DP threatening breakup if I take the vaccine

[PPPPressure]

Hi all,

I'm normally a lurker on MN, but have posted a few times and decided to name change for this.

I want to get the vaccine so that I can travel, but DP is set against me having it as he's heard the claims that it affects periods and fertility. He's also suspicious about the government enforcing the vaccine passort for nightclubs and possibly pubs.

I know that there's no scientific research to suggest the vaccine affects fertility but I have PCOS and I'm already paranoid that I will have difficulty conceiving in the future. He's jokingly said he will break up with me if I get vaccinated but I think he's being serious. He's also said that it will be my fault if we can't conceive in the future if I've taken the vaccine.

I'm considering getting it behind his back is that unreasonable? On the other hand I'm getting anxiety from reading about the side effects online. ( I know that every vaccine/ medication has side effects and I'm being irrational but I just can't stop panicking about it)

I know some people might suggest LTB, I love him, and for other personal reasons breaking up isn't an option

[quote PPPPressure]@gwenneh I guess I was asking if I could get away with it, and I needed to get it out in the open because I don't have anyone to talk to about this IRL.

I'm scared to leave (and a bit scared to stay how I am to be honest), a bit scared of getting the vaccine, scared of not getting it and I'm tired of feeling anxious about everything.

I got in my first relationship quite young and have been pretty much in a relationship or situationship ever since so I know that I need to do some reflection on my end. I guess its just hard to accept and see how previous mistakes can affect your situation in the future.

I'm reading all your comments and its been hard to hear but I know that I need to sort myself out so will be starting with counselling and going from there[/quote]
The frighting thing is

That domestic abuse starts to happen many times when a woman becomes pregnant.

He’s already shown control and coercion

Please please rethink this relationship. I’m really quite worried about you

This article has some information about the Covid vaccination and periods. It really does not sound as though this is something to worry about as any effect ( if there is one rather than a coincidental correlation) is temporary.

“Do COVID vaccines affect menstruation?”

covid.joinzoe.com/post/covid-vaccines-menstruation

@MariposaLilly

He's also suspicious about the government enforcing the vaccine passort for nightclubs and possibly pubs

You are being told here not to allow your partner to try to force/blackmail you into anything, yet the same people are allowing the government to do the same.

This vaccine has not been throughly researched. I personally know two young men who are starting families both with degrees in the life sciences, who along with their wives are not being vaccinated.

I'm all for vaccinations, just not this one. I disagree with pp, your fertility is his concern.

Actually. We’ve been harnessing the technology used in this vaccine since around 1990.

This, as many others have said, is not about the vaccine. It's about a piece of scum who thinks so little of you as a person, that he thinks he's entitled to tell you what you can, or cannot put into your own body.
Do not even think of having a baby with this abusive piece of shit v

To add to the coercive element of him wanting to control your body and blaming you for any random consequences, if the government do go through with vaccine passports and he then can't go out/ go on holiday, his refusal to be vaccinated is then highly likely to impact on what you can do if he can't participate anyway.

Bodily autonomy is important and it is wrong that politics is interfering with the personal pros and cons, and one consequence is that in this kind of situation, it hands an abuser an extra tool of control mechanism.

(If it was purely his own decision on autonomy and respecting the consequences and others' choices to be vaccinated that is a different situation)

It really is better to be single and learn to be comfortable with yourself than to accept anyone avaliable. When we are free and comfortable to be ourselves, it's easier to make better choices about partners.

I was married to a lovely man, he died 10 years ago and I know that i will die alone. Sticking with an asshat won't guarantee that you won't be alone when you die. Harsh but true

Love, when you're in the wrong relationship you are more lonely than when you are single.

Being on your own can be very painful sometimes for most people, specially if you have low self-esteem, but sheesh being in a bad controlling relationship is even more alone and you have to make the extra effort to handle someone who's being unpleasant.

This man's a dud. Clear at the comment about blaming you if you get the vaccine and then have fertility issues, all the while knowing you have PCOS.

Counselling and maybe the Freedom Course are a good idea.

be kind to yourself, sweet heart.

I’m infertile. Tried for years for my toddler. Surgeries, clomid, rounds of IVF.

I got surprise pregnant with our second the week after my first jab.

🤷‍♀️

“ljsbear
This man's a dud. Clear at the comment about blaming you if you get the vaccine and then have fertility issues, all the while knowing you have PCOS. “

Exactly, it is not logical of him.

“AvantGardening

I’m infertile. Tried for years for my toddler. Surgeries, clomid, rounds of IVF.

I got surprise pregnant with our second the week after my first jab.”

How wonderful!

Poor you, married to an anti vax loon.
What do you think the chances are, if you did have children with this dick, he'd let them be vaccinated?

Vaccine does not cause infertility. End.

If it did, wouldn't there be lots of people who DO want long-term contracepton queueing up to have it???

If he was insisting you get an abortion, what would you do?

If he was insisting you never get a flu vaccine, what would you do?

If he didn't like your GP and insisted you change, what would uou do?

It's all controlling Behaviour.

Awful behaviour from him op
He can make his own health choices for his own reasons he doesn’t get to tell you what to do

He is highly controlling, @PPPPressure! And this would only get worse if you were to have a child with him. Please, if you take just one thing away from this thread, it is that you should double up on your contraception.

It's good that you are saving up for counselling, but in the meantime you might want to read Nathaniel Barden's The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

Dh faced a surgery that had a high chance of leaving him infertile. Having it would immediately improve his quality of life, and prevent potential life-threatening problems in the future.

It never crossed my mind to ask him to delay having surgery until our family was complete. His health was my first priority, and the decision was his to make.

OP, your health should be your DP's first priority, and the decision should be yours to make.

Oh, for heaven's sake. There is absolutely NO scientific evidence suggesting that vaccinated people will have fertility issues. NONE. Your husband is...well. He is who he is.

I will tell you, re those blood clots everyone squawked about...fewer than one percent of those vaccinated develop blood clots. THIRTY PERCENT of those who get COVID-19 develop blood clots (which no one mentions...I have lots of friends in the medical professions).

Additionally, here in the USA, in June, 99.+ percent of those who died of COVID were unvaccinated, and over 96% of those hospitalized with it were unvaccinated.

Vaccinate, don't vaccinate. Tell him, don't tell him. Your body, your choice. I am fully vaccinated, myself and my best friend is not. We respect each other's choices. I'd think twice about a relationship where choices are not respected. And where threats are made. This vaccination issue is a symptom of something deeper that you don't, at present, seem to be willing to really examine. Best of luck to you, no matter what you choose.

I know some people might suggest LTB, I love him, and for other personal reasons breaking up isn't an option

Do you think he loves you?
This isn’t about the vaccination or how it might affect you, it’s about someone making decisions for you regardless of what you think.
If you are an adult not even your parents can tell you what to do, let alone a partner.

I really think you need to consider if it's a good idea to stay with him. If you have children with him, what would you do if the same issue comes up? Do you listen to him and don't let children have any important medical procedure if he disagrees?
I think the covid made some people change so much, some relationship cannot go on after certain mistrust between them.

His health was my first priority, and the decision was his to make.

OP, your health should be your DP's first priority, and the decision should be yours to make.

Absolutely this!

Get vaccinated against an unnecessary illness and lose the controlling man baby, win win as far as I can see it.

YANBU at all!! It’s 100% your choice and absolutely nothing to do with your boyfriend. People haven’t just stopped becoming pregnant since the vaccine rollout, there is not a single piece of credible research which shows shows that the vaccine impacts fertility. Consider the science when making your decision if you’re concerned, not rumour and conspiracy theories your boyfriend has decided to buy into!

And what happens if you don't take the vaccine and have troubles TTC in future (which can happen with PCOS anyway). What's he going to blame that on then? Some other random obscure thing that makes no difference? Something you ate?

Your body your choice.

I understand the feeling of not thinking you'd get into another relationship if this one was to end...I have a health condition which makes me worry too...but as soon as my ex partner was disrespecting me and I was not happy in the relationship, I ended it regardless. It's sad that you feel trapped for a reason like this because you deserve someone who respects you. Settling because of the fear of being alone will not do you good in the long run.

I'm not saying you should break up with your DP, I'm saying if you want to take the vaccine then you should absolutely take the vaccine, and if your DP breaks up with you over something like that or makes you feel incredibly guilty if you're TTC in future and you're having difficulties, then you should bin him as fast as possible in my opinion. I really do hope he's joking when he says these things because imagine what can control in your life by threatening to leave.

I don't know what other back story is here, whether he's threatened leaving in the past for example to get you to do what he wants? I hope not!

Best of luck OP

Anyone who tries to control anyone is wrong, whether with threats or oversolicitude.

Very gently, there is always a choice.

The freedom programme is s good place to start, there is an online version available.

https://freedomprogramme.co.uk

If you don’t currently have any children, especially children with him, then it will never be easier to leave him.

Get out now, while you can before you feel completely trapped with him.

Go ahead and choose an alternative life to the life you might be trapped in with this scumbag.

Nothing like a bit of emotional blackmail to bring sunshine into a relationship