Has anyone else pulled back/ended friendships with unvaccinated friends?

[mowly77]

This feels right to me but I’m not sure how she’s going to take it, & wondered if anyone else had similar experiences? I’m fully vaccinated; but antibody test tells me I’ve had covid in last 6 months. I’m ill a lot - crappy immune system. Really sick this last week, rivers of snot, endless coughing. My DD is at nursery & had milder version first. I get everything she gets. Could be covid again; could not be. Either way I’m bloody ill & self employed so lost loads of money. Fed up of being ill all the time.

Recent friendship with someone & we’ve been working on my allotment together. She’s a bit lonely, single mum, now wants to be my BFF & invited me & DD to her DS birthday (big) party in a few weeks - indoors. She’s cheerfully told me she’s unvaccinated. Didn’t really sink in before. I’ve been in her car; she’s been round for a cuppa a few times.

Now I’m fretting; plus thinking how idiotically selfish she is. I’m going to tell her no more indoor stuff, no birthday party. Outdoor allotment socially distanced is fine.

This winter is going to be a car crash & I don’t have any more truck with it. I know I’m not BU but it still feels like a delicate line.

You are clearly aware that covid is only one of many illnesses you are running the gauntlet with currently. So maybe reframe your outlook into something more honest and less blame attaching like 'since my chemo I am more susceptible to bugs so it makes sense to avoid unnecessary exposure to illnesses and be more remote from people.' luckily you are happy not having as much adult company, unfortunately you have nursery age children so your ability to manage your contacts is limited by that.
Then there is the fact that you feel an imbalance between what this lady wants and you want and what you are willing to give. So, just be adult about it and in the course of mutual chats or whatever paint a picture of what is on offer and what you are about. I feel you have been disingenuous with her in how mutually deep this friendship can go letting yourself become a party of her life in a way that you now want to pull back from. It happens but if you're going to have an authentic friendship where you don't end up thinking snide thoughts about her (I know you said you don't look down on her as a single mum, but you did call her idiotically selfish) which I suspect is because you are not where you want to be with her, but that's not her fault.

You're going to be ok if you catch it. From her. Or from your vaccinated friends. I honestly wouldn't want a friend who would do this to me if I was unvaccinated.

I'm not especially at risk but still meet up and eat outside with a friend. Neither of us want to pass anything on to the other despite accepting we have risks via family and work contacts.
Different strokes, that's all.

Why did you even get vaccinated if you don't think it offers you any protection?

I’m so confused.
You’ve been “fully vaccinated”, whatever that means.
Your friend hasn’t, which usually means she’s actually has all her other vaccinations but has decided to wait for this emergency one for now.
But yet you’re the one who’s really sickly all the time.
And this is somehow her fault?!

You couldn’t make this up could you.

Also, you don't sound very fond of her by how you describe her

No

@Itsallabouttea

Oh for goodness sake. Your jabs protect you from serious illness. Plenty of double jabbed people are getting and spreading covid. This divisiveness is so sad.

This.

No. 1 of my dearest friends wears a plastic visor in work but no mask anywhere else, she refused the vaccine on the grou ds of not enough research.
I met her in the pub last week (my 1st visit to 1 not hers), we sat in a screened booth for 2 hours, it was the only place I went to all week, I caught covid, she didn't.

We are all going to catch it. Vaccinated or not.
I'm hoping my vaccine means I get a weaker version.
I wouldn't not see my unvaccinated friends. Just because I think they are juts 🤷‍♀️

Nuts!

I think you have conflated two things and got your emotions all wires crossed op, but that's why you came here, to run that past a bunch of folk and you have appreciated honest answers, so I think a bit of self reflection, care for your 'friend' and you'll be able to get back to a place you feel happy and can honestly be in a relationship that rejects who you are and who she is without being high horse towards her (which isn't justified from what you've said here)

Oh dear, her being unvaccinated means your own vaccine won’t work should she even ever catch covid or isn’t already naturally immune!
People have gone mad.

Yes, stop spending time with her. She is unlikely to need friends like you.

tbh, the only "cutting off" behaviour I have done is for people (or Facebook pages) where people are loudly expressing support for mandatory vaccination, saying society should severely limit activities that unvaccinated ppl are allowed to do, calling people who have reservations about the covid controls "covidiots", and endorsing that unvaccinated people should be banned from receiving medical treatment.

I can't abide such nasty narrow-minded spiteful tribal attitudes.

Seriously?? 😅😅😅

What is wrong with people. Are you jabbed? Yes? Then you clearly have no faith in it nor understanding of it protecting you whatsoever.

You are more likely to make her ill if it is true that you are just as likely to transmit the virus as her and you are less likely to show symptoms but still carry it. She is MORE at risk than you. How are people not understanding this? It's basic stuff!!! People do make me laugh!

You’re thinking of dumping a lonely single mum who is trying to reach out and make friends?

Covid madness has stripped some of us of our humanity.

I think it's totally fine to do what you can to look after yourself and your family. Who the fuck can be arsed being sick all the time? I had COVID in March 2020, it wiped me out for weeks and I didn't feel 100% recovered for 6 months. I don't have your medical history and I have an employer who pays me when I'm sick, and I'm still being cautious.

People on here will always tell you that you are being unreasonable for not just accepting whatever other people want to do. You'd get more socially responsible answers on 4Chan.

No. I wouldn’t & haven’t cut off unvaccinated friends because I’m not a knob. What people do with their lives is their choice. The risk is theirs. The vaccine isn’t really stopping transmission so you are no less likely to catch covid from the unvaccinated than you are a vaxxed. You’ve had yours so you are protected. She’s the one taking the risk not having it.

I’m double vaxxed, very pro vaccine. I have friends that aren’t, still my mates. Our kids still play. We still do lunch.

The thing is, you're going to be spending your life with lots of unvaccinated children, including your own, so it sort of defeats the purpose of dumping unvaccinated friends.

I get where you're coming from OP.

I wouldn't attend that party for example. I think you should say you're not comfortable going because of Covid risks and leave it at that. Hopefully you can respect each other's choices, but you shouldn't put yourself in a situation you're uncomfortable with for anyone.

Also there is a lot of misinformation on this thread. People who are vaccinated can pass the virus on but they are much less likely to. That's well established.

I don’t know why people keep saying the vaccine doesn’t help transmission - it massively cuts the chance of transmission, that is very well documented.

OP you should do whatever keeps you fit and healthy. I have been declining to meet with a lot of unvaxxed friends because I think they are absolute fools for not having it & also I don’t really want to be in close contact with people who are likely to be carrying higher viral loads.

Always baffles me how people like the OP even have people that want to be their friend tbh

Vaccination offers some protection.
It's not a magic bullet.
Some of the issues with testin g positive are not medical. So at certain times you bet I'm limiting my exposure to risk of ..testing positive.
There are also theories on viral load causing worse disease so it MAY be better to get a small exposure than in one big dose in a busy indoor party setting.

Op could tell friend truthfully that she is still minimising potential exposures to all respiratory viruses so would like to stick with outdoor meetings.

Right. Those saying you can pass it on if vaccinated - I bloody know! But unvaccinated people pass it on in greater numbers & have a much higher risk of passing it on in the first place. That is well documented in scientific literature.
^^ This
Yes it's still possible to transmit if vaccinated but first of all you are far less likely to catch it and if you do you are far less likely to transmit it. So the OP is more likely to catch covid from someone unvaccinated.

This thread attracts the usual ant vax brigade hell bent on justifying their own game of Russian roulette.