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So disappointed that my mum may have risked Christmas.

516 replies

DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 11:14

My mum and dad love hosting Christmas Day - it’s been that way for about 15 years and all the family get together and it’s been a long running family tradition. There’s usually about 10-12 people in total.

Last year both parents (but especially my mum) were really upset that the family Christmas Day couldn’t go ahead because they see the event as such an important part of our family tradition. Some family members live in a different area of the country so it’s always been a lovey opportunity to get together.

Anyhow - over the last few months my parents have been getting into the festive mood and have been really excited about being able to host Christmas Day again and we’ve all really been looking forward to it. We all bring food contributions so the work load isn’t all on my parent’s shoulders and so we’ve all been planning it together etc.

However, I spoke to my mum last night and apparently on Wednesday night she went to a concert with some of her work friends to see a local band. She said it was in a small concert hall (so no ventilation) where everyone was singing and nobody had to wear masks. She said there were about 300 people there.

I was just gobsmacked.

I asked her why she would take that risk 10 days before Christmas when she is hosting everyone and especially when three of the family members are over 70 years old (although they are generally very well for their age).

She said “I won’t catch it”
I asked how she knew and she said after a very long pause, “I just won’t”

She said that as she is triple vaccinated she will be fine and that she had “been good” as she had her App turned on Confused I felt so exasperated and told her the App doesn’t stop people picking Covid up from someone else though!

I gently told her that I thought she was mad to have taken the risk.

I’m so disappointed - not so much for all of the family because if my mum/dad did get unwell and had to isolate then the rest of us would have Christmas Dinner somewhere else (me and husband would be happy to host) but I know my mum will be devastated again if she has to miss out on our traditional family celebration.

I just don’t understand why she’d take the risk.

I spoke to my sister about it this morning and she thinks I was out of order to express how I felt or try to make our mum feel guilty, and yes, maybe I was and my intention certainly wasn’t to guilt-trip her, but I was just so shocked when she told me.

I really hope she doesn’t catch it because she’s going to be so upset if she has to miss out on Christmas Day.

I know it was my mum’s risk to take but if she gets unwell I’m still going to feel so upset for her. It will put such a dampener on Christmas Day if she can’t be a part of it with the rest of us.

I just had to vent!!

OP posts:
HesterShaw1 · 17/12/2021 12:03

@DontWantTheRivalry

Well, the concert was 10 clear days before your family Christmas so she will know by then if she has been infected and just won't be able to be there. she isn't risking anyone else's health except your father's. Her choice to make, surely?

Absolutely, I’m not disputing that.

I’m just shocked that she went because she is the one who will be the most devastated if she can’t be part of our Christmas celebrations. That’s genuinely why I’m so surprised because I know how sad she will feel if she does catch it and has to miss out.

Maybe she just wanted to be spontaneous and throw caution to the wind. I know I do.
toomuchlaundry · 17/12/2021 12:03

I can understand OP. Many people will be missing Christmas with other households due to getting COVID beforehand, the rates are crazy where we are. The DM has put herself at risk by going to the concert, possibly without thinking it through carefully, hence her comment "I won't catch it"

She obviously loves the big family Christmas, and if she was really upset last year that she couldn't do it, then I assume she will be upset this year if she gets to miss it again. So you would have thought she would be trying to avoid the more riskier events beforehand. Obviously, she can do what she wants.

I have turned down 3 social events before Christmas, in the hope that this will mean I will be able to see my elderly DM at Christmas, because I am prioritising seeing her.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 17/12/2021 12:04

if some unthinking person who is having "fun" in the middle of the worst stage of the pandemic of a highly transmissable disease, puts her Christmas and that of many family members in jeopardy just by being, frankly, stupid about the risks she was taking, that will affect others

but the OP has said she would host if her mother can't, so maybe the mum just wanted to go to the concert more than she wants to host Christmas, regardless of how much she supposedly loves hosting

everyone is also assuming that the mother will have caught covid when the chances are much greater that she hasn't - 88,000 cases in a day is a lot, but the population is 66 million!

Joystir59 · 17/12/2021 12:04

You are being controlling.

SpringRainbow · 17/12/2021 12:04

Life has to go on and I really hope your mum had a good time and enjoyed the concert.

At the end of the day, your mum is doing no different than anyone else.

She is just as likely to pick up covid from doing her Christmas shopping or meeting a friend for coffee.

Orchid876 · 17/12/2021 12:05

Yes, that's the right thing to do. I can see why you're put out, but voicing your judgement was unfair. Unless every single person involved in your family Christmas is at home already and isolating, it's not your place to comment on your DM's actions. Would you be kicking off at family members who aren't hosting? If she's expected to isolate because she's hosting, that's out of order. If you have kids, or if anyone else does who is attending the Christmas, they're just as likely to catch it at school. My DD caught Covid at school, I work in a school and I've only just caught it this week, so I'm isolating for Christmas. It's not ideal but it's not the end of the world, everyone is going a bit barmy because it's Christmas imo. Have a big family do at Easter Covid does impact Christmas. Noone has even tested positive yet, so cross that bridge if it comes to it, do what you're comfortable with, and enjoy the rest of the festivities as best as you can, without worrying about what others choose to do or not do. Live and let live.

bumblefeline · 17/12/2021 12:05

None of your business what your mums does.

LittleBabyCheeses · 17/12/2021 12:05

I have turned down 3 social events before Christmas, in the hope that this will mean I will be able to see my elderly DM at Christmas, because I am prioritising seeing her

And the OP’s DM has prioritised a concert with her friends, as she’s entitled to do.

2bazookas · 17/12/2021 12:06

@SleepingStandingUp

Are you and all the other family members staying in and isolating for the weeks before Xmas?
She could catch it so mildly she notices no symptoms' but she would still be infectious and capable of passing it on to other guests.

Silly selfish woman ! She needs to get testing!

bluebell34567 · 17/12/2021 12:07

@toomuchlaundry

I can understand OP. Many people will be missing Christmas with other households due to getting COVID beforehand, the rates are crazy where we are. The DM has put herself at risk by going to the concert, possibly without thinking it through carefully, hence her comment "I won't catch it"

She obviously loves the big family Christmas, and if she was really upset last year that she couldn't do it, then I assume she will be upset this year if she gets to miss it again. So you would have thought she would be trying to avoid the more riskier events beforehand. Obviously, she can do what she wants.

I have turned down 3 social events before Christmas, in the hope that this will mean I will be able to see my elderly DM at Christmas, because I am prioritising seeing her.

very sensible.
SickAndTiredAgain · 17/12/2021 12:07

I’m just shocked that she went because she is the one who will be the most devastated if she can’t be part of our Christmas celebrations. That’s genuinely why I’m so surprised because I know how sad she will feel if she does catch it and has to miss out.

You can be shocked, but you spoke to her after she’d already attended, right? So saying anything was pointless and could only cause upset or an argument. She’s been now, she had fun, she’ll have presumably been aware that catching covid was a possibility, no need for any comments.

sunshinesupermum · 17/12/2021 12:07

I think people are being too hard on DontWantTheRivalry It's her mum who is so badly wanting the family get-together on Xmas Day so she shouldn't have risked her health by going to this concert so near Xmas.

HesterShaw1 · 17/12/2021 12:08

@PurpleDaisies

Why is “fun” in quotation marks *@HyacynthBucket*? I’m sure it was fun.
I'm pretty convinced some posters have never had any fun, which is why they can't understand that it's very important.
toomuchlaundry · 17/12/2021 12:08

Surely you are much more likely to catch COVID in an unventilated hall, crammed together with 300 people for at least an hour, than you are moving around in a shop, many of which are ventilated and/or limiting numbers and many people will be wearing a mask

BestZebbie · 17/12/2021 12:08

Maybe she "....just won't" because she isn't planning to test between now and then and will convince herself that any sore throat is "just a cold". but she couldn't exactly tell you that!

SophieHatterPendragon · 17/12/2021 12:08

Good to see the vipers are out in force again this morning.

OP it’s good you’re going to apologies but I get it. If you’re mum does now catch covid and is really upset she has to miss out on a family Christmas and makes a big fuss about it then that’s her issue. Like everyone’s said she wanted to go and did. Sounds like she assumes she’s not going to get covid and that’s fair enough but if she does she can’t then complain and be upset she’s missing Xmas 🤷🏻‍♀️

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 17/12/2021 12:10

@SleepingStandingUp

Are you and all the other family members staying in and isolating for the weeks before Xmas?
Some of my family are being very careful. Not going onto crowded places. Because they too have elderly family members for Christmas. They are making their choice to be careful as possible beforehand.

OPs mum has not. OP is entirely logical to be perplexed and worried.

Her DM is not being logical and might need to face up to the consequences of that. Her choice, and it is not controlling to ppoin that out after the event!

BlackCatz · 17/12/2021 12:13

OPs mum has not. OP is entirely logical to be perplexed

Perplexed? 🤣

So perplexing that someone may want to enjoy their lives!

vera99 · 17/12/2021 12:13

This should have had a vote attached I'm on the fence here...

LittleBabyCheeses · 17/12/2021 12:14

Her mum might not complain about missing Christmas though, if she does test positive. She might say ‘oh well, quiet Christmas at home again, but I had a great time at the concert so never mind’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

WallaceinAnderland · 17/12/2021 12:15

PPs: Are you isolating?

OP: No

Hahaha

LittleBabyCheeses · 17/12/2021 12:15

Of course, her mum might test positive but not have caught it at the concert. It’s everywhere.

Bananarama21 · 17/12/2021 12:15

You sound mean be thankful you have parents who will do some hosting so people aren't as lucky to still have parents around or are on limited time. How dare she socialise with friends Hmm make sure you bring a bottle of her favourite alcohol to apologise or flowers.

saraclara · 17/12/2021 12:15

In Chris Whitty terms, she is prioritising a concert over a family Christmas

Yep. I'm the parent hosting Christmas in my family situation. I've been relatively relaxed about Covid (though following all the rules) for the last 21 months. But my priority now is my family at Christmas.

I am doing nothing other than shopping at quiet times, now. My own DCs and their partners have no choice but to be in the Covid firing line, as they are teachers and nurses. But I am in a position to protect myself and our family Christmas, so I'm doing what I can. Any social stuff is on the back burner.

SueSaid · 17/12/2021 12:16

She can either do as she pleases and take in on the chin if anyone gets it, or take extra care to reduce the risk.

Sadly it's usually the 'I'll do what tf I want!' folk who are usually the wibbliest when it comes to consequences and isolation.