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So disappointed that my mum may have risked Christmas.

516 replies

DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 11:14

My mum and dad love hosting Christmas Day - it’s been that way for about 15 years and all the family get together and it’s been a long running family tradition. There’s usually about 10-12 people in total.

Last year both parents (but especially my mum) were really upset that the family Christmas Day couldn’t go ahead because they see the event as such an important part of our family tradition. Some family members live in a different area of the country so it’s always been a lovey opportunity to get together.

Anyhow - over the last few months my parents have been getting into the festive mood and have been really excited about being able to host Christmas Day again and we’ve all really been looking forward to it. We all bring food contributions so the work load isn’t all on my parent’s shoulders and so we’ve all been planning it together etc.

However, I spoke to my mum last night and apparently on Wednesday night she went to a concert with some of her work friends to see a local band. She said it was in a small concert hall (so no ventilation) where everyone was singing and nobody had to wear masks. She said there were about 300 people there.

I was just gobsmacked.

I asked her why she would take that risk 10 days before Christmas when she is hosting everyone and especially when three of the family members are over 70 years old (although they are generally very well for their age).

She said “I won’t catch it”
I asked how she knew and she said after a very long pause, “I just won’t”

She said that as she is triple vaccinated she will be fine and that she had “been good” as she had her App turned on Confused I felt so exasperated and told her the App doesn’t stop people picking Covid up from someone else though!

I gently told her that I thought she was mad to have taken the risk.

I’m so disappointed - not so much for all of the family because if my mum/dad did get unwell and had to isolate then the rest of us would have Christmas Dinner somewhere else (me and husband would be happy to host) but I know my mum will be devastated again if she has to miss out on our traditional family celebration.

I just don’t understand why she’d take the risk.

I spoke to my sister about it this morning and she thinks I was out of order to express how I felt or try to make our mum feel guilty, and yes, maybe I was and my intention certainly wasn’t to guilt-trip her, but I was just so shocked when she told me.

I really hope she doesn’t catch it because she’s going to be so upset if she has to miss out on Christmas Day.

I know it was my mum’s risk to take but if she gets unwell I’m still going to feel so upset for her. It will put such a dampener on Christmas Day if she can’t be a part of it with the rest of us.

I just had to vent!!

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 17/12/2021 11:43

You're making a big fuss based on "what ifs."

BarkminsterBlue · 17/12/2021 11:43

YABVU. If she has caught it she will feel guilty enough without your little sermon.

Username7521 · 17/12/2021 11:45

Your poor mum. You were totally over the line. She’s an adult, she gets to make choices.

I can’t believe you guilted her for wanting to have fun.

DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 11:46

I feel that you are also annoyed because she has jeopardised Xmas plans for everyone, including you, but you are not saying so.

I’m not annoyed, just disappointed.

I have already told my sister that me and my husband will be happy to host Christmas if our parents can’t, so that’s all sorted, but I will just be really disappointed if my parents can’t be with us, as will they be.

OP posts:
crispsinasandwich · 17/12/2021 11:47

@hamstersarse

And this is what all of this has done to people - you actually think you have a right to police whether your mum goes to a concert?

All these people in our midst who have been secretly harboring the desire to control what other people do have been handed the gift of a lifetime - they can let it all come out with some legitimacy

This. Last year I remember saying the lockdown was a snooper's charter ( I am sure I stole it off somebody else but I absolutely agree) - the number of people who are trying to police other people is scary.

OP - I am not having a go at you but your mother is an adult and she knows what she is doing. And I am sure she will take responsibility if she tests positive- which I absolutely hope she goes not.

Hope you are able to have your family Christmas as planned.

BlackCatz · 17/12/2021 11:48

@BeardyButton

Op I totally understand.

This thread is why we are f’ed come new yr. I am genuinely terrified of the state the NHS is going to be in. But ye all go and have a meaningful Xmas (ie do whatever you want) and carry mocking those of us who actually dare to give a damn about what omicron means for society.

But ye all go and have a meaningful Xmas (ie do whatever you want)

Will do!

CSJobseeker · 17/12/2021 11:48

@SleepingStandingUp

Are you and all the other family members staying in and isolating for the weeks before Xmas?
Exactly. I bet you aren't I bet your kids are all attending school and mixing with others too.

You have absolutely no right to be 'disappointed'. Your mum is an adult and can make her own decisions.

LittleBabyCheeses · 17/12/2021 11:49

@BeardyButton

Op I totally understand.

This thread is why we are f’ed come new yr. I am genuinely terrified of the state the NHS is going to be in. But ye all go and have a meaningful Xmas (ie do whatever you want) and carry mocking those of us who actually dare to give a damn about what omicron means for society.

Where has the OP said she cares what omicron does to society? She has only said she cares what it does to their family Christmas.
HyacynthBucket · 17/12/2021 11:50

I cannot believe the numbers of people on this thread who are in denial about what is going on out there. Of course OP and anyone else is allowed to be annoyed (and not called judgemental) if some unthinking person who is having "fun" in the middle of the worst stage of the pandemic of a highly transmissable disease, puts her Christmas and that of many family members in jeopardy just by being, frankly, stupid about the risks she was taking, that will affect others.
Having said your piece to your DM, OP, you don't need to apologise. You were talking sense and your DSis and others are not.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 17/12/2021 11:51

@DontWantTheRivalry

I feel that you are also annoyed because she has jeopardised Xmas plans for everyone, including you, but you are not saying so.

I’m not annoyed, just disappointed.

I have already told my sister that me and my husband will be happy to host Christmas if our parents can’t, so that’s all sorted, but I will just be really disappointed if my parents can’t be with us, as will they be.

Bang out of order to be even disappointed, they're entitled to weigh up the risks and proceed accordingly. Also absolutely to the PP you quoted - you're annoyed you might have to do more.
PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2021 11:51

Why is “fun” in quotation marks @HyacynthBucket? I’m sure it was fun.

Vapeyvapevape · 17/12/2021 11:51

Unless everyone is isolating then the chances are that one of you will catch it no matter how careful you have been.

CHEM20 · 17/12/2021 11:52

@WimpoleHat

In Chris Whitty terms, she is prioritising a concert over a family Christmas

Even if she is, she’s a grown up…and she’s allowed to! She’s at far greater risk than the OP/her kids as well, so it really is her decision to take.

I’m going to a Christmas party tonight, and am absolutely clear that I’m prioritising that over Christmas.

I’m ok being selfish and prioritising me just for once. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Maybe the OPs mother felt the same.

LittleBabyCheeses · 17/12/2021 11:52

@HyacynthBucket

I cannot believe the numbers of people on this thread who are in denial about what is going on out there. Of course OP and anyone else is allowed to be annoyed (and not called judgemental) if some unthinking person who is having "fun" in the middle of the worst stage of the pandemic of a highly transmissable disease, puts her Christmas and that of many family members in jeopardy just by being, frankly, stupid about the risks she was taking, that will affect others. Having said your piece to your DM, OP, you don't need to apologise. You were talking sense and your DSis and others are not.
The OP said she isn’t putting everyone else’s Christmas as risk, because someone else will host. So just her own. How is that not her decision to make?
ChateauxNeufDePoop · 17/12/2021 11:52

@DontWantTheRivalry

I don’t know how many times I can say it, maybe I need to put it in capital letters or something, but I know it was her choice to go and of course she can make her own risk assessments, of course I’m not angry that she went or anything like that, I know I can’t ‘police’ her actions and nor would I.

All I said was that I’m just shocked she went because I know how much Christmas Day means to her.

I will ring her though and apologise if I came across as judgemental.

Well of course you did - how could it not be judgmental?
DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 11:55

Well of course you did - how could it not be judgmental?

Ok then, I will ring her and apologise for being judgemental.

OP posts:
TrickyD · 17/12/2021 11:57

@HyacynthBucket

I cannot believe the numbers of people on this thread who are in denial about what is going on out there. Of course OP and anyone else is allowed to be annoyed (and not called judgemental) if some unthinking person who is having "fun" in the middle of the worst stage of the pandemic of a highly transmissable disease, puts her Christmas and that of many family members in jeopardy just by being, frankly, stupid about the risks she was taking, that will affect others. Having said your piece to your DM, OP, you don't need to apologise. You were talking sense and your DSis and others are not.
Quite right. You are getting a very unfair and uncalled for kicking, OP. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.
bluebell34567 · 17/12/2021 11:57

going to work, school, shops is necessity.
going to concert is not necessity and that day was the highest recorded catchment of covid, 78,000 something.

pinkmink · 17/12/2021 11:57

If you are all triple vaccinated, what’s stopping you from doing Christmas anyway - covid or not?

What is the point of the vaccine if it doesn’t let you live your life? The vaccine protects you so you don’t have to worry as much about getting it - and if you do, it should be mild. To my mind, worrying about severe illness after three vaccines is just as mad as refusing a vaccine because you’re worried about very unlikely severe side effects.

I am very pro vaccine and queued in the cold this week to get my booster. My family will be doing Christmas either way.

RobinPenguins · 17/12/2021 11:57

puts her Christmas and that of many family members in jeopardy

Who else’s Christmas is in jeopardy? So much hyperbole here.

Twitterwhooooo · 17/12/2021 11:58

Well, given how quickly the new variant is spreading and that we all know that it's not guaranteed that 'Xmas won't 'be cancelled' at short notice by the govt, and that anyone planning to go to your mum's on Xmas day may contract the virus before, her Carpe Diem-ing when she had the chance sounds pretty pragmatic tbh.

LittleBabyCheeses · 17/12/2021 11:58

@bluebell34567

going to work, school, shops is necessity. going to concert is not necessity and that day was the highest recorded catchment of covid, 78,000 something.
Her mother never said it was a necessity. She wanted to go, so she did, and it sounds like she had a lovely time!
jazzandh · 17/12/2021 11:59

The point is, that unless all of you are self isolating then there is a massive chance that any of you could get it and have to isolate. Therefore why should she have to miss out on something that was actually there to be done at that time.

Last year my entire family didn't do a thing beforehand, and Christmas was cancelled anyway. I was actually quite angry about it all.

This year I am taking the attitude that I am not going to miss out in advance of things that I am able to do.

PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2021 12:00

We aren’t told to only do things that are absolutely necessary at this point. We’re told to think very carefully about we’re choosing to do.

I’ll be going to carols at church on Sunday. I won’t be going to a party on Tuesday.

LittleBabyCheeses · 17/12/2021 12:00

And surely part of Christmas is all of the fun stuff in the lead up to it, not just the day itself? The concerts, the meeting up with friends etc.

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