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Original poster

So disappointed that my mum may have risked Christmas.

516 replies

DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 11:14

My mum and dad love hosting Christmas Day - it’s been that way for about 15 years and all the family get together and it’s been a long running family tradition. There’s usually about 10-12 people in total.

Last year both parents (but especially my mum) were really upset that the family Christmas Day couldn’t go ahead because they see the event as such an important part of our family tradition. Some family members live in a different area of the country so it’s always been a lovey opportunity to get together.

Anyhow - over the last few months my parents have been getting into the festive mood and have been really excited about being able to host Christmas Day again and we’ve all really been looking forward to it. We all bring food contributions so the work load isn’t all on my parent’s shoulders and so we’ve all been planning it together etc.

However, I spoke to my mum last night and apparently on Wednesday night she went to a concert with some of her work friends to see a local band. She said it was in a small concert hall (so no ventilation) where everyone was singing and nobody had to wear masks. She said there were about 300 people there.

I was just gobsmacked.

I asked her why she would take that risk 10 days before Christmas when she is hosting everyone and especially when three of the family members are over 70 years old (although they are generally very well for their age).

She said “I won’t catch it”
I asked how she knew and she said after a very long pause, “I just won’t”

She said that as she is triple vaccinated she will be fine and that she had “been good” as she had her App turned on Confused I felt so exasperated and told her the App doesn’t stop people picking Covid up from someone else though!

I gently told her that I thought she was mad to have taken the risk.

I’m so disappointed - not so much for all of the family because if my mum/dad did get unwell and had to isolate then the rest of us would have Christmas Dinner somewhere else (me and husband would be happy to host) but I know my mum will be devastated again if she has to miss out on our traditional family celebration.

I just don’t understand why she’d take the risk.

I spoke to my sister about it this morning and she thinks I was out of order to express how I felt or try to make our mum feel guilty, and yes, maybe I was and my intention certainly wasn’t to guilt-trip her, but I was just so shocked when she told me.

I really hope she doesn’t catch it because she’s going to be so upset if she has to miss out on Christmas Day.

I know it was my mum’s risk to take but if she gets unwell I’m still going to feel so upset for her. It will put such a dampener on Christmas Day if she can’t be a part of it with the rest of us.

I just had to vent!!

OP posts:
SagittariusDwarf · 17/12/2021 11:28

How ridiculous. You, not your mum.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 17/12/2021 11:28

@DontWantTheRivalry

My mum and dad love hosting Christmas Day - it’s been that way for about 15 years and all the family get together and it’s been a long running family tradition. There’s usually about 10-12 people in total.

Last year both parents (but especially my mum) were really upset that the family Christmas Day couldn’t go ahead because they see the event as such an important part of our family tradition. Some family members live in a different area of the country so it’s always been a lovey opportunity to get together.

Anyhow - over the last few months my parents have been getting into the festive mood and have been really excited about being able to host Christmas Day again and we’ve all really been looking forward to it. We all bring food contributions so the work load isn’t all on my parent’s shoulders and so we’ve all been planning it together etc.

However, I spoke to my mum last night and apparently on Wednesday night she went to a concert with some of her work friends to see a local band. She said it was in a small concert hall (so no ventilation) where everyone was singing and nobody had to wear masks. She said there were about 300 people there.

I was just gobsmacked.

I asked her why she would take that risk 10 days before Christmas when she is hosting everyone and especially when three of the family members are over 70 years old (although they are generally very well for their age).

She said “I won’t catch it”
I asked how she knew and she said after a very long pause, “I just won’t”

She said that as she is triple vaccinated she will be fine and that she had “been good” as she had her App turned on Confused I felt so exasperated and told her the App doesn’t stop people picking Covid up from someone else though!

I gently told her that I thought she was mad to have taken the risk.

I’m so disappointed - not so much for all of the family because if my mum/dad did get unwell and had to isolate then the rest of us would have Christmas Dinner somewhere else (me and husband would be happy to host) but I know my mum will be devastated again if she has to miss out on our traditional family celebration.

I just don’t understand why she’d take the risk.

I spoke to my sister about it this morning and she thinks I was out of order to express how I felt or try to make our mum feel guilty, and yes, maybe I was and my intention certainly wasn’t to guilt-trip her, but I was just so shocked when she told me.

I really hope she doesn’t catch it because she’s going to be so upset if she has to miss out on Christmas Day.

I know it was my mum’s risk to take but if she gets unwell I’m still going to feel so upset for her. It will put such a dampener on Christmas Day if she can’t be a part of it with the rest of us.

I just had to vent!!

I understand. In Chris Whitty terms, she is prioritising a concert over a family Christmas
Jumbojem · 17/12/2021 11:28

I think you were mean to your mum! If any of you are going to shops, school, work, or cafe in the next few days you have a risk of isolating. Ok, the larger the group perhaps the higher the risk but still unless you are not leaving your home's until the day a risk of catching it exists.
If the worst happens just shift the get together to another day maybe if logistics allow?

Original poster
DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 11:28

Maybe she doesn't love doing all the work as much as she lets you think she does Grin

Grin Grin

OP posts:
Abracadabra12345 · 17/12/2021 11:29

@PurpleDaisies

I agree with your sister. The guilt trip was out of order and you should apologise.

Going to the concert was clearly important to your mum. She’s allowed to have a life that doesn’t just revolve around you.

Spot on
BlackCatz · 17/12/2021 11:29

My DM would tell me to piss right off if I'd tried to make her feel guilty for enjoying herself!

She's an adult.

WimpoleHat · 17/12/2021 11:30

In Chris Whitty terms, she is prioritising a concert over a family Christmas

Even if she is, she’s a grown up…and she’s allowed to! She’s at far greater risk than the OP/her kids as well, so it really is her decision to take.

Original poster
DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 11:31

How patronising. You know better than her how she will feel? She is a grown up. Stop acting as if she is a child

I don’t know better than her, but I do know her. And I know how upset she was last year and I know she will feel the same this year.

I imagine most people have a good idea about how their parents feel about things.

I’m not sure how this means they are treating their parents like a child Hmm

OP posts:
LittleBabyCheeses · 17/12/2021 11:32

Are you isolating from now until Christmas?
You are well and truly out of order. She is an adult and it is entirely her decision. Maybe she just wants to live her life without a guilt trip?

Original poster
DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 11:32

Going to the concert was clearly important to your mum. She’s allowed to have a life that doesn’t just revolve around you.

I don’t dispute that.

Like I said, if we can’t have the Christmas at her house then we will just do it somewhere else, it makes no difference to me.

OP posts:
hamstersarse · 17/12/2021 11:32

And this is what all of this has done to people - you actually think you have a right to police whether your mum goes to a concert?

All these people in our midst who have been secretly harboring the desire to control what other people do have been handed the gift of a lifetime - they can let it all come out with some legitimacy

LittleBabyCheeses · 17/12/2021 11:33

I hope she had a lovely time at the concert, it sounds like she enjoyed herself Smile

RaininSummer · 17/12/2021 11:33

I wouldn't have risked that myself as I don't want to miss our planned Christmas but your mum has prioritised differently. I do have to go to work and shopping but can't choose to avoid those activities.

SagittariusDwarf · 17/12/2021 11:33

Are you isolating from now until Christmas?

PomegranateQueen · 17/12/2021 11:34

How cheeky of you to expect her to restrict her behaviour and possibly lose money for pre booked tickets so that she can serve you Christmas dinner Hmm

Your sister is right, you owe your mum an apology.

PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2021 11:34

@DontWantTheRivalry

Going to the concert was clearly important to your mum. She’s allowed to have a life that doesn’t just revolve around you.

I don’t dispute that.

Like I said, if we can’t have the Christmas at her house then we will just do it somewhere else, it makes no difference to me.

So what’s the point of the thread?

You mum made a choice. She was entitled to make it but you’ve decided you know better than her and you’ve called her out on it.

I agree with the poster saying your mum isn’t the one ruining Christmas here.

BlackCatz · 17/12/2021 11:35

but your mum has prioritised differently

God, this is so patronising.

Are people not allowed to want to do more than just hide away in the lead up to Christmas? It's not prioritising anything.

Original poster
DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 11:35

Are you isolating from now until Christmas?

No, but nor am I putting myself in an unventilated small hall with 300 other people who are singing and unmasked at a time where it is well known how transmissible the new variant is.

It was her risk to take, I totally get that, I’m just surprised she took it, that’s all.

I will just feel sad for her if she has to miss out on Christmas.

OP posts:
SagittariusDwarf · 17/12/2021 11:35

@DontWantTheRivalry

Going to the concert was clearly important to your mum. She’s allowed to have a life that doesn’t just revolve around you.

I don’t dispute that.

Like I said, if we can’t have the Christmas at her house then we will just do it somewhere else, it makes no difference to me.

If it makes no difference to you, maybe try minding your own business then? Hmm
Couchbettato · 17/12/2021 11:38

@CurtainTroubles

I think you’re slightly over reacting. Your mum needs to make sure she does regular lateral flow tests between now and Xmas - but the rest of you should be doing this too.
This! It's exactly what lfts are for! Detecting community spread through regular usage.

Just all do regular LFTs.

Your mum made a calculated choice based on her circumstances and I'm sure she understands the risks should she catch covid and have to miss out on Christmas celebrations.

That's not your place to be judgemental.

SagittariusDwarf · 17/12/2021 11:39

@DontWantTheRivalry

Are you isolating from now until Christmas?

No, but nor am I putting myself in an unventilated small hall with 300 other people who are singing and unmasked at a time where it is well known how transmissible the new variant is.

It was her risk to take, I totally get that, I’m just surprised she took it, that’s all.

I will just feel sad for her if she has to miss out on Christmas.

Oh right. So you're not isolating but you expect your mum to miss out stuff. Who made you the fun police?
HyacynthBucket · 17/12/2021 11:39

I am with you on this OP. Your DM was being ridiculously unthinking and naive, as shown by her obviously not having thought of the possible consequences. He attitude is one of complete denial - "It won't happen to me", but with the present new variant, it almost certainly will happen in enclosed unventilated spaces with hundreds of people. She just didn't think it through sensibly, so I would be cross too, as it could affect Christmas for so many of you.
However, although you keep expressing concern for her disappointment if they cannot host Christmas after all, I feel that you are also annoyed because she has jeopardised Xmas plans for everyone, including you, but you are not saying so.

BeardyButton · 17/12/2021 11:43

Op I totally understand.

This thread is why we are f’ed come new yr. I am genuinely terrified of the state the NHS is going to be in. But ye all go and have a meaningful Xmas (ie do whatever you want) and carry mocking those of us who actually dare to give a damn about what omicron means for society.

Hadalifeonce · 17/12/2021 11:43

We are supposed to be going to in-law's for Christmas, we are not doing things that we would normally do before Christmas, no office 'dos' or going to the pub; because we want to minimise the risk of Covid.
I completely understand where you're coming from OP.

Original poster
DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 11:43

I don’t know how many times I can say it, maybe I need to put it in capital letters or something, but I know it was her choice to go and of course she can make her own risk assessments, of course I’m not angry that she went or anything like that, I know I can’t ‘police’ her actions and nor would I.

All I said was that I’m just shocked she went because I know how much Christmas Day means to her.

I will ring her though and apologise if I came across as judgemental.

OP posts:
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