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Original poster

Stay at Home........

336 replies

Acesulfame · 01/03/2021 13:48

I’ve stayed at home throughout for the most part but I’m concerned that I didn’t stay “the fuck” at home. I understand it’s important from posts I’ve read on here. Does that mean I’m going to get Covid? Can anyone tell me how I can make my staying at home more “the fuck”?

OP posts:
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8
Fridget · 01/03/2021 20:36

@Wherediditgo

Also, you need to make sure that when you DO go out for your daily walk, if any other human is about to cross your path, you leap gymnastically and heroically out of their way, lest they have to walk within 2m of you. Maintain eye contact with said person the whole time, grinning at them as you’ve just basically saved their life. And if they don’t fall over themselves to say thank you, you must tut and walk on.
Absolutely. Far safer to walk out into a busy road and walk alongside the traffic than it is to pass by someone for a nanosecond on a pavement
CornishYarg · 01/03/2021 20:48

Ideally, you should stay the fuck at home while living somewhere that has views of the beach, the park and the inside of a restaurant. State that people are flocking to the beach, the park is rammed and the restaurant is packed to the rafters. Then if anyone challenges your statement by saying that you must have also been there to know this, you can loftily reply that you can see it from your window. And throw in a passive aggressive "if that's OK with you" for good measure, if you like.

Ellie56 · 01/03/2021 21:09

@Acesulfame

I’ve stayed at home throughout for the most part but I’m concerned that I didn’t stay “the fuck” at home. I understand it’s important from posts I’ve read on here. Does that mean I’m going to get Covid? Can anyone tell me how I can make my staying at home more “the fuck”?
Grin Grin
CornwallLass · 01/03/2021 21:43

I have been unable to stay at home in any way as I have been out doing proper work educating the children of critical workers (preens). I have, of course, scowled at my neighbours whilst getting in my car and breezily asking where they might be going so early in the morning. I naturally informed them that I had a proper reason for being out. My outrage is reserved, though, for the people I saw this evening. I was walking the dog (which is of course allowed under the care for animals rule) when I saw two people SITTING ON A BENCH TALKING! Don't they know that by doing it three weeks early they are risking the entire recovery plan?

Dutchesss · 01/03/2021 21:50

Staying the fuck at home just means you stay at home in a really aggressive way. Fold your arms and purse your lips while staying the fuck in your armchair.

Just remember as you frantically try to stop your toddler from killing themselves while you simultaneously to homeschool your 5 year old and do a full time job from home that ALL YOU ARE BEING ASKED TO DO IS SIT ON A SOFA

GrinGrinGrin

kungfupannda · 01/03/2021 21:50

As far as I can tell from the person I know who likes to tell everyone to stay the fuck at home, it involves getting very angry with everyone who is doing entirely legal things, or planning to do more entirely legal things when aforementioned things become entirely legal, and then, in the next breath, talking about how they've done exactly the same things, or are planning to to exactly the same things, but it's different for them because reasons. This often seems to involve staying the fuck at home. Everyone else should stay the fuck at home so that they don't have to stay the fuck at home, while retaining the stay the fuck at home benefits.

Holidayaddict · 01/03/2021 22:10

You also can't just call it covid. You must call it "this deadly virus" or alternatively "this terrible disease"

Someone on my Facebook referred to it as "this evil foe". Same fucker also suggested reporting any unfamiliar cars we spot in our street to the police. Every post is signed off "stay home, stay safe, love you all"

Great thread Grin

BlackeyedSusan · 01/03/2021 22:27

sorry, thought you needed a partner to be able to stay the fuck at home... should be quite fun by the sound of it... mind you not being able to send the kids to their grandparents probably reduces the chances of staying the fuck at home... perhaps it is only for childless couples...

OrangeBananaFish · 01/03/2021 22:28

Dont forget when you DO go out for your daily exercise you stay local. That's not a 5 min drive or a few miles away, but you MUST stay as near as possible to your own front door. Preferably within a half mile radius and then whinge when you challenge someone who has travelled 6 miles to the same place, cos that's not local.

MrsMackesy · 01/03/2021 22:46

I identify as stay at home fluid.

TheKeatingFive · 01/03/2021 22:56

For STF at home status, you need to declare (noisily) that you’ll stay at home ‘as long as it takes’, while oozing smugness. 10 years? No problem. Anything to save a single life.

Then toddle off to your uber secure wfh job, pausing only to receive your Ocado, Majestic and Amazon deliveries.

ikeairgin · 01/03/2021 22:58

I can't stay "the fuck" at home as I have to go tend my field of "fucks"

Unfortunately my field is barren, these days, there's going to be a national shortage of fucks this year and they will go up in value/price

MrsMackesy · 01/03/2021 23:03

You can exercise outdoors but as you walk, run or lunge you must keep one hand on your own wall, fence or gate at all times - and you must hold your breath for the duration.

Haenow · 01/03/2021 23:07

If you don’t start every work email with ”in these unprecedented times”, did you even send an email?

I always do the above and this is the difference between those who stay at home and people like me who stay the fuck at home.

Neverspeakofthisagain · 01/03/2021 23:16

How to know if you are just staying at home or staying ‘the fuck’ at home.

Score a point for every statement that you answer ‘yes’ to:

  1. I have stayed in and ‘despaired’ at the Covidiots for the vast majority of the past year
  2. I have a Facebook profile that includes pictures of Rainbows/Captain Tom/NHS in a love heart/’I’m getting the vaccine’! slogan/’Stay at Home & Save Lives’ logo
  3. I REFUSED to ‘Eat Out to Help Out’
  4. I have cobbled together a meal from dry husks of bread, a soft aubergine and margarine rather than go shopping as I considered this trip ‘non-essential’.
  5. I have reported the suspicious ‘comings and goings’ of various neighbours/friends/family members
  6. I was disappointed that we were allowed to bubble on Christmas day and declined suggestions from my family to meet up.
  7. I have taken all my exercise in the form of rural walks between the hours of 3am-5am whilst wearing a WWII gas mask.
  8. I shake with rage at the sight of anyone going about their day in a carefree and happy manner.
  9. I was happy to Clap for Carers and was disappointed when it all stopped as I would have continued to clap for the entire year.
  10. I have been referred to as a Covid Martyr by at least one person.
  11. I regularly post on threads where people are discussing something else entirely to double check/question their reference to ‘going out’ or having ‘someone round’ to ensure that they are not in breach of The Rules.
  12. I have a summary of The Rules as well as Boris’ Pathway, on my fridge which I have decorated with rainbows.

Now add up your scores.

0-3. You are not even staying home, never mind ‘staying the fuck’ home.
3-6. Slightly better, but you might want to make sure you don’t accidently ‘pop out’ for loo roll – nothing wrong with newspaper.
6-9. You are ‘Staying Home’
9-12. Congratulations. You are Staying ‘The Fuck’ home.

Artesia · 01/03/2021 23:18

Just to mix things up a bit, in among all the loud STAYING THE FUCK AT HOME declarations, I like to occasionally post faux naive questions about whether I’ve missed a Government announcement ending the lockdown, because no one else seems to be sticking to the rules....

indemMUND · 01/03/2021 23:30

"The fuck" = if you haven't been before, please get up into any available loft space. Position yourself in the furthest corner with a blanket wrapped around your shoulders. Run up and down the ladder every 15 minutes to check your neighbours positions. Immediately report them to 999 if some fucker passes the boundary of their property. Hyperventilate if a mass gathering (extra person) appears. Hear someone cough within a 5 mile radius? Submerse yourself in hand... no... full body sanitiser. Appreciate the stinging, it means you're untouchable. Wear 3 masks at all times in various positions around your head. Chin? Check. Below nose, check. Nose AND mouth?! Give yourself a huge gold star, they're watching and your letter from the Queen is in the post. Rock back and forth. Tin foil hat optional but awards you 50 points.
The fuck level unlocked Grin

CruCru · 01/03/2021 23:57

Share hundreds of memes on social media. Include terrible artwork. Bonus points if you painted any of the artwork yourself.

If you are out for an essential reason, be horrified at anyone else also out. Show your utter horror by leaping dramatically away from them if they come within ten metres of you. Bonus points if you leap in front of oncoming cars or knock over post office stands.

NannyGythaOgg · 02/03/2021 00:17

You have all forgotten that if you a making a statement about any of this you HAVE to remind everyone that WE ARE IN A 'GLOBAL' PANDEMIC' as we all know that nobody that hasn't STAYED THE FUCK AT HOME has no idea or has the memory of less than a goldfish and NEEDS REMINDING by those of us who have STAYED THE FUCK AT HOME

(PS I identify the UK as my home so I haven't found it at all difficult - I haven't been outside my home for over 2 years)

MercyBooth · 02/03/2021 00:43

"And please don’t forget about LONG COVID"

To make up for the fact that the Government certainly will when the people suffering with it start applying for PIP.

vera99 · 02/03/2021 03:24

Here's somebody who doesn't give a fuck about staying the fuck at home but like to tell the police when they politely come round to 'his property' to fuck right off when a neighbour must have obviously dobbed him in.

WARNING nasty loutish swearing behaviour from families who wouldn't dream or even know of that Mumsnet and incidentally anecdotally the reason we have had such high death rates maybe.

louderthan · 02/03/2021 05:02

My mum said 'The War was worse than lockdown' the other day. I was very very proud of her. She's had her vaccine and all! What a hero xoxo

BoKatan · 02/03/2021 07:45

You must make a Facebook group called "I hate bubbles" to lambast everyone that's in a support bubble for breaking "the rulez", after you ignored "the rulez" at Christmas and had overnight guests.

This might be a true story from the queen of Stay The Fuck At Home on my Facebook page Grin

OliveTree75 · 02/03/2021 08:01

@Neverspeakofthisagain 😂
I need to up my game. I think I could move to the next band if I add the NHS heart to my profile pic. I draw the line at Captain Tom though.

ThornAmongstRoses · 02/03/2021 08:08

I’m one of those people with the “I’ve had my vaccine” sticker on my profile page Grin

I also have a picture of a rainbow on a window of my house that my 6 year old did at school.

And although I didn’t partake in “The Clap”, my husband and children did.

I’m mortified Grin

I certainly didn’t “stay the fuck at home though” Grin

This thread is so funny Grin