 17/12/2021 12:34

YABU and bonkers!

Orchid876 · 17/12/2021 12:36

@MalagaNights but being vaxxed is protection from being hospitalised, so to say it's no protection, just because you can still catch it and spread it, is highly misleading. I'm triple vaxxed, I tested positive only because I have to do regular LFTs for work, and I have no symptoms. I'm sure it's because I'm vaxxed that I'm fine, who knows what state I might be in if I was unvaccinated. I'm very glad I am triple vaxxed, because being at much higher risk of ending up in hospital, when hospitals are overwhelmed, is not a position that I'd want to be in right now.