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Original poster

I’m struggling to accept the inevitable :(

179 replies

Catcalledluna · 13/08/2021 07:33

I would really appreciate some support with accepting that sooner or later I’m going to get Covid.
I could be hospitalised and I could die.

I’ve always known this and It’s not something that has controlled me.

10 weeks ago, my work colleagues husband, 38, caught Covid, was in hospital for 5 weeks before sadly passing away.
He had no health conditions.

I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

I’m more fearful of Covid now than I ever have been and it’s really starting to affect my life.

I’ve found myself no longer wanting to socialise, I’m avoiding supermarkets (which I have never done before) I’ve cancelled some upcoming plans to go to an overnight spa with friends, and it’s my cousins wedding in two weeks which I am now considering not attending.

I’m fully aware people have been hospitalised and losing their lives for the last 18 months, but I think it’s only now that it’s someone I know that it’s hit me :(

OP posts:
Dandy008 · 13/08/2021 13:52

Expect very little support on this!

Most people here will diagnose health anxiety.
Ironically, most people here likely have their own diagnosis of health anxiety….

You’re not allowed to have any fear on this board, people don’t like it.
Probably because it adds to their fears and they themselves don’t want to hear about things that can unsettle them or trigger their anxiety.

I lost a friend 10 years ago. It was very sudden.
She was 22.

I felt very shaken by the experience and it made me think about my own mortality, a lot.

It’s easy when you hear about death to dismiss it, but when it happens to someone you know, it suddenly feels very real.

Covid is very real, the risks are very real.
Feelings and worries are very real and also very valid after experiencing the death of someone you know.

It’s different to knowing someone with a terminal illness who passes away.
A terminal t isn’t circulating in the community, you don’t have a chance of catching it at spa / wedding / supermarket.

Covid cases are high, and unless you stay at home, then yes, there’s a chance that anyone could catch it.
Avoidance is a safety behaviour, but in the long run will only prolong fears and make them worse. Flowers

lannistunut · 13/08/2021 14:03

You’re not allowed to have any fear on this board, people don’t like it.
Probably because it adds to their fears and they themselves don’t want to hear about things that can unsettle them or trigger their anxiety.

Totally agree with this!

If people on here were not themselves scared, they would not get so het up by someone expressing a little fear. The fact they have to shut it down and so harshly, betrays they have issues of their own, IMO.

HelloMissus · 13/08/2021 14:07

Is calling people scared who aren’t, the new ‘you’re just jealous.’
GrinGrinGrin

SmidgenofaPigeon · 13/08/2021 14:11

I’m definitely not scared of covid Confused if I was then I’d be hiding myself away because I’m 35 weeks pregnant. As it is I’m double vaccinated and keen to be as active and sociable as possible before the baby comes. No covid fear here.

HelloMissus · 13/08/2021 14:11

Us - we’re not worrying any more.
Them - you’re afraid.
Us - no. We’re really not.
Them - you only say that because you’re really really afraid.
Us - er no, it’s just it makes no sense right now...
Them - you should be afraid.

lannistunut · 13/08/2021 14:13

@SmidgenofaPigeon

I’m definitely not scared of covid Confused if I was then I’d be hiding myself away because I’m 35 weeks pregnant. As it is I’m double vaccinated and keen to be as active and sociable as possible before the baby comes. No covid fear here.
Then it doesn't apply to you, so that's all good.

But there are people who get ENRAGED if anyone is even slightly worried.

lannistunut · 13/08/2021 14:14

@HelloMissus

Is calling people scared who aren’t, the new ‘you’re just jealous.’ GrinGrinGrin
Yes maybe! I have a colleague at work who is so NOT WORRIED by Covid she basically shouts at anyone who mentions it.

She's definitely NOT WORRIED.

HelloMissus · 13/08/2021 14:15

Maybe she shouts because - you don’t listen to her otherwise.

Scottishgirl85 · 13/08/2021 14:20

Nobody here can help you. The reality is we are all at risk of dying every day. Covid is a very tiny risk, there are much riskier things out there and for some reason you are focusing on covid. Seek help, covid is here to stay and you cannot live with this extreme anxiety.

Awalkintime · 13/08/2021 14:20

She doesn't get to dictate what people talk about in the office. She is trying to because it is making her uncomfortable hearing it.

In the same way people tell others to 'get over' things or 'move on'. It is to ease the listeners discomfort not the person suffering.

ShitShop · 13/08/2021 14:44

I’m not scared of covid. I’m scared of cancer having watched both parents die of it. I’m scared of dementia having seen both grandmas suffer with it. I’m scared of my DS riding a motorbike and DD travelling abroad alone. All of those things have statistically more chance of killing or seriously affecting me and my DCs than covid.

CordeliasPencil · 13/08/2021 14:57

I'm not scared of covid. I never have been. I already have illnesses that severely limit the lives of me and my family, and I've already lost a child, whilst nearly dying myself giving birth to them. So no, at this point in my life covid genuinely doesn't bother me as worse has already happened.

Backofbeyond50 · 13/08/2021 15:05

SmidgenofaPigeon

*@lannistunutOP was extremely snippy at being told she should possibly seek some support, which was actually a good suggestion for her considering her level of anxiety around being hospitalised and dying of covid simply because she knows of someone who has.

I don't think OP said s ything about dying. TBH with all these people on the thread diagnosing her with anxiety I filly understand her being snippy.

lannistunut · 13/08/2021 15:12

@HelloMissus

Maybe she shouts because - you don’t listen to her otherwise.
No, it really isn't that.

You make it sound as though there are only two types of people, people unbothered entirely about covid, and people with health anxiety...

In fact there is a huge spectrum of behaviour/emotional responses to the pandemic. I know people still washing shopping and people who have refused a vaccine and everything in between.

5128gap · 13/08/2021 15:55

@Awalkintime

She doesn't get to dictate what people talk about in the office. She is trying to because it is making her uncomfortable hearing it.

In the same way people tell others to 'get over' things or 'move on'. It is to ease the listeners discomfort not the person suffering.

Not necessarily. Sometimes it's just really irritating to listen to. We have had 20 months of talking about covid and the discussions pretty much follow the same format. People who are scared passing on stories of worse case scenarios, tutting at people for not being cautious enough and arguing with the competitively fearless (who've been to a 100 parties with a 1000 strangers in an unventilated shoe box and still not caught it) I can get why someone might want to talk about something else in the office.
lannistunut · 13/08/2021 16:08

The person I am talking about, it really isn't like that.

MorganHunt · 13/08/2021 16:09

@CordeliasPencil: "I don't think OP has any right to ask about her colleagues husband."

Nonsense. The OP said they were all old friends. When I lost someone dear to me, I welcomed questions. The only thing that hurts you is when people shy away and pretend it never happened.

Awalkintime · 13/08/2021 16:28

5128gap
Behaviour is communication and shouting and being aggressive comes from some issue underlying. If someone was just boring you with a conversation then you would just ask. Being aggressive when someone so much as mentions it shows something else.

lannistunut · 13/08/2021 16:38

@Awalkintime

5128gap Behaviour is communication and shouting and being aggressive comes from some issue underlying. If someone was just boring you with a conversation then you would just ask. Being aggressive when someone so much as mentions it shows something else.
Yes quite.

I think the word is 'triggered' - if someone says something like 'oh no, my son has been sent home from school' they get pretty livid about how it is all FINE and we need to stop WORRYING and they are NOT WORRIED and we all have to GET BACK TO NORMAL and STOP WORRYING...

Peanutbuttercupisyum · 13/08/2021 16:48

But you already know that very very very few people die from covid. Just because you know one of them, it doesn’t make it any more likely you’ll be one of them!!
Yes it’s probably inevitable that you’ll catch covid. Or perhaps you already have had it. Or both. But dying from it?! No - that’s very unlikely. You still have more chance of dying of many things other than covid. I think you need some
help as you are letting an unfounded anxiety c your life

Pootle40 · 13/08/2021 18:22

@Catcalledluna

I would really appreciate some support with accepting that sooner or later I’m going to get Covid. I could be hospitalised and I could die.

I’ve always known this and It’s not something that has controlled me.

10 weeks ago, my work colleagues husband, 38, caught Covid, was in hospital for 5 weeks before sadly passing away.
He had no health conditions.

I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

I’m more fearful of Covid now than I ever have been and it’s really starting to affect my life.

I’ve found myself no longer wanting to socialise, I’m avoiding supermarkets (which I have never done before) I’ve cancelled some upcoming plans to go to an overnight spa with friends, and it’s my cousins wedding in two weeks which I am now considering not attending.

I’m fully aware people have been hospitalised and losing their lives for the last 18 months, but I think it’s only now that it’s someone I know that it’s hit me :(

He may well have had an undiagnosed health problem. You just don't know. What about professional footballers that drop down dead? Freak things do sadly sometimes happen.
TheKeatingFive · 13/08/2021 19:08

OP, google availability bias

CordeliasPencil · 13/08/2021 19:12

[quote MorganHunt]@CordeliasPencil: "I don't think OP has any right to ask about her colleagues husband."

Nonsense. The OP said they were all old friends. When I lost someone dear to me, I welcomed questions. The only thing that hurts you is when people shy away and pretend it never happened.[/quote]
I absolutely disagree.

A young man has died of covid and someone asks his widow if he had any underlying conditions, to appease her own anxiety? That would be absolutely despicable behaviour.

I'm absolutely horrified that you would this that this is in ANY way acceptable. Shes a grieving woman - she does not owe anyone information because they're worried for goodness sakes.

Kanaloa · 13/08/2021 19:19

I mean you could get cancer and be hospitalised and die. Or be hit by a car and be hospitalised and die.

I know you say you feel you don’t have health anxiety, but this ‘I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. I’m more fearful of Covid now than I ever have been and it’s really starting to affect my life.’

Sounds like anxiety to me. You are a relatively healthy, low risk, double vaccinated person and the fear you have of this is affecting your life to the point you are not able to socialise as normal. I would say that’s the time when I would try and get some help. Best of luck, it’s very hard at the moment. I think this pandemic has brought our fragile mortality back home to many.

LionGiraffe · 13/08/2021 19:54

I don’t think it’s inevitable that you’ll get it, particularly if you take sensible precautions.

Two weeks ago I attended a birthday party at someone’s house. I spent all of the three hours I was there stood in a group with the same four people, close proximity, indoors, chatting. The following day one of the group started to feel unwell and tested positive. None of the rest of the group (including myself) have tested positive.

A friend recently tested positive. Isolated with his wife and two kids, but not really possible to isolate him from the family within the home. His wife and children didn’t catch it from him.

I’m not saying it isn’t contagious, because obviously it is. However, I don’t think it’s as inevitable as you think even in situations where you would expect infection to be a fait acompli.