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Original poster

I’m struggling to accept the inevitable :(

179 replies

Catcalledluna · 13/08/2021 07:33

I would really appreciate some support with accepting that sooner or later I’m going to get Covid.
I could be hospitalised and I could die.

I’ve always known this and It’s not something that has controlled me.

10 weeks ago, my work colleagues husband, 38, caught Covid, was in hospital for 5 weeks before sadly passing away.
He had no health conditions.

I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

I’m more fearful of Covid now than I ever have been and it’s really starting to affect my life.

I’ve found myself no longer wanting to socialise, I’m avoiding supermarkets (which I have never done before) I’ve cancelled some upcoming plans to go to an overnight spa with friends, and it’s my cousins wedding in two weeks which I am now considering not attending.

I’m fully aware people have been hospitalised and losing their lives for the last 18 months, but I think it’s only now that it’s someone I know that it’s hit me :(

OP posts:
SmidgenofaPigeon · 13/08/2021 11:29

I would gently suggest she seeks professional support to get face if she was talking to me about that level of anxiety, yes.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 13/08/2021 11:29

*her face

lannistunut · 13/08/2021 11:32

@SmidgenofaPigeon

I would gently suggest she seeks professional support to get face if she was talking to me about that level of anxiety, yes.
That is a lot more gentle than the post I questioned!
Snog · 13/08/2021 11:34

When we hear so much about Covid it's natural to think it's a much bigger threat than it actually is. It really distorts our perception of risk.

There are many other threats that are as likely or more likely to hospitalise or kill us that we give no thought to whatsoever on a daily basis. Eg you could be killed on the way to a wedding or at the wedding by loads of things unrelated to Covid.

I would suggest some professional help OP. Many people are having the same and similar issues right now so you are definitely not alone.

Toesies · 13/08/2021 11:40

@TuesdayRuby

It’s Covid, not the Black Death. 99.99999% people who get it don’t die. Unless you’re in the very vulnerable category, I really wouldn’t be panicking like you are.

Yes you probably will get Covid. You’ll probably feel like shit for a week and won’t want to get out of bed. Then you’ll be fine.

And if you're in the 'Vulnerable' category? Just "oh, well, then," and that's it?

savagebaggagemaster · 13/08/2021 11:43

I think I know where the OP is coming from. It's totally normal to feel this way when you've been touched personally. What's happened is tragic but, and I say this kindly, try to look at this logically. It's not inevitable that it will happen to you. It just isn't. My dear friends lost their teen dd a few months ago in a tragic accident. It did make me fearful, that awful things happen to people close to us, that you can lose your children, that lovely kind hardworking friends can have their lives changed forever and that it's not just what we hear on the radio or what we see on the tv. However, the chances are very slim. Part of having this gift of life means that we need to live with the fact it could end anytime for any reason; I guess the trick is to make the most of it, take sensible precautions round Covid and focus on what's important. Thanks for you OP

Lightisnotwhite · 13/08/2021 11:44

Why don’t you get an anti body test so you know you have some immunity?

TuesdayRuby · 13/08/2021 11:45

“And if you're in the 'Vulnerable' category? Just "oh, well, then," and that's it?”

OP isn’t in the vulnerable category though is she? We’re not discussing a ECV person here, we’re discussing a young person with no health issues (from what I’ve read) with an irrational fear of dying from Covid.

lannistunut · 13/08/2021 11:45

Yes you probably will get Covid. You’ll probably feel like shit for a week and won’t want to get out of bed. Then you’ll be fine.

Unless you are in the 10% who have symptoms for ages...

Cait73 · 13/08/2021 11:50

I think you've taken the "seek professional help" wrong, or it was worded wrong I don't know either way the risk to you is exactly the same as it was before this very sad death, the only thing that's changed is your reaction to it probably because it's very close to hone

So yes you do need "professional" help your gp is a professional and they can help

Don't loose sight of the fact the risk hasn't changed your perception of the risk has

5128gap · 13/08/2021 11:50

Most of us at some point are filled with overwhelming anxiety about our mortality and health. Its often triggered when an unexpected death reminds us how fragile we all are, be it from cancer or a car crash, we can tend to over relate and project the circumstances onto ourselves. In your case covid has become the focus for this. In most cases the anxiety lessens with time, you gain perspective on the risk and live with it as you do with cancer, and heart disease, and terrorist attacks, and all the other things that could potentially paralyse us with fear and lead to us living very restricted lives.

CordeliasPencil · 13/08/2021 11:51

@Toesies yep I'm in the CEV category and did indeed say oh well. And carried on as normal. I don't judge anyone who is CEV for taking precautions or shielding but not all of us did. I know many CEV people who said oh well and carried on.

WingingItSince1973 · 13/08/2021 12:03

I have extreme health anxiety and have medication to help. I was scared of covid but back in Jan myself and my adult dd both caught it and felt absolutely fine, other than tired and achey but nothing compared to the times I've had flu. This is most people's experience, my sis in law was the same. I'm so sorry about your colleagues husband, that is so close to home and must make it so scarey for you. You are double vaccinated and that is showing that even if you do catch it the outcome will be better. I only know 1 person who was seriously ill will covid and despite the odds he is now back home. Please try and focus on the majority that have had it and its not been a major issue. Xxx

Yummymummy2020 · 13/08/2021 12:15

I understand where you are coming from. Covid is a real concern. Especially when it has been the cause of a death so close to home. I have a new baby so I’m still being very careful on the advice of the hospital even though I am double vaccinated. The odds are you will be grand if you do get it, but I don’t blame you one bit for worrying and not wanting to get it! I have been thinking along the same lines that I probably will catch it when I’m back at work but for now doing all I can to avoid it! I wouldn’t say I personally suffer from health anxiety in the normal way, but I do think for a lot of us Covid has shaken us up and made us more anxious. I am in the vulnerable group but I am not so much fearful for myself as wary for the baby. Nobody wants a brand new baby catching things if they can help it I guess! I think we will learn to live with Covid but also that If the cases go down significantly you probably won’t be half as concerned. It’s sensible to not want to get it though!

Wife2b · 13/08/2021 12:16

I’m sorry you’re struggling OP, you can’t let it stop you living your life but you can take your own precautions to minimise the risk of catching it. Please don’t not go to the wedding, your relative will have already paid for catering, go and take reasonable precautions. No one knows what tomorrow holds.

HollowTalk · 13/08/2021 12:27

It's an awful thing to happen to your colleague and her husband, but why are you making this all about you?

Flowers500 · 13/08/2021 12:37

It’s not only not inevitable, it’s unlikely.

If this is a case of you being shocked for a little bit and considering mortality, then that is normal. However this seems to have morphed into an irrational health anxiety, medical support would be useful for you.

Awalkintime · 13/08/2021 12:41

@HollowTalk

It's an awful thing to happen to your colleague and her husband, but why are you making this all about you?
The events that happened with her colleagues have scared her. She is allowed to be scared. It is normal, rational and justified when you have experienced something traumatic and distressing.
Original poster
Catcalledluna · 13/08/2021 13:10

@Warmduscher

I didn’t realise there were so many Drs on here. I’ve had several of them diagnose me with health anxiety this morning….

You don’t need to be so snippy.

You’ve had some excellent advice on here so maybe a good idea would be to read through those replies and see if you can use that advice to improve how you feel about all this.

@Warmduscher

Actually, I feel like I do….

The majority of the replies have suggested I have health anxiety! I don’t have health anxiety.
I’m shook up by the fact someone not much older than myself has just died…!

OP posts:
Original poster
Catcalledluna · 13/08/2021 13:14

@Iwonder08

Well, you can deny it as much as you want, but if you think you will inevitably catch covid and die it is bluntly clear you are not well and people are rightly suggesting getting professional help
I didn’t say it’s inevitable I will die with Covid.

I said it’s inevitable I am going to catch it sooner rather than later.

What I said was I could end up in hospital, or I could do. Not that I will….. 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
SmidgenofaPigeon · 13/08/2021 13:27

@Catcalledluna people your age or younger die of a myriad of things all the time, every day. If you’ve got to this stage in life without encountering an unexpected death to someone you know of, then that’s actually quite unusual.

TuesdayRuby · 13/08/2021 13:32

OP I think that if you’re cancelling plans and avoiding going to supermarkets etc because of fear of catching Covid, this suggests that there’s something more going on than just being “shook up because someone I know has died”.

Perhaps it’s not health anxiety but I think you should acknowledge that it’s an issue that you may need help with to get over.

Thewholeshackshimmy · 13/08/2021 13:35

I would be exactly the same as you op if someone I knew and so young died from Covid, it’s shocking and unexplainable how some people have minimal symptoms yet someone else in similar circumstances dies from the same virus. Life makes no sense. It made no sense to me when my 4 year old niece died horribly from a brain tumour 10 years ago, it has always left me thinking that if a little girl who had been on this planet for just 54 months can die then it goes to show that not one single one of us is invincible. Obviously we all know that yet it’s still quite sobering when you give it some deep thought.

uktrippin · 13/08/2021 13:40

Being a weight lifter doesn't make him very fit in terms of organ functionality.

I know quite a lot if strongmen types (one died young, lots of strain on his organs from excessive lifting and strict diets).

I know several who use steroids, that makes them vulnerable to covid too.

You don't even know if he was vaccinated never mind what shape his internal organs were in. It's very sad but honestly, being this anxious about it won't change anything

Awalkintime · 13/08/2021 13:47

Catcalledluna
I completely agree you don't have anxiety - that suggests there is something innately wrong with you that needs fixing. There is nothing wrong with you that needs fixing. You are processing something that has distressed you and it is making you feel scared.

Dr Jessica Taylor has some good advice about dealing with trauma without a label or suggesting there is anything 'wrong'. She talks about coping mechanisms begin after trauma/distressing events that you use while you process what is happening to you. Such as you avoiding the supermarket. It is a way of dealing with that current fear you have while your brain processes the distress. There is a unit on sexual trauma but it could also be applied to other trauma that you can work through on her website. There are lots of other pieces of advice too from her. Hopefully people in your real life will have a bit more compassion and understanding than those on here.

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