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Covid

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So disappointed that my mum may have risked Christmas.

516 replies

DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 11:14

My mum and dad love hosting Christmas Day - it’s been that way for about 15 years and all the family get together and it’s been a long running family tradition. There’s usually about 10-12 people in total.

Last year both parents (but especially my mum) were really upset that the family Christmas Day couldn’t go ahead because they see the event as such an important part of our family tradition. Some family members live in a different area of the country so it’s always been a lovey opportunity to get together.

Anyhow - over the last few months my parents have been getting into the festive mood and have been really excited about being able to host Christmas Day again and we’ve all really been looking forward to it. We all bring food contributions so the work load isn’t all on my parent’s shoulders and so we’ve all been planning it together etc.

However, I spoke to my mum last night and apparently on Wednesday night she went to a concert with some of her work friends to see a local band. She said it was in a small concert hall (so no ventilation) where everyone was singing and nobody had to wear masks. She said there were about 300 people there.

I was just gobsmacked.

I asked her why she would take that risk 10 days before Christmas when she is hosting everyone and especially when three of the family members are over 70 years old (although they are generally very well for their age).

She said “I won’t catch it”
I asked how she knew and she said after a very long pause, “I just won’t”

She said that as she is triple vaccinated she will be fine and that she had “been good” as she had her App turned on Confused I felt so exasperated and told her the App doesn’t stop people picking Covid up from someone else though!

I gently told her that I thought she was mad to have taken the risk.

I’m so disappointed - not so much for all of the family because if my mum/dad did get unwell and had to isolate then the rest of us would have Christmas Dinner somewhere else (me and husband would be happy to host) but I know my mum will be devastated again if she has to miss out on our traditional family celebration.

I just don’t understand why she’d take the risk.

I spoke to my sister about it this morning and she thinks I was out of order to express how I felt or try to make our mum feel guilty, and yes, maybe I was and my intention certainly wasn’t to guilt-trip her, but I was just so shocked when she told me.

I really hope she doesn’t catch it because she’s going to be so upset if she has to miss out on Christmas Day.

I know it was my mum’s risk to take but if she gets unwell I’m still going to feel so upset for her. It will put such a dampener on Christmas Day if she can’t be a part of it with the rest of us.

I just had to vent!!

OP posts:
LovePoppy · 23/12/2021 20:05

@CPL593H

I think my biggest take from this thread is that apparently, for some, people in their 50s are seen as fragile entities from the Planet Old, with no agency and unable to make decisions for themselves in case they are "disappointed" spoil someone else's plans

Cheers. It isn't actually OK to treat 90 + like that, let alone those of us with about a decade of working life left.

It’s more that people who make a big Fucking deal about having a traditional Christmas, should actually be willing to make some sacrifices to keep healthy so everyone can attend.
Marianne1234 · 23/12/2021 20:18

This thread makes me want to kill myself. This is never going to be over for some people, is it? They won’t let it be over.

Never mind the fact that if it had been a bog standard cold or flu or sickness bug no one would be batting an eyelid.

Marianne1234 · 23/12/2021 20:19

Now we’re spitefully gleeful that mums big risk of going to a fucking concert came back to bite her. Fuck living like this.

LittleBabyCheeses · 23/12/2021 20:38

@Marianne1234

Now we’re spitefully gleeful that mums big risk of going to a fucking concert came back to bite her. Fuck living like this.
Agreed.
User9911 · 23/12/2021 21:19

@Marianne1234

Now we’re spitefully gleeful that mums big risk of going to a fucking concert came back to bite her. Fuck living like this.
Yes, it’s sick in the head. How dare she enjoy her life.
JuergenSchwarzwald · 23/12/2021 21:36

Your Mum made a decision to go to an event where there is a high risk of getting the new very transmitable variant and has risked the Christmas that is so important to her. That's on her

maybe it wasn't that important. I know the OP said she was devastated, but she is hardly going to text her dd and say "yippee I don't have to host" is she? And the dad could legally still go to the gathering.

CPL593H · 23/12/2021 21:53

@LovePoppy Well, she won't be going now (and shouldn't be going) and will possibly think it wasn't worth it. My point is that it was her decision to make, she was triple jabbed and not breaking any rules/laws as they then were and still are.

I will be spending Christmas alone with my CEV and very unwell husband keeping him as safe as possible, so my skin in this game is limited. Just tired of the patronising attitude of infantilising adults.

LovePoppy · 23/12/2021 22:05

[quote CPL593H]@LovePoppy Well, she won't be going now (and shouldn't be going) and will possibly think it wasn't worth it. My point is that it was her decision to make, she was triple jabbed and not breaking any rules/laws as they then were and still are.

I will be spending Christmas alone with my CEV and very unwell husband keeping him as safe as possible, so my skin in this game is limited. Just tired of the patronising attitude of infantilising adults.[/quote]
Of course she wasn’t breaking rules.

She just didn’t seem to have the forethought that it was likely a bad idea.

The virus doesn’t understand rules or Christmas

LittleBabyCheeses · 23/12/2021 22:18

She just didn’t seem to have the forethought that it was likely a bad idea

Maybe she didn’t think it was a bad idea? Maybe she still doesn’t? Maybe she’ll be happy to have a nice relaxed day at home 🤷🏻‍♀️

vickyc90 · 23/12/2021 22:34

@DontWantTheRivalry

vicky Honestly regardless off what you do for a living I would have her over

Really?? So if you had a sick newborn in hospital, it wouldn’t bother you if three days earlier your nurse had knowingly had Christmas lunch with her Covid positive mum?Blimey.

vicky-Honestly I would assume anyone I come into contact with by mid next week is a COVID contact.

That didn’t actually answer my question though did it.

If you had a sick newborn and your nurse said, “I had a great Christmas a few days ago. I mean my mum has got Covid but I went to spend it with her anyway,” you would be fine with that?

You’d quite happily let her continue looking after your baby?

I wouldn't have a newborn in the middle of a global viral pandemic so it's mute point.

But it's no different to say her having flu and you going over which is actually more harmful to newborns!

So no I wouldn't judge them because I'm rational about COVID the only thing that worries me about it is having to isolate!

yzed · 24/12/2021 06:44

Surely VickyC90 you're not being serious? You wouldn't have a newborn in the middle of a global viral pandemic? Covid19 is bad enough you'd change your entire life for it, but still say it's no different to say her having flu?

I'm glad I don't have to rely on you for info about what's going on in our world!

And because you wouldn't have a baby in these times, you'd condemn all babies who need care to missing out on the best care our healthcare system can manage?
And what of the people (and their babies) who become pregnant accidentally? Or do you mean that everyone should hold back on sex "just in case". Which would kind of make it a stranger world than it already is: fine to go to a concert in an enclosed space, but no more sex!

But maybe I missed out the bit where you said you're rational about COVID. Seems to me that the worries people are having about mental health may be more far-reaching than I'd realised!

And by the way, your mention of a mute point. "Mute" is for swans and for people who keep their mouths shut, as you should have done. What I think you meant is a moot point.

yzed · 24/12/2021 06:47

Please please can we have a little more sympathy and understanding on this site. Or does everyone think it's okay to let rip whenever you like, and to hell with whoever gets hurt or upset by the fall out? Flowers Flowers Flowers Flowers Flowers Flowers Flowers

vickyc90 · 24/12/2021 09:52

@yzed

Surely VickyC90 you're not being serious? You wouldn't have a newborn in the middle of a global viral pandemic? Covid19 is bad enough you'd change your entire life for it, but still say it's no different to say her having flu?

I'm glad I don't have to rely on you for info about what's going on in our world!

And because you wouldn't have a baby in these times, you'd condemn all babies who need care to missing out on the best care our healthcare system can manage?
And what of the people (and their babies) who become pregnant accidentally? Or do you mean that everyone should hold back on sex "just in case". Which would kind of make it a stranger world than it already is: fine to go to a concert in an enclosed space, but no more sex!

But maybe I missed out the bit where you said you're rational about COVID. Seems to me that the worries people are having about mental health may be more far-reaching than I'd realised!

And by the way, your mention of a mute point. "Mute" is for swans and for people who keep their mouths shut, as you should have done. What I think you meant is a moot point.

Having a baby isn't my entire life, holding off a couple of years to try for a baby isn't going to change anything. But yes we have made it physically impossible for us to get pregnant again (we have an 7 year old). It's entirely possible to practice safe sex with multiple methods of contraception as well Wink if permanent solutions aren't your thing.

Do I think NHS staff should prioritise making sure they don't come into contact with COVID over seeing their family and friends no I don't. Whilst everyone else hid away they stood up and faced it they are the ones who deserve a good Christmas regardless of what is going on.

For us I'm working on the assumption that by the end of next week we will have come into contact with it multiple times as we aren't in between now and New Year's Day so what difference does it make if I know when we come into contact vs not knowing!

Mute point is where someone makes a good suggestion but no body here's it. I.e. a good suggestion would be to avoid pregnancy during a global pandemic but no one wants to be relational so chooses not hear it.

ddl1 · 24/12/2021 09:58

I wouldn't have a newborn in the middle of a global viral pandemic so it's mute point.

This would have meant postponing childbearing for at least 2 years- possibly significantly more. Not a possibility for everyone.

And this specific Omicron surge was not predictable 9 months ago.

It sounds as though the OP is not just dealing with newborns - which would be problematic enough if she had Covid - but works in special care/ NICU with particularly vulnerable babies.

lemmein · 24/12/2021 16:54

@yzed

Please please can we have a little more sympathy and understanding on this site. Or does everyone think it's okay to let rip whenever you like, and to hell with whoever gets hurt or upset by the fall out? Flowers Flowers Flowers Flowers Flowers Flowers Flowers
And by the way, your mention of a mute point. "Mute" is for swans and for people who keep their mouths shut, as you should have done. What I think you meant is a moot point.

@yzed HmmGrin

DontWantTheRivalry · 24/12/2021 17:03

Thank god you aren’t a nurse vicky - that’s all I can say.

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