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Original poster

I’m struggling to accept the inevitable :(

179 replies

Catcalledluna · 13/08/2021 07:33

I would really appreciate some support with accepting that sooner or later I’m going to get Covid.
I could be hospitalised and I could die.

I’ve always known this and It’s not something that has controlled me.

10 weeks ago, my work colleagues husband, 38, caught Covid, was in hospital for 5 weeks before sadly passing away.
He had no health conditions.

I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

I’m more fearful of Covid now than I ever have been and it’s really starting to affect my life.

I’ve found myself no longer wanting to socialise, I’m avoiding supermarkets (which I have never done before) I’ve cancelled some upcoming plans to go to an overnight spa with friends, and it’s my cousins wedding in two weeks which I am now considering not attending.

I’m fully aware people have been hospitalised and losing their lives for the last 18 months, but I think it’s only now that it’s someone I know that it’s hit me :(

OP posts:
Feelingoktoday · 13/08/2021 07:53

You don’t know if he was vaccinated. You don’t really know the full details., it’s very sad that someone so young has died but you don’t know the full details.

HungryHippo11 · 13/08/2021 07:54

You could be hospitalised or die from myriad things at any time. This has been the case throughout your whole life. You may say "but those things were really unlikely". As a double vaccinated person, the chance of dying from covid is also really unlikely.

54321nought · 13/08/2021 07:54

Was your husbands colleague overweight?

Are you overweight?

Maybe if he was and you are. losing weight might help you feel safer and more in control

TheKeatingFive · 13/08/2021 07:55

neither was my colleagues husband

Young, healthy people do unfortunately sometimes die.

I’ve know people under 30 who died from cancer, RTAs, meningitis, uncontrolled diabetes. It’s not like covid is something radically different in this regard.

But your individual risk of dying from any of those things is minimscule.

picklemewalnuts · 13/08/2021 07:55

Another way of thinking about it is-
'it's rare for healthy younger people to be seriously affected. I know someone who was. Lightening doesn't strike twice. I'll be ok.'

In contrast, I don't know anyone with no underlying conditions who's been badly affected. Someone's due....

Icantbelieveitsnotnutter · 13/08/2021 07:55

Get yourself an oximeter. They're quite affordable in chemists and online. They saved my elderly Uncle's life as he rang 999 as soon as he had symptoms and noticed his oxygen levels dropped (before we were all vaccinated in the UK.) You then have something in your home that might alleviate your anxiety a little? Most people's symptoms aren't too bad, thankfully. So sorry to hear about your friend, he was incredibly unlucky Flowers

CordeliasPencil · 13/08/2021 07:56

You could be hospitalised and die from crossing the road though.

PieceOfString · 13/08/2021 07:57

Going against the grain here but I don't think a perfectly natural reaction to something extreme and serious happening so close to home means you 'have health anxiety'.
It's just a natural reaction. It would be weird if you weren't perturbed by this, it's shocking when a healthy person is taken suddenly.
The cure is time and attention. Pay attention to all the examples of people who catch it and are fine, for balance so your mind can get it's perspective back. This event is the equivalent of something to close to the camera lens filling the view. Then just steadily, baby steps style, get back to where you were. Be patient, the definition of madness is to not respond to events which would normally cause a reaction... Your mind is doing its job, now you need to zoom out and get some other things in the frame, but it doesn't happen overnight so just recognise it's normal and then keeping putting one foot in front of the other

SmidgenofaPigeon · 13/08/2021 07:57

@Icantbelieveitsnotnutter OP doesn’t need an oximeter- that’s probably something that someone with health anxiety will fixate on and get obsessed with checking levels.

Sarahlou63 · 13/08/2021 07:59

If your colleagues husband had died of flu, would you be feeling as anxious?

Reminders of our own mortality are always unsettling. One day you will die but until that day comes you have a choice - to live in daily dread of the inevitable or to live the most productive, happiest and fulfilling life you can. If you can't see that, then you should seek help.

whatswithtodaytoday · 13/08/2021 08:00

It is scary OP. I think someone doing that you know makes it feel far more real... I lost a close, young relative at the start of the pandemic and it has made me take it very seriously.

Sadly people die unexpectedly sometimes. It could have been flu, or cancer, or a car crash, or any number of other things that kill young people. He might not have been fully vaccinated, he might have had underlying conditions, he might have just been very, very unlucky.

I do understand - I have health anxiety myself and the past 18 months have been very hard. But statistically you are unlikely to be seriously ill or die from Covid.

whatswithtodaytoday · 13/08/2021 08:01

*someone dying

TheYearOfSmallThings · 13/08/2021 08:01

A girl I went to school with (same age as me, perfectly healthy) won the lottery. Unfortunately this does not put me at greater risk of winning the lottery.

Quartz2208 · 13/08/2021 08:02

It is ok to not be ok about this OP but the best and easiest way out is to seek some real life professional support I cannot see why you take such offence to that?

This isn’t long term health anxiety but anxiety caused by a trigger event understanding that and dealing with it is important.

When a friends child the same age as DS died of meningitis it affected me in the same way and I did need time and to talk it through with people - it’s the guilt as well that it is effecting you when it shouldn’t be as well.

The fact that it is COVID I think only adds to it because it increases the chances of getting it

imaginethemdragons · 13/08/2021 08:02

Op I think it’s only natural to be forced into thinking more deeply about something when it is so close to home so I get where you are coming from.

I also get what you say about not normally being anxious but feeling like you need to cancel upcoming events.
I think that’s how the psychology of this thing works.
It’s similar to any other tragic event that’s close to home or that personally effects you. Normal and natural.

I think you will deal with it in your own way, you seem logical and self aware.
If at the present time you need to have distance until you can get your head around it, then do what you need to do is what I say.

Original poster
Catcalledluna · 13/08/2021 08:03

@54321nought

Was your husbands colleague overweight?

Are you overweight?

Maybe if he was and you are. losing weight might help you feel safer and more in control

@54321nought

No. He wasn’t overweight. He did weight lifting so was actually very fit.

I could probably lose a bit, I’d like to lose half a stone, but I’m not really over weight.

OP posts:
SmidgenofaPigeon · 13/08/2021 08:04

OP you must be able to grasp how vanishingly rare it is for a young, fit person to die of covid?

You’re more likely to have a freak accident on the way to work.

Backofbeyond50 · 13/08/2021 08:05

Not entirely convinced you have health anxiety either OP. Losing someone you know who is a similar age oi you is bound to shock and lead to these thoughts.
Take care op. Your colleagues husbands situation was horrible but unusual

Original poster
Catcalledluna · 13/08/2021 08:05

@PieceOfString

Going against the grain here but I don't think a perfectly natural reaction to something extreme and serious happening so close to home means you 'have health anxiety'. It's just a natural reaction. It would be weird if you weren't perturbed by this, it's shocking when a healthy person is taken suddenly. The cure is time and attention. Pay attention to all the examples of people who catch it and are fine, for balance so your mind can get it's perspective back. This event is the equivalent of something to close to the camera lens filling the view. Then just steadily, baby steps style, get back to where you were. Be patient, the definition of madness is to not respond to events which would normally cause a reaction... Your mind is doing its job, now you need to zoom out and get some other things in the frame, but it doesn't happen overnight so just recognise it's normal and then keeping putting one foot in front of the other
@PieceOfString

Thanks for this. Flowers

I didn’t realise there were so many Drs on here.
I’ve had several of them diagnose me with health anxiety this morning….

OP posts:
HelloMissus · 13/08/2021 08:11

Chances are (based on current statistics) he wasn’t vaccinated.
You say you are.
You say you’re young, fit and healthy physically.
Presumably you know logically and factually that this means you won’t catch Covid and be very ill and die, except as an extreme outlier. The sort of rare chance that means you might get in an accident and die on the M1.

Keep reminding yourself of the facts. Whenever an anxious thought intrudes - and that’s what this is - remind yourself of the facts.

Icantstopeatinglol · 13/08/2021 08:11

Op, I’ve had covid. I’m immunosuppressed and have had both my vaccines thankfully. I was poorly (laid up in bed but not hospitalised) but after two weeks I’m doing fine. Back to exercise (although gently) and just thankful for the fact we have access to the vaccines. I’ve another friend who is immunosuppressed too and she was fine. I got to the point where I thought I’m not living like this indefinitely, that’s my choice and everyone has to do what’s right for them. It’s scary when you hear someone you know directly affected by it (my colleagues husband also died - think he was mid 40s). However, most people will be fine. Like others have said, you might have already had it and not known. It’s hard to come to terms with just getting on with things but you will and you’ll be fine.

Scottishskifun · 13/08/2021 08:14

Your colleagues husband sounds incredibly rare and you also don't know if he got the vaccination (my SIL has refused but her partner is fully jabbed).

It's natural for it to rock you but your chances of catching covid in the first place are reduced because of vaccination to 34% risk for AZ and 12% risk for Pfizer for the delta variant. Vaccinations have prevented an estimated 22 million cases and 60,000 hospitalisations.
Coupled with the 95% protection level of serious illness.

There are ways you can also improve outcomes too. The zoe app has a piece of research which shows better outcomes if you have a diet high in vitamins and vegetables.

Definitely agree get yourself a oximeter, I was very unwell with covid prior to vaccination (was 34 fit and healthy) the oximeter meant that I was able to get early treatment on steroids as the Dr could easily see my levels on the video consultation.

It sounds harsh but it's here to stay so you will have to live with it but you have a great protection level with the vaccines.

Warmduscher · 13/08/2021 08:15

I didn’t realise there were so many Drs on here.
I’ve had several of them diagnose me with health anxiety this morning….

You don’t need to be so snippy.

You’ve had some excellent advice on here so maybe a good idea would be to read through those replies and see if you can use that advice to improve how you feel about all this.

Dreamstate · 13/08/2021 08:15

Myabe its time people really accept that from the moment we are born we are on a clock and we will all die. How long you live for ...who knows but it will happen.

Fact of life. Its hard if someone feom the outside was fit and healthy and fairly young but thats life. Not everyone lives into their 60s etc.

You said you don't need professional help well I think you do, since your changing your life so much because of this issue to point your almost a recluse.

stepupandbecounted · 13/08/2021 08:19

It is shocking when any young person dies, I have experienced the same thing with my BIL and other close to me, and whether it is covid or cancer it is always always awful.

And natural to feel afraid the same will happen to you and your family. If this feeling does not wear off in time, as usually would, then I would seek professional help about anxiety. You should not be left traumatised by a distant death - quite a different scenario if it was your dh/db of course.

Do not feel pressured to do things you are uncomfortable with, comfort yourself with the facts and the stats and know that bad things happen sometimes, it does not mean it will happen to you. People very rarely talk endlessly of the all very mild covid sufferers. It is always the exceptional situations that stay with us Flowers