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Original poster

Husbands vaccine is today and he won't go

431 replies

Dbwoshem · 12/03/2021 07:50

My husband is group 6 (age 36) and its taken me a lot of effort to get his vaccine appointment booked through our gp. I had mine last week and I was so, so relieved.

This morning he gets up to leave for work and tells me he isnt going. Now this is because he is absolutely TERRIFIED of needles. He has a severe phobia of them. We have been together 20 years. He has had blood tests or injections on a few occasions and has always fainted. I do feel for him.

But I have spent alot of time this past week speaking to him about it and trying to ease his concerns. And also to stress how important I think it is that he should have it to protect himself and our family. He was going with me to assist up until this morning when he is refusing. He has now gone to work and I don't think he will come back for his appointment.

What do I do? I know its a phobia, but I am so frustrated that's hes willing to put himself and our family at risk. He has also said that God forbid if he ever gets cscener, or diabetes or any illness in his life that requires treatment from injection he will refuse all treatment!! This is a big, burly guy who is covered in tattoos! (tattoo needles are different supposedly)
I can't respect his choice, I just can't. Our whole weekend will be spent either arguing or not speaking to each other now aswell

OP posts:
willibald · 13/03/2021 20:33

[quote XenoBitch]@willibald
Phobias are mental health conditions. You can't just "overcome" them because you have kids.[/quote]
He doesn't even try. Has the OP coordinating even dental appointments and prescriptions. Bet she doesn't have to schedule his tattoo appointments.

XenoBitch · 13/03/2021 20:36

@willibald getting a tattoo and having an injection are different. And OP also said DH phobia was also about medical settings.

icdtap · 13/03/2021 21:41

So your husband would rather put you and your children(s) lives at risk than act like an adult, take responsibility and get the vaccine? I have a phobia of needles but the health and wellbeing of myself and my family always wins out over fear. And if he's the one that gets sick, it doesn't matter how terrified of needles he is because he'll have them shoved into him alongside a breathing tube down his throat. If he won't get the vaccine, tell him to find another place to live until he gets a grip and gets it done, because why put yourself and your kids at risk because he's being a selfish coward?

Well bully for you. If your health and the wellbeing of your family wins out of your fear that's great for you.
But for some people the phobia is so great that nothing wins out over it.
To overcome a phobia like that, extensive therapy is often needed.

How dare you call him a selfish coward just because you can overcome your fear.

Anyway, he's had it done now and had a panic attack.

icdtap · 13/03/2021 21:53

I think some of the people on here claiming to be needle phobics but still seemingly manage to overcome their phobia at the drop of a hat are not actually genuine needle phobics.
I'm talking about the sort of comments like "I'm needle phobic but I can manage to pull myself together for the good of my family".
"I'm a needle phobic and got my vaccine but OP's DH is a selfish coward"

There's a world of difference between a deep-rooted needle phobia which is all-consuming and anxiety (of different levels of seriousness) about receiving an injection. Not all injection anxiety is actually a phobia.

XenoBitch · 13/03/2021 21:57

@icdtap

I think some of the people on here claiming to be needle phobics but still seemingly manage to overcome their phobia at the drop of a hat are not actually genuine needle phobics. I'm talking about the sort of comments like "I'm needle phobic but I can manage to pull myself together for the good of my family". "I'm a needle phobic and got my vaccine but OP's DH is a selfish coward"

There's a world of difference between a deep-rooted needle phobia which is all-consuming and anxiety (of different levels of seriousness) about receiving an injection. Not all injection anxiety is actually a phobia.

Ha, I started reading your comment and felt my blood pressure rise.. then I saw the rest. You are bang on.
TrixieMixie · 13/03/2021 23:00

I would lose respect for anyone who went on like this - it’s not about toxic masculinity - I would lose respect for a woman who behaved so idiotically too. We are in a global pandemic and he needs to get real. So what if he faints? He will have had his jab, he will no doubt come round and fainting is better than intensive care with Covid. He is likely to face much worse things than a vaccination in his life. Don’t pander to him. What do his mates think of him? Isn’t he the least embarrassed at himself?

XenoBitch · 13/03/2021 23:05

@TrixieMixie

I would lose respect for anyone who went on like this - it’s not about toxic masculinity - I would lose respect for a woman who behaved so idiotically too. We are in a global pandemic and he needs to get real. So what if he faints? He will have had his jab, he will no doubt come round and fainting is better than intensive care with Covid. He is likely to face much worse things than a vaccination in his life. Don’t pander to him. What do his mates think of him? Isn’t he the least embarrassed at himself?
He has a legitimate phobia.. it is a mental health condition! Phobias are irrational.. you can't be talked out of them at all. Calling people with them names can make them worse. Saying 'xyz' is worse than their trigger also does not do a jot either. Would you tell a friend with depression to just 'cheer up'?
TrixieMixie · 13/03/2021 23:10

I’m glad to see from subsequent posts that he had the vaccination despite his phobia. That must have taken courage on his part and it’s great he did the right thing, for himself, OP, his kids and society.

Singlenotsingle · 13/03/2021 23:37

It doesn't hurt, and I didn't feel a thing! He just has to look away. Still, you can't force him. But if you've had the vaccine, and the family have it too, the only person at risk is him! The vaccine not only reduces the likelihood of you getting covid at all, but if you did get it, it wouldn't be bad enough to put you in hospital. So stop panicking and think calmly.

Singlenotsingle · 13/03/2021 23:38

Sorry I'm a bit behind the times. Didn't RTFT.

willibald · 13/03/2021 23:40

@Singlenotsingle

It doesn't hurt, and I didn't feel a thing! He just has to look away. Still, you can't force him. But if you've had the vaccine, and the family have it too, the only person at risk is him! The vaccine not only reduces the likelihood of you getting covid at all, but if you did get it, it wouldn't be bad enough to put you in hospital. So stop panicking and think calmly.
RTFT. However, I think it's always wrong to tell people 'it doesn't hurt!' because it didn't hurt you. This happens a lot in medicine, people being told it's 'uncomfortable' or 'sharp scratch' when actually it's painful. I had it and I definitely felt it! It hurt. And I was looking away.
Mamanyt · 14/03/2021 00:22

A very dear friend of mine just faced this. She and DCs had gone to stay with her (vaccinated) parents until. Until when? Just until. Luckily for her, DH decided that keeping his family was worth a short period of intense discomfort, and went for his vaccination. But Linda was fully prepared to stay with her parents indefinitely. Her children's safety came first. Radical, but it worked.

Isthisreallylife · 14/03/2021 02:00

I have a phobia about hypodermics. Deep seated, faint at doctors, dentists (my husband always had to take my son to the dentist so he wouldn’t see - and be influenced by - my phobia) I can’t have my blood taken simply and easily at my doctors, I have to drive 17 miles to the Phlebotomist Department at our local hospital and then even lying down, fan on, glass of water alongside, pillows to support me, nurses and friends talking to me about holidays, hairdressers and recent fashions, I still pass out, sliding very ungracefully to the floor in clothes sodden wet with sweat, completely oblivious to whatever is going on around me. So I maybe know a little about how he feels and perhaps - only perhaps - my experience of the vaccine injection that I had 3 weeks ago may just help your husband?
It was a breeze, a doddle, I didn’t feel anything! To say I was astonished when she said “well just go over there and sit for 15 minutes and then you can go” is an understatement! I thought someone else was being spoken to! I have never breezed through anything like this! It must be smaller needles? More experienced staff? Well they are doing lots of us? I’ve no idea, but please, please tell him from me........ I’m 65 and have been this wuss forever but am delighted by my response to the vaccine injection!

EatsFartsAndLeaves · 14/03/2021 02:16

I'm terrified of needles. The vaccine genuinely was over before I knew it had started. Apparently the amount of fluid needed is so small they're using baby needles. Wish someone had told me before I went!

Parkerwhereareyou · 14/03/2021 02:37

Bless him. Well done to you both 🙏

I had mine yesterday and was scared too!!! I can still remember childhood vaccinations and that's where my fear came from. (From when I was 4! I can remember the room, sunlight, smells etc).

It really really didn't hurt. It was teeny weeny.

But my arm does ache a little now and I do feel a bit spaced out. Think it might just also be a bit because that's what I'm expecting.

But just think ... there may now cone a day when I'm not scared if someone coughs!!! Yay! 😀

ellyeth · 14/03/2021 11:05

It's his choice.

saraclara · 14/03/2021 11:15

Clearly many people here have no concept at all of what a mental illness can do to you.

My wonderful, totally unselfish late DH had a breakdown in his 50s, out of nowhere. There were things he desperately wanted to do but his brain simply wouldn't let him. He fought orut and fought it, but sometimes the effort would literally leave him collapsed on the floor and made his condition even worse.

There is no magic wand that will make this man's phobia go away in a few weeks or days, however badly he might want to get the jab. The fact that he did it is remarkable, but the panic attack afterwards proves that it didn't help his state of mind, and it's unlikely to be easier next time.

The fact that people are telling him to ' pull himself together' when we're supposed to be now enlightened about mental illness these days, is depressing.

DenisetheMenace · 14/03/2021 11:24

NicolaC17

I feel incredibly sorry for you husband being pushed to take a vaccine that won’t protect anyone but himself and he’s still able to catch the virus. 🙄
Most European countries have now stopped the Astra Zeneca vaccine because of the dangers it is showing. Let’s hope he sees sense and doesn’t bother with the second.“

What a load of rubbish. Go away.

icdtap · 14/03/2021 13:07

The fact that people are telling him to ' pull himself together' when we're supposed to be now enlightened about mental illness these days, is depressing.

Absolutely. The lack of understanding and the language used about people with a needle phobia on this thread has been disgusting.
It is a recognized mental health condition.
Nobody would come on here slagging off people with depression, OCD, bi-polar, generalized anxiety disorder or any other condition in such a way as they have gone on the attack about needle phobia.

I am a needle phobic and this is the exact reason why I have never been able to open up to anyone about this in the last 30 years. I have avoided all medical treatment and I've lived under this massive black cloud of phobia which has coloured my entire life. I have begun talking to my GP about this but only via e-mail. Face to face would be impossible.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 14/03/2021 13:28

Is your GP being understanding @icdtap? When I mentioned it to mine he laughed and called me a big baby which has put me off asking for help. I was shocked as he’s usually lovely and will sort out anything he can for his patients.

I think part of the problem is a lot of people say they have a phobia of something when they are scared or don’t like something. I don’t like flying but I do it so I don’t have a phobia, the same with spiders, whereas with needles it’s different. If DH has managed to get me to a blood test or vaccination I’m curled up in a ball like a hedgehog sobbing while someone tries to do the blood test etc. Also for me the fear is hypodermic needles so yes, piercings and tattoos are different and I don’t care how difficult that is for some to understand, there is nothing rational about a phobia.

Good luck with talking to you GP, I hope you get help 💐

icdtap · 14/03/2021 13:39

Is your GP being understanding @icdtap? When I mentioned it to mine he laughed and called me a big baby which has put me off asking for help. I was shocked as he’s usually lovely and will sort out anything he can for his patients.

I've changed GP to deal with this because the other one was so brash about other things I couldn't bring it up.
And the GPs I had in the UK before I emigrated laughed at me and told me I was pathetic.
This one seems to be a bit more understanding but I'm not entirely convinced yet.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 14/03/2021 13:42

I'm sorry you've been laughed at as well. It's too late for me to do anything before my Covid vaccine but I am going to try different GPs at my surgery and see how it goes. I hope the GP you have now helps you.

icdtap · 14/03/2021 13:43

I'm sort of hoping I can hang fire a bit until the Johnson and Johnson vaccine arrives here so I only have to have one injection!

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 14/03/2021 13:52

I keep hoping that but it hasn't been approved in the UK yet! I'm pinning my hopes on the nasal spray for future vaccines

HeronLanyon · 14/03/2021 15:52

Having had mine today i totally agree you really hardly feel it. I know this may not help those with a phobia of needles but honestly it was the fastest and least noticeable injection Ive ever had. Mine was also too back of arm into that muscle so it would have been quite hard to see it unless I had made a point of looking. It was not in my peripheral vision at all. V unlike eg when they take blood etc.
Support all.
And well done op dh.