Has anyone else pulled back/ended friendships with unvaccinated friends?

[mowly77]

This feels right to me but I’m not sure how she’s going to take it, & wondered if anyone else had similar experiences? I’m fully vaccinated; but antibody test tells me I’ve had covid in last 6 months. I’m ill a lot - crappy immune system. Really sick this last week, rivers of snot, endless coughing. My DD is at nursery & had milder version first. I get everything she gets. Could be covid again; could not be. Either way I’m bloody ill & self employed so lost loads of money. Fed up of being ill all the time.

Recent friendship with someone & we’ve been working on my allotment together. She’s a bit lonely, single mum, now wants to be my BFF & invited me & DD to her DS birthday (big) party in a few weeks - indoors. She’s cheerfully told me she’s unvaccinated. Didn’t really sink in before. I’ve been in her car; she’s been round for a cuppa a few times.

Now I’m fretting; plus thinking how idiotically selfish she is. I’m going to tell her no more indoor stuff, no birthday party. Outdoor allotment socially distanced is fine.

This winter is going to be a car crash & I don’t have any more truck with it. I know I’m not BU but it still feels like a delicate line.

@Itsallabouttea

Oh for goodness sake. Your jabs protect you from serious illness. Plenty of double jabbed people are getting and spreading covid. This divisiveness is so sad.

This100% ^

What the hell has happened to people's perception. This pandemic has seriously screwed people up.

YABU
It is incredibly sad that there are people viewing someone who has not had the vaccine in this way. As you said yourself, you catch everything off of your DD.
I had a friend pull away from me (and verbal abuse too) because I have not had the vaccine. I met up with another recently who constantly brought the conversation round to it. I value more the friendships of people who don't bring up Covid at all.

I wouldn't want to be your friend if you think that way regardless of vaccine status. I think you may do her a favour if you distance away from her. You sound very judgemental.

Using judgement is fine op.

My immune system has been shite since I had chemo, even though that was a long time ago. Now fully menopausal after surgery, which hasn’t done my general health any good.

I think you really have to look after yourself, in your situation especially, and follow your own guidelines for protecting yourself. Her values seem very different, and it would not be worth damaging your health or potentially losing your actual life, just to people-please or to avoid offending a new acquaintance.

I think you have to do what’s comfortable for you. It’s not unreasonable to limit indoor socialising if you choose to, for whatever reason tbh.

Outside of that I think I would find myself backing off from her. Depending on why she hadn’t been vaccinated I think there may be a fundamental mismatch of values and beliefs. The fact I even knew her vaccine status would be a red flag to me; how did it come up?

I don’t even know the vaccine status of more distant friends and acquaintances, nor they mine and I would be suspicious of the reason someone like that felt the need to tell me tbh.

I'd hope she pulls back the friendship from such a bigoted tyrannical nightmare 'friend'

You're being ridiculous.

Being vaccinated doesn't make you any more or less likely to pass on covid.

14:28Cornettoninja

I actually agree with your comment, "" I don’t even know the vaccine status of more distant friends and acquaintances, nor they mine and I would be suspicious of the reason someone like that felt the need to tell me tbh"

I don't understand why people feel the need to say either way.

I wouldn't end a friendship with someone unvaccinated (I've had it though, and most of my family and friends have)

I have backed away from a couple of friends who are vociferously anti vax though. But I'd probably do the same with anyone who carried on about anything, if I'm honest.

I'm always happy to agree to disagree.

@mowly77

Well I come to MN for straight talking so I’ll take it on the chin. *@PieceOfString* thank you, genuinely. No I am definitely not looking down on her because she is lonely or a single mum. I was raised by a single mum. She’s lonely because she is a single mum, she wants adult company & she doesn’t enjoy doing things on her own with her DC, she told me this word for word. We’re very different in that respect. I do majority of things on my own with my DD & I don’t get lonely. Different doesn’t mean I look down on her though, just that perhaps I’m not the similarly-minded close friend she’s looking for.

My immune system has been shite since I had chemo, even though that was a long time ago. Now fully menopausal after surgery, which hasn’t done my general health any good. I take every vitamin possible and when I am well exercise a lot, try and eat well & do focus on my own well-being.

You sound a pretty well rounded individual to me. I don't think you deserve the bashing you've received from some quarters @mowly77

I hope you keep well. I think in your shoes I'd continue taking precautions, maybe see your new friend outside, and explain why you won't go to the party. You don't have to be joined at the hip to be a good friend to someone, but it's worth maintaining friendships in whatever way you can

Did you see UCL's latest covid modelling?

Current estimates of the vaccination efficacy are:
preventing infection: 10.1% (CI 6.1 to 13.9)
preventing transmission following infection 88.7% (CI 87.9 to 89.4)
preventing serious illness when symptomatic (age 15-34) 78.9% (CI 78.3 to 79.5)
preventing serious illness when symptomatic (age 35-70) 53.8% (CI 52.5 to 55.0)
preventing fatality when seriously ill 63.0% (CI 62.0 to 64.0)

www.fil.ion.ucl.ac.uk/spm/covid-19/forecasting/

Welp, thank you again for all the responses & the scattering of good advice among the abuse. Thank you for the few who understood the science i.e. - the greater risk of transmission from unvaccinated adults & the greater viral load of adults compared to nursery-age children - & the link to the UCL data.

@ChristmasCocktail - you are incorrect.

I have v likely had Covid. No idea who I got it from. I do not want to get it again!

As for those calling me names, lovely, well done. A bigoted tyrannical nightmare; a fool; that poor person doesn’t need friends like me etc. I am none of those things.

@ChristmasCocktail

You're being ridiculous.

Being vaccinated doesn't make you any more or less likely to pass on covid.

This is repeated on MN time and time again, but it is inaccurate.

@lljkk thank god for a likeminded person amongst the madness:
*tbh, the only "cutting off" behaviour I have done is for people (or Facebook pages) where people are loudly expressing support for mandatory vaccination, saying society should severely limit activities that unvaccinated ppl are allowed to do, calling people who have reservations about the covid controls "covidiots", and endorsing that unvaccinated people should be banned from receiving medical treatment.

I can't abide such nasty narrow-minded spiteful tribal attitudes.*

So much loopiness on this thread. Of course her being unvaccinated puts you at more risk. It's fine to say you are ok meeting her outdoors, but not indoors as you are vulnerable.

@ChristmasCocktail

You're being ridiculous.

Being vaccinated doesn't make you any more or less likely to pass on covid.

This is absolutely not true, can't believe mumsnet doesn't delete posts like this. Vaccine gives very significant reduction in passing covid on.

Right. Those saying you can pass it on if vaccinated - I bloody know! But unvaccinated people pass it on in greater numbers & have a much higher risk of passing it on in the first place. That is well documented in scientific literature

@mowly77, sadly the most recent real-world data is not consistent with this. In fact, in PHE data published this week, a greater proportion (yes, proportion, not number) of vaxxed than unvaxxed people caught covid. And it's been known for a while that viral loads in vaxxed and unvaxxed are similar. So really the main purpose of the vaccine is to prevent hospitalisation and death. Effect on transmission looking more and more minimal. So although I understand your anxiety, it doesn't make sense to discriminate between friends on grounds of covid vaccine status.

www.itv.com/news/2021-09-11/peston-covid-infections-higher-in-doubled-vaxxed-aged-40-79-than-for-non-vaxxed

Apologies for source, but the graph of PHE data in this article is useful.

Squleamish well that's debatable.
And at the very least, the unvaccinated are much more likely to have Covid in the first place, so there's that too.

I have a slightly different take on this. Maybe its just the prepper in me, but I think we've only just got started with the economic fallout from all this. Tough times are coming. There's creeping inflation and food shortages.

The relevance is, in tough times, the stronger your tribe the better. People might soon need to be helping each other out. Now is a good time to build bridges not burn them IMO

Luckily all my friends are vaccinated…..I have also chosen well educated friends.

I’m not vaccinated, have friends of which some are and some aren’t vaccinated and lots I don’t have a clue whether they’re vaccinated or not. Most of us have kids and they’re all healthy so not vaccinated at the moment. There’s no way we would end friendships over this. Reading on mumsnet I realise how lucky I am to have a really good group of friends who accept each other’s choices.

Luckily all my friends are vaccinated…..I have also chosen well educated friends.

🙄🤪

Personally I wouldn’t
All welcome here
But a few jabbed have turned their back on me