Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

DP threatening breakup if I take the vaccine

238 replies

PPPPressure · 21/07/2021 15:03

Hi all,

I'm normally a lurker on MN, but have posted a few times and decided to name change for this.

I want to get the vaccine so that I can travel, but DP is set against me having it as he's heard the claims that it affects periods and fertility. He's also suspicious about the government enforcing the vaccine passort for nightclubs and possibly pubs.

I know that there's no scientific research to suggest the vaccine affects fertility but I have PCOS and I'm already paranoid that I will have difficulty conceiving in the future. He's jokingly said he will break up with me if I get vaccinated but I think he's being serious. He's also said that it will be my fault if we can't conceive in the future if I've taken the vaccine.

I'm considering getting it behind his back is that unreasonable? On the other hand I'm getting anxiety from reading about the side effects online. ( I know that every vaccine/ medication has side effects and I'm being irrational but I just can't stop panicking about it)

I know some people might suggest LTB, I love him, and for other personal reasons breaking up isn't an option

OP posts:
LozzaChops101 · 21/07/2021 17:25

He sounds like absolutely the sort of man nobody should ever have children with.

seven201 · 21/07/2021 17:31

@elsaesmeralda

I also have pcos and secondary infertility, actually having ivf atm to hopefully conceive. I've still had the vaccine. Your body, your choice. I think his attitude is more of an issue than your possible fertility after the vaccine to be quite honest!
@elsaesmeralda I think we are the same person? I have pcos (didn't know when I had my dd), secondary infertility and have had five rounds of failed ivf so far.

For what it's worth when an ivf round failed I got the vaccine straight away. I had my second dose the evening after my next failure. There is no evidence that the vaccine affects fertility. My periods were completely unaffected, although for some I think it can throw things out of whack a bit. It's far riskier the thought of being pregnant and catching covid.

Is he worried his sperm will all be killed off too Hmm? He doesn't sound very nice to you. Implying if you don't get pregnancy that it will be your doing is a disgusting thing to say.

You need to sit down and have a proper chat about it and tell him he needs to get on bird because you want the vaccine.

ahoyshipmates · 21/07/2021 17:33

@PPPPressure

I think someone asked if he's planning to get the vaccine, he's not.

Being single isn't the end of the world, but the irrational side of me panics about being single not by choice and dying alone.
He's never told me that I'll never find anyone else, he actually thinks the opposite but I do know that I need to sort some counselling as I have self esteem issues, personal issues and issues from childhood that have made me feel the way I do. Even if we do stay together it would be nice not to be in a constant state of anxiety when thinking about the future, I really don't know how I got myself in this situation and this headspace.

It comes across that I'm only with him because no one else will have me and that's not the case, I do have feelings for him but whenever we argue or have issues I'm aware of my situation.

I'm going to book my appointment and see his reaction after I'm vaccinated

He is threatening you with the one thing he knows you are most afraid of. Leaving you if you don't do what he says.

That is a truly horrible thing to do.

mumwon · 21/07/2021 17:36

covid can cause infertility - &a lot of other health issues & disabilities
There is ongoing research on the vaccines & checking of yellow card reports but be aware that anyone can report anything on yellow card reports. Not just doctors. & some so-called side effects may well be co-incidental or reported by some who have "interests" in making it look bad. Which is not to say that there won't be issues with a few (rare) individuals having autoimmune reactions
Covid could be more dangerous for anyone with stressed immunity

Terhou · 21/07/2021 17:36

Completely agree with how controlling this comes across but I don't have any other choice but to bury my head in the sand about the situation

But do you want to conceive a child with this man anyway? If he's controlling now, it will increase exponentially when there's a child in the picture.

Lottie4 · 21/07/2021 17:36

@PPPPressure

I think someone asked if he's planning to get the vaccine, he's not.

Being single isn't the end of the world, but the irrational side of me panics about being single not by choice and dying alone.
He's never told me that I'll never find anyone else, he actually thinks the opposite but I do know that I need to sort some counselling as I have self esteem issues, personal issues and issues from childhood that have made me feel the way I do. Even if we do stay together it would be nice not to be in a constant state of anxiety when thinking about the future, I really don't know how I got myself in this situation and this headspace.

It comes across that I'm only with him because no one else will have me and that's not the case, I do have feelings for him but whenever we argue or have issues I'm aware of my situation.

I'm going to book my appointment and see his reaction after I'm vaccinated

OP, you really have to do what feels right regarding having the vaccine. If he doesn't like the fact you've gone ahead and the tiny risk of affecting a future pregnancy, then he doesn't want what's best for you.

I know it's a hard step to take, but get that counselling and stick with it. My DH re-trained as a counsellor ten years ago, every couple of months he tells me someone has been in touch to thank him and says he's turned their life around. It might not be quite like that for you and raw at the time, but hopefully you'll come out of it feeling better about yourself.

catfunk · 21/07/2021 17:38

I think you know the answer to this op.
Vaccine or not, tell himself to fuck off and get himself a handmaid

ddl1 · 21/07/2021 17:38

First of all, it's your choice. Secondly, he sounds too close for comfort to wanting an excuse to blame you for any difficulties in conceiving. Thirdly, he sounds full of conspiracy theories. Ideally, you should make the choice to have the vaccine, and if he breaks up with you on that basis, then it shows that you're better off without him. But if you cannot bear this possibility, then do have the vaccine behind his back without telling him. Better than long Covid or the intensive care unit!

TheTallOakTrees · 21/07/2021 17:38

Emotional manipulation and controlling about what you do to your body. He also sounds a dick and thick as shine.

Do you realise he is abusive to you @PPPPressure

Terhou · 21/07/2021 17:39

Presumably if you are getting the vaccine partly because you want to be able to fly, he would find out when you are able to book to go away somewhere and he can't?

Basically, as people say, you need to get out before there is a baby in the picture, it will be so much easier. There are lots of nice men out there who wouldn't dream of controlling their partners in this way, and even if you don't find a partner, there are an awful lot of pluses in being single.

MzHz · 21/07/2021 17:41

Whatever you do, don’t breed with this guy @PPPPressure

The last thing we need is another person as thick and idiotic as your supposed DP

I despair of this tbh, how in earth can someone live in this country have supposedly attended an educational setting and in possession of such a powerful computer in the palm of their hand be so jaw droppingly dumb?

Please don’t humiliate yourself by being with a man this thick. It reflects badly on you love

Maggiesfarm · 21/07/2021 17:44

It will not affect your fertility.
It may disturb your cycle for a short while but may not; if it does it won't kill you.
Tell him that and have the vaccination.

MariposaLilly · 21/07/2021 17:46

He's also suspicious about the government enforcing the vaccine passort for nightclubs and possibly pubs

You are being told here not to allow your partner to try to force/blackmail you into anything, yet the same people are allowing the government to do the same.

This vaccine has not been throughly researched. I personally know two young men who are starting families both with degrees in the life sciences, who along with their wives are not being vaccinated.

I'm all for vaccinations, just not this one. I disagree with pp, your fertility is his concern.

Azerothi · 21/07/2021 17:49

Whatever happens and whatever else you do don't get pregnant before your boyfriend is ready for you to be pregnant. If he ever is and isn't just stringing you along.

Your boyfriend will force and gaslight and lie you into abortion. That scenario won't do anything for your self-esteem.

PerciphonePuma · 21/07/2021 17:49

@MariposaLilly

He's also suspicious about the government enforcing the vaccine passort for nightclubs and possibly pubs

You are being told here not to allow your partner to try to force/blackmail you into anything, yet the same people are allowing the government to do the same.

This vaccine has not been throughly researched. I personally know two young men who are starting families both with degrees in the life sciences, who along with their wives are not being vaccinated.

I'm all for vaccinations, just not this one. I disagree with pp, your fertility is his concern.

😂😂😂 Yeah, those people may have blogged a degree but they're clearly not very smart!!!
HeidiGerman · 21/07/2021 17:53

He sounds seriously abusive to me. It's your body and you can do what you like. You definitely won't be able to conceive children if you die of Covid.

BoredZelda · 21/07/2021 17:54

He should just be careful the door doesn’t hit him on the way out.

Regularsizedrudy · 21/07/2021 17:59

So he’s allowed to make a free choice about his body but you are not? Why on earth would you want a child with this idiot?

5128gap · 21/07/2021 18:00

I think it would be difficult to get away with getting the jab behind his back. Most people have some side effects, tiredness, fluey symptoms, which would be hard to hide.
You would also not be able to do the vaccine dependent things you want to do without him realising you were vaccinated.
So no I don't think its feasible to have it behind his back.
If you want to stay with him, and you've heard enough from other people about why this isn't a good idea, your options appear to be to try to change his mind, openly defy him calling his bluff or comply with his instructions.

sueelleker · 21/07/2021 18:01

And tell him after you've been vaccinated. I wouldn't put it past him to try and stop you having it.

DazedandConcerned · 21/07/2021 18:01

FFS you can’t conceive if you’re dead of Covid.

I’m glad you’re booking an appointment OP. Get vaccinated and get rid of the controlling twat you’re currently with. You’ll find yourself happier I bet.

Terhou · 21/07/2021 18:02

@MariposaLilly

He's also suspicious about the government enforcing the vaccine passort for nightclubs and possibly pubs

You are being told here not to allow your partner to try to force/blackmail you into anything, yet the same people are allowing the government to do the same.

This vaccine has not been throughly researched. I personally know two young men who are starting families both with degrees in the life sciences, who along with their wives are not being vaccinated.

I'm all for vaccinations, just not this one. I disagree with pp, your fertility is his concern.

Nonsense. The government is simply saying that it may become necessary to prove vaccination if you want to go to a nightclub. Guess what, the vast majority of the population can get by absolutely fine without going to nightclubs. How are they being forced or blackmailed into doing anything?

What OP chooses to do with her body, including the choice whether to get pregnant at all, has nothing to do with her boyfriend.

tempester28 · 21/07/2021 18:02

Can he not see the irony in thinking the government is enforcing a type of behaviour. You do what you like.

ScrollingLeaves · 21/07/2021 18:03

“CheesyWeez

My daughter and her uni housemates were locked down together last year, 3 of the 5 young women's periods stopped.
DD went to GP who said she had seen many young women whose periods had stopped because of lockdown.
None of them had been vaccinated then.“

That’s interesting Cheesy. It might perhaps have been stress.

godmum56 · 21/07/2021 18:04

@MariposaLilly

He's also suspicious about the government enforcing the vaccine passort for nightclubs and possibly pubs

You are being told here not to allow your partner to try to force/blackmail you into anything, yet the same people are allowing the government to do the same.

This vaccine has not been throughly researched. I personally know two young men who are starting families both with degrees in the life sciences, who along with their wives are not being vaccinated.

I'm all for vaccinations, just not this one. I disagree with pp, your fertility is his concern.

no it is not his concern. Who are you? the handmaid recruitment officer?