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Original poster

Husbands vaccine is today and he won't go

431 replies

Dbwoshem · 12/03/2021 07:50

My husband is group 6 (age 36) and its taken me a lot of effort to get his vaccine appointment booked through our gp. I had mine last week and I was so, so relieved.

This morning he gets up to leave for work and tells me he isnt going. Now this is because he is absolutely TERRIFIED of needles. He has a severe phobia of them. We have been together 20 years. He has had blood tests or injections on a few occasions and has always fainted. I do feel for him.

But I have spent alot of time this past week speaking to him about it and trying to ease his concerns. And also to stress how important I think it is that he should have it to protect himself and our family. He was going with me to assist up until this morning when he is refusing. He has now gone to work and I don't think he will come back for his appointment.

What do I do? I know its a phobia, but I am so frustrated that's hes willing to put himself and our family at risk. He has also said that God forbid if he ever gets cscener, or diabetes or any illness in his life that requires treatment from injection he will refuse all treatment!! This is a big, burly guy who is covered in tattoos! (tattoo needles are different supposedly)
I can't respect his choice, I just can't. Our whole weekend will be spent either arguing or not speaking to each other now aswell

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 13/03/2021 19:48

@Classicbrunette

I’m so pleased he’s had the vaccination. Give him lots of attention and a treat. Just so he can look forward to the second one 🙌💪👍
OP was on about her husband, not her dog. I am sure OP's DH can't wait to the prospect of another panic attack.
cansu · 13/03/2021 19:51

he needs to sort this himself. If he wants the jab, he needs to talk to the GP. They could give him some diazepam etc to calm down first. If he won't do this, leave him to it. Why should you plead with him and sort it all out for him?

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 13/03/2021 19:56

Hope he never becomes seriously ill or involved in a serious accident. So he's willing to forgo vital health screening and risk dying prematurely and leaving his family behind rather than grow up and own it like an adult? Hope he has good life insurance then.

I’ve turned down health screening because it involves needles and that’s my choice.

@XenoBitch you’re fighting a losing battle trying to get some of the idiots on here to show empathy.

XenoBitch · 13/03/2021 20:01

@PinkSparklyPussyCat

Hope he never becomes seriously ill or involved in a serious accident. So he's willing to forgo vital health screening and risk dying prematurely and leaving his family behind rather than grow up and own it like an adult? Hope he has good life insurance then.

I’ve turned down health screening because it involves needles and that’s my choice.

@XenoBitch you’re fighting a losing battle trying to get some of the idiots on here to show empathy.

Same... I am terrified of anything medical. I can't even have my blood pressure taken. It is nuts because I used to work in healthcare.

You are right though... sad to see so many people refuse to even think how debilitating a phobia can be. I have seen people piss themselves over something that one poster said "a toddler could do".

Whenthesunshines · 13/03/2021 20:06

I have a refuser here. They won't be having the vaccination until it can be done at our local surgery.
Injections, having blood taken is a major ordeal.
No loud fuss, they go very very quiet and the blood drains from their face. They pass out every time so it's aways done with them lying down from the start.
Has to have a triple appointment slot at the GP and it takes a good while for them to come round. When they do come round they are dizzy & vomit so need to wait for that to pass.
The surgery nurse is brilliant and very patient.
Some people have very extreme reactions.

ginghamstarfish · 13/03/2021 20:07

I can't understand how someone can voluntarily have lots of tattoos but not have a potentially life saving vaccine. He needs to grow up. If it was a phobia of ALL needles then yes he has a problem, but it seems to be selective, so I can't have any sympathy.

KC934 · 13/03/2021 20:07

So your husband would rather put you and your children(s) lives at risk than act like an adult, take responsibility and get the vaccine? I have a phobia of needles but the health and wellbeing of myself and my family always wins out over fear. And if he's the one that gets sick, it doesn't matter how terrified of needles he is because he'll have them shoved into him alongside a breathing tube down his throat. If he won't get the vaccine, tell him to find another place to live until he gets a grip and gets it done, because why put yourself and your kids at risk because he's being a selfish coward?

Wannabangbang · 13/03/2021 20:10

What's wrong with you lot?? Did you read Ops update? He's now had the vaccine. Have some empathy with people that have genuine phobias, dissing someone won't change their mind, supporting them will.

Whenthesunshines · 13/03/2021 20:10

@KC934

So your husband would rather put you and your children(s) lives at risk than act like an adult, take responsibility and get the vaccine? I have a phobia of needles but the health and wellbeing of myself and my family always wins out over fear. And if he's the one that gets sick, it doesn't matter how terrified of needles he is because he'll have them shoved into him alongside a breathing tube down his throat. If he won't get the vaccine, tell him to find another place to live until he gets a grip and gets it done, because why put yourself and your kids at risk because he's being a selfish coward?
Yeh. Op's DH went for the vaccine.
PinkSparklyPussyCat · 13/03/2021 20:11

Same... I am terrified of anything medical. I can't even have my blood pressure taken. It is nuts because I used to work in healthcare.

My blood pressure rockets when I’m in the surgery. Thankfully my GP let’s me take it at home where it’s normal. One nurse kept taking it over and over again determined to get it down. In the end I was trying, my arm hurt, my fingers had gone blue and my blood pressure was higher than ever! My GP told me never to see the nurse again for a BP check!

Whenthesunshines · 13/03/2021 20:11

@Wannabangbang

What's wrong with you lot?? Did you read Ops update? He's now had the vaccine. Have some empathy with people that have genuine phobias, dissing someone won't change their mind, supporting them will.
Exactly. Genuine phobias are definitely a thing.
willibald · 13/03/2021 20:12

Do you have kids? You'd rather forgo working on your phobia and imperil your health than work on it so you have the best chance of being there for them and everyone else is a monster for not having empathy? Yes, it's your choice, it's not theirs, though.

As for his leaving all things regarding his health to the OP, well, that's her rod she made for her own back.

I'm glad I married an adult.

Mgi4243765 · 13/03/2021 20:12

He has ratios enough said !!

willibald · 13/03/2021 20:12

@Wannabangbang

What's wrong with you lot?? Did you read Ops update? He's now had the vaccine. Have some empathy with people that have genuine phobias, dissing someone won't change their mind, supporting them will.
He doesn't want support to change his phobia. The OP's already stated this.
XenoBitch · 13/03/2021 20:13

@KC934

So your husband would rather put you and your children(s) lives at risk than act like an adult, take responsibility and get the vaccine? I have a phobia of needles but the health and wellbeing of myself and my family always wins out over fear. And if he's the one that gets sick, it doesn't matter how terrified of needles he is because he'll have them shoved into him alongside a breathing tube down his throat. If he won't get the vaccine, tell him to find another place to live until he gets a grip and gets it done, because why put yourself and your kids at risk because he's being a selfish coward?
OP's DH had the vaccine.. and had a massive panic attack after. And to mention having it for the safety of their family makes no sense considering they have been living together throughout the pandemic. Why her DH suddenly become a danger now? I ask because my own dad is refusing me seeing him unless I have the vaccine despite me having seen him everyso often for the past year. It is not about safety, it is about trying to make medical decisions for someone else... and coercion/blackmail. I am glad your needle phobia can be overcome, but not everyone else's can. Would you tell a rape victim who is petrified of smear tests that she is being a selfish coward? You do not get to dictate how other people respond to their phobias.
Mgi4243765 · 13/03/2021 20:13

Meant tattoos

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 13/03/2021 20:15

If that’s directed at me @willibald then no, I don’t have kids.

I feel sorry for the ‘adult’ being married to someone like you. Thankfully I married someone with compassion who supports me rather than judging me

Beline4u · 13/03/2021 20:17

He has a phobia!! Do you actually know what that is like? You sound frustrated and irritated but this is on him not you.

Phobias are very real to the person who experience them. Why would you force someone through that stress? I highly doubt you would willingly put yourself in a stressful situation without support around you. He should seek support from his GP and other services. He needs to take control and do it himself, not you.

I think you are extremely unreasonable! It is his choice. He has the right to do so.

willibald · 13/03/2021 20:19

@PinkSparklyPussyCat

If that’s directed at me *@willibald* then no, I don’t have kids.

I feel sorry for the ‘adult’ being married to someone like you. Thankfully I married someone with compassion who supports me rather than judging me

My compassion, and my husband's, is for our kids as well as each other so different kettle of fish if you choose to bring kids into this world. This man has kids.
nexus63 · 13/03/2021 20:19

i am the same with needles, i can inject someone, late husband was diabetic 1, i had bowel cancer and it involved lot's of injections and blood tests, i get emla cream, it numbs the area, my doctor is happy to prescribe, hospitals do not have it so ask gp, i had blood tests yesterday, i need them every 3 months to check for cancer, i have an extra one in the fridge for when i can get my vaccine.

Lovely13 · 13/03/2021 20:21

If it helps him, when I had it done, was a tent affair outside. So no clinic feel. Very slick. Invited in by volunteers, a few questions, arm out, needle so slim didn’t feel it. Staff great. It’s nothing like a blood test in a hospital. Maybe go with him to the outside bit? And encourage him.
I am phobic about heights and mice, which are irrational. I feel his fear.

NicolaC17 · 13/03/2021 20:21

I feel incredibly sorry for you husband being pushed to take a vaccine that won’t protect anyone but himself and he’s still able to catch the virus. 🙄
Most European countries have now stopped the Astra Zeneca vaccine because of the dangers it is showing. Let’s hope he sees sense and doesn’t bother with the second.

XenoBitch · 13/03/2021 20:22

@willibald
Phobias are mental health conditions. You can't just "overcome" them because you have kids.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 13/03/2021 20:24

Oh God, now the anti vaxxer arrives...

willibald · 13/03/2021 20:32

[quote XenoBitch]@willibald
Phobias are mental health conditions. You can't just "overcome" them because you have kids.[/quote]
He doesn't even try. Has the OP coordinating even his dental appointments. Bet she doesn't schedule his tattoos.

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