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So disappointed that my mum may have risked Christmas.

516 replies

DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 11:14

My mum and dad love hosting Christmas Day - it’s been that way for about 15 years and all the family get together and it’s been a long running family tradition. There’s usually about 10-12 people in total.

Last year both parents (but especially my mum) were really upset that the family Christmas Day couldn’t go ahead because they see the event as such an important part of our family tradition. Some family members live in a different area of the country so it’s always been a lovey opportunity to get together.

Anyhow - over the last few months my parents have been getting into the festive mood and have been really excited about being able to host Christmas Day again and we’ve all really been looking forward to it. We all bring food contributions so the work load isn’t all on my parent’s shoulders and so we’ve all been planning it together etc.

However, I spoke to my mum last night and apparently on Wednesday night she went to a concert with some of her work friends to see a local band. She said it was in a small concert hall (so no ventilation) where everyone was singing and nobody had to wear masks. She said there were about 300 people there.

I was just gobsmacked.

I asked her why she would take that risk 10 days before Christmas when she is hosting everyone and especially when three of the family members are over 70 years old (although they are generally very well for their age).

She said “I won’t catch it”
I asked how she knew and she said after a very long pause, “I just won’t”

She said that as she is triple vaccinated she will be fine and that she had “been good” as she had her App turned on Confused I felt so exasperated and told her the App doesn’t stop people picking Covid up from someone else though!

I gently told her that I thought she was mad to have taken the risk.

I’m so disappointed - not so much for all of the family because if my mum/dad did get unwell and had to isolate then the rest of us would have Christmas Dinner somewhere else (me and husband would be happy to host) but I know my mum will be devastated again if she has to miss out on our traditional family celebration.

I just don’t understand why she’d take the risk.

I spoke to my sister about it this morning and she thinks I was out of order to express how I felt or try to make our mum feel guilty, and yes, maybe I was and my intention certainly wasn’t to guilt-trip her, but I was just so shocked when she told me.

I really hope she doesn’t catch it because she’s going to be so upset if she has to miss out on Christmas Day.

I know it was my mum’s risk to take but if she gets unwell I’m still going to feel so upset for her. It will put such a dampener on Christmas Day if she can’t be a part of it with the rest of us.

I just had to vent!!

OP posts:
portandchocolate · 17/12/2021 12:38

Well I'm with the OP on this. If my mum had made a fuss herself about hosting Christmas and how important it is to her and then takes a risk like that I'd be shocked too.

OP hasn't said she's upset she's risked her Christmas, she's expressed surprise her mum has risked her own.

Her mums rather odd attitude that she's somehow immune from covid would also irritate me.

theremustonlybeone · 17/12/2021 12:40

Your mum can make her own choices around what she does or doesnt do prior to christmas. She however is unreasonable and naive at best if she thinks being triple vaccinated will prevent her from getting covid. I was at a party on saturday night with fully boostered individuals and three have tested positive, my adult son who is also fully boostered is currently positive. So I would suggest you set up a plan B if your mum isnt able to host

Dearblossom · 17/12/2021 12:41

yanbu Flowers

300 singing with no masks?! I have some seriously sick friends right now (life support/grade4) and the thought of 300 singing people sounds horrifying and make me want to lock the door frankly!

FOJN · 17/12/2021 12:42

Of course your mum is free to go to a concert if she wants to and none of us can completely protect ourselves against catching covid but a concert, such as the one you described, is a bigger risk than a trip to the supermarket.

If I understand you correctly you are more frustrated that your mum has taken such a risk because she will be more upset than anyone if the family Christmas can't go ahead as planned. I don't know how much of an issue she made of not having a family Christmas last year but if it was a significant disappointment for her then I'd be frustrated too.

Fingers crossed she is OK and you have a lovely Christmas together.

OrangeCrunch · 17/12/2021 12:46

I understand OP.

Similar situation to you. I'm genuinely pissed off.

lololololollll · 17/12/2021 12:50

Get a grip

HesBoughtAFuckingHat · 17/12/2021 12:51

Yabu

EmpressCixi · 17/12/2021 12:54

I think you are over-reacting and gaslighting your mum a bit.

You say you’re only upset “for her” because “she loves” Christmas is much, but really it’s you that is disappointed and upset with your mum.

Your mum is an adult, and it’s her decision to balance risk to Christmas vs the concert. It’s not your decision and I think saying she “was mad to have taken the risk” solely because “she is the one who will be the most devastated if she can’t be part of our Christmas celebrations” is gaslighting her into doing what you want by pretending to make it about protecting her from potential future upset. She probably isn’t as bothered about Christmas as you are to be honest.

justasking111 · 17/12/2021 12:58

I'm hosting this year so excited as a granny but to be honest we're all on a tightrope with here with grandchildren at school, two DS working in hospitality, various lunches out, hospital visits,

fuzzwuss · 17/12/2021 12:58

You say you are disappointed, then say that you worry, she may be disappointed. Are you disappointed about her being disappointed? Or worried that you may be disappointed? Leave her alone, she has a life of her own.

Alieninmybody · 17/12/2021 12:58

What did you hope to achieve by saying it when the event was over, other than making her feel bad?
You could've vented elsewhere but you decided to take your annoyance out on your mum and take the enjoyment out of a nice time with her friends.
You know it's possible she enjoys socialising as much as she does catering on Christmas day.

I'm amazed all you can consider is a day and not the concern that your mother may get the virus and become unwell.

jpbee · 17/12/2021 13:03

I do get your point OP but I think you should have privately felt frustrated about it and not said anything to her, especially after the event.

lemmein · 17/12/2021 13:03

Honestly wouldn't give a shit about this. I presume you're all vaccinated? By the sounds of it most of us are going to get Omicron at some point, and for most it will be mild cold symptoms (or no symptoms at all). Why the hysteria? Baffling.

DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 13:07

I'm amazed all you can consider is a day and not the concern that your mother may get the virus and become unwell.

Of course I don’t want her to get the virus - that goes without saying. Though she’s only 59 and in good health and triple vaccinated so hopefully she will be fine even if she does catch it.

I just don’t like the thought of her being in isolation over Christmas. She hated being away from the family last year so I don’t want her to be in that position again.

OP posts:
HyacynthBucket · 17/12/2021 13:09

RobinPenguins Maybe read the original post. OP said 10-12 people.

DontWantTheRivalry · 17/12/2021 13:11

I do get your point OP but I think you should have privately felt frustrated about it and not said anything to her, especially after the event.

It was an instinctive reaction - I went quiet and speechless when she told me because for those few seconds I genuinely didn’t know what to say.

That reaction would have given it away even if I hadn’t verbally said anything.

Maybe i would have reacted differently if I’d found out from someone else and had digested it and took into account all the things like have been said on this thread, but in that moment when she told me I was instantly shocked and couldn’t consciously hide it.

We’ve all had natural reactions I imagine when we’ve heard something we didn’t expect to.

I tried calling her but she’s out doing some Christmas shopping so I said I’d call her again later.

OP posts:
gettingolderandgrumpy · 17/12/2021 13:12

Your being ridiculous you’ve already said that your not isolating so your just as likely to catch it as your mum is . just because it’s a concert the risk is no more imo if your in contact your in contact . Your mum has not had contact with all those 300 people. I think you were patronising how you spoke to your mum and you should apologise.

StillNo · 17/12/2021 13:14

This thread is so heartening. This time last year the other would have been pilloried.

StillNo · 17/12/2021 13:14

*mother

RussianSpy101 · 17/12/2021 13:17

I take it none of the guests will be going to work or school or shopping then before Christmas Day?

horizontilting · 17/12/2021 13:20

@DontWantTheRivalry

Well of course you did - how could it not be judgmental?

Ok then, I will ring her and apologise for being judgemental.

Fair play to you, OP. Hope you have a good Christmas.
lemmein · 17/12/2021 13:22

@BeardyButton

Op I totally understand.

This thread is why we are f’ed come new yr. I am genuinely terrified of the state the NHS is going to be in. But ye all go and have a meaningful Xmas (ie do whatever you want) and carry mocking those of us who actually dare to give a damn about what omicron means for society.

Can we please stop pretending covid is causing a collapse in the NHS? Covid has just become a handy smokescreen for the government to hide behind - in fact, it's been a gift to the tories, people blaming each other for the pressures on the NHS, rising Brexit costs blamed on covid - fucking ridiculous. The NHS has been on its arse for years, most don't notice until annual winter headlines- but anyone suffering with a chronic condition has known for years, unfortunately.

The only responsibility the public have towards the NHS is to vote for a government that prioritises it, on that 'we' have spectacularly failed.

If the NHS crumbles it won't be because the OPs mum went to a concert!

So disappointed that my mum may have risked Christmas.
So disappointed that my mum may have risked Christmas.
So disappointed that my mum may have risked Christmas.
FinallySomeNormality · 17/12/2021 13:23

YABVU

She might love having family over for xmas, and you probably really enjoy going... but lets not assume everyone thinks that must equate to staying indoors and not enjoying a single day for 2 weeks prior to xmas day.

Good grief. She could just as easily catch it popping to Tesco to get you the turkey she'll slave over to feed you all. Would you come on a parenting forum and berate her for that excursion too!??

Massive overraction and so bloody entitled!

Ruibies · 17/12/2021 13:28

I think yanbu. My mum is being quite dramatic and sensitive about how important it is we are all together on christmas this year, and like you I would be shocked and would definitely say something if she did something like this. She was getting up in arms because we were planning to go to a friend's christmas do tomorrow night (now cancelled, as the host might have covid) and I had to say to her well is everyone in your house who's coming to Christmas also cancelling everything, working from home etc etc? Anyone who's making a fuss about how important Christmas together is, should be taking every possible action to reduce the risk of that being cancelled. I'd have done the same in your position. And I don't think there's any need to apologise personally, doesn't sound like you were rude.

Frazzled2207 · 17/12/2021 13:31

I think it was 100% her call to make. If she now can’t join the family Christmas then that will be her Responsibility not yours. The rest of you can still have a good family Christmas.

I would be encouraging her to do LFTs