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Original poster

Husbands vaccine is today and he won't go

431 replies

Dbwoshem · 12/03/2021 07:50

My husband is group 6 (age 36) and its taken me a lot of effort to get his vaccine appointment booked through our gp. I had mine last week and I was so, so relieved.

This morning he gets up to leave for work and tells me he isnt going. Now this is because he is absolutely TERRIFIED of needles. He has a severe phobia of them. We have been together 20 years. He has had blood tests or injections on a few occasions and has always fainted. I do feel for him.

But I have spent alot of time this past week speaking to him about it and trying to ease his concerns. And also to stress how important I think it is that he should have it to protect himself and our family. He was going with me to assist up until this morning when he is refusing. He has now gone to work and I don't think he will come back for his appointment.

What do I do? I know its a phobia, but I am so frustrated that's hes willing to put himself and our family at risk. He has also said that God forbid if he ever gets cscener, or diabetes or any illness in his life that requires treatment from injection he will refuse all treatment!! This is a big, burly guy who is covered in tattoos! (tattoo needles are different supposedly)
I can't respect his choice, I just can't. Our whole weekend will be spent either arguing or not speaking to each other now aswell

OP posts:
genic75 · 13/03/2021 18:31

@Dbwoshem

The phobia comes from the medical setting. So as soon as he is in that kind of room with a nurse and the sterile environment the fainting kicks in. He's had it all his life. And on top of that the embarrassment that comes with fainting or making a scene infront of others.

Also if he has to accompany someone else getting injections. He couldn't be in the room with me when I had my c section preparation etc. He can't be with the children if they are having injections.
The tattoos are in a different environment and you don't "see" the needle in the same way as its encased in a machine. It's nothing to do with the pain or anything like that.

This sounds like White Coat Syndrome rather than needle phobia - I suffer from this!
XenoBitch · 13/03/2021 18:32

@VivaBahhumbug

As has been said several times, getting a tattoo and having an injection are worlds apart.

Oh don't be ridiculous. They aren't worlds apart at all. One is breaking your skin and penetrating the flesh with a needle and the other is breaking the skin and penetrating the flesh with a needle.

One hurts either for barely three seconds or not at all, the other is very uncomfortable for hours at a time.

If you've had tattoos or piercings out of choice then please do bore off with how you can't cope with a tiny injection. It really is utterly pathetic. It's insulting. Grow up and stop being selfish.

Maybe if you understood anything at all about phobias, you would not be so lacking in empathy for people who suffer from them. OP even said her DH phobia is to do with the medical environment and not so much the needle itself.

I said upthread that I had a burly male patient plastered in tattoos who was in absolute bits over the prospect of having a needle put in the back of his hand. I myself have a very severe needle phobia. It is pretty shit to come to threads like this and see people with opinions such as yours... on something that can not be helped. Do you routinely give your opinion on other people's health conditions?

rainbowbear10 · 13/03/2021 18:33

my daughter had a needle phobia which a few years ago It took four of us in the room just to get her bloods done. If he does decide to have it done at a later date they will have staff used to adults / children with needle phobia who will help him. My daughter has her ears peirced multiple time with a needle yet couldnt get bloods or her vaccinations . She said it was because she couldnt see the needle / Syringe.. She has only recently had her catch up vaccines that she didnt get at secondary and even managed to get her covid jag ... which she says didnt hurt.

mumofmany81 · 13/03/2021 18:37

Not read all the replies since I’ve only got five minutes free, but I had to reply to this. Basically from how it sounds in your OP, you’re bullying your husband into having the vaccine by not speaking to him and you say that you “can’t accept his choice”. That’s just wrong - it’s absolutely nobodies choice but the person who is being offered ANY kind of treatment whether they accept it or not. I can’t imagine what kind of responses a man would receive if he posted about wanting to force his wife to have a contraceptive implant/go on the pill, or to have some other kind of medical intervention because he wanted her to and felt that he knew what was best for her. I hope that when I do get a chance to read the responses that they would be similar to those of a man did post that. However, having seen how people have treated others who don’t agree completely with them over the past year, then I imagine that there will be people that think it’s fine for you to ignore him and argue with him until he agrees to go. I couldn’t see in the OP if your husband has any health conditions that warrant him receiving the vaccine so soon. Presuming that he doesn’t though and he’s 36, the chance of him dying from it is only 0.031%. To say that he has to have it for the sake of your family seems really unfair and everyone should have the right to make their own medical decisions without being guilt tripped into it by their family members.

Husbands vaccine is today and he won't go
SpeakingFranglais · 13/03/2021 18:38

I have some sympathy with his phobia, and I’m so glad he had it done but I have a
Zero sympathy with him assigning all medical jobs to you. It must be very draining.

huuuuunnnndderrricks · 13/03/2021 18:48

My dh isn't afraid but faints, he fainted at his but they were so nice !

SandwhichGenerationGal · 13/03/2021 18:53

Phobia aside, he sounds like hard work

willibald · 13/03/2021 18:57

@amusedbush

Well done to him, that's great! I'm glad he did it and feels better about it.

DH is totally phobic about needles and will not be getting the vaccine. He has no tattoos (I'm covered in them so we must make a funny pair!) or piercings, he has never had blood taken and he hasn't had an injection since he was a small child. He couldn't get his BCG or tetanus jags at secondary school due to his fear. He isn't even registered with a GP because he's so scared of anything medical.

I've tried talking to him about it but there's just no way. I'm praying that the nasal covid vaccination is approved so he can get that.

Hope he never becomes seriously ill or involved in a serious accident. So he's willing to forgo vital health screening and risk dying prematurely and leaving his family behind rather than grow up and own it like an adult? Hope he has good life insurance then.
Cosmos45 · 13/03/2021 18:57

If its any consolation the needle is tiny and I didn't even realise the doctor (nurse?) had even done it.

Cosmos45 · 13/03/2021 18:58

@VivaBahhumbug

As has been said several times, getting a tattoo and having an injection are worlds apart.

Oh don't be ridiculous. They aren't worlds apart at all. One is breaking your skin and penetrating the flesh with a needle and the other is breaking the skin and penetrating the flesh with a needle.

One hurts either for barely three seconds or not at all, the other is very uncomfortable for hours at a time.

If you've had tattoos or piercings out of choice then please do bore off with how you can't cope with a tiny injection. It really is utterly pathetic. It's insulting. Grow up and stop being selfish.

Absolutely 100% this
Outoftheshadow · 13/03/2021 18:59

Don’t blame him. If scientists are now telling us there’s no such thing as sex , why should we believe them about a vaccine they’ve manufactured in a year?

willibald · 13/03/2021 19:02

@Outoftheshadow

Don’t blame him. If scientists are now telling us there’s no such thing as sex , why should we believe them about a vaccine they’ve manufactured in a year?
Scientists are not telling us there's no such thing as sex Hmm.
Nanny0gg · 13/03/2021 19:07

[quote Dbwoshem]@GAW19 that's your opinion. In normal times I couldn't give a crap if he wants to suffer needlessly by refusing pain relief or a treatment for something.
But I feel covid is different and I have my family and children to think about. So I can't be rational about it I'm afraid[/quote]
You don't even see the needles with the covid jab either. Especially if you look the other way!
And you can sit down.

Nanny0gg · 13/03/2021 19:09

@Outoftheshadow

Don’t blame him. If scientists are now telling us there’s no such thing as sex , why should we believe them about a vaccine they’ve manufactured in a year?
Oh god, I am so sick of these stupid comments.

Would you read and learn please?

Proper, correct, scientific information is really easy to obtain these days.

willibald · 13/03/2021 19:10

I felt the needle. It wasn't painless, it pinched, but it was over in seconds.

willibald · 13/03/2021 19:10

I felt the needle. It wasn't painless, it pinched, but it was over in seconds.

raincamepouringdown · 13/03/2021 19:12

He can get lots of tattoos but not get a jab once in a while.

I wouldn't have time or patience for any of that, frankly.

DenisetheMenace · 13/03/2021 19:14

Today 19:10 willibald

I felt the needle. It wasn't painless, it pinched, but it was over in seconds.

Why would it be painless? Someone’s stucking a needle through your skin and muscle 😁

Can’t wait for mine. Tomorrow. Whoohoo.

QuestionEverythingOrBeASheep · 13/03/2021 19:17

Wow! You sound like you care, not! You care about you but not about him or you would have a bit more empathy and would try and help him rather than just criticise his lack of masculinity. A tattoo pen and and injection that is stuck into the muscle of you bodypart is very different. I'm needle phobic too and I have tattoos. I faint with needles but I don't with tattoos. 20 years together and this has put you off him WTAF. Maybe the love doesn't run that deep now. Why not try the kind and caring approach if you can muster it and see if you can encourage him that way. It's his body at the end of the day and you can't force your will for your own reasons on anybody else, regardless of the control you think you should have.

XenoBitch · 13/03/2021 19:17

@raincamepouringdown

He can get lots of tattoos but not get a jab once in a while.

I wouldn't have time or patience for any of that, frankly.

The way a person with a phobia reacts to their trigger can not be helped... and tattoos and injections are totally different. Please show some understanding and get a bit of empathy because there are many people reading this who have severe phobias themselves. Support and understanding is how you help them, not childish name calling.
Bored2death2020 · 13/03/2021 19:18

I think YABU as this is totally HIS choice not yours, irrespective how hard you tried to book it. Also at the age of 36 he is having an incredibly tiny risk of having a severe case if he does catch covid. And he is certainly not putting anyone at risk. Problem is people watch too much of TV NEWS>>>

Bored2death2020 · 13/03/2021 19:27

I think YUBU. It is HIS choice and not yours. Does not mean how hard you tried to book an appt. At the age of 36 he has a very very tiny risk of having a severe case if he catches covid. So he is not putting you ( with a jab already) or your family in any danger. People watch too much BBC news these days and get too scared of everything... You will be fine, don't panic

wherewasthesupport · 13/03/2021 19:40

@mumofmany81

Not read all the replies since I’ve only got five minutes free, but I had to reply to this. Basically from how it sounds in your OP, you’re bullying your husband into having the vaccine by not speaking to him and you say that you “can’t accept his choice”. That’s just wrong - it’s absolutely nobodies choice but the person who is being offered ANY kind of treatment whether they accept it or not. I can’t imagine what kind of responses a man would receive if he posted about wanting to force his wife to have a contraceptive implant/go on the pill, or to have some other kind of medical intervention because he wanted her to and felt that he knew what was best for her. I hope that when I do get a chance to read the responses that they would be similar to those of a man did post that. However, having seen how people have treated others who don’t agree completely with them over the past year, then I imagine that there will be people that think it’s fine for you to ignore him and argue with him until he agrees to go. I couldn’t see in the OP if your husband has any health conditions that warrant him receiving the vaccine so soon. Presuming that he doesn’t though and he’s 36, the chance of him dying from it is only 0.031%. To say that he has to have it for the sake of your family seems really unfair and everyone should have the right to make their own medical decisions without being guilt tripped into it by their family members.
Exactly
Classicbrunette · 13/03/2021 19:43

I’m so pleased he’s had the vaccination. Give him lots of attention and a treat. Just so he can look forward to the second one 🙌💪👍

willibald · 13/03/2021 19:44

@Classicbrunette

I’m so pleased he’s had the vaccination. Give him lots of attention and a treat. Just so he can look forward to the second one 🙌💪👍
Gawd yes, just like a dog.